Saturday, January 27, 2018

Adila the Flower Girl !

In  1988  when  i   was  staying  at  home  after  freeing  from  school  after  the  materculation , My  mother   hospitalized   for  her  second  surgery  which  was  related  to  her  stomach  ulcer .

I   was  almost  17  then. As   i   mentioned  many   times  that   i  was  a  weird  child . It   was  like  i   was  growing  as  two   different   persons   altogether .

Deep   inside   i   was  shy   girl  with  delicate   emotions  but  believe  me  it  was  as   deep  and   far   that  echo  of  that            "being "  was  hardly   able  to   reflect   on  my  visible  appearance.

For  my   parents  and   sibling  i  was  loving  and  very  protective . For   friends   i  was  most   trustworthy   and  reliable ( one  of  my  cousin  who  used  to  be  our  gang  leaders  says   until   now  that  i  was  so  duffer   but  also  fightful  if  someone  misbehaved ).  For   my   village   elderly  people   i   was  their  best   friend ! 

For   boys   of  my   village  i   was  "bitch"  as  they  were  always  discouraged  in  their   invasions . For   whom , who   did  not  like   me  for  their  own  reasons   i   was   totally  harmless  and  some  time  better  than   their  own  friends  (believe it  or  not)  because  i  was  never  threat   to  anyone .

Outside  i  was  carefree  and  little  boyish  still  mom  held  me  strong   under  her  strict   rules   which  made  me  isolated  ,dependent  and  shy  .My   fighting  spirit  broke  the  shell  of  this  shyness  so  badly  whenever  i  felt  bothered   specially  from  opposite  gender  and  i  always  felt  frightened  from  my  own  burst   of  anger  as  reaction  and   this  made  me   even  more  lonely  .

I  loved  to  be  with  myself  .I  am  deeply  in  love  with  learning  and  being  alone  gave  me  time  to  read  ,listen  radio   ,watch  t.v  ,write  letters  to  big   personalities  of   literary   world   and  above  all  writing  journals  ,poetry  short  stories   and   essays .This  hobby  grew  self confidence 
in  me .

Back   to  topic   when   my  mother  was  in  hospital   i  was  with   her   to  look  after  .This  was  (is)  huge  hospital   with  staff  of  hundreds  of  people . Then  whole  treatment   of  patients  was  free   and  mom  was  told   this  by  one  of  her  friend  who  lived  in  Islamabad   and  took   treatment  from  there  for  her  surgery  too .

There  is  a  saying  here  that  " in  youth   even  a  donkey   looks  beautiful  "

Now  when  i  am  47  i  can  imagine  that  fearful  look  on  my  face  which  would  have   made  me  look  how  stupid then. Such   shy  and  fearing  faces   can  be  noticed    and  targeted   among   all  other  normal   people  easily   but  then  i  had  no  idea  of  this  .

Meanwhile  i  was  staying  with  mom  in  big  common   ward  where  each  bed  had  curtains  to  be  separated   at least 8 by 8  area  from  other  when  needed . I  used  to   sit   quietly  with  book  or    magazine  in  my  hand .

Doctor's  team  visited  four   times   a  day  .Team  had  two  senior  surgeons one  was  beautiful  lady   doctor  which  had  same  name  which  is  mine   and  must  be  in  her   late  forties  yet   her  hair   touched  her   knees   i  was  fascinated  by  her    shiny  long  hair  and  lovely  warm  smile !

Team  also  had  two   young   doctors  who  were  hardly  26  may  be . Usually senior  doctors  checked  mom  while  saying few  encouraging  words  or  asked  me  something  about  her  position and  respond  to  medicines  and  injections .

My  answers  were  always  short  as  i  been  always  little  more  nervous  ,sometimes  lady  doctor  said  some  nice  kind  words  which  i  thought  were  to  reduce  my  shyness .

Ones   for  some  reason  at   the  routine  visit  there  were  only  two  young   male  doctors only ,i  felt  even  more   uncomfortable  and  may  be  one  of  them   who  was  standing  a side  while  other  was   reading  file   asked  me  with   deep   mischievous   smile 

 " are  you  always  as  afraid  "?

It   seemed  my  forehead  had  sweat  drops  and  legs  shaked  i    nodded   as "no"  and  looked  at  him for  second .
In  mean  second   while  smiling  he  blinked  eye  on  me.

I  felt   so  dishonoured   .Within   a   second  all   the  nervousness  and  shyness   were   disappeared   and   i  am  sure   on   my  face   there   was  a  stern    ruthless  look   instead  of   softness   and  gentleness   because   i   saw  his  changing  facial   expressions  .

He   realized   that  he  tried   wrong  person  may   be (but  i  was  shocked  because  i   thought  highly   educated  people  must  be  well  behaved  and  decent ) ?????

During   this  other   doctor  closed  the  file  mom  was  sleeping  so  he  stepped  forward  to   leave   ,after  him  the  doctor  who   misbehaved   followed   but   i   could  not  resist  my  anger   to   burst   out  .

I    came   front  of  him   by  saying 

"excuse  me  sir"  he  stopped   so  did   the  other  with   wonder  what  is  going  on  as  my  way  of  talking  was  angerful 

Yes  ? he  said  i  saw  fear  of   being   insulted  in  his  eyes   for   a  while  but  soon  there  was  shameless  confident  man 

I   asked  loud  and  clear  so  other  also  can  listen

 " what   should i  do  now?"

He  seemed  puzzled  and  asked  "means"?

i  said  starightly  " i  mean  you  just   blinked  eye  to  me 

and  i  am  not  smart  enough   to  understand  what   should  i  do  in  return ? 

will  you  let  me  know  "my  eyes  were  straight  in  his  eyes.   This  reaction  seemed  totally   sudden   and  unexpected   to   him  .this  was  hidden  version  of  my  split  personality  may  be !

Other   one  was  mouth  opened  and   shocked  though   this  one  looked  beyond  embarrassed   He  left   by  saying  in  shaking  voice  sorry  i  think  there  is  some   misunderstanding  .

to  be  continued 


  1. oh my gosh,, you certainly put him in his place!!!! good for you!!!!

  2. Well done, Baili. You could speak up at such a young age!

  3. Good for you, I will wait for the next instalment.

  4. Eagerly waiting what will happen next

  5. I think a wink is often innocent, but I do recognize that women have an extra sense and often can tell when it is innocent and when it is inappropriate.

    I have a feeling we will find out your instincts will prove to be correct.

  6. It is a good thing that you stood up to him. I find that people are sometimes very surprised when someone does this.

  7. Your writing is captivating. I felt like I was there!

  8. You sound like you were a shy, intelligent, gentle girl with a warrior just under the surface!

  9. Good for you!
    Looking forward to the next part ...

    All the best Jan

  10. Interesting how you wrote that, I'm looking forward to the next bit.
    He blinked and eye at you - not unusual down here, very different in your country it seems.

  11. Good for you for standing up! Some people have such high opinions of themselves...a superiority complex is so boring to me!

  12. I so enjoy the stories of your experiences. I know your culture is a bit different than mine. I originally thought that the young doctor was trying to put you at ease. You know better about what happened. I can't wait to see what happens next.

  13. It took courage to speak up, baili. I'm looking forward to the next instalment. And I agree with what joeh has said.

  14. Good for you! This made me smile :) Looking forward to reading more.

  15. It is sad to know that being a strong woman gets her labeled as a Bitch.

  16. I also agree with Joe that sometimes a wink is simply an innocent gesture when other times it is inappropriate, and you ladies can surely tell the difference, I believe this young doctor was inappropriate and you were right to call him out on it.

  17. Uma crónica muito interessante. Aguardo o que se segue.
    Uma coisa me ficou clara: você gosta de estar só, lendo os seus livros, ouvindo a sua música... Assim, desde criança?
    Uma boa semana.

  18. Maybe he was trying to be friendly or maybe too friendly, flirting, not keeping his serious position as a doctor.

  19. Hi Baili, A neat story indeed. I'm smiling while reading it. I have to agree with Jimmy's comment above. Looking forward to the next segment. Thank you for sharing and I wish you a fine week ahead! And a special thank you for your kind comments on my blog! I look forward to hearing from you! John

  20. I'm curious abou the continuation.
    Some men just don't respect them.
    Poor in spirit the fools.
    Have a nice week

  21. Sometimes I am flattened by the burden of being a woman in this world. You are an amazing and courageous person. Don't ever doubt that, dear Baili! Can't wait to hear the rest of your story!

  22. A fabulous and engaging story, dearest Baili! And one I can really relate to. I am quite shy deep inside, but can be fierce when in those kinds of situations where I perceive my personal space is being invaded.
    I'm certain that I would have reacted in exactly the same way as you did.
    We women just have to make a stand sometimes, don't we?
    Well done, my friend! ☺☺

    A Big Hug xoxo

  23. I'm curious as to where this is going and feel, at least in part, the tension you face in this world that is so different from mine.

  24. really enjoyed reading this - i could relate to the part about you love being alone and reading and writing and journaling etc. I love my alone time and actually could go days or weeks or more without running into anybody (well except my husband who lives here so I see him all the time). He respect each others' space so i have lots of time for introspection. Curious to read the rest of the story - good for you.

  25. Dear Baili, I so look forward to your continuation of this remembered story. You really did-with your words and actions--let that doctor know how inappropriate he'd been! Peace.

  26. Good for you - standing up for yourself!


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