Sitting on the dinning chair front of my laptop i am feeling bit sad ,not because i could not have my son on expected time but more because my last posting seemed to sadden heart of my friends whom i always like to encourage to stay positive no matter how hard the time is. I don't like this .I don't like to have negative feelings inside me ,it feels like i lack oxygen and can't breath properly and this is most scary feeling for anyone alive believe me.
This is not because i don't like to feel sad ,Actually to me it's okay to feel sad once in while because i believe that sadness is a genuine feeling and serves for better in us ,makes us feel healthy emotionally when passed and bring us stronger feeling of joy and gratefulness as well. So it is nice to feel sad once in a while as according to physics law universe has pattern of "waves " which has "up" and "down " so it is obvious to have down after each up and having up after each down .I think all the quotes regarding positiviism have this background .
Sadness is like autumn ,it's influence is rich ,deep and meaningful for people with creative power i think so because i too write a "little bit" so i find myself writing more when i am sad . Yes when i look at my previous written diaries i see they are all written during times when i felt intense and lonely in my life. As a tiny writer with little understanding of life i can say that sadness helps writers to write more or better to some extent .
My present state of sadness differs one i used to experience in my life in past. Despite of my special inner connection to super power of this universe i was still a common person who valued things and relationships existing physically and materialistically so i felt more "sad " and " little disappointed" both when something bad or unexpected happened in my life. I felt broken ,alone and i cried a lot. I also did some stupidities to feel better.
Now when i look back at those times and part of me that existed then i feel like i was held in cage of negativity back then. There was some lush soothing plant of faith within me to which my physical being was not able to connect perfectly and water properly though i always raised back to surface after each stronger push of negativity that tried to sink me.
I was fortunate to realize that "inner voice" which was trying to pull me in towards my "inner universe". We are not just part of a One Whole Divine Pool which we call "universe" but we have same ingredients and features as our origin has so acting similarly is so natural.
Gradually i started to feel that "inner Pull" and started to follow it blindly ,blindly mean?
I had been always following this inner pull without being conscious of it ,So when i decided to travel inwardly i encountered with so many my previous situations ,decisions and the results i gained from them ,that encouraged me to not hesitate to follow it blindly that guided me for moving further into my inner universe fearlessly and follow the genuine paths and natural destination it led to me.
The more i stepped in my "inner universe" the better i understood world outside me. That was astonishing in the beginning because it was really hard to accept that life can be as easy once your own thoughts are well read and well comprehend by you.
It was incredibly amazing to feel that there was no thing like "loneliness" or "disappointment" .
I realized that i was not alone but my being was created within something far far more powerful Energy than me. Despite of perfect separate existence my being was wholly solely connected to something divine and supreme .That divine and supreme energy was like an endless vast sea in which i felt floating like a bubble of it. The Energy existing within this sea had access to encompass my being from within as well as from outside. The phenomena of such dramatic existence felt exceptionally fascinating . Despite of all the strong connection and complete dependency to this Energy i was free to take shape of my choice ,adopt habits of my liking ,set behaviors that i find right for me. I was totally free to exist willfully and for this i was supported by that Energy just like a mother leaves her child to act freely after telling him all good and bad and what is right or wrong for him. What kind of person i want to be was totally "Up To Me" isn't it most beautiful thing to learn that i was born free to live free and make free choices.
There must be some people like me either who when once learn the "true face of reality" feel serenity that never leaves them during any disturbing circumstances of life in future.
"Just like a child who feels protected and peaceful once he realize that he is holding the part of scarf his mother wearing !"
So gradually i grasped that i was one of those shy or coward children who are always afraid to be left alone in this crowd if they lost the hand of their mother .
Few years back i counted the blessings i had such as life ,health ,shelter and family and felt grateful for them but now i realized that having all such blessings is more precious and meaningful when you see the how and where are the things placed for you!
If i was going to die before realizing my place in this pattern of life i would have not acquired such sense of fulfillment and peace.
One thing i hated to have in life is "disappointment" .I hardly felt really disappointed but low for while when odd occurred in my life and i feel it was because of this little plant of faith planted in my soul i don't know by whom and since when. Since i learnt how my existence is directly connected to my origin and supported by it completely i found out how can i keep this connection more "active" to get maximum strength and there is only one rope to tied it stronger is "Unshaken Faith" .Once you are aware how mechanism of things work your faith on a machine is deeper, similarly when i have learnt while travelling in my inner universe how the pattern of this "Sea of Divine Energy" works my faith on Nature or Creator is ultimate !
And once you are on this" level of faith " your possibility to experience miracles is more .
I can feel sad but i cannot feel disappointed because i see the scenario of life on biggest canvas and being part of it makes me think of things on little bigger scale . I try to follow the rule of Nature or Creator whatever you call it and try to exist harmlessly which makes me hopeful that Nature will support me back for it as it does for everyone else.
Whenever i feel that negativity is trying to haunt me down i close my eyes and find myself existing within pattern that is my origin and is always there for me .Even with my open eyes i can see now how my being is floating in sea of Divine Energy .It is very Real and Comforting feeling for a child ! I wish we all feel that we are in lap of mother and her children who are obliged to support each other as part of her existence !
