Thursday, August 26, 2021

The Stuff Of My Life

 I  think this is effect of  less hot weather that i am feeling bit energetic than i felt in July which was dreadfully hot yes almost 5o Celsius in noon and 40 plus in nights .It was impossible to think of doing anything except really necessary chores .August is usually extremely humid month here but this year July was instead so partially cloudy and breezy days are now giving us room to think more or do better thankfully.

My younger son has finished his high secondary exams finally so i am bit relaxed at the moment though i know it won't last for long as i have to supervise him for his applying in universities .But it is when results will be announced in the end of the November probably. Meanwhile i will try to convince him to improve his essay writing skills which is demanded in every application  along with recommendation letter. My eldest son says that his younger brother is quite more intelligent than himself but i think he needs to strengthen his focus little bit more as he is easy to distract by other things such as various videos and games  sometimes.

I have downloaded another e book about brain and it's incredible ability to Change .It's name is "Train Your Brain Change Your mind " by Sharon Begley .I just started it last day actually few pages only. It deals with topic how Science and Buddhism both related to each other regarding to their "Seeking  for Truth.

 I think i will acquire  more striking knowledge from this book. I choose this specially because  i could relate with it's title. I am really thankful for Creator (or Divine energy whatever it is) has guided me to improve my brain by following some simple rules and steps. It is astonishing how easy it becomes for us to see beyond the plain surface once we determine to see and struggle for it. Though i started it mindlessly i admit ( for which i always give credit to my lord) but when i realized what it was actually i adopted it permanently and now i am on my way to learn more and more about it. 

I feel to common people this topic seems grave or totally waste of time even i myself could have not  taken it seriously if i have not felt the extremely negative energy playing trick upon me and my family. My first expression was sadness and trauma when i found out about it. But when i started to face it instead of  hiding myself behind self pity and complaining ,within an year i saw how i was becoming a different and better person.This positive change effected my life and my relationships deeply. Once again the bad turned good for me  and only because i kept faith in goodness i never quit in my life and the Source from i inherited this goodness .The Greatest source of Goodness and Comfort who lend His strength to one who truly believes that He Exists and despite of hardest odds never let this Faith go away from within.

After few years of constant meditation ,a little bit simple yoga regularly and other little efforts to awake my brain and train him for being alert and attentive to avoid mistakes is showing now positive results by the grace of lord! I feel active and my appetite for learning is growing day by day with joy enhanced that i can do this now .I remember some years ago how hard it was for me to read few pages from any book.I was unable to watch tv for more than two hours .It would made me so dull and my head would be burdened. Such tiredness has disappeared completely thank God! At my fifties though but i am able to read and learn happily which was  my biggest (personal) desire.

I wonder what made this possible and reply is only my 

"wish for survival " which provoked me to look for help and from within i heard that " an undefeated help comes only from undefeated source " which is one and only The Divine Energy the God the Allah whatever you call him He is all around you ,He is within you, like an unseen  flowing light which shapes you slowly ,secretly according to your own attitude and will.

The one thing that i realized very clearly that now i know that what is  Evil actually and what is Good for real ?

Good is what we do during our Presence of Mind .

The Bad or Evil is what we do during absence of mind .

Absence of mind can be created by negative thoughts or emotions which at that certain moment seems just fine or okay but actually if we can hold it right there and give it second ,third or some more thoughts fog clears away and we see things in their genuine manner and make better decision.

Adopting habit to keep check on our thoughts and choose only that are beneficial  and bring betterment to our life is easy .Okay Hard in the beginning because thoughts are just like raw withered stuff in our raw brain which only knows "to work" how to work is not his concern at all. He adopts and increases habits that we put in it throughout the life . But these are few only which we practice in our daily life .The other sudden situations that encounter us abruptly and make us decide hastily and mindlessly are numerous and add lot of odds to our living that we face as the result of our quick witless decisions  sooner or later in our lives. Putting the Inner stuff in Order is harder part but once you learn it things outside you take beautiful pattern too instantly.

 But once you have hold on the Reins  your brain ,he is your most amazing friend who can do wonders for you miraculously because believe it or not this is where God lives in the neighborhood of Mr Evil .Key  is given into our hands completely what door you open and To Whom you  well come into your inner world .What will you choose  will shape your world  around you simply and what a freedom it is just think about it ! 

As far as is my read about astrophysics by Neil De Grace Tyson ,i am reading it further too. I finished the chapter six two days back. But i will share bits of these chapters as they are pretty much in detail which i am loving so much but i don't have any idea if you are enjoying it too .So i will talk with brevity here about some very important points which i found fascinating among these chapters .

In second chapter authors mentions about how astrophysicists have discovered that laws of physics that we find on earth apply equally on the whole matter visible in the universe .All the measurements suggest that the known fundamental Constants and the physical laws that reference to them  neither Time Dependent not Location Dependent ,They are truly Universal and Constant .

Check this line below particularly ,

"To the scientists ,the universality of of Physical Laws makes cosmos a marvelously a Simple place ! "

Yes i felt the same that  the place called "world " and then the place called Universe has some certain laws that govern them and which are Ultimately Divine unchangeable . As i experienced life i learnt i was right about and and now how amazing that i see that Science agrees to my thoughts .

Third chapter talks about How Light was formed. Author shares that after the big bang for 380,000 years universe looked like an Opaque Soup due to it's Extremely high temperatures. When after all those years temperature dropped to 3,000 degree Kelvin ,that allowed electron to slow down and form atom with union of proton. .Earlier Electron wandered freely and swiftly enough to restrain Photons and and preventing them flowing through the universe as Light.So this is how Photons were set free to form light eventually .The spot where each Photon began it's cross Cosmos journey is where it had smacked into the last Electron that would ever stood in his way.

Okay i will share further knowledge in next post hopefully. Actually i had to get up and go to the hospital with Hubby .Yes we just got our second doze of covid vaccination thankfully .The vaccine name was AstraZeneca.

Please take care and stay blessed with faith in you as you are part of whole divine truth .Believing in yourself is actually believing in Him !

See you soon friends !

health,peace and joy to all of you and to all you love!!!


Friday, August 20, 2021

Stuff Of My Life


Hey lovely souls!

Sorry if i have shared these flower images in my some previous post too  as i could not resist the soothing beauty swinging among tiny branches in my garden pots .We are having hot weather though breezy days are making it quite pleasant for us .It feels like springtime specially when one has to stay away from kitchen and avoid going under sun ( both impossible though :(. Hubby has planted various summer blooms this year and when they smile together it feels so good and refreshing :).

this is sadabahar (local name)  Catharanthus is name for this plant i found on google ,we used to have big plant of it before and for many years which died eventually ,we planted it again but petals of plants showing curve which is not healthy sign lets see if this one survives .sadabahar means "forever living" it grows flower throughout the year though in summer they are very thin and light in color like roses here ,it is available in white color either 

Gul e dopaher or portuleca blooms are very gorgeous looking tiny flowers but the delightfulness they deliver to soul when bloom is huge believe me :) this one has no focus sorry for this ,i specially like the white color in them which is so engaging and  attractive (on right two blooms)

this one looks better yet if i have a better skill for photography of better camera you can have even better look on them :)

my eldest son shared some photos with us .images belong to his birthday trip to Olympia Tower Munich and a little gathering , I loved this one most ,he is 28 now and i think with all the struggle and really limited resources he had he is on good place for now .His determination and focus is astonishing and i am sure that lord will be his guardian and helpful  to him in his further journey towards his destination. I pray for him that may he find a nice girl soon and start his own family so we can see him living a family life as well amen!  

Olympia tower is 291 meter ( 955 ft) high and has 19 flours .My son went there with his close friends on weekend and spent quite time there ,i could see in other photos that there were so many other people .it seems nice that life is back to it's normal zone finally! 

despite of all the buildings one can see from up here my son says Munich is one of the cleanest and well managed city of the world .he likes the greenery ingested among urban area and so finely  

he told they had to get down from tower before it will rain according to forecast ,they headed to a restaurant for dinner then .it was always satisfying for us to see him with friends around but now he is going to stay in London and i am bit worried that his really sweet friends will be away from him .I hope that lord will create new kind friends for him there either ,these kids have relatives living in London and this seems bit reliving to me.

Remember i mentioned in one of my post here about book my younger son bought and it came into my hands coincidently .I could not read it when my brother was here as i wanted to make him feel "attended" completely. I cannot move myself out of strange mixed feelings he left me within until now but the joy he visited me is deep indeed on the other hand.

Back to book , i am reading it now (specially when our new net connection is being awful and disappears for days) ,i am on page 114 chapter six.I am enjoying it a lot because it deals with really truly actual basic phenomena that shaped us gradually ,mysteriously and miraculously yes!

Diving deep into the space and learning about strange ,astonishing happenings there since billions of the years  seems like really special privilege to me .I kept sharing about my weird feeling i have realized always  about the deep connection with everything around since my childhood. My long  untiring stare to natural marvels would made me alien to others .I feel and do still same inevitably. I never ever in my whole life felt disconnected with this certain feeling .This feeling is responsible for all good and bad (each bad proved better for me later) i have had in my whole life i completely  believe  it  because it seems like a strong gravity that keeps me on her side and i can't pull myself away from it .I don't want to leave it either ( though i know i can Not separate it ,my "being " is consist of it i know now) because it is so genuine and comforting and i am not "myself "without it .

Okay i am leaving the track here ,i will talk about this later .First i will share a short summery of  my further read .Universe continued to cool though with a billion degree it is still too hot  for mass to take shape.But within seconds it is expending and cooling really really quickly .Universe is few light years old now.What was true for quarks and hadrons had become true for electrons Eventually in billion only one survives.Rest annihilated in a sea of photons .Now one electron for one proton has been frozen into existence.When temperature of the universe dropped below a hundred million degrees protons fuse with other other protons as well as neutrons forming atomic nuclei  and hatching a universe in witch ninety percent of these nuclei are hydrogen and ten percent are helium along with heavy hydrogen (deuterium) and lithium.


For another 380.000 years nothing much happened and temperature remained hot enough for electrons to  roam free among photons,but this freedom ended when temperature dropped below just 3000 degree kelvin about half temperature of the sun's surface .and all the free electrons combined with nuclei .This marriage gave birth to ubiquitous bath of visible light ,forever imprinting the sky with a record of where all the matter was in the moment completing the formation of particles and atoms.For the first billion years matter universe continued to cool as matter gravitated into the massive concentrations we call galaxies ,stars and planets. High mass stars fortuitously explode scattering their enriched guts throughout the galaxy .After nine billion years of such enrichment  in an undistinguished region of universe The Sun was born. And after hundered millions of the years around this Sun planet earth was born where ocean remained largely in a liquid form. Earth had suitable distance for evolving life on it later. 

I don't want this post to be longer so i will share the short summery of next two chapters in next post hopefully. The passage i wrote about "feeling " i kept sharing on my blog is actually belong to these two chapters. Though i am not erasing what i wrote so hope it won't leave you puzzled .

  Right now leaving you with very nice words of the author at the end of chapter 1, "We are stardust brought to life ,then Empowered by the Universe Tot Figure itself out ,and we have only just begun "

wishing you all health ,peace and happiness dear friends!

please stay with hope that grows in the fields of Faith and gives you undefeated strength to fly high no matter how hard the storm is !

Saturday, August 14, 2021

Happy Birthday Pakistan!


I born in your lap 

you are my motherland 

I pray for your wellbeing 

When i raise my hand

Your cherished fragranced breeze  

Sooth me with sense of life and liberty !

Your darkness is light to me 

I surround to your deity! 

Your smirking  joyous sights promised me 

Comfort and peace for lifetime 

I will try to repay it as pleasure is mine

All the faces i see around look familiar as kin 

All belong to one "reality " then separation is sin

You nurtured my being with all your love and care

The serenity i find  in your lap is rare

With my little guts and wisdom ,hard to pay your debt

All i got is only "honesty" which though say is best

Let's see how can i return your kindness to you

Until the last breath of life i will be loving you!

It's my heart filled with love sing always this song 

Till the heavens of universe live may you live as long!

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

My Elder Brother Came After Thirty Years


Twelve days back it was 11am almost when we heard knocking on our main gate ,my youngest son opened the door and i saw someone entering while smiling and greeting to my sons. He was my elder brother. I could not believe my eyes because my sister in law was constantly in touch and she did not mention anything at all about his coming here. It was surprise for me though not big one because i knew from the pattern how it can happen anytime. But i felt a deep sense of peace that he came to visit me after thirty years at least! It was hard to hide my tears of joy that appeared in my eyes time to time when i looked at his face .To be honest i starved throughout my life for times i can sit with him and talk to him like normal siblings. He was but fast and furious all the time and we felt nervous and scared to be with him as his little sisters. He hatted us for our love for the studies in which our mother supported us strongly.

We welcomed him warmly .I went to kitchen immediately to cook meal for him and hubby gave him company till then. We talked a lot during lunch. He seemed extremely excited and his big shiny eyes revealed so easily that he came for the purpose as i expected .

I used word "pattern" above .I meant pattern of  behavior of my brother and his wife which i observed throughout my life. When My brother was young he had to stay in the house of my aunt(mom's sister)for few years .According to my parents he hated going school at age of four and when they forced him  he would beat and injure his classmates and for what they had been called often to school by teachers to complain against him.When every effort went invain they decided to send him to live with our aunt because mom was having another child . He lived there for two or three years may be though he did not choose to go to  school even there too . For this my brother  accused his parents  for throwing him away for his whole life. When my elder brother died due to tb my parents moved to my maternal native village.My brother was teenager then .When my mother put me in school my brother objected on it strongly. My mother though belonged to village basically but had enlightened mind and wanted us to be educated at any cost so we can avoid suffering she beard in her life . When my mom insisted my brother made alliance with few of my cousins and uncles.

They broke up with our family to stop me and my sister from going school. When mom stayed firm with her decision my brother left home angrily .Later we knew he joined army.He had started to visit  us after one year but his visit would prove a storm for us.He would fight ,shout and insist that he is big enough to get married now so my mom should give her daughter (me) to her nephew so he can get married to his sister.One of my cousin wanted to marry me desperately and therefore he was poising my brother's mind to create situation so we can give up helplessly before them.That was time when my brother burnt up my school bag with all books in it and my poetry registers which were my diaries too. He did so twice in later years but nothing can broke us enough to leave school. When he got married with cousin life became hell for us .There was not a single day when our sister in law would not fight with my mom and use terribly trivial words for us.Her own aunts(sisters of her father ) would come to our home and try to make her feel ashamed for her cruel and unfair behavior but she would continue to create troubles for us all the time specially when our exams were near .I don't know what was wrong with her because i never gave her reason to hate me that much as she was my cousin and i taught her to read and write her name and some more knowledge.  Probably she hated me for my character reputation that i had among all elderly people of my village.Whether  male or female all the elderly people who were relative to my mother  loved me for visiting them regularly asking about their well being and offering them help specially water that we would bring from tubewell then.

They would meet  me with deep affection and appreciate my love for studies. My sister in law had totally opposite reputation instead. Inshort it was cruelty of my brother and his wife that i had to leave my  house with my father one evening in 1990 i think. I cannot forget that day when i did not know where would i go now and what would happen to me. How my most merciful Lord turned thing in my favor is another long story. My husband belonged to lower middle class family like me. But we made our journey through long ups and downs and our best weapon to make it happen was only our love and faith in Lord and in each other. For almost twenty years of my life my brother and his wife remained completely disconnected with me. When my younger sister would visit me from usa or my mom from Islamabad ,they would call and ask for to give phone to them without saying even greeting words .All my in laws would talk about my brother's bleakness .Some of them would say negative things about it like may be it was my own fault .I beard this for thirty years.  About ten years back when we tried to buy  a plot in our village my brother and his wife tricked us by showing us one but selling the wrong one. 

Plot belonged to her brother .When we found out we sold it back to him immediately as it was in lower part of the village and the one we selected was on the top of hill. After that particularly when my brother and his wife knew that we had little bit money in hand they started to phone us once in while but never visited .When we would go there on Eid we would bring clothes for them and money in hand . We would buy grocery for days we would stay there too. My sister in law never gave us company  nor she made us food even once .I would cook my food myself  .Instead She would say sometimes that money should not be spent in extra things like visiting and shopping but must be given to relatives who are in need. Me and my sister helped my brother in his hard times throughout his life despite of all his worst behavior but we are not obliged to run his whole house with our limited income. She has four grown up sons but with her weird complicated nature  she has turned them into so lazy and dependent men like their father .Only one of them earns and run bread of the house other two are moody and work when feel like it otherwise walk leisurely in streets or sleep whole day.  I kept in touch with her in a hope may be i can convince her in a friendly way how dangerous her attitude is about everything. She would talk nicely as she got me but she would always ask for more money which was impossible for me to meet her excuses each time.Hubby says it is harmful to make youngsters habitual for easy money ,they will never do hard work once they are used to have it so easily. When she saw she is not getting success in convincing me she sent her husband eventually to talk to my eldest son directly so he can make arrangements and call one of her son there immediately. My brother did so but thankfully i had texted my son already that he should prepare for the surprise .This was so embarrassing because he is our son but we hardly ask him to send us money because we know he has some targets in mind so let him struggle peacefully. I told my brother that it is not easy to reach there ,it takes lots of hardwork ,long struggle and large amount of money .When she found out it was invain she forced my brother to not come back empty hand but ask us for handsome amount of money. In short my brother left last day with some gifts and little money we could gift him.

I cannot blame her totally for this .My brother is guilty too.They both have same attitude and this has destroyed their whole family life specially i worry for my nephews who are healthy and young but despite my  constant advices they never loved studies. And now they want to rest and live happiliever after without doing anything. I feel so bad and pity for my brother .I cried so much when he left .This though that after thirty years he came to fulfill his own needs made my heart heavy .

                                                                  before leaving ,my brother 

What kind of relationship is this ? hubby asks me sometimes sadly and all i reply is " i do this to please my creator "

During his stay i could not visit you guys, sorry for this though it is my loss honestly!

i will from now on ,please take care ,stay blessed with faith which makes miracle happen!

blessings to all of you!

Friday, August 6, 2021

Happy Birthday To My Eldest Son!

 I was like  lost in the middle of  sunless forest, of loneliness and despair

With no sign of any way out 

Where ever eyes could see was dancing fear and  howling doubt

My heart was like a wounded bird who faced storms dire 

Antagonized with opposite gender because what i had were so unfair

Filled with dread with possibility of having one alike as mom 

Afraid of  going through all misery as did my own mom

When Nurse asked "for what you want to be congratulated ?

My spontaneous  answer was "a daughter"

ironically she smiled and said " congrats you are mom of son "

My  heart  felt like drowned boat , heavy and torn 

Against mine but God willing my eldest son was born.

Having Him in my lap i though felt so  "complete and serene"

Though in far away corner of my being a fear poked like pin.

Days  go by while his smiles  transformed my life,yet some fear kept dim this light

It was yesterday when you hold my hand with your little fingers and today you are all Grown!

You appeared like a sun in my  uncertain world 

Everything bathed in light 

little by little cautiously You made this darkness bright!

It is amazing how gently you vanished away my all fears

The sunless forest is overflowing with joyous Light

The Torn boat is fixed and floating merrily in ocean of life.

The wounded bird is healthy now and flying in heart of sky.

With prudence and foresightedness slowly paving your way 

For your success and peace my whole being is Pray!

It's not about the worldly gifts you share with us 

But about the love and care you always showed as Son!

Thank you for being so kind and  considerate always

Thank you for enlighten our souls with your Insightful ways.


You made us complete!

you are most precious gift to your parents my baba!

                  Missing you sooooooooooooooooooooMuch!

See you soon precious friends! 

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