Thursday, April 28, 2022

The Stuff That Belongs To My Heart Only

 Despite of  extreme heat (44 c) longer days seems to have fascinating beauty. Where short cold day of winters make me sit on cozy sofa in my spare time while holding a favorite book in one hand and hot cup of tea in other hand, hot and longer days of summer invite to daydream and get lost in beautiful memories of past while being busy in sweltering chores . I enjoy both as i have entered in phase where i don't put condition for being happy but embrace the present moment with all the venture or adventure it offers. 

I was always a content child in the house ,most silent and most obedient one, yes in other words pathetic and duffer lol .Still i used to have some favorite conditions quietly for being happy as little girl  such as swinging and playing with friends ,climbing on hills and trees and watching tv in early teens(11 to twelve years)  though later only climbing trees and playing with friends were eliminated when as growing girl going out was forbidden but swinging in yard tree , reading books watching tv ,listening radio and visiting favorite places like friend's house ,park or museum were my favorite conditions to feel happy . As  i grew old my conditions to be happy  changed gradually. 

After marriage i saw new face of reality and slowly i learnt in these thirty years that as far as we put conditions to be happy we remain restrained and  unaware of numerous possibilities  that can be open to us as chance of learning so many new things and adopting ways that can refresh our perspective and widen our horizons for bettering life. 

I found this quote by Charles Swindoll so true in latter years of my life that ,

"  Life is Ten percent what happens to you and Ninety percent how you respond to it " biggest truth of life i must say.

I consider myself fortunate that i learnt not to repeat my mistakes by self analysis and never hesitated to acknowledge my weaknesses and eliminating them one by one . But it did not start smoothly of course.

 Life is strange and totally unpredictable and i learnt this slowly when after departing from my mother i was put into situations where i felt "stuck" in the beginning. Each condition put to be happy was denied and rejected ruthlessly others with authority. One after one wherever i knocked i faced "closed" door. While this compression was narrowing the world on me i realized that at the same time it was opening the door inside me of my Inner world little by little. It happened in many years that i felt that "easiness" and "availability " of things at time we want them  also have another side of the picture though we don't see it mostly until the Designer of this life unveils it for us to look at  this through glasses of  hard lessons which turn our eyes towards it eventually. 

We all speak through personal experiences and my experience makes me think that each of us is destined to do something particular in life. Some of us know already what it is and some of us are totally unaware of it though this "awareness" or "unawareness" both are part of destiny written in the book of Nature ( my opinion) .They both seems to don't matter because those who are Unaware of the meaning of their life are also lead mysteriously to do what they are meant to.

As being from lower middle class family i had no agenda for life but a little dream to earn for mom and comfort her. Uncharmed by everything that comes under the definition of "worldly stuff" i had my simple foolish heart with enormous love for life ,Nature and everything created within it. No Skills at all except honesty and simplicity. I was pointed out by some that with such empty hands i will be lost and left alone. Only i knew the peace i had within me .It was second most precious thing to me after my self respect which i tried to protect throughout the life. I was content with this peace but only i knew this.

That peace inside my heart was tiny like a sand particle laying in the desert but after all these years the fighting against negativity risen by circumstances or applied one i see how that tiny sand particle is transformed into a sun that shines within my soul ! When i contemplate the reason behind it i feel it is the "compression" and constant attempt of trying to make me feel "bad" . After keeping me puzzled with question "why me" for some years my curiosity to learn and achieve solution by digging to the roots of problems helped me to understand and feel good about what was going on . I remained upset until i felt panic about "what were they doing to me "  But when i realized after reaching out to the bottom  "why they were doing to me at first place" i felt better and calm . My response to their actions changed immediately and i chose to face the problem by following the laws of Nature . If you try to stop the flow of water it turns in other direction and if you try to hold it by surrounding it with walls water still makes it's way towards sky in the form of vapors ,you can change the direction of water but not what it written in it's destiny as "water" 

So similarly i tried to fill holes (free time)with replacements of things that were conditions for my timely happiness. It was beginning of my new journey as student of life . The replacements i chose to fill holes of spare time reconnected me with my genuine love for learning. My passion for learning is growing everyday and if life stays and allows i think i will try to restart my studies though now i know what will i choose to learn. Anything that give clues about the origin of life ,math physics or neuroscience yes i am deeply interested in human brain and mind and how they both interact ,this is enchanting thing to learn indeed.

Although i know i have nothing but fondness for learning i hope Nature has written some success in my destiny in this field too as being a human a daughter ,sister ,wife, a mother i supported all whole  heartedly .I did not do it intentionally but because it was installed in my genes as i know i am born with instinct to put others first so it was my destiny i believe. I want to see whether Nature supports me to achieve what i want to as a woman. The wish to study and be "something" is also part of destiny and still as poignant as it was thirty years ago all i want the answer destiny has for this .

Love you all !

Please take great care !

Thursday, April 21, 2022

Visit to Scotland By My Eldest Son And Hailstorm

Hello Sweet People !

Hope all is smooth at your end and enjoying the pleasant changes of weather as well .My eldest son visited Scotland to join one of his friend who was staying there for a month ,the lovely young lady i mentioned in one of my previous post this month i believe. She aims to visit various countries . She delayed her trip to Turkey because of weather probably and chose Scotland as her next destination for a month . My son had few more public holidays added to his weekend so he decided to spend this with her. Sharing some spectacular images he shared with us ,hope you will enjoy the glimpse . I loved Outlander on Netflix which is filmed in Scotland mostly so i was waiting for these photos fondly . 

a house among the ocean of greenery looks inviting isn't it ,i miss having green meadows and lush hills of my native town though this canvas is vast and more gorgeous .

i wonder if this is tribute to some particular person or name of farmer ,owner of  this farm 

don't they look like they are posing for the tourists :) do you have any idea what are they wearing in their ears ,looks like an old door lock to me ,ofcource for the identification purpose instead of ring 

when things get complicated in life we should take a pause and leave  have an panoramic view of them in case " things" belong to outer world ,but if they belong to inner world do the same though for this you have to sit  calmly ,take a deep breath ,close your physical eyes and open spiritual eyes to meditate ,you will find more than soon that nothing was wrong except your own way to look at things :)(mostly)

life is given to us as plain and black and white sketch consisting outlines only ,what we draw within and which colors we fill in is our own choice ,the more we are careful the better is painting (my opinion )

my eldest son could not call due to on visit ,sent images only so i don't know what it is ,to me it resembles to huge magnificent Hall i saw in Harry Potter movie anyone ?? 

we have repeated Rick Steve's Europe few times so i know a very little bit about the city of Edinburg 

is there too a tradition to put lock on a bridge to make wish true like Italy ? being from small village i know few shrines where people visited and tied colorful piece of cloth to make wish true ,i was little girl then and did not understood such rituals but hanging cloths with tree would fascinate me like these colorful locks 

i felt grateful for this image as we could not see him on the weekend as he left for Scotland on Friday evening probably so no call on Sat or Sunday :( 

an intriguing design of structure isn't it ? 

                   beautiful and impressive ,can't say if it is the inner view of building above 

can you guess in first sight what is this ? snow ? yes snow but not the soft and gorgeous but round pieces like small rock that can hurt seriously if  hit straight ,yes we had worst Hail storm last day ,their size varied ,most were small like marbles but some were larger than them , never saw such terrible hailstorm before ,i felt terrified for while when kids rushed out in the yard ,the hitting was making great noise ,here we have hardly any rain until August but Hailstorm came abruptly ,blew the garden plants within twenty minutes and passed away .i captured this after ten to fifteen minutes it sopped .

our yard sink  was full of snow balls too ,Nature is ruthless and works in mysterious way indeed ,this was unforgettable sight after so many years ,back in native town it was often in summers though with frequent rains 

Hats off to the survivors , this is daring to stand still after facing such horrible hailstorm ,i saw nine to ten flowers who survived though half of our sunflowers were uprooted by gust of wind .i still feel grateful that we got few days of less heat more though price was bit heavy  

it was taken  a while before hailstorm though my neem tree does not look the same after storm broke away it's few branches but she is strong and has seen many wind storms far harder  than this one even when she was younger so i hope she will grew new branches soon ! 

This is for now dear Friends ,will be visiting you soon ,our electricity took many hours to comeback and internet is playing games since then with on and off mode .

Be positive no matter what because life is most precious gift and we get it only for once ,be kind and keep smiling ,these are both best gifts you can give to yourself and others!

Thursday, April 14, 2022

Summer Nostalgia ,First Kindness Showed To Me By God Was My Mom!


It's not the first summer of my life when i am missing my mother more. Actually despite of all the mildness of our winters they still seem to stiff my mind. and with a stiffed mind everything looks blur whether belong to physical reality around me or my inner world where numerous memories live .In winters these memories seem to hibernate mostly though in summer they come out of their hide out and wander and play freely like restless gleeful children.

Summers not just make the trees and plants sprout out and make fields and meadows lush again but they also refresh the whole page of my inner world and i suddenly start to Reconnect my memories belong to part of my life particularly that i spent with my parents in my beautiful native village . Yea this is the positive side of summer for me :)

It's lovely breezy day today though temperature is 38 c. When i woke up in the morning the first feeling was as i woke up in some other dimension from where i can see  the whole map of my life until now with all the small big details laying before my eyes. All the joys and sorrows ,love and fears and twists and turns were present right front of me ,it took few minutes probably but it was amazing feeling indeed. Usually when i open and come into my senses i start to say pray and pay gratitude for new day. But it was different today and i loved it . Because this quick glimpse of the history of my life reminded me how lucky i was to have "kindness" throughout my  life. 

This kindness is precious gift of God that kept me surrounded all those years. 

By Creator, my mother was the first way to show kindness to me !

  i don't know my exact age here  three probably but i remember the brother i lost was alive then and we were living in Hyderabad city then 

When summer open up the bundles of old memories i realize that there is so much to feel happy about . The spring of my small lush hilly town was magical always. Rows of trees around the fields and beside the small canal would blossom and load with various fruits. When it would be airy lots of fruit would drop out of trees, children would run towards them to gather and pick these fallen fruits .Most of them would not have basket but tie the two opposite corner of their shirt together to make one and would keep their picked fruits in them. 

Mom would love to go with her lady friends to pick up the mulberry fruits in the spring season. The shine in her eyes and glow on her face would reflect the joy she would feel while following this village tradition. She had to leave her village when she was just eleven years old .She was sent alone on train in such little age to join her thirty plus husband(first, not my father) . That was the story told by mom thousands of times to me and my younger sister . It seemed that it was preserved among most powerful memories in her mind.   It was also stored as biggest achievement  of her life as each time  she would tell us about it the enthusiasm in her accent and redness of her face would reveal the pride  she felt after completing  that challenging journey and after arriving her destination safe and sound. Journeying alone at such small age in the train which she
had seen first time from closely on the same day when she had to travel in it was something that added strength to her coming life probably and to quite extent. " i had to sit still and calm so no one can know i was afraid " mom would say proudly " i did not forget for a moment that i don't have to talk to strangers at all" she would add mystery while looking at us with curious eyes as if we were as smart as she . " i remembered the name of  the city Khairpur (the city where i live now) strictly and i knew it would come after which two stations"  She would tell like a child who told all the answers right and look at the class for clapping (but that i know now ,not then but felt it yes).

"When someone would try to ask me something i would tell only one thing that i am going to visit my eldest brother and that's it" she would get bit sad when she would reach to this part because obviously it was not her choice to get married at such small age nor she would have wanted husband of his father's age. 

" When  i got down on the khairpur station i went straight to the big tree mentioned by my father and stood there firmly ,i did not move a bit until my husband came to get me after more than half hour "

I remember that story afterwards got worse and worst in next some years. But one thing which i can feel right now that we all see happy and sad periods in our life .Some say everything has been written as "Destiny" already. Some say we make our own destiny . People who have "kindness" in their nature destiny somehow help them to find way out and create a happy living eventually . 

My mother had "kindness" so deeply rooted within her that despite of all the cruelties and ugliness of circumstances she did not loose it. Nature rewarded her with life once again that she lost many years ago as a little girl and had to go through all the terrible things that kept a part of her sad for whole life. Still when my mom got back to her native town she gained common likening of all her people. She had pure blood of a "villager" . She loved all .She found comfort in simplicity and did all the chores that women of the village thought were impossible to her. From knitting to needle work ,sewing and making traditional thread belts to  cooking in traditional deep oven she would do all unhesitatingly .No one could feel she had come back from a city after almost twenty years. 

 to give you idea of traditional handmade belts for traditional trouser. i helped mom in this when she asked yes it was easy and fun ,mom's frame to make it is still in my brother's house 

Our home did not had cement paint on walls for first one or two years. Mom like other village women would  paint her house with clay with her own hands. It was really difficult to dig and bring the soil home from far hills . But next part was joyous because it would involve other women and girls from the village . It was custom to join each other for such laborious job so mom would ask other women from the family and other villagers to help her . I can still feel how light and chilled  would become when all women (around ten to fifteen, depend on the house's bigness) would gather to clay paint the house. With all the gossip and laughter time would fly by quickly and happily . Tea and snack break would make it like small festival specially when  other women and girls from surroundings join them.

Mom was "giver" despite of she lived in hand to mouth situation in different phases of her life. At this stage of life i can say that to live happily one needs a "kind heart" and all becomes easy or this is what i have observed and experienced in my life

Sorry for blur photo .it took me hour to find it while scrolling  so many albums. At my engagement day in June 1991 

I will be sharing more about my mother probably. 
But too late for dinner right now. See you all soon hopefully

What kindness you do to others is preserved by Nature and returns to you by any source eventually so please keep being kind to others and to yourself!
God bless You All! 

Thursday, April 7, 2022

Memories Of Fasting Month Of Ramadan And Some flowers From front Yard


It is fasting month of Ramadan . My both sons younger and the youngest one are fasting regularly and fondly . It reminds me my own teenage days when i would feel excited to hear that fasting month is coming .We all girl cousins and friends would challenge each other to fast for more days and would finish holy book for more time . It was healthy competition between us in which we would participate enthusiastically each year while not realizing the intensity of it. As teenage girl spending whole day without food and water was nothing but an exciting adventure accompanied by feeling of peace that we made God happy. When after fourteen to fifteen hours Iftar time will come it would bring special joy to sit around all the tempting meals mom would prepare for family.(Azan) Call for evening prayer will announce that fasting time is over and now we can eat and drink as much as we want. Dates were considered most pious  to start with and we would hold a date in hand and first say prayer ( gratitude to God for giving us strength so we could fast) before start eating . The peace ,joy and above all the sense of accomplishment would shine through each face . Later we would stand up for evening prayer and later after one to two hours we would  take dinner . I feel so annoyed now  when my sons ask for friend stuff everyday at Iftar time and i do so because i have to fulfill their wish due to respect for their fasting ,but i remember that i too loved fried things( samosas and pakoras) most when i was young .  I try to follow mom's  tradition up for my kids too so they can have good memories when grow up. 

When my eldest son was growing up alone for ten years (yes my other both sons were born after ten and thirteen years after him) we both would compete well in finishing holy book repeatedly and fasting during month of Ramadan. We would try to finish holy book within Ramadan month twice or thrice and it would take lots of time. Sometimes because of intense house cleaning before Eid would make it late and we would complete it during last three nights of  this holy month . I miss those amazing and lovely days now when my eldest son is gone to pursue his dreams despite of all the happiness it gives me. 

My mom was full of life she would make each traditional event and festival special with her attention and love . My memories belong to Ramadan month are precious because mom had guts to create environment that would suit to it . Now when i can't fast anymore because of my health issues i want to relive those times with my parents. Unlike my mom my father was not religious man and he would hardly say a prayer in Eid day after much insistence of my mother .But my father had some hidden corner for God almighty and i know this because when we would get busy in prayers or recitation during nights in Ramadan my father would mumble some recitations quietly ,i would feel he was mumbling something from holy book but unclear sound  would make it suspicious until when at certain point my father's voice would rise and we would get he is reciting holy verses . This was another weird habit along with many others that my father had . Some day i will try to gather and post about the weird habits of my father . Some photos from my front yard ,hope you will like them friends. 

this was taken more than twenty days ago and i took it because i was having breakfast while sitting close to garden and early blooms of sunflower spoke to me delightfully so i put my cup on the desk ,went inside to pick up my phone and captured the moment that filled my heart with joy and peace :) i love sitting there and feeling the serenity that my little garden area delivers .a straight way that leads my heart towards my Creator and pay gratitude. i live here from sixteen years but each time i look at this view my heart overflows with happiness and gratefulness as i know this is all i need :) 

took almost ten days ago ,hubby has planted few rose plants and few other that seems to congest the area for sunflowers as they look less than last year 

tiger red roses are gorgeous but  fragrance less ,they appear rich in redness first but turn darker as black within week ,i was glad i could notice and capture their early look :)

when long ago i realized first that sunflower chase sun and turn towards it i found it fascinating and so relating to my own self because i loved looking at rising sun ,i would try to stare at sun with bare eyes ( yes weird habit and dangerous i know) and i had this habit until few years back ) my eyes would chase sun on sky and observe sunlight movement on ground .it would thrill me that i am standing on round glob which is moving round and round on it's axis ,that huge shining object is giving it light and heat which is responsible for all activities of life here ,this wondering grew up with me and getting clearer with days ,do i sound crazy ?  what can i do if i am made this way and feel like Alice in wonder land :)

some days ago when i got back from Karachi ,these gorgeous bunch of  roses welcomed me with their divine fragrance and soothing appearance next morning :) my heart filled with joy and i walked to them ,hold and inhaled their fragrance ,oh this was such a lovely gift ! 

same day when i captured roses above ,yes sunlight is still loved by me though i know from May first it will get scorching enough to avoid it until sunset . everything is beautiful until it does not looses it's balance right :)

Wishing you all a wonderful ,beautiful ,healthy life filled with health ,peace and happiness dear friends !

Friday, April 1, 2022

My Younger Son Has Got Admission In Habib University Karachi !


If you remember i had mentioned  few months back that my younger son was is applying in various national universities .I was trying to assist him in his task so these last few months were intensely busy for both of us particularly and for all of us as family as because of pandemic everything was upside down specially students were effected so badly due to closing of schools. But honestly i could not let my son take this easy and just waste time in net surfing . I kept him awake and aware that he must prepare gradually for entry tests as things can change anytime and universities can open for application process. And it happened finally some months ago though i don't know how we missed two universities that were our main target one Fast university where my eldest son studied his bachelors and second IBA University which has good ranking in the Pakistan.When we tried to apply their website mentioned semester of spring 2022 have already started surprisingly. Habib University where my younger son got selected now after his second try was not something we could think of at all  . My eldest son recommended Habib University to us as according to him it was best in the Whole state of Pakistan though one of the most expensive at the same time. The one semester fee of Habib university is same as My husband's six months salary so despite we applied we were not hoping (nor wanting secretly me specially) to get selection but it happened and after more than two weeks my younger son was informed he has secured a seat in Habib university . It was unexpected success that made us both happy and worried at same time as we  know we are not milliners to pay such high tuition fee  ,even my eldest son cannot because he himself is in struggling stage of his life and has so much to do.

Anyway me and my younger son went to Karachi to attend the joining ceremony and get offer letter. Hubby could not go because he had exams going under his conduction. What i saw there was enough to make me think gratefully and positively despite of my all concerns. From our first step to till our last step in the university everything was so nice and welcoming .Staff particularly seemed to attend each and every participant with proper protocol. It helped me to get information about how we can have scholarship for my younger son. According to them we will receive a call from university within ten days that will inform us what kind of scholarship is available for our son .We had applied for merit scholarship earlier but staff told that competition is tough so we should apply for financial help too which we are doing though documentation is taking quite time ,let's see what happens next.  Sharing some glimpse of the Habib university tat i picked from net as my younger son did not let me take photos because he though it was inappropriate to take images while campus tour which i don't feel to agree as we were told by staff we can take images if we want to .I could not find pictures compared to what elegance and diversity i saw while visiting in the building .And it makes me more upset . But hope you will enjoy the glimpse .

Face of the university building is very impressive and one who enters feels appreciation growing quickly for the incredibly beautiful and colorful structure  ,i can't get why this photo appears so blur after upload 

from above build of Habib university can look like puzzling labyrinth but while visiting inside i found tat elegance ,comfort ,ease and inspiration  are main ingredients of infra structure where student can study and groom smoothly by interacting each other and exploring their hidden talents as university provides numerous opportunities for students to make their dream come true  exquisitely   

after attending the introduction ceremony in auditorium (below)  all students and parents were divided in two groups and provided guide who was telling us about all sections while visiting ,each look and everything was designed so beautifully and keeping the aesthetic pleasure and  comfort of the students in mind .the all sections were inter connected amazingly and what i loved most was greenery and airy perspective of architecture. 

not us here ,but this was the same auditorium where all participants were seated to watch documentary and then listen main agenda of the university and how it was shaped to facilitate students ,later professor with amazing sense of humor interacted with audience to involve them in few intriguing little games to understand the agenda  ,University agenda aims not just to educate youth but make them recognize their true talents and use them to build their future .University offers ten extra subjects to all students which help them to think out of box and teach them how to think actually because thinking is the foundation for all actions and  it should be corrected first of all and to be focused in right  direction . this was core of my own interest so enjoyed the whole session most . 

                                on left is cafeteria i think and on right is library where silence was dense  

All students were given this cup with university logo with offer pack.
I can't predict what will happen next exactly but i am hopeful as according to reports university gives scholarships to more than half of it's students as it has got huge funding system ,still we can hope and pray and that is all ,so do you please for my son as you all are in my thoughts and prayers always!
please keep smiling as smile is sign of gratefulness and we all have countless reasons to do so :)
hugs and blessings to you all! 

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