Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Okay Then Let Me Share .........the Story


As   you   guys  know   that   i   faced   quite  quarrelsome   environment   after  marriage   for  sixteen  years  that   i  sent   with  my  in laws  in  same  house .

Hubby    chose  to  marry   me  against   the  will  of  his  mother  who   had    strong  hold   on  whole  big  family   of  one   unmarried  daughter  ,three   unmarried   sons  along  with   two  married   sons   and  their  wives  and  children.

The  eldest  brother  of  my   husband   was  also  against  me  and  he  was  kind  of an  assistant    of his  mother  to  create   problems  for  me  all   the  time. (Someday  may  be  i  will  write  book  an autobiography )

His  wife   was   naive  and  completely  crushed  by  her  husband   and  mother  in  law. She   liked  me  very  much   though  she   was   not  allowed  to  be  close  to  me  because  i   could   make  her  rebel  (my  mother in law and her husband opinion) as  i   used   to   tell  her  about  her  rights  whenever  i  got  chance.


Younger   brother  was   neutral   with   nine   children   and   a  very   clever   wife .

She   was   the  inspiration   for  previous   post  (yes dear  Sandi you  were  right)

She   was  amazing  in   her  skills  of   pretending  .

I  knew  her  nature  from   very   beginning   of  my  marriage   though   but  i   believed  that   she  is  harmless    and  i  did   not   push  her   away   when   she   pretended   to  be   so   kind   and  friendly .

Story   of  27   years   relationship   is  very  long   so  i  will  highlight   only   her   attitude   and   fake  relationships   she  used  to  offer  not  just  me  but  everyone  around  her.

I   basically   love   all  the  people   my  kind   Creator  had  created  but  i  am   introvert   because   i  hardly   found anyone   loyal  or  trustworthy    in  my  whole  life . Most  of  them  hurt  abruptly inspite  of  all  our  love  and  empathy .

I   gradually   learnt  that  i  just   should  be  simply   me  and  keep   up  my  moralities   no  matter  what   others  do   to  me   because  i  had  (have) faith  that    the   goodness  we  do   to  others   is  not  mostly  returned    by  the  same  source   but   FROM  THE  CREATOR   HIMSELF  sooner  or  later .

When   i   first   met   her  on  my   engagement   party    she   tried   to  poison   me  against   hubby   by   telling   about  his  affairs   ,she   was  not  aware  that   hubby   had   already   told  me  everything  about  his  past   in  letters   he  used  to   write  me  each  week.

I    realized   that   she   can be    quite   dangerous   for  one  who   has  light  ears (easily believes  her)

On  second  day  of  my  marriage   she  came  to  my  room   and   broke   the    mirror   gifted  by   hubby   deliberately   and  pretended  it  was  an  accident .


Throughout   the  years   she  did   so  many   bad   things Including stealing ,backbiting ,putting  blames on for  things  she  did  by  herself  on and on )  to  me   with   her  smiling   face   but    i   could   not   say  her   to " stay   away   "    because   i  was   not   brave  enough  to  resist   the  guilt   that   may   be "  i  just  hurt  someone "

When   she   was   friendly   with  me  among  all   hatter   i   thought     my   constant  love   and  care  will  change  her   attitude   and  things   will  slip   to   her  heart  from   her  tongue . As  my   mom   said   to  me  once   that   "  CONSTANT   LOVE   CAN  WIN  THE  HEARTS   FINALLY"

But   it   never  happened  ,all  my   nice  gestures   failed  to   make   her  true   to  me . Nor   i  can   ask   her  to  step  aside   if  you  don't  like   me  .

After   few   years (almost  3)   of  my  marriage   once   i   went  to  her  room  which  was  in  same  front   yard  i  accidentally   saw    albums   of  family   photos   .

I   was   shocked   to  see   that    all   my  images  were  scratched   so  badly . Specially   my   face   was  totally   ruined . I   quickly   left   as  she  was  not  present   and   her  12  years  old  daughter  could   not  realize  what  i  had  seen  there.

All  my   assumptions   were  proven   right   front  of  my  eyes   but   still   i   could  not  stop  her  to   appear   in  my  life as  you  are friend .

I   don't   know  it  was  diplomacy   or  hypocrisy   but   i  was  not  bothered   by   her  hidden   hatter  . I  was  not  the  one  who  gave  her   reason  to  hate  me  and  this  was  enough   to   remain  satisfied .I   felt   sorry   for   her   that    she   could  not   recognize   a  loyal   friend   in  me !

She   had  never  attended  school   so  in  beginning   i  tried  to  teach   her  basic   things  just  like  i  did   to   my  sister  in law(wife  of  my  brother ) previously .

I  tried  to  motivate   her   for  studies   so  may  be  she   can   obtain   some  light  of  consciousness  from  education   but  she  was  not  interested   in  studies  totally!


I   never  made   her  realize    that    i  know   her   intentions   when   she  brings   that   girl   along   in  my   house  who  was  ex  girlfriend  of  my  husband  .I  served   them  with  tea  and   friendly   company  instead  of  being  rude .

She    created  misunderstandings    between   one  of  my  cousin( daughter  of  my  father's  sister)  who    got  married    to   one  of  my   brother   in   law   and   made   situation   as  worse   that   the  couple  is   divorced   now  and  the  child   is   snatched   away   from    his  mother . Both   victims   are   regretting   now   but   things   cannot  be  changed   for  better  anymore.

Along  with   passing   years  i   realized   may   be  she  was   my   subject  .May  be  i  was  working   upon  her   to   see   how   my  love   can  bring  positive  change   to someone 's nature , because   in  past  i  witnessed   that  on  my   working  places   people  slowly   changed  their   behavior  and   became  nice  ,not    just to  me  but   to  others  too.

I   took   that   one  of  biggest   achievement  of  my  life . I   love   to  make  people  feel  that    ,this   short   life  can  be   wonderful   and   beautiful   without   hatter   and  negativity   against   each   other.


Anyway    in  longest   quest   of  my  life  i  failed   and  finally  i  accepted   the   defeat   and  stepped  back .Because   she   was   becoming   more  and   more  ignorant   and   unbearable   or  may  be   my  health  is  effecting   my   will  power   so    when   one  month  back    she  came  to   invite   us  for  wedding  ceremony  of  her  eldest   son   we  said   we  will   come   but   we   did   not  go.

  image  exploringyourmind.com ,loved  the line under image 
"some doors are  better  to  close"

She  called   many   times   since   then   but   i  did  not  receive any.

I  honestly   don't   know   this  is  right  or  wrong   but  i  am  tired   of   being   diplomatic   or  hypocritical  whatever ..... 



  

21 comments:

  1. "I don't know it was diplomacy or hypocrisy but i was not bothered by her hidden hatter . I was not the one who gave her reason to hate me and this was enough to remain satisfied .I felt sorry for her that she could not recognize a loyal friend in me !"


    You have an amazing amount of grace, Baili. The ability to forgive has placed you above this situation. It is very freeing to see!

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    Replies
    1. Life has kept me in constant practice with such situations dear Sandi!

      So I went through it step by step

      I am grateful for insight that God has given me to keep myself composed and focused and release my anger in only most needed situations
      I mean when a situation demands anger not to calm me but to show opponent that they will face aggression if they crossed the limit

      Otherwise I was always harmless a motherly figure for people around me.

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  2. Your post is very sincere and I think that you have a lot of insights. You raise such an important point in that one should stick to their values regardless of how people around you are behaving.

    Good for you for trying for so long with your relative Sadly some people will not change no matter how much good will you show them. I have been through it myself. In the end, sometimes one has to move on.

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    1. Thank you dear Brain!

      Sorry that you too went through such painful situation!

      My husband and later my eldest son advised me often to cut off the relationship with her but May be unconsciously I wanted to test my patience and her selfishness

      I am glad I reached to a peaceful end finally

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  3. Best to live separate lives as much as possible..

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  4. It is important to stick to your values despite what others are doing. It is the easier path to live with personally though others can make it tough.

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  5. You tried, some people it is just best to cut them quietly out of your life...no explanation to them is necessary.

    "Light ears" I like that one and am going to steal it.

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  6. Diplomacy means that there is hope for a beneficial outcome for both parties. You believed you could convince your sister-in-law that being friends was better than trying to hurt one another. When you realized that diplomacy would not work you cut ties. You were not hypocritical in any way. Your sister-in-law was because she was presenting herself as one thing and being another. You are wise to stay away from her if you can. By the way bringing the former girlfriend was a cruel act. You were a gracious hostess which shows your class as a person.

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  7. I think as Christine does …
    It's better to live separate lives …

    All the best Jan

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  8. You have a big heart, Baili, and you certainly gave your sister-in-law every opportunity to change her ways. Some people you just have to let go. I am sorry that you went through such a long and difficult time. I can't even imagine! Always, you have to be true to yourself, and you were. XOXOX

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  9. I wonder what made her so unhappy. Someone who behaves in such a bitter and hateful way is not happy inside. I think your decisions is the right one. It's certainly what I would have done. Staying away from toxic people is important for our health and well-being!

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  10. You reached out to her in love and friendship. She rejected you repeatedly. God blessed you with strength of character. You did right.

    I like the "Light ears" as well.

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  11. The priest that married me told me days before the wedding to always remember that marriage is saying goodbye to the parents.
    If we are not able to say goodbye to the parentes the marriage probably will not survive.

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  12. Sad, you have been wise to step away. I hope she cannot spoil your sons and stays away from you.

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  13. Best thing you could do is not answer her. You can't change people no matter what you do, they are what they are.

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  14. What a wicked woman...sorry you went through that Baili but you kept your dignity which is important. You can't change anyone, people will only change if they want to. I think that shutting that door and keeping it locked is a good idea.

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  15. You have such a big heart, baili. And when a person has a big heart, it is hard to give up on others even if they have been hurtful over and over. But there comes a time when we must say, enough is enough, there is no change in the situation and we can create more happiness in the world by focussing on the other people in our lives. Do not let it trouble you, although I know that's easier to say than to do. Big hugs for you, my kind friend.

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  16. You are so honest and you have such a good heart, thank you for sharing this story☺

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  17. She returned your kindness with hate. I think your solution of "i just should be simply me and keep up my moralities no matter what others do to me" is the best path to follow.

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  18. Olá! Boa noite!

    Neste mundo virtual encontramos de tudo, mas o seu blog é maravilhoso, vale a pena seguir e já estou ficando, com certeza voltarei mais vezes.
    Criamos um blog para nossa escola- RAIMUNDO HONÓRIO, recém-nascido, mas será um prazer ter você seguindo e nos impulsionando com este trabalho virtual que estamos organizando no nosso cantinho que também é de todos!
    Tenha um fim de semana feliz e abençoado. Abraços.

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  19. Sometimes, it’s necessary for us to realize that no matter how hard we try, there will be people who can never be pleased or happy and then it’s time to take care of yourself. You certainly did try to be a good friend, Baili.

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