Thursday, June 18, 2020

Breezy Weather And Self pity



 Since some days  it's airy .And it fills my heart  with deepest joy to see waving green branches of my neem  tree  dancing happily. 

This is amazing how air pour soul through scenes. Same views without air stay still  silently and  lifeless. Gentle gusts of winds playing with plants and tree branches  bring happiness  everywhere eyes  can see.I just wanted to share this joy of mine with you but no image could convey the whimsical   beauty of moments i am experiencing. Temps are spinning around 50 but airy weather has made me forget about it :)

Since few weeks i am more busy with some chores like helping my elder son to look for  suitable universities and apply .He will be eighteen in next February though he still is not mature or active enough to take care of these matters by himself like his eldest brother .So i have to remind him and make him pursue for  everything .For this i have t sit with him these days until we are done with necessary process .

Since i  have recovered from fever i am also receiving  calls from  few of my  school friends  regularly.They seem exhausted with lockdown  actually. So i am discovering  knowledge that could have not come across if this lockdown would have  not happened .

We (hubby and me) are watching a turkish drama actually two turkish  dramas and one english  Anne with an E now days. Each has different mood and taste.I am loving them all.
Anne 's  wild imagination is something to which i can relate strongly :) Her  powerful  and endless love for Nature ,everything and for all people around her also seems familiar to one i hold inside me .It strengthens me that there exist some more like me.
But at the same time it saddens me that i can also relate to another character in another drama we are watching . 

The  female character who is in love with married (this is not what i relate) man.An irresponsible man who doesn't care for his family though he loves them .Specially he loves his ex wife who left him for his laziness and his irresponsible attitude towards his family. His ex wife is also almost a mental case and disappear from house time to time with other men without thinking about her kids. Despite of her immodesty  and divorce that man still likes being with his ex wife and not one in neighborhood who is kind sweet lady and who loves him so much .

He appreciate her qualities of decency and caring about him and his family though and stays at her home mostly as she is great cook and perfect housewife package . But to him she is Boring and not adventurous like his ex wife.

When he mentions to his ex wife that he finds lady who loves him  so Boring . It touched me .It suddenly opened windows to past . Boring  seems word meant to only for me then and until now .
I was helpless because i was made this way "Boring" .When girls in school would talk about "girlish stuff" i would find it annoying because i was boring.None of their favorite topic would excite me . My village girl friends and cousins  would get angry because of restrictions i would apply on them as condition for my friendship.

My male cousins would hate me for my boyish behavior instead of  being  delicate and shy and knocking  them out  for their any attempt to bother me. Though they  would not think it was bothering at all.

I was told by many including my loved ones that i will be left alone because no one will find me funny or interesting. After marriage it feared me but it was special grace of lord that my weirdness did not irritate hubby .If it did he did not tell me. He  wellcomed me in his life even when he knew how  scarily  boring i was. Once before marriage  when he tried to hold my hand i said "it is wrong" he said how do you know it is ?
I replied a work that makes me feel shy and uncomfortable is wrong surely because i know that  while doing right thing i never feel burdened or nerves .I did not tell him that i never felt shy when i had to beat boys for their mischief .

Hubby settled down with my boredom  slowly . I felt sorry for him and so many times thought that he deserve some  cool wife with interesting attitude .Believe it or not i asked him to have one so i can feel my conscience free but he just smiled or laughed .

There was short phase of self pity in my married life. I think nothing is more dangerous than self pity .It rip off one's self confidence and shake his being as string blown in air helplessly. But i came out of it soon miraculously .It was reformation time for me. Now, when i look back at that woman ( ex me) i find her still like flying string in the air but not helplessly .But with vigorous  sense of freedom and joy. And both relying on wings of undefeated faith. Faith in my creator and faith in myself. Love surrounds me and love within me .I am drop traveling back to my ocean while singing gratefully and joyously!

Precious friends stay blessed with best of you :)
 
wishing you all more shower of his blessings!
take care!



 

22 comments:

  1. Anne with an E Is set here on Prince Edward Island, based on the books by LM Montgomery. The setting for the series and LM’s birthplace etc are tourist attractions. Her work is very popular, even after a hundred years.

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  2. Hope your son will get to the University that he really wants to go. Wishing him the best on his college years! I also hope that the couple in question gets it all sorted out. I hope everyone is happy for life is short. Glad to hear you are feeling better. May faith always be with you. Blessings!

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  3. wow, you sure know how to write to draw one in to the story you are telling. I've been offline quite a bit so I'm catching up here and really enjoyed reading about you and your experiences. And,....the way you started with the breezes in the trees and the feeling and such. Just beautiful.

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  4. You are anything but boring! Just because you are not interested in frivolous things does not make you strange. You are a person who looks inward and demands much from yourself. The reason your husband "put up with" you is because he has enough substance to know that you are a person of substance. What a wise man he is.

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  5. I believe you are happy, it is a good thing! Good luck with university choices for your son.

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  6. I agree with Emma! She has hit the nail on the head!

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  7. Your delightful storytelling is so enjoyable. I always look forward to reading your site.

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  8. You are one of the most interesting people I know! Don't let anyone make you think otherwise xo

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  9. As usual, you "had" me at the first sentence:) I'm so glad you are fully recovered and back to enjoying simple pleasures - not to mean that helping your son is a "simple" task. Good to hear you have found some entertaining shows on TV. I will enjoy your recommendation. And what you say about self pity is so true. It is a very dangerous thing. Enjoyed your wonderful post!!!

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  10. Macau is living a heath wave.
    With humidity and the masks on our faces is terrible.
    Have a great weekend

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  11. I agree with Emma completely! And I'm glad you came to the realization that you are wonderful just as you are. Your writing is always thoughtful and thought-provoking, two different but very important things. And I can see why you identify with Anne-with-an-E; you are very similar in personality and to me that is a great thing. (I love the Anne books!)

    Good luck to your elder son in his applications to university. Children grow up so fast - it's hard to believe he is so old already.

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  12. You have been busy finding a suitable University for your son, takes time that kind of thing.
    Goodness that weather is hot at about 50 deg C, be a bit hard to breathe.
    You are not boring at all, we each are unique.
    I too watch Turkish TV Series and Movies, I find they are good stories.
    Have Anne with an E to watch the last series but haven't got around to it yet.
    Take care.

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  13. Self pity can indeed be a bad thing. I wonder if in some cases though, if it might motivate us to get out of bad situations. Either way, I am glad to hear that you are past it .

    Take care!

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  14. Years ago, I remember sitting down with my son trying to make him do what he had to do when applying to colleges. The next year I saw a big difference in him because he was on his own at school and had to fend for himself. I was there for him when I was needed, but he matured and took on responsibilities. He turned out well and is successful.

    I loved Anne With an E. It is a beautiful story.

    Your posts show that you are not boring, Baili. You are an insightful woman with a beautiful heart.

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  15. Your temperatures are so hot, it must be lovely to feel some air movement …
    This week in the UK we've enjoyed sunny days, rainy days and some areas had snow, which in June is unusual.

    I hope you have a good weekend, and also wish you good luck with the university choices for your son.

    All the best Jan

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  16. Dearest Baili, oh how I enjoyed reading your fabulous post!
    I see even more of my own early life reflected in these words...especially those feelings of being boring - and I, too, more than once have suggested to my hubby that he find someone more interesting to spend the rest of his life with!
    But you, my dear friend, are definitely not boring! You are one of the most interesting and intelligent people I have ever had the privilege to know...and I think, in many cases, being a tomboy is a positive thing. Being too girly can sometimes come across to others as being too eager to please, and therefore could lead to being taken advantage of (I certainly learned this the hard way!).
    You are perfect just the way you are. You are genuine and kind...and that is what matters most in this world!😊😊
    I hope your son finds his ideal university...and with you to help and support him, I know he will!!

    Have a wonderful weekend, my beautiful friend!

    Sending you all my love and hugs ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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  17. Your son is so fortunate to have such a caring and loving mother as yourself, Baili, as is your whole family. From what you have written before about you and your husband and your life together, it seems you share a contentment together. As blogger friend Emma said so wisely, you are definitely someone of substance and wiser than you may realize. It's why I so enjoy reading your views on life and the world.

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  18. Cada pessoa é como é... Gosto quando diz: Agora, quando olho para aquela mulher (ex-eu) eu a encontro ainda como uma corda voadora no ar, mas não impotente. Mas com um vigoroso senso de liberdade e alegria. Foi um gosto lê-la.
    Uma boa semana com muita saúde.
    Um beijo.

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  19. I did not watch the solar eclipse here because it was cloudy.
    Stay safe and be healthy.

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  20. I love the character Anne with an E too. She is so creative and imaginative. And by the way, I don't find you boring at all. I am always interested to see what you have to say! I hope you enjoy your weekend.

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  21. Your post hit home. I wish I had known in my youth what I know now. It took far too many years to be comfortable with who I am. I'm glad you have reached that place also. 💖

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  22. Oh, Baili! You are anything but boring! You have a brilliant, questing mind and an imagination that won't quit. You didn't fit in because your mind, heart, and soul wanted something different. Because of that you were "bored" with the usual girlish things. How do I know? Because you and I walked the same path! I wouldn't be surprised to learn that your husband fell in love with you because of those qualities. Sometimes I feel badly for my husband because I am so different from other wives, but Terry wouldn't trade me for anyone else. He loves and accepts me for who I am. Terry and Ali are alike in that.

    So Anne with an "e." LOL!!! L. M. Montgomery, the author of "Anne of Green Gables" and the other books in the series, was the second cousin of my grandmother Myrtle Pratt MacBeath. I visited the Green Gables house with my Great Aunt Maude (my grandmother's sister) when I was about six, long before it was so famous. The village of Avonlea is really the village of Cavendish. I went swimming at the beach there many times when I was a kid. The culture, the manners, the language of the books is my childhood background when I lived in Prince Edward Island. My grandmother actually knew the people which some of the characters in the Anne stories were based on, and those people were not too pleased with Lucy Montgomery.

    I hope your breezes continue and you are enjoying your lovely Neem tree and garden! Oh, by the way, your middle son is totally normal! And I don't think it's just a male thing. My sisters, brother, and their respective spouses have all gone through what you are experiencing with their sons and daughters. Time makes it all better!!! Sending you patience!!! 🥰💖

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