On 27th June Google sent reminder with title "rediscover your day"
There were our old photos taken on same date during previous summer vacations in Islamabad.
Me hubby and kids accepted the offer and spent more than one hour in scrolling our last vacation visits and fun.
Meanwhile a lady came in my thoughts whom we encountered in islamabad when one morning we were traveling through van to restaurant for breakfast .
Me and hubby were sitting on front seat near driver and kids were behind .
That lady came to front seat before but when she found it occupied she got on and settled with our boys behind.
She was probably around forty ,good looking , healthy and serious though her face and eyes were expression less when i saw her peeked inside earlier .
After few minutes conductor asked new passengers to pay fare ,all gave him except her .
I knew that she had not paid yet when after few more minutes conductor again asked her to pay .
She suddenly just outburst with anger and blamed the conductor that he blew the whistle early and did not wait for her to sit when she rode in .
She was extremely angry as her voice was shaking ,everyone was fully devoted to situation including us.
Conductor was trying to explain that he did what he normally does and that may she was not her senses to realize it .
When arguments seemed endless driver stopped the van and asked conductor to ask for apology while saying that "okay if you are right yet say sorry if it makes baji (sister) feel better .
Now she was arguing with driver about his words with question "what do you mean if i fell better"
Including us everybody could see that she was releasing anger consumed by somewhere else .
Throughout 45 minutes journey she mumbled with anger.
She might have forget situation she created that day but many of passengers may remember it for long .
I wonder how our anger misinterpret our personalty .We feel compelled to do things which we do not even think when we are calm or normal.
I remember i used to be angry too.
My anger was for opposite gender mostly .Not then but now i can understand Why it was so ?
Men in my family then , my father and my brother were not meeting with images that i had for ideal father and brother .
My mom's constant telling that world is for men ,they are selfish , dangerous and untrustworthy .
My excitement for my state of being "alive" and for this world seemed to be affected negatively with these stressful facts.
I showed my anger towards men so powerfully whenever i got chance. It felt i unconsciously wanted them to do something so i can insult them.(then)
My anger for men nurtured my love for women i think. I thought all women are victim and pitiable including me. which is wrong but i knew this later .
I i used to want separate world for women and i prayed for it every day then. Because i wanted to go out as freely as a human has right to do so.
I hated men stalking women shamelessly and forcing them to feel guilty for coming out ,i just hate them alot!
SO my Fear was origin of my anger!
I treated all women i met in my life so motherly manner even when i was young and even when i knew they were taking advantage of my simplicity.
Gradually i learnt that i was wrong in my opinion.
There are GOOD and BAD PEOPLE in each Gender , society or country .
I saw women who made life miserable for their life partner and ruined life of their own children because of their selfishness .
I saw men who killed their wives only because they were capable of such terrible violence .
I know parents who sacrificed all their pleasures and ease to give their children safe ,healthy prosperous life.
And i have seen children who served their cruel and selfish parents in their last years just because they love them in spite of their worse behavior .
We admit or not there is always reason behind any kind of anger . Fear ,Complex , Jealousy ,Enmity or Love .
Whatever it is there is one thing our anger speak about CLEARLY AND LOUDLY
SENSE OF HELPLESSNESS
We get angry when we think we cannot do anything else except shouting .
Anger shows our weakness .Weak people seek for easy way out and anger give us this easy solution.
Strong and confident people mould their anger into something more meaningful and effective which bring positive and long lasting results.
Luckily some years back i came to know people who are extremely negative ,hostile and jealous ,
But VERY CALM and CREATIVE in display of their hatter .
They are Cursed and i can say it when i know them closely and found no single bit sign of goodness in them .
They hate Everyone ,even they hate each other as family as they don't know any other feeling in this world.
Always wrapped in hatter ,wanting bad for others ,trying to make people suffer with problem caused by them . You will find so many people bitten by them since they moved place to place .
They never show their anger by shouting but their constant non stop long efforts to hurt others reveal their hidden anger .
I don't admire their devilish nature but i adore their labor to shape their anger .
Since years i am able to witness how Lord is unhappy with their evilness and how they paid for their actions which makes me feel sorry for them but i know there is no cure for their disease.
I can understand their anger . They are one of those unfortunate people who are unable to learn what it likes to be a kind and good human .
They are unaware of the taste of Faith, Love ,Honesty ,Truthfulness and compassion , and this makes them so pitiable .
They are angry when people around love each other or live with peace by following the simple goodness of life ,being kind and having never ending love for all.
They simply can't get it because it is not their thing.
If i were in their shoes i would have felt same hatter or anger due to helplessness i would have felt then.
I have met so many people in life but i have never seen such weird faces where one can feel in very first sight an insanity or brutality.
I remember when i first saw them , first thought came in my mind was "oh so this is why they do so" i felt instant sympathy and sadness. Such openly written was on those faces that they are compelled.
And their attitude was origin of their anger .
How to manage anger i learnt from them :)
I searched for reasons behind my anger when i looked for reasons behind their secret anger.
I untied my psychological knots and felt better when i realized how amazing and easy life become when we learn to control our anger , not just control but to use it.
Yes anger is form of energy which can be transformed into any other more useful energy.
It does not mean i don't get angry anymore ,i do of course but i pray when i feel helpless instead fight.
Pray gives me hope and hope is firefly in the darkness, cloud in the desert and relief in the pain.
I Hope Lord is within me and around me!
He will always make way as he has always made for me!
If he is with me ,worry would be shameful thing to do!
image iamfearlesssoul.com
God bless you all dear friends!