This is almost 11 am .Hubby and kids are off to their job and studies.
Day is bright and little warm (if i stay indoor) 27 Celsius.
Sun is shining brightly in the blue vastness of sky.
My yard and garden are taking the shower of glorious sun rays happily .Whispers of breeze and chirping of birds are waving the lake of silence.
I am having my tea while sitting front of laptop.
Thoughts blending in my head like spoiled children who rush out when listen the break time bell.
Like always there is no plan for posting today nor a specific topic .
But like many times, one thought is dominant in my mind .
And this belongs to my desire for doing something to earn (just to please myself that i can).
I always wanted to be self dependent . I wanted to do a job to earn living for myself and to support my mother and younger sister .
I had belief that job is way not just to self dependence but it gives chance to self recognition and establishment along with sense of achievement .
From the age of 24 to 47 i did various jobs with gaps of years though .But i had to leave them for one or another reason after one or two of three years .
That was traumatic situation for me . I began to feel anger and pity for myself .
I thought i was so unfortunate to not make my very first dream come true .
Unconsciously i spent many precious years of my married life in self pity and sadness .
I felt as it was my fault to not have perfect opportunity .Or may be i was not skilled enough to go for right position and avail it .
Many times i questioned the mercy of my Creator who seemed to not letting me be what i wanted to.
I was annoyed and lost in my desperation for a permanent job or career on which i can feel proud one day.
But our wanting or wishes are not always fulfilled .
Why ?
Well i can speak only through my personal observations and experience .
And this says that ,"our prayers are answered most of the time sooner or later"
"Unanswered prayers have one reason behind them"
And that is to Test the Depth of our Faith in our Creator.
If we keep complaining and do not realize the truth , We loose peace of mind and strength to survive.
But if we do not let shake our faith in our Creator and stay grateful for what he has already given us ,
Our unanswered prayers turn in to a miracle for us.
All the things upon we used to lament or regret become surprisingly in our favor .
We find that Way Chosen by Lord was Most Right Way for us .
Far Better than one we wanted to choose for ourselves earlier !
If i was stuck in one permanent govt job it was obvious that my family and house were probably neglected to great extent .
The understanding between us as family is most peaceful thing of our life today.
It would have not as smooth and strong if i was a working woman.
My Creator knew me Better Then Me !
He knew that deep inside me my most desired thing was TO MAKE A HAPPY FAMILY AND TO RAISE FINE HUMAN BEINGS AS KIDS !
So He blessed me with very responsible and caring husband!
He blessed me with three wonderful kids who always try to make me feel proud of them!!!
What else i need to be grateful and happy!
And this is why my faith in him and love for him grows each day deeper and deeper.
In my life there are so many incidents when he helped me secretly !
When he saved me from great certain damage miraculously !
I will share all with you when he will want me to do it, (he will give me strength to write about that).
I do not do 9 to 5 job though , nor i get salary for my doings .
image source damemagazine .com
I am a happy house wife !
I do multiple jobs to keep my house clean and arranged .
And to provide my family a healthy and happy environment!
In spite of all health issues i do not hire domestic help which upsets hubby and my sons.
To not do so first reason is that i am an introvert and love to work alone with my own way.
Second reason is that i am workaholic ,i can't stand sitting until my body pull me down .
I find this way of mine right because i believe that "one is healthy until he is active"
So i want to keep moving till my body give up.
I love to get tired because it brings good sleep along!
I think about future when i won't be able to move or people around me will treat me as i am burden for them.
It fears me but in hidden corner of my mind i have solution.
I will swallow some sleeping pills and will sleep forever (respectfully) ( hopefully plan works well )
I think this is enough for today.
Sometimes it is hard to stop writing you know ,though there is pile of laundry waiting for me ,and then making lunch. Cleaning floors and dusting furniture goes on .... :)
Please take care of yourself precious people!
Don't forget that your maker loves you unconditionally !
All he want a call from you for him so he can turn everything in good for you!
God Bless You All!!!
Oh,it is already so hot where you live, in here it is not even 10 C yet☺Very smart words about our prayers!
ReplyDeleteThese are bearably pleasant temperatures for us dear Natalie!
DeleteReal scary season is almost month away 50 plus
Always remember that you are indispensable to your family, baili.
ReplyDeleteIf you were not doing you job, like my mother in law, how would the other members of your family do theirs?
That is what my eldest son and my husband say dear Pedro!
DeleteMy husband calls me " backbone of family "
Such acknowledgement is overwoverwhelming!
Don't think so much, Baili. Just go with the flow. Swallowing sleeping pills and go to sleep forever just works in the movie. In real life, ones will suffer many days before can get the long sleep. If unfortunate and got saved by people, ones may end up with kidney failure and many other things. Jumping from 10th floor might work but will be painful and some people say between the few seconds will have regrets,
ReplyDeleteAnywy... don't think too much. Relax.
Oh dear your assumptions are frightening !
DeleteI will have to rethink about my decision :)
When it is time to go the Lord will come get you Himself. Do not rush things. We have our days and need to live for each one that God has made for us.
DeleteClearly, your family is your pride and joy -- well done!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely they are dear Debra!
DeleteTheir peace and happiness is my income indeed
Thinking of you dear friend. I hope you share your fears with your loving family. They will help you through whatever lies ahead, just as you would do for them.
ReplyDeleteThank you dear Marie!
DeleteSome realities of life should be remain un discussed became in love I don't believe in testing the love of my loved ones or putting them in challenging situations.
I really don't give this much thought but sometimes when suffering of elderly people come in mind
I think about it inevitably
I loved this inspiring post full of wisdom and learning.
ReplyDelete"...or people around me will treat me as i am burden for them."
ReplyDeleteBaili, it will not happen this way for you.
Maybe your grandaughter will delight in caring for you...maybe your son's wife, maybe a stranger from afar. Maybe you will be strong up until the end. But you won't be cast aside. This I know...somehow.
Thank you dear Sandi for such overwhelming words!
DeleteThey went straight to my soul and touched my heart so deep
You are always so giving and sweet my friend !
I wish all that you said will be true!
It is wonderful how much your family means to you. Home is the most valuable place in the world for many of us. Taking care of it is both vital and noble.
ReplyDeleteHave a great week!
dear Brain i believe our Creator made us to have families for certain reason
DeleteBecause he wants to tell us that LOVE IS BASE OF CREATIVITY !
AND FAMILY IS MOST BEAUTIFUL AND PRECIOUS CREATION OF UNIVERSE!
Hi Dear Baili, Your writing and love of family is wonderful. Thank you for sharing and for your kind words on my blog. Happy Spring to you my friend! Take good care! John
ReplyDeletethank you dear John ,i enjoy you place and specially beautiful images you share from Seattle :)
DeleteBefore we were married, my husband and I agreed that one of us would stay home with children until they were grown up, and because my husband could earn a higher income, and I was more inclined toward house care and child care anyway, I was the one lucky enough to stay home. I truly believe that the most important job I have ever done was to raise our children to be good, kind people. And I believe the same of you. Children and working partners need an orderly and pleasant environment to come home to from school or work. And women should not have to do two jobs - employed and at home - and be expected to do either one well. These are my thoughts, anyway.
ReplyDeleteAs for being a burden - I too have thought of this, after watching my father for so many years be dependent on others for the simplest of bodily needs. But I think we never know how we will end up, and we may be strong until the end. Or if we need care, then if we have a happy, close family, they will see that care to be a burden happily carried. We must trust that all will work out.
Hugs, my dear friend. You always give me something to ponder.
This is surprise to hear that as couple you already decided that on of you is going to take care of kids dear Jenny!
Deletewhat i know about your part of land is that women hardly like to stay inside because of favorable environment for grooming and career
yes this is so right that upbringing of kids took more energy and strength than giving them birth
It is a constant long stressful process
and how grateful we feel when we see that seed growing into a strong tall tree ready to deliver it's shadow to his new family :)
I never thought much about my end until my parents died dear Jenny!
their death told me that next is my turn and i am so ready for it
all i want a respectful goodbye instead of miserable end
In my opinion taking care of a husband and children and managing a loving comfortable home for them is the most noble job of all. Not everyone is able to work inside their home. You have the hardest and yet most fulfilling job of all.
ReplyDeletei agree dear Emma not everyone is able or agree to take such responsibility which hardly get noticed by family or society
Deletei have so many examples around who though are responsible for household and look after kids
But they don't even know the meaning or value of this job they have
and consequences are terrible
Baili, you are doing the most important job of all, in my opinion. Raising three kids and taking care of them is a wonderful thing. And it is what I did many years ago as well. It's not easy to be there for our kids all day, every day, but I wouldn't have done it any other way. Your post is what I needed to hear today, dear Baili. Your faith is strong, and this was uplifting to hear today.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your precious prayers for my son. That means so much to me. I can tell you could feel my pain having sons of your own. I am blessed with blog friends like you, and I wanted to say thank you for being the wonderful person you are.
~Sheri
We think alike dear Sheri!
Deleteraising children is like constructing a strong character for society .
this is most important job because If we know our art Well , we will be able to carve a marvelous piece of art !
As mothers we try to our best to make them fine people ,good ,progressive and harmless for not only themselves but for all living around them.
This takes blood of a mother !
yes above is translation of one of saying here
a child consumes food through mother when is inside and extracts energy of soul when he is out in the world to be a FINE PERSON!
i am so relaxed to hear that your precious baby is better now my friend!
may Lord bless him more health and happiness ahead,amen!
Baili, I have worked at jobs outside the home as well as been a stay at home mom and housewife. I think there is honor and worth in all of these things. Your family is lucky to have you. You make their lives better.
ReplyDeleteDear Connie i agree both ways of life has their own rewards and i am grateful that i was given to chance also to do jobs and learn many new things to make my life better
Deletei also gained lots of good memories and earn love and respect during my jobs which is unforgettable
You are wise, you know what you want to do, but you were tested when a young married. It made you stronger - women don't necessarily have to work outside their house in another position, many prefer to work at home looking after their own children, doing washing, cooking and so on. If you work full time when you have your children, then someone else has to look after them.
ReplyDeletewe learn through the years dear Margaret that what is best for us
ReplyDeletethen our perspective towards life changes for better
Now i know i was chosen by my Creator for best job in the world
building a human
no job is harder than it
Sandi is right. God will tell us when to come home. We are to live here until the end of our days & might not even know the purpose in doing that until God tells us after we die.
ReplyDeleteI have worked full-time and I have stayed home raising our family. I will never regret staying home although I missed my paycheck :) Our babies are only our babies once, & I appreciate every minute (well, almost) spent at home.
My mother always told me to be careful what I asked God for. I ignored her, and there were times when I got exactly what I asked for. I was sorry I had asked.
I loved your post today, Baili (I love every post). Very timely for me, very thought provoking.
Thank you, dear friend.
Hugs, Chris
Thank you dear Chris for such wise words !
DeleteI agree that only our Creator has right to decide about our destiny .
But as a weak human with limited time and even little physical privilege my observation has created FEAR FACTOR for me which provoke me to think about an end which is less miserable and little respectful
You are very strong lady to carry house and career as successfully :)
I am sure your children are wonderful persons with kind heart and positive perspective
Our Lord give us what we ask for him dear Friend because his love is unconditional and eternal
He wants us to learn from our mistakes though he knows best that
Our desires get cleare and appreciate with time
In my opinion you are doing the most important job of all …
ReplyDeleteGod (the creator) will call you at the right time.
Take care my blogging friend.
All the best Jan
Such a good post, dear friend. You are of great value to your family. Don't ever forget that! I spent quite a few years taking care of the family and have never regretted it. I raised two amazing young women that I am extremely proud of!
ReplyDeleteDear Baili, please remember you have the love of your family. It is most evident in the numerous photos you share with us. If I can go on to live until the Lord calls me home, without desire to sleep forever as I sometimes have in the past, you can too. I am not so blessed with children and grandchildren who respect and love me. It saddens me but I have my husband who is a wonderful partner to finish this life with and that has to be enough.
ReplyDeleteAnother inspiring and thought-provoking post, Baili, with lots of great comments to consider. Caring for a family and a home is a challenging and often thankless occupation, but it is an important undertaking. Raising happy, healthy, responsible children is perhaps the most critical job of all. I could not have children, but I taught elementary children as my main career (the second most critical job of all!).
ReplyDeleteI mostly worked or studied all of my adult life. It gave me a lot of satisfaction, and it was good to know that I could stand on my own two feet. However my workaholic personality impacted my health and made life more difficult for my husband and for me. I always railed against housework and groused about it. Ironically, now that I have retired, I'm enjoying housework and take great pride in it.
I'm not one to sit around, unless I'm doing a task that requires me to sit. I often think of life as movement. I am glad that you are not a sitter either, because being active is one way to stay strong and healthy longer. If I can't get outside to exercise, I walk in circles around the house, and I make myself climb up and down our stairs tens of times a day. I stretch most days too. Our bodies were not made to sit, but rather to move.
I felt sad when I read about your secret plan, Baili, but I admit I've thought of the same plan myself. I will not judge anyone for choices they make when they are in acute mental or physical pain. I will also fight any law or actions taken against older, sick, frailer, or disabled people because they're perceived as a burden or too costly to pay for. Most of all, I believe that life is a precious gift, and we should be grateful for it until we die. I don't think we should dispense with that gift easily.
You, Baili, have raised three great sons, and your Ali is a wonderful life partner for you. I know that you treasure them, and I have no doubt that they treasure you. As I see Terry growing older, I find I love him even more; each new gray hair or small wrinkle reminds me that life is fleeting and I must make the most of the time I have with him.
Take care, my friend!
I also meant to say that you are an amazing writer! The way you describe things is so vivid, fresh, and delightful: ".Whispers of breeze and chirping of birds are waving the lake of silence." In your heart, mind, and soul, you are a poet and a writer of lyrical prose! Don't stop! Also, I think of you as an ambassador for your country and your faith, because you spread mutual understanding and peace.
ReplyDelete