Friday, November 10, 2017

My Sufferings and Diseases (only few of them actually) nostalgia!

  Hello   Dear   friends .

Hope  and  pray   that   all  of  you  are   enjoying   a   pain   free   life   with  gratitude   and   humbleness.

 When  i   was   16   i  got  my  first  period  and  from   the  

same   day   the  misery   related  to  my  dozen  (okay, exaggeration sorry ) kinds  of  diseases  started  appear .The  

day  i  got  my   first   period  i  felt  extreme    pain  in  lower  part  of  my  tummy  ,dizziness   which  made  me  fell  on  ground  ,my  head  hit  an  iron  rod  and    i  went  insane . 

My   mom  became   really   concerned  and  worried  .Women  of  my  small  cute  village  tried   to   help  her   by  diagnosing  my  disease  and  advising   the  cure  according   to   their   knowledge

.Some  said   "your  daughter   is   under  exorcism  "  and   some   said   "somebody   is  trying  to  peal  your  daughter  with  necromancy" blha blha .....

Mom  was  not   believer  of   any of   this   so  took  me  to  the  doctor  near  in  capital   city   Islamabad   where   in  army  hospital    they  took  sample  of  my  bone marrow   and  other  many  tests .

They  told  that  i  need  immediate  blood    but  mom  was  too  afraid  to   purchase  the  blood  as  she  would  think  it  could  be  unhealthy  somehow , so  i was admitted  in  

hospital  for  more  than  month   , according   to  doctors  my  blood   was  very  thin ,i was enamic  dangerously .normal  range of  RED  blood  cells  in  blood  is  14   and  i  was  around  6  then.

Mom  bought   five  bottles  of  some  kind  of  fluid  on  doc's  

advise  which  was  replacement   of   blood  . After   drips   i  was   little  better  .Later  i   was  discharged   but   medicine  

were  and  tests  remained   in  progress . According   to  the  hospital   system    finally  i   reached  to  the  head  surgeon  

 who   told   me  the  details  of  my  coming     sufferings   and  treatments . He  said   your  stomach   is   decaying    so  it  will  be  needing  surgery   when  your  blood   will  improve  red  cells  .

He  also   included  that   certain  medicines   will   go  for  

whole   life  as  supporting   vitamins  etc  .He  said  your  weak   defence   and   digestive   system  need  to  be   strong  

by  medic  help. He   said    gradually   your   joints   will   be   taking  affect   of  this   before     time . My  red  blood  cells  reported  in  range  9%  in  last  test they  took.

It  was  youth   and  after   recovering  i  gave  dam   to  each   advise   of  doctor .Even  left  the  medicines  .In  my  20   when  my  husband   asked   his  mom  that   he   wants   to  marry   me  his  mom  refused   loud   and   clear   as  she   knew  i   was  not   a  healthy   girl   and  her  assumptions  about  my  future   as  wife  to  his  son  were   very  negative .

One  of  my   hubby's   brother's  wife   told  me   that   my   husband    had   arguments    on  the  issue   and  at  certain   point  hubby   said   that   he  will  leave  the  house  if   she  won't  accept   me.

After   marriage  i   took  the  whole   responsibility   of   joint   family   of   8   people   on  my  shoulders  happily  .

But   mother  in  law   was   "mission  Impossible"   i  heard  from  my  mom  that  "love    and   patience   can  win   the  

each  heart  at  end  of  the  day "  But  it  works  for  normal  people  and  my  mother  in  law  had   little  weird    mentality .  
Everyone  in  my  in laws   became   friendly   gradually  except    MOTHER  IN  LAW   AND  HER  ELDEST   SON.

 Due   to  being  anemic   i  was  less  patient  honestly  and  could  not   remain   silent   when   things   turned  more  

than  hard   for  me,  i will give  only  one  example   to  make  it  short,   further use  your  imagination '  Single  kitchen  in  

the  house   was  kept  locked  when  it  was my turn to cook  food for  hubby  and me .She  had  total  control   over  the  

family  members   so  no  one  could  raised   voice   for  her  cruelties  or  they  were   hypocritic  with  me . once   when  

hubby  was   out  of  city   for  month   i  was   compelled   to   drink   water   from  tank   where   water  was  stored  to  

washing  etc  because   my  mother  in  law  was  not  allowing  me   taking  water   from  tap  , though  i  boiled  it  before  use  but  fell   ill   seriously  ,there  were  no   mobiles  

 in  home  then   .Luckily  hubby  was  informed  by  his  friend's  mom  who  visited  me  coincidentally   and  told  his  son. He   came  immediately  and  i  was  hospitalized  for  week . Blood   motions   were  caused  with  high  fever .

Numerous   such  things  which  made  me   suffer   terribly  and  sometimes  it   raised  fights  between   me  and  hubby (for  which  i  am  embarrassed  till  now  as  it  was  not  his  fault  but  my  anger   needed  an   exit   point   to  make  me  feel   released  from  stress ).  

When  i  had  my  first   child   things  got   worse  .(  i  can write  a  book  on  this  part  of  my  life ) 

Even  when  he  was  hardly   3  i   departed   him  and  sent  him  with  my   mom  to  Islamabad   to  stay   with  them  just   for  his  healthy   upbringing  .But   this  decision  was  childish   as  i  started  to   be   dipped   in  tears   all   the   time  .Hubby   was  very   supportive   in  my  each   step   but   i  could   not   realise   how   to   survive   until   we  be  able   to  buy   plot   and   built   separate   home   for   us  .My   down   health   ,anxiety  and   crying   all the   time  made   our   small   world   horrible  and  within   month   my   father   brought   my   eldest   son  back   to   me .

Meanwhile   my   stomach   pain   increased   but   no   doctor   diagnosed  the   actual   disease  .It   was  recognized   by   doctor  when  it   had   increased   to   dangerous   point   ,  He   told   that   ultra   sound  report   reveals   that   my   stomach   is  internally   bleeding   for   14    years   and  is  quite  in  damage   position .we   were   in   new   home  then  and  house  loan  was  being  paid  .Yet   hubby   made   it   possible   to   get   all   the   tests  ,treatments  and  medicines   which   mostly     last   for   almost   3   years   as  course   and  minorly    till   today  .

Two   days   back   i   finally   went   to   the   doctor   for   joints   pain   treatment . Few   years  back   he  told   me  that  i  need  to   take  my   joints   pain   seriously   and   i   took  but   medicines   made  me   so   sleepy   and  dizzy   all   the   time  so  i  took  hardly   for   week   and   then   quit .

But   now  since   two   days   i   am   feeling  again   so   helpless    and  idle  as  medicines  have  caught  my  head   sternly    still   this  is  not  the   point  any more   that  i  can  quit   them .

No   i  have  to  bear  them  doctor    said  within     1  or  2  weeks  my  body   will  be  get   used  to   them   and  i  will  be  better  in  my  physical   activities   and   mental   attentiveness . 

Dear   friends   today  i  shared  some  of  my  hardships  with  you   but   believe   me  that   all   the   tough   times  that   came   to   me   were   a  "push"  towards   betterment  and  it  is  biggest   truth   of  my  life  that  without   them   may   be  the  bonding   between  us  as  couple  could  never  have  been  as   deep   and  strong  as  it  is  today.  we  would  have  not  moved  from   there  and  i  could  have  not  sort  out   that  how   i   can  save  my   future  family   from  such   darkness and  ignorance .

"I reacted  angrily  when   i  thought   "why   they   are  doing   this "?  

"I  smiled   patiently    because   then   i  understood   why   are   they   doing   this  "!

My   optimistic  way   of  thinking  who  is  most   precious   gift   was  alien  to  them.  they   just  breath  they   don't  know  unfortunately   how  to  beautify    these  breathing  moments  to  make  them  eternal!

  leaving you some glimpse of my  life  ,

   My  mother in law ,inspite of   her cruelties on  eid  day  i  went to wish  her ,she admired  it secretly  knew from others !

     my  younger  and  youngest  ,always   teasing each other (last winter's pic)

Tears) this  room  misses  my  eldest  son  alot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(september 2017)

                          Hero  of  my  life !!!!  (July  2017)

            Happy me! in  the  garden of my  life  with  all  blessings  by  my  creator ! August  2017

No  matter  how  hard  someone  try  to  ruin  your   garden  ,blooms  in  your  destiny   will  last  end  of  the  day!

Love  you  my  precious  fellows ,please  take  good  care  and  stay   unshaken  with  strength  of  faith!

God  Bless  you  all!!!


  1. What a story - I wish you all the best,Joan

  2. You are an example of getting by with trust and faith.

    1. Thank you dear Annie!

      i think it is all because God kept holding me all the time!

  3. So sorry to hear about your health issues and how they have caused you pain. It is heartening that you remain optimistic. I turned 50 this year. Though I am more or less healthy some serious issues have begun to pop up with me over the past ten years. It is a sobering thought to think about health issues and how they will only become more more frequent and more serious over time. Your optimistic outlook is the best way to go despite difficulties. I wish you the best of health going forward!

    1. Happy 50th birthday Brain!!!

      Health problems rise with age though i got them little before the time and may it is due to being extra sensitive .
      Positive that comes from it that i learnt lot and these learning from mistakes made me enough mature to straighten my directions ahead.

      I hope and pray that your health issue may resolve soon and you feel better enough to share more and more insightful reviews of books on your wonderful blog!

      Yes i agree my optimism is "only" weapon to defeat all the hardships that attacked me , i find it a magic vande which makes impossible "possible"

  4. I love that you have found peace through trouble. Thank you for sharing your story with me.

    1. Thank you dear Linda!

      I have LOT to share ,

      Main reason of WHY I SHARE THIS is that i want to show that sticking with your positive energy and faith turns all sufferings into blessings for you !

  5. I am sorry that you have had all of the pain and health issues, these types of chronic pain is difficult to deal with by themselves but when you have negative people like your mother in law around you only makes it worse.

    I am happy that all of this made you a stronger person and did not take away your positive attitude, your husband is a good man and it appears that he has always held your best interests as most important for him, he definitely loves you and you him, the best thing for was when you got your own house.

    Your sons are nice looking and healthy young men, and your garden is beautiful, I really like your attitude and love to see that you are happy.

    1. Thank you Jimmy for kind words!

      yes negative energy around one effects the health negatively most of the times but believe me if you do not let shaken your faith all turns into positive miraculously ,
      During all the sufferings i realized an invisible support to my soul which healed the external wounds soon after they occurred .

      By the Grace of my Creator yes i survived through all these tough times with success and came out from dark clouds of suffering with more positive strength!

      My husband and my kids are precious Miracle of my life ,

      I am OVERWHELMED by the deep sense of gratitude for all the blessings of God upon my life!

  6. You look truly beautiful in your garden!
    Wishing you good health.
    Have a wonderful weekend

    1. Oh dear ,all this beauty holds your precious eye!

  7. You must really be a very strong person to have survived so well and living a normal sounding life, when actually there was internal bleeding for all those years. I am afraid I think your mother in law sounds very hard to deal with. But perhaps if she had not been so bad you would still be living there, and it is much better to have a home of your own. How is your oldest son getting on by the way?

    1. Thank you so much dear Jenny!
      Yes it was hard indeed life with internal bleedings and terrible pain attacks all those years but i don't know how miraculously my Creator kept me composed and unshaken.

      My mother in law was an orphan who brought up by her uncle and aunt under cruel ignorant circumstances which i heard from the elder brother of my father in law when was alive .
      So soon i realized that may be her painful past was reason behind her sick behaviors .
      She was same as Horrible to her own unmarried daughter as with her daughters in laws .
      when we moved from that house i never broke up with her because i knew that she was mother of my dear life partner and deserve our love and respect .
      i in my heart could not forgive or respect her but i treated her respectfully each time we meet .
      I still send her dinner 9can't send breakfast or lunch because kids and hubby have to rush to their school and office) and visit her occasionally.

      My husband visit her on weekends too and take care of all her needs related to food and medicines though she lives separate and has four other sons too.

      Yes each hardship pushed my life towards good and made my belief stronger that " everything happens for the good"

      Thank you for asking about my eldest son !
      By the grace of God he is totally fine and happy in Munich Germany .Enjoying his studies and slight exploring of the surroundings too.
      He wants to visit other parts of Europe when vacations will come.

  8. I am sorry to read and learn about your health issues, but you are such an optimistic person and your strength of faith is wonderful.

    I thought your family pictures lovely to see and what a gorgeous smile you have.

    Have a blessed weekend

    All the best Jan

    1. Thank you Jan!

      for your kind generous response ,i am glad you liked my post and photos!

      yes Since beginning i have this optimistic attitude which makes me a happy person with exciting spirit but bad side effects it has that many people don't understand it is my natural instinct ,they think i am just pretending it .
      a wise heart can realize that no pretending can last forever if one does not posses it as nature

  9. It is an example of why we should not judge another person because we never know what kind of life they have led. So many things lie hidden from those around us. Blessings!

    1. You are right dear Carol !

      every one has " lot" which made him what he is today

  10. Your inner strength has taken you far. I am sorry that your health is causing problems for you. I have a medication I have been taking for more than 50 years. It made me so sleepy when I began to take it. It took a while before my body adjusted. I hope I am not out of line by saying that your mother-in-law looks very unhappy. Her eyes have no dance in them.

    1. Thank you dear Emma!

      i am grateful to the dear God who always was and is there whenever i call him to hold me!

      hope and pray that may you feel better my friend, i saw rare people very rare actually who are not on medication after 40 here !

      will you believe that my mother in law takes only one medicine to keep her health fine and this is keeping cold or warm fights on during the day ,i think if she will not do this she will die lol

  11. Thank you for sharing your life, your pains and your conquest over hardships. Take care of yourself.

    1. Thank you Munir!

      i could do this because my Creator was with me each step ,alone i was not able to survive even one step my friend!
      best wishes for you too

  12. Sorry about your health issues and your mother-in-law sounds so evil. Glad you are out of her house and in your beautiful garden to find some peace.

    1. Thank you dear Christine !

      i am on medicines since more then 9 15 years i think and still it is working for me but along with medicine mostly works the positive attitude i think.

      Sadly she is indeed ,more than her dark past her own negative attitude made her such tough person who cannot live with peace and try to spoil other's too.
      though this way she cannot stop anyone from being happy but only lessens her respect as mother and mother in law

  13. Oh my, baili - you have had serious health issues and a real hard time. I'm glad things worked out better as time went by. Your husband is a good man and like you said, obstacles often help us bond with our partners where easy times would not. I hope you adjust to your medication soon and it helps your pain. Your pictures of your young boys always make me smile because they look like mischievous boys the world over :) Hope your son is doing well. Beautiful photos, all!

    1. Thank you dear Jenny!

      hope your pain if gone my friend!

      Yes i suffered with in law's negative behaviors and though after since 12 years we moved here we still are in touch an visiting each other though deep in heart i can;t forgive them but i pity on them for their sick mentality .

      i was humble and good to them as i was brought that way by my parents ,they spoiled a nice relationship just because of their ignorance i will say this was their bad luck .
      all matter to me is their worst behavior caused problems between me and husband which were timely thank God and love between us grew stronger after when we realized our fault specially me.

      Yes my both youngers are so naughty and specially the younger one is soul to my house ,he put life in silent walls when get back from school and lots of teasing between bros goes on until i make them sit for studies for 3 or 4 hours till evening

  14. That sound very bad. You sure have patience with this MIL.

    1. Yes my friend! and patience comes with wisdom or strong faith you know!

  15. Your son's have a very strong and wise mother in you, thank you for sharing your story.

  16. Such lovely photos. Take care, my friend! ♥
    Have a beautiful weekend! Big hugs!

  17. So...did kindness win in the end? :-)

  18. You have gone trough a lot. So glad that everything is all right now

  19. Baili you are so inspirational to me. :) You've had so many challenges in life but look at that beautiful smile you have in that photo. I'm not so good, I really would not have put up with treatment like that from an in-law. But you know, anxiety is debilitating...all that stress you were dealing with likely made your physical body more weak, and that makes your mental health weak too. I think you've done so well for yourself. Your hero's hat is fabulous!! :) I hope you get used to the meds soon. I'm having pains more an more now that I'm getting older, not happy about that, but I'm trying the natural route first. If I have to, I'll see a doctor, but I hope I don't have to!

    1. Dear Rain either i find you very inspirational personality as i see how you invest your energies in positive way to keep yourself busy and healthy physically and mentally.
      Life has its all colours for us to face and learn to grow more strong.

      In the world of today rare people are stress free my friend so i strongly believe that soon you will find way out of this enxiety as NOTHING LAST FOREVER!
      and i know you know that better than me .

      My best wishes for all you future dreams my friend, may they be come true soon for you, amen!

  20. Oh, Baili, I'm so sorry for your health issues and the problems you've had with your mother-in-law. No matter how hard you try, some people cannot be reached. With all that anger and bitterness, your mother-in-law sounds like a very unhappy person. It is so much easier to go through life happy and with an open heart. You have your own beautiful family and that is the greatest thing of all.

    1. You are so right about people 's nature dear Martha!

      I think in world they are only a few who change themselves, usually they grew more in thier natural instincts and traits .

      Yes i choose easy way of life my friend and it is LIVE AND LET LIVE as simple as that.

      I think if i have peace of mind it is the gift of my Creator who gave to me through POSITIVE ATTITUDE

  21. I, too, have a lot of illnesses, so it is good to read your story & know that I am not alone. So sorry that you have been so ill. Maybe one day your mother-in -law's heart will soften toward you & she will express her love to you. You are beautiful! God bless you.

    1. Of course you are not alone my friend!

      today most of people are suffering with health issues and most of the time it is not their fault .
      it is gred of businessmen which make and supply poor quality of food ,unhealthy seeds ,horrible chemicals shower over growing crops and vegetables and many more reasons behind the poor health conditions of modern world

  22. our ill health must be draining. I am glad you have found happiness despite all your troubles.

    1. Thank you ,it is miracle of my life my friend!

  23. Pleasing to read your husband stood up to his mother.
    Some mother in laws are not good ones, I had one of the best when she was alive.

    1. You were so lucky to have a kind mother in law my friend!

  24. My older daughter (almost 20) still sufers a lot when she gets her period.
    It's painfull just to see.
    Have a great weekend

  25. Dear Baili, as one who (at 67) had no health problems until 12 years ago, I am astonished at the strength of those who suffered in younger years and were able to proceed in the work life entails. I learn from them. I learn from you. Your generous spirit is conspicuous in your blog and comments to my blogs. To you and your family, I send my compliments and admiration.

  26. Lamento imenso os seus problemas de saúde. Mas você é uma pessoa com uma grande força interior, não é? Tudo vai ser superado...
    Uma boa semana.
    Um beijo.

  27. Dear Baili, first I want to thank you for your very kind comments on our blog. They are always much appreciated. This post was very disturbing to read how you suffered and then were made to feel sad by the actions of some family members. You husband is indeed a hero for standing up to his faily and by your side. Thanks for sharing your family photos as well.

  28. My goodness Baili, you certainly have had some major health issues... that's scary... it's too bad your mother in law couldn't have been sweeter... oh well, hopefully she has learned from her bad behavior xox

  29. I am sorry to hear of all your sufferings, dear Baili, but I am glad to know that you are now in your happy place with a beautiful, loving family of your own. It is sad that your Mother-in-law could not open her heart to you and see your sweet spirit. We cannot control how others treat us. My Father-in-law treated me the same and my dear husband moved us far, far away to raise our family without his cruel influence. We are so blessed to have such loving husbands who put our needs first. I will pray for your health, dear friend, and pray that you will see your son soon. Hugs and blessings xo Karen

  30. I am so sorry to hear about your health issues! You are a strong beautiful woman, with such a beautiful spirit! Your outlook on life is wonderful! You are a special lady! Big Hugs!

  31. I'm glad that you have been blessed with a wonderful husband and three amazing sons, Baili! You have come through so much, more emotionally than physically. I can't even imagine! You've shown that it is possible to rise above hardships that would defeat many others. I love your strong spirit! And I love the wonderful photos of your sons, your husband, and you, beautiful lady!

    You have my sympathy! I understand only too well about internal bleeding and about how exhausted you feel when you are anemic. I have been hospitalized eight times for internal bleeding and have had multiple blood transfusions. There are numerous times I haven't gone to the hospital when I am bleeding because there isn't much the doctors can do for me. Often times if I lie still the bleeding will stop, and that's way better than going through awful, fruitless tests over and over.

    My doctor insists that I take a medication that I'm not fond of. He royally chewed me out when he found out I had stopped taking it recently. I've come off it several times, and the last time he was very unhappy with me. So now I'm following his orders! I hope that your body adjusts your new medication, and that you feel better. Hang in there! I will say special prayers for you tonight, my dear friend! Sending you a big hug!

  32. its sad to know about your health problem... May god bless you with good health and happy life always...

  33. My goodness, Baili, you have really been through so much! It is so difficult to deal with such a terrible disease, and yet you have showed that having faith in the Lord has kept you through all the terrible things that have happened along the way, and the Lord gave you such a kind, loving and precious husband, what a wonderful God we serve! He knew you needed such a strong man to be there for you, and through all that you have been through, it has increased and strengthened your faith in Him. I am sorry that you are still having these struggles, and I will keep you in my prayers that either through the healing hand of the Lord or the knowledge of modern medicine that your health concerns will be eased. Much love to you today dear friend!

  34. people who have good health often don't realize what a gift it is. i am sorry you have been through so much, but happy to read that you have a hero. i have one too!!!!

  35. Oh my you had such a hard beginning to your marriage and your health, oh my how scary all that must have been for you, but even with all that you have been blessed with wonderful sons, and a wonderful husband that took you from all that stress. I hope that your health continues to get stronger and better.


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