Sunday, March 31, 2019

Saving Habit And Compromising In Love




When   i  was a  little  girl  i  saw   mom   always  saving    not   just   little  bit  money   she   had   but   also   many   different   things  .

She   used   to  save  all   old   stuff  like  pieces   of   cloths  ,buttons  ,toys  ,all   kind   of   old   news  papers  ,bills  and  receipts .

she  used  to   say   that ,

" nothing   is   useless  ,anything  can  be   useful   when  we   will   need   it  suddenly " 

I   never   got   that  because  most   of  those   stuff   was  stored   in  house   for  years  and   any   of  it  was   hardly  used    occasionally  .

But   we   all   will   agree   that   saving   is  good  habit   though  .

Apparently   i  hardly   inherited  any  good   habit   from   my  dear   mom .

I  was  carefree  tomboyish   girl  who  never  took  interest   in  household   or  housekeeping   skills .


After    marriage   i  realized   that    my  husband   has   same   habit   of  saving   just   like   my   mother.

I  was   shocked   to   see   his   small   box   who  looked  like  a   treasure   chest   but  when    he  opened   it   front  of  me  i   was  like  Oh  my  what  the   hell  is   this ?

It  was   filled   with  so  many   old   things   like   buttons ,papers  clips ,pin  holder ,cufflinks ,rusted  needles  ,nail  cutters   blah   blah   blah.

I  was   surprised  that   how   a   young  man   can  be  as  possessive   about   old  stuff.

By  the   years   i  learnt    that   he  saves   bills   ,papers  ,receipts   and  prescriptions.

Through    all  these   27  years   together    we  argued  over  this  issue   many   times .



Our  first   house  was   not  as  big   to  put    furniture   or  stuff  to  decorate  so  we  had  only  basic   necessary   stuff .

No   matter   how   slattern  i  was   after   marriage  i  had   grown   fondness   for   tidy   and  well  arranged   house .

But   i  found   hubby's  old  stuff   restrain   for  my  house  management . 

Whenever   i  asked   him    to   throw    away   or  atleast   reduce   some   of    that   he   thought   i  was   trying   to   change  him  (yes  ,youth's   biggest  problem  is  ego that  appears  larger  than  life  most  of  the  time) 


                                                                                  image    Pinterest.com


Anyway     slowly   though   but   we   both   learnt   that   to   live   together   peacefully   we   both   have   to   surrender   our  egos  and   accept   each   other   as  whole .

We   both    learnt   to   peek   inside  us  and  sort   out   what   is  actually  right   or  wrong   for  both   of  us .

We   learnt   to  eliminate   the  habits   that   raised   issues   in  our  adjustment .

In   his    love   i   learnt   to   save   (n0 ,  not  money)  bills  and  receipts   but  only   two  or  three  moths  older .

what  i   could   not   learn   is   to  save  a  single   penny  i  don't  know  why  or  may  be   i   rely    on  hubby   for   this  because  i  think   this  is  not   for   me  (what  to  do :(   )

In   my    love,   he     learnt    to   give   away   old  clothes   and  stuff   , and   stored   things  only   that   we  both   agree    will   be   useful.

To   make   me   feel   free   about   house   decoration   he   made  two    rooms   upstairs    to  put    all   extra    stuff   there .



Do   you  save  money  and  store   old   things ?



47 comments:

  1. My wife has a great deal of trouble trowing anything away, she is getting better so I try not to complain too much. I try to convince her that there is value in open space.

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    1. Dear Joe learning is such most important source to have peace and betterment in life!

      So I love learning and want it continue till my last breath

      Delete
  2. Dear Baili, I remember when you were building those two rooms for your stuff. I love how you've told your story. It is what a marriage is. I like to say we "respect each other's strengths, accept each other's weaknesses." Have a wonderful day.

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    1. Thank you dear Carol for such beautiful words !

      Each time when we do something big like construction or buying stuff it is always hubby 's savings habits that make it possible

      Delete
  3. Bali, you sound like you compliment each other perfectly, what a wonderful happy ending, your honesty is refreshing,, I enjoy every visit here,,

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    1. Ah complimenting each other !

      This thing hubby learnt from me dear Laurie.

      I have always adored him for his virtues specially his sense of responsibility is striking.

      He was so miser in acknowledgement and appreciation though

      I myself poured this in him so slowly that
      If you have right to criticise me on my mistakes
      Then you should also recognise my good habits too

      It took him years to realise that it's okay to appreciate wife's good job :)

      Delete
  4. Before we got married my husband and I did pre-marriage counseling at our church. You take a quiz, seriously, and find out how you are similar and how you are different. Our pastor said during our wedding ceremony: Howard is a keeper of things and Sandi is a thrower away-er. Ha ha! ;-) It is so true. I love to clean things out. My husband keeps things because they may be useful one day. (He is right!)

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    1. Absolutely right he is dear Sandi!

      I wonder how we think alike haha
      I mean same story both side :)

      Delete
  5. My husband always finds ways to fix things with items he’s saved. I dread the day when we downsize to an apartment.

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    1. And same does mine dear Marie!

      Living in congested place can affect our perspective overall and I can say this through my experience
      If there is no help of faith one can go crazy

      Delete
  6. I save money and keep bills/receipts for a few months only, then out they go. I don't stockpile old stuff because it mounts up too fast and takes over storage space.

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    1. Saving money is such great habit as it is umbrella to rainy days and i understand it though learning it is needed still

      my (late) mom and hubby used to keep all the bills

      i was so irritated with hanging a huge bundle of bills on kitchen's wall after marriage

      thank Lord that hubby is agreed to keep only few month older now

      what i hate most about storage is the insects and lizards that find place as best habitat

      Delete
  7. We downsized dramatically; downsized too much. It was not a good idea. Letting go of the stuff was a good thing, but living in a very small space is not such a good idea. A move is probably on the horizon.

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    1. Dear Chris in the history of our marriage such dramatic turn came when we were moving stored stuff to upper rooms .

      on my assistance and insistence hubby was agreed to give away and throw away huge amount of his stuff which was such a relief :)

      Delete
  8. At my advanced age I am learning to save a small amount of money. I have been known to save things that are sentimental for me but useless for anyone else. I have been learning to let go of some of them.

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    1. Dear Emma this is always great to learn for better !

      My parents and in laws both say i can't save money because i know hubby does this so well

      may be our different natures balanced out our living for better .

      I have many examples around (ladies) who are obsessed with saving money secretly from their husbands ,

      few bring it out in crises but many don't help their husbands in hard times ,they keep it to themselves and i can't get WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP IS THIS

      my husband give his whole salary in my hand ,he only takes some amount for his basic necessities .

      i believe he shows such confidence because he knows me that i will not misuse or waste money of his hard work .

      and he knows that i have no habit to keep secret money .


      stuff attached to our sentiments is hard to give away , i could not throw or give away any of my mom's stuff given by her as wedding gift or in latter years

      somethings got so ugly but they still reflect love of my mother

      Delete
  9. Some things I store, some I get rid off, I am in the middle

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  10. There is wisdom in your post Baili. Two people who love one another need to learn to compromise and give and take.

    As for saving things I tend to get rid of things but I not overboard with it. My wife is the same way so we do not usually have disagreement on this issue.

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    1. This great dear Brain that you and your wife both have same attitude towards having stuff or giving it away

      yes compromise is key to a successful relationship and i don't think any relationship can work without it

      Delete
  11. My husband keeps things, I throw away. But we both don't waste money.

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    1. Dear Christine i was totally against of keeping things or you can say it is in my nature

      yes i had and still have little carefree attitude for stuff .

      for example if i have only one apple in my hand at lunch time and someone hungry ask for it i will give it away (if it's just about me)

      i know this sound so stupid but i do it with unshaken belief that if my God will want me to have lunch it is his responsibility to give me one more apple for this

      and if he doesn't i am contend to have will of my Creator :)

      I don't throw money but i can't save it ,thank God there are banks to keep it

      because if it was in my hand i would rather give them who need it more than me (don't tell hubby)

      Delete
  12. I heard someone say recently that in a true compromise, both parties are a little unhappy. I guess that would be true if both parties give in a little and yield to what the other person wants.

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    1. Dear Connie i can speak through my experience only so

      in my opinion no love can grow stronger without a compromise

      because each person has different perspective and bit of ego which get hurt when someone oppose his opinion or try to impose his own on him

      best way out is to create balance within both and show flexibility in relationship

      when we get it done i don't think anyone will be unsatisfied with the positive result (my opinion)

      Delete
  13. I would like to travel light. When my Dad Died, after his funeral he had $1600.00. He was 95. He didn't have things to worry about.

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    1. Dear Red if it's just me i would either live a life of wanderer and would love to travel the whole planet instead of sticking at one place and storing the stuff

      Delete
  14. Both my husband and I are savers - of money and of other stuff. Too much so. I always joke that if we just let each other get rid of stuff the other one brought into the house, we'd do fine. As it is, we are both struggling to get rid of things now, while we are able, rather than getting too old to deal with it or maybe one of us ending up dealing with it all. Or worse, having our kids face dealing with it. That's just not fair to them. You and your husband are doing a good job meeting each other in the middle. I really like that quote on compromise. It's a good way to look at it.

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    1. you raised here good point dear Jenny!

      with aging we loose energy to deal with stuff specially the stored one about which we only assume that it may be useful someday

      i unconsciously think about it now days that when i will not be around what my kids will do with such stuff that we have piled out in upper rooms

      i clearly know that none of them will tend to keep it or use it for any reason

      that was my point and thank Lord that hubby is getting it bit now :)

      Delete
  15. I have the habit of saving.
    Money for the future of the family, things that me anda my family have kept throughout the years.
    Have a great week

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    1. Such a good habit dear Pedro!

      old stuff seem to consume our lots of memories and emotions so always hard to put it out of sight

      Delete
  16. You have compromised which is good.
    Always keep some receipts for 7 years, law here for certain things.
    Clothing, usually we wear until old, what is not so old goes to charity.
    My late parents contents mostly given away to charity, it's a problem to store and keep their household and personal goods. I've kept what was most important to me and to them.
    Money side of affairs has always been mine to take care of. I'm known for looking at things 5 times before spending my money :)

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    1. Dear Margaret you sound very wise person!

      giving away things is in my blood .
      my parents were from lower middle class still specially my mother loved to give away her old clothes or other things just to please his God!

      i can say this came to me from her .

      big or small place ,much storage brings discomfort and indiscipline in house

      Delete
  17. Faço o possível por ser poupada, mas não gosto de guardar coisas inúteis. O seu texto é muito interessante. Uma boa semana.
    Um beijo.

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  18. My husband doesn't through things away and the amount of books he has is totally ridiculous. I complain but nothing gets done. He once told me to try to sell his books online. Men and their piles of junk!!

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    1. Dear Angela i can see that husbands are more keeper of stuff as compare to wives

      and convincing them is quite a tough job
      here comes the compromise

      balance is best way to calm things
      both parties should bend and show flexibility

      Delete
  19. Hi Baili :) I'm NOT a "stuff" saver but I'm a money saver. Alex is not a money saver, he's a "stuff" saver! LOL...so we are a perfect match! ;) Actually, as you know, we're trying to find a house to buy in the next few months, so in February, we decided to go down to the basement and PURGE...you should have seen that room Baili, it was top to bottom boxes, and 90% were labeled "Alex". I helped him get rid of things that really were of no use. I told him that we would have to rent a storage space to keep all of the stuff he was keeping. He doesn't like to let go, but with my help he got rid of half of it. He had a little regret, but he says he feels much more free now without all the clutter. Secretly I want to do this again so he'll get rid of more, but I won't push him too much! :) I told him when we move, if we have a shed on the property, he can fill it with whatever he wants! :)

    Since I have a financial background, I've always been in charge of the budget, so he relies on me to take care of the money, the bills and the expenses.

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  20. Alex sounds just like my husband dear Rain :)

    I can imagine the piled up room and how hard it must be for you to convince him to eliminate the stuff!

    I am sure you will make him feel more free :)

    Keeping money sounds HEAVY duty to me lol
    I wonder how you manage to do this
    Actually I should learn from you :)
    I keep your task for new house in my thoughts and prayers dear Rain!



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  21. I save money to have a safety net but I also like to enjoy life, so I spend within reason. As for things, I don't save much. I'm a minimalist and like to have very few items around. I donate many things throughout the year to help others and to keep our house clutter-free.

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    1. very wise words dear Martha!

      saving to secure future is great!

      i can understand through your sharing that the most amazing man in the world have same attitude towards stuff keeping as you so taking decision is easy :)

      Delete
  22. My mother was also a saver of so many little things as well. And I am as well, especially saving things that people have given me or that I find special. But, I am also trying to get rid of things that have no meaning. I like Marie Kondo's methods and especially about keeping things only if they "spark joy" because so many things do not. I was glad to read that you and your husband reached a good compromise.

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  23. I like to keep things sort of in order but then sometimes I forget where I put them.

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  24. Saving things is a good mentality. But if you save pretty old things, they will consume space, become rusty and dusty spoiling all the look of the area. So your stand of saving only necessary items is appreciable, Baily. Nice.

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  25. Such a wise post, dearest Baili. Learning to compromise improves all of our relationships!
    In our family we tend to store stuff, because we build, repair, craft... and often it happens that the stored things may become unexpectedly useful. I hope, for the children's sake, that we will start death cleaning in time. :)
    Hugs and blessings!

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  26. I do think that learning to compromise/ accepting a certain amount of compromise can improve and stabilise so many relationships …

    The older I get the more I only keep 'stuff' that is special and meaningful, so much we get/buy during our lives is unnecessary.

    All the best Jan

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  27. I am a bit of a collector to, it is in my nature:

    It might come in handy, it is gift (so I can't give it away)

    Every now and then I have a big clear out of accumulated 'STUFF'

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  28. Hey, Baili!

    This is a thought-provoking post, and I enjoyed reading its comments as well.

    I just got back from walking in the open space along Piney Creek. The air was hot and muggy under the spring sun and moisture-filled clouds. At first it seemed quiet and still, but as I walked I began to hear a variety of birdsong and to see at least a half dozen species of birds. I am always amazed when I see wildlife and realize that they survive with little through all kinds of weather and seasons. They don't worry about money or possessions ~ maybe a nest or burrow and perhaps a store of winter food.

    With Terry and me, I am the spender of money and the saver of things; Terry is the saver of money and the tosser of things. I'm the one who keeps track of and pays all our bills. I know to the penny how much we have spent. Terry does the taxes, trip planning, and handles the biggies like a refinanced mortgage for our house. Legal and financial documents make my eyes spin; but fortunately I have Terry who reads and understands such things thoroughly. When I say I'm a spender I mean I buy what I want when I want and don't worry about it. Terry is always looking for the best deal and comparing prices. It's always fascinating to see how different couples manage a lifetime together.

    I am going through the process of decluttering and getting rid of possessions. I don't want to burden others with such a task after I'm gone. Also, we will likely move sometime this year, and it is costly to transport "crap" as Terry calls my stuff. Of course, his is "valuable" or "useful."

    I loved the quote on compromise and the cartoon about stuff!

    Have a good one, my friend!

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  29. This is such a cute post! For me, I have to say, I'm good with my money, but before, I wasn't! LOL! I use to buy many things, that weren't needed! Big Hugs!

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