It is always hectic morning when kids and hubby have to leave for their office and college . She was always full of positive energy and a strange enthusiasm for one more day as "alive" being . It's not that intense facts of physical reality did not impact her ever but there was certain flow of contentment and tranquility within her spirit that kept her uplifted despite everything.
The physical world was full of challenges. Her body was showing signs of decay on many inner and outer levels with age . Sometimes it seemed that cup of her body was mostly filled with various issues such as aches and diseases. Few of them were obvious enough to come into notice and get treated on time ,many were like confusing energy blocks springing here and there within like bubble in the fluid that fail to reach the surface for some reason.
She had inherited this weird or carefree attitude from her mother who would not let such physical problems take her soul down . Throughout this constant inner fight with unknown enemy within she has realized one thing clearly that giving thought to dim doubts intensifies them and bring them into powerful reality .She was little right about this probably because she had recovered from many symptoms because she learnt to stick on positive side while practicing physical and mental exercise regularly. She felt utterly grateful to mother Nature who has given full control to every single being for his well being. She was happy she could access this process and achieved inner peace finally.
Days were long gone when she had thought that life will be easier once kids are grown ups. She did not realize that problems also grow older with age . Life was never shaped up to live happily ever after actually. It was designed as an abrupt and full of obstacles way leading us to some unknown dimensions. To keep us busy and keep learn till senses go off eventually (probably)
To her life was an emotion far larger than life . She has experienced depth and power of "emotions" throughout her life. It was really hard for her to carry this enormous burden on her tiny shoulders at the beginning .
She often wondered why she was given such huge and incontrollable thing to cope with ?
It was like a toddler a was given an aero plane to fly or a paper boat was thrown into stormy waves of ocean to float .But those crushing and heartbroken years have passed eventually when she felt she was walking in the desert bare feet under scorching sun in hope of some shady tree. She felt this way until her confusion regarding her emotional energy kept her imprisoned and miserable .
But as they say every tunnel has a way out . She found that way because she had liberated soul strengthening her from within always. Encouraging her to stay strong ,to have faith and keep moving like an eager and joyful child in wonderland.
This is natural that we keep things that we can adjust in the house. Physical things are easy to adjust because they have limits. Emotions are spiritual things . They belong to unseen world, a world that is beyond our physical approach but we see how it moulds our reality in everyday life. An invisible thing that control and shape our reality silently ,do we realize this ?
She was given emotion larger than capacity of her physical world. It was hard to adjust it so she can feel settled . She saw how this thing kept her behind on many levels in material world. But thankfully she had least care for materialistic success . But it does not change the fact that she had no idea how to solve this problem . It was necessary for her spiritual serenity which mattered for her most.
She was born with strong sense of connection with everyone and everything around. This was like you have antenna that catches signals from whole universe. Like although you have limited physical senses yet you feel like your soul linked with divine flow is encompassing the eternity .It was exhausting at first and for long.
This connection was as strong that she could not discriminate anything at all . It was not her fault but she could not make others understand it sadly.
For ages she thought that emotion she was given was her curse. But it was until she was taking this emotion as objective fact . It was an undefinable subjective feeling instead and when she realized this she realized that it was her gift actually, like everybody has his own gift. She has her gift of "love"
She thought often what is "love" ?
A flow of connection ,power of creation swirling through the veins of divinity ?
Nothing else came in her mind .
Except that "love" is an explicable struggle of Divine to rediscover Herself ?
It reminded her cat of her mom who would chase her tail round and round . But then it would make her laugh only . She missed that carefree approach of childhood.
Today when everybody left and she put her head on pillow for rest for while . She felt like a drop of water dropping back into it's ocean. She felt this was the most desired feeling throughout her life. The sense of completion made her eyes wet. She closed her eyes and let herself sink in this feeling of peace . It was blissful feeling that she could experience . She had thought she would have to wait for such feeling until she would take her last breath honestly. But here it was ,an ecstatic feeling of fulfilment .A feeling when a baby is cradled in the lap of her mother .
The physical definition can ruin the beauty of what she felt . There was no sign of physical realty left just flow a smooth and an endless flow within Divinity .She felt at home .She knew she won't lost this connection ever now!
Note precious friends thanks for being with me . my younger son took laptop of my youngest son as his own is out of work so mine is occupied by youngest son as he is giving his exams these days.
trying to approach you all via my phone as my new tablet is not working for some reason as well .
Thinking of all of you with heart full of best wishes and prayers!
God Bless You ALL!!!
