Friday, March 22, 2019

My Old Diaries

Hey    Wonderful    Writers !

Hope    you   are   writing   the  book   of  your   life   so   wisely   and   peacefully  :)

No   rush   to   write   so  mistakes   can  be  avoided .

Skipping   the   odds  .

And   highlighting     all   the    good   stuff   particularly,   so   readers   can   absorb   positive   energy   from   your  analogy,  as  Positivity   is  something  Most   needed   to   the  world   today.

Today   sharing   sharing    my   old    diaries   which   have   much   of  me  .

They     were   source   to   share     and   express  my   heart .

They  are  not  very  first   of  my  life    though.

The  very  first  two   diaries   which  had   my   more   than   156   poems    were  Burnt   by  my  eldest   brother    when  he   learnt   that  i   sent   my   poems   to  Islamabad   Radio  Station  and  anchor   read   them    live.

I  kept   their  ashes    with   me  in  a  bottle   for  more  than   24  years .

Few   years   back   i   realized   that   as  long   i  will  keep  them  ,the  painful   memories  will  remain   in  my  mind     so  one   fine  morning    i    buried    that  ash   in  my   garden .

Now   i   feel   that   each   plant   growing   in  my  garden    has   the  soul   of  it.

I   wrote   diaries  until  2003  when  my  second   son  born.
After  after  my  youngest   son  was  born   in  2006   and   life  got  busy  enough   to  quiet   writing   diaries.

These   diaries   are  written  in   my   native   language  Urdu.

And  i  know   that  you  cannot   understand   them   still   i  wanted   to   keep  some  bits   of  my  diaries  online .

As   they   are   so   important  to  me.   

                         this   was  written when i was in my teens ,it discuses extreme loneliness

  this  haiku   was from my very first diary (burnt one) it expressed my deep love for my mom

     heading word means God! i used to write my feelings about my Creator in each diary of mine ,this one is one of such pages ,below four lines are haiku though

            This  poem  reflected my  deepest  faith and hope  even  when i was so young

 I  wish  i   could  translate  them   for  you   .

I  felt  little   embarrassed   for  my  worst  hand  writing   but  hey  that  is  me  ,a  bundle  of  so many  imperfections  :(

Hope    you    give   your  book   a  positive   and  enlightened  end   dear    friends!

Happy   lovely  weather !

Enjoy   each   moment   beautifully:)
God  Bless  You  All!  


  1. wow you are hardworikg person Love from poland

  2. So sorry to hear about your earliest diaries. I understand why you kept the ashes. It is wonderful that you have kept your other writings. I never did this but I with that I had.

    Have a wonderful day!

  3. How sad that your brother burnt your poems. But I love how you planted the ashes to set your poems free in your garden growth! That was a beautiful and inspired ritual on your part!

  4. Fascinating to see Urdu written. I would love to be able to read it, Baili.

  5. Wiw, the story about your burnt diary is so sad, yet very inspiring and moving. I love what you did with the ashes! Thanks so much for sharing, you are such a vulnerable, yet strong woman☺☺

  6. that is a sad life experience but you have made the ashes into something special. Your writing in native language looks intriguing.

  7. Your brother burning the diaries reminds me about how unhappy he must have been with himself. I do like the thought that your flowers are bits of your poetry. They must be beautiful blooms.

  8. Hi Baili :) What a terrible shame that your diaries were burned...I don't want to pry, but are you still in touch with that brother? That would be hard to forget if someone did that to me. I could forgive, but not forget. I think it's a great thing you did to bury the ashes, now your lovely wonderful words are connected to the Earth! As we are all connected! :) Your writing is lovely, I mean, the look of it, the script itself looks very musical in a way! Thank you for sharing! :)

  9. This is a precious sharing, thank you! Your eldest brother was so jealous!

  10. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
    It was interesting to see your writing in Urdu.

    All the best Jan

  11. What a shame your brother did what he did to your poems - it seems he was angry at that time, such a pity, hope he's better now.
    Your writing looks tidy in most.

  12. I'm so sorry your first poems were destroyed; that was an unfair thing to have done to you. A person's writings are very personal and precious. But I like how you chose to deal with this irreversible action. We will all return to dust eventually; your poems went earlier than you wanted ...

    Your script in your native Urdu is fascinating and beautiful!

  13. So sorry to hear that your diaries were burned, but you released that painful experience with such a lovely, sensitive gesture. Yes, I'm sure you see the poetry in your plants.
    I'm glad these diaries remain. They are a treasure, and will continue to be as they are passed down to your sons.
    And aren't we all bundles of imperfection :) Beautiful post!

  14. Thank you for sharing your diaries, Baili! It's wonderful that you have them. I am in awe of people like you who know multiple languages, especially when your Urdu script is so different from our English alphabet.

    I too have diaries from my past, although I have not written in one consistently throughout my life. When you become an adult with responsibilities, keeping a diary can be challenging. Wouldn't it have been comforting to tell our younger selves that our lives would turn out well? I emptied my heart into my diaries, and they are a little embarrassing to read now, but that's who I was then. I'm glad that you were able to release the pain of the burning of your poems in such a lovely and poetic way. I love that when you look at your beautiful flowers you can feel the souls of your lost poems!

    Wishing you happiness in this coming week, my friend!

  15. So sorry about your first diary. I still have my old diaries but am not sure where I stuffed them.

  16. I never felt the urge to write a diary.
    Don't even know why...
    Have a great week

  17. How lovely that you planted the ashes to nurture your garden while setting your poems free. What a wonderful idea that is! It must have brought you a lot of peace. I used to write in diaries regularly in my teenage years but I didn't keep any of them. Now I write daily in a journal, something that I enjoy very much.

  18. That was a hateful act your brother did, Baili, but what a wonderful thing you did by burying the ashes in your garden. Now when you see the blooms it will hopefully bring back good memories only. Thanks for sharing your diary pages, even if we could not understand them. It was a very personal act of sharing on your part.

  19. Wow, you have written in your diaries since your son was born. How wonderful that you kept them all these years. We call them "journals" here, and I also write in mine occasionally and whenever something special happens that day. Keep writing, will look back and see what an interesting life you had. : )


  20. Baili, I am so sorry to hear what your brother did with your diaries. Diaries are a very personal expression from the soul. I'm glad you were able to bury the ashes and hopefully the sad memories are buried as well with only good things growing in your garden now.

  21. So sorry to heart hat your brother burnt your poems :(

  22. I am so sorry your brother burnt your poems, but out of that, came beauty in your garden! Keep writing my friend!! Big Hugs!

  23. How upsetting that your brother burnt you poems. I like what you did with the ashes, I think I might have done something similar...

    Your life experiences have led to you expressing your beautiful soul xx


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