A Timeless Desire

 Do you ever feel that our hidden desires become so obvious as we age. I feel quite helpless front of my desire of learning sometimes. Helplessness is not an enjoyable state for all of us .

When i see back in time i realize that desire for learning kept me anxious since i was child. As little girl from village consist of 33 houses hardly it was challenging to satisfy the urge for learning. 

After befriending with hills and trees laying before my eyes i would spend rest of my time in doing homework ,helping mom in house and reading digests , or books borrowed from school library and scrolling magazines brought by my father.

While helping mom when reading was not possible i would on the radio and listen literary programs hosted by prominent intellectual personalities of 80s. 

Despite of being annoyed for my such endless desperation my mother would walk some miles to town near by to post letters i would write to radio programs . I now, wonder how a mother living in small village like that can be as understanding and broadminded ,so she would take pain to post letters of her daughters to strangers without raising any question?

My eyes get teary when i think of the depth of my mom had as person . Such deep love and strong faith in child is rarely seen. 

As a person what matters for me in relationship is having blind 

" faith" in each other. And this is because my mom made me habitual of it by having it in me. For me this "faith" is love actually. 

I think i was in my early or mid teens when mom bought a 14 inch black and white tv . Unlike now tv had only channel that would start from 3pm to 12am. At the beginning international supports were shown for one hour . At 4pm a program for Quran learning would be telecast for half hour and then some English show for children would come . Only one drama would telecast at 8pm after that news followed by political show . I would wait for 11pm when an old Hollywood would come. I don't have words to tell how desperately i would wait for the movie because it was the only thing that would match my mental level of "entertainment " 

I wish i would have written down the names of those movies and shared it with you so i can hear how much you love them . But i can tell that they were some best telecast on our national television subject wise and presentation. 

I would call radio my second mom back then . But tv and books even digest added much into my knowledge . And this is because i was keen learner . 

I still have a copy on which i would write random stuff copied  from various sources including pieces of paper i would get with some food i buy such as fritters etc .

Now when i am in my early fifties i still feel desperate to learn something all the time . 

Feels like something is "Missing" from the map of life and this anxiousness is pointing out towards it . What it can be " 

Can't say right now.

I tried to chase my instinct for learning blindly ,I ma good at "self control" thankfully but this innocent desire does not seems to come in list of restriction for me so i follow it everywhere .

I thought after  taking  my my masters degree in English i would feel satisfied but feels like when i crossed one river i saw many others ahead ...

For now i am trying to fill this space with book reading ,watching thrillers and mysteries on Netflix and  wondering how it will end?

Or there is no end no beginning just circling round and round ? 

If so ,then this desire has been wearing me since timelessness probably 

thank you for being incredibly kind always dear friends! 

Hardest Elimination Of Food And A Worth Sharing Video By Dr Joe Dispenza

If you might have noticed that i mention time to time that how with age i have to eliminate some certain type of food . Food that i had never imagined to quit ever .But how life slowly unveils further parts of the reality (complexities of living) with age is inevitable sigh.

All of us have weakness ,an area of life where we feel to have "less control or we find it okay to not control it because we think (consciously or consciously ) it is harmless.

Mine was since beginning to eat until i am full which is not wise of course . For more than twenty years of my life i found milk and all dairy products disgusting . I hated red meat as much as even looking at it would make me vomit .Only protein added to my daily meal was eggs only . Nuts were not in our reach mostly because of their high price back then. 

My parents had healthy habits of eating instead ,and mother will try so hard to make me eat meat or cup of milk at least but invain because sometimes when she would put these things forcefully ,they would return back immediately without getting wet from my stomach even. Can't say whether reason was my high anemic state or else.

Hubby added milk in my food on regular bases which is continued till this day. Nuts are also part of regular diet since some years . But Meat is "huge" thing to digest for my poor stomach as always . Even chicken is hard. Hardly one tiny piece i could  take but it was few years back. But these all are not my favorite foods so no sad feeling to surrender before the "forbidden food" 

But reason to write this post today is that leaving food that i loved most feels tough even today. Red lentil with boiled rice still tempt me ,Fried egg ,potatoes ,cake and sweets which i would take rarely but now they are banned too .

Worst part is leaving tea :(

I did not skip tea completely but started the mission by first most difficult step and that is skipping tea from breakfast :(((

Yes i am trying be brave because starting morning without tea is like saying my brain "shut up" for the thing the poor thing is habitual for more than forty six years sigh!!!

It was crucial because tea was only source to consume sugar  for me. The our addition of sugar in tea has been decreasing from "lightly" to "slightly" since many years . But still it was probably enough to gain weight so tea is first thing that i love most to have in morning but i have quit it and this time whiteout the advice of doctor. I take breakfast with bit of yogurt which i am trying to like now. And i take my cup of teat before lunch which i try to keep sugar free almost. This is first week of change so i wanted to share my heart with you dear friends . 

Did you too have eliminated foods from diet with time ? how did you feel about it and what was most traumatic ? please share 

Watch this beautiful video last day and found it worth sharing because it relates to the transformation of my own state of being with time with help of regular meditation 

 Dr Joe Dispenza  is international speaker ,researcher ,author and educator who is passionate about findings in neuroscience ,epigenetics and quantum physics behind spontaneous remissions. I bet this video will make your day and will leave you with healthier perspective of life! 

Thank you so much for bearing with me ! you are very kind and sweet souls indeed .Grateful to have you all as blogging friends! 

Health ,peace and happiness to you all and to all you love !  

Glimpse Of Scuba Diving, Recovery And Some More Blooms

 First Of All Happy Women's Day .I am feminist .I Love ,adore and respect women for their special input in family life. I consider them a soul and more conscious part of this world because of the emotions and feeling that separate them from men. Congratulations for securing your place in this world !  

 I wasn't feeling well since more than a month .Yes same old flu and cold . I did not go to the doctor and kept myself on self medication like cough syrup and Panadol .I did wrong because that gave timely relief only and flu and cold got worst silently .Silently means it leaped back when i quit medicines. 

So three days back i decided to go to the doctor finally . I requested him to keep the dose light as i want to stay awake during daytime. He replied that flu medicine sedate so can slow and mend the system Though on my insistence he prescribed the medication that i take at night only but they keep me slow during the daytime anyway still . 

But it is good to have head back on shoulders i must say. I don't think i will repeat this mistake ever again ,i mean i will visit to the doctor on time when symptoms appear or may be two days later as they say 

"flu should not be stopped immediately"     

Is this true ?

    Eldest Son has shared this video that i forgot to share with you in previous post about his Trip to Bali ,i felt so happy he could made his dream true as he has been thinking about it since long 

               Health Peace and Joy to all of you and to all you love!

Weather Wonder And a Question

 

Weather seems to surprise day day .Summer seemed to spread it's hot wings just few days back and we thought here came the blistering  days of early summer season this year . Hubby sealed brought the workmen to seal the bedroom for the summers so it can secure air conditioning .We washed and put away our blankets though all warm clothing was washed and packed already two weeks back. 

But suddenly weather took dramatic turn and sky our small city got slightly cloudy . There felt no chance for rain but gentle spring breeze changed into light winds and days were chilly again . We are happy to have summer paused for while (may be just few days) . Seems like it rained somewhere closer part of our country and winds brought the cooling to deliver here :)

I assume that it might seem weird that i avoid to share sad or bad news from my part of land . There are two reasons for it. One that  i know that news are not limited to the people who watch t.v or Radio only but available on social media as well so news find their way  to all  one way or another for those who are interested.

Second is reason is that i simply follow my attitude to avoid sharing heavy pessimistic stuff with blogging friends. Because i don't want to make people 's visit to my blog burdened with things that are already so much and everywhere. 

Whether it is my personal life or life of the my people  of my homeland when it comes to share my heart pics positive and light to share with friends . I like to keep it this way. 

As they say happy times are short and less and sad times are long and more . I don't think it is true .It only feels this way because we all want joys to live longer so no matter how long it is with us it seems natural, easy and short. But when come the sad  times we take them as hardship a burden that can crush us and we want to push it away so bad that even if leaves early ,it feels it lived with us for ages. 

So is that a good habit or bad to keep sad things to ourselves specially when we know that "sharing ' can disturb others ( fools at heart don't want others to bother even slightly)more than "sharing" can make us feel good ?

                                        God Bless You All