Thursday, October 24, 2019

Hands !



Last   day   i  was  watching  a drama  episode. the leading  character  was   a  young   newly  married  couple. 

Husband   was  spoiled  handsome  only  son  of  family   with  strong  superiority   complex  and  over  confidence.

Wife  was  sweet  humble  pretty   girl  from   middle  class   family . She  had  strong  personality  and  loving  attitude .

Soon  after  marriage    husband   start  to   criticize   her   for  her  looks  and  appearance  such  as  her  curly  hair  and  hands . And  he  does  it  even  front  of  friends and  family .

I  am  not  telling the  whole  story  here.  Actually  the  husband's  habit  reminded  me  something  that  i  used  to  criticize  about  myself   and  a  lot. Not  openly  but  secretly  in  my  heart  there  were  annoying  and  complaining  thoughts .

When  i  was  young   i  had  many  girlfriends   in  family  and  at  school .Being  a  poet  my  eyes  always   bring  out some  beauty  from  almost  anything .

I found   girls   most  beautiful  and  delightful  creatures . I  loved  their  smiles   ,laughter  and  mischievousness. But  there  was  a problem   that  because  (may be)i  used  to  read  much   stories  and  novels  where  lead  characters  are  absolutely  pretty  that  you  started  to  imagine  that  they   belong  to  some  fairy land  instead   real  world .

Their  feminism  is  presented  with  so  perfection  so  when  in  real  life  one  sees  beautiful  faces  they  impress  a  lot  and  give  satisfaction  that  okay  "they  do  exist around" lol

Once  when  i  was   doing  job  in  Islamabad  while  going  to  van  stop  i  had  to  cross the  road  and  how  bad  that  while  doing  so  i  found  a  extremely  pretty  delicate  face  right  across  the  road .

She  was  of  perfect  figure , her  hair  were  waving  around  her  neck  and  she  was  trying  to  correct  her  sunglasses  while  in  her  walk to  cross  the  road .
Okay  please  don't  laugh  but   her  perfection   consumed  my  almost  whole  attention  and  i  forgot  to  move  further  for  a  second .

A  car  bumped  me  slightly  with  bursting  honking . And  i  could  not  forget  till today  the  embarrassment  i  felt  at  that  moment .

It  never  happened  again   though  i  realized  that  i   was   so  fascinated  by  feminine    elegance  or  charm.

I    remember   her  so  fair  and  delicate  hand  most. Yes   gradually   i  found  that   hands  tell  lot   about  the  personality . When  i  would   see  around  hands  of  ladies  hidden  behind  some  kind  of  veil  i  would  quietly  observe  that  how   nice  and  gentle  they  look.

I   saw   that   hands  had  different    look   and  color . But  one  thing  was  clear  that  ladies  with   more  beautiful  hands   felt  more  "feminine "  to  me .

So  my  fantasy   for   ladies  made  me  admire  their  hands  most. In   my   mind  i  declared   that  delicacy  and beauty   of  hands  is  must   for  ladies . And  who  don't  own  such  they  are  less  of  femininity.

I  know  it  sound  unfair  but  it   was  time  when i  was  in  age  when  physical  beauty  matter  most.

Believe  it  or  not  i   totally  exiled myself  from  feminism   because  my  hands  were so  ugly (God  Forgive) .I  mean   when  i  would  look  at  hands  of  my  all  girlfriends  specially  few  of  them  had  hands  so beautiful and delicate .

Mine  were  as  if  hands  of  a  man . When  i  looked  back  to  hands  of  my  mom  she  also  had  hands  of  a  a  man . I  was  bit  sad   and  more  disappointed  because  i  knew  this  was  mistake  which  could not be  corrected .

My   mom  worked  lot  throughout   her  life . She  was  truly  a  workaholic  . I never  ever  saw  her  sitting   peacefully  unless  she  is  exhausted  . She  would  help  her  parents  ,sisters  in   laws  and  friends  when  she  would   free .

All  work had  done  by  hands   so  i  learnt    same. I  confess   that  i   love  to  wash  and  grind  without  using  machine  though  i  have  all  in  my  home  .It  makes  me  feel  more  connect  to   my  mom  and  the  version  of  mine  lived  with  her.

I  don't  know  if  it  is  curable  habit  but  i  am  what  i  am  for  now .

I  know  that  if  i  was  born  in  palace   and  would  have  not  touched  any   chore  i  would  have  still   same  hands . Because  luxuries  can  change   the  color  but  not  shape  to  much  extent .

It  is  long  ago  that  i  disliked  my  hands. Now   i  am  serene   that   I  HAVE  HANDS !and  can do  whatever  and   do   whatever  i  want  to  do .

But  still   delicate  hands  attract  me .I think  they  belong  to  fairies :)  still  i  am  happy  to  be  human. Only  my  God  know  how  much happy  i  am :)  
    

  

47 comments:

  1. Dearest Baili, I can hardly believe how alike you and I are!
    Your words here, could just as easily have been mine!! I have always felt so in awe of beautiful women - and so unattractive compared to them.
    Hands, too, have always intrigued me. Mine are quite rough and masculine in appearance, and when I was young, I used to be really ashamed of them!
    But, as you so wisely say, I do have hands...and would be lost without them.
    So I am grateful for all I do have.
    Yes, you and I have such similar thought patterns...thatched could almost be twins!😊😊

    Have a wonderful weekend, my beautiful friend!

    All my love and hugs ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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    1. I think being poets makes us so dear Ygraine :)

      I feel even nervous when I say that I have great likening for femininity and females because some new traditions and terms in your part of land makes me feel awkward about it

      I am feminist and not just their femininity inspires me but their whole roll in society specially in marriage and family seems larger than life to me

      How amazing that we have similar way of thinking though live apart :)
      Some very interesting strategy of nature I guess

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  2. Ha...is it strange that I thought we only compare ourselves like this in the Western cultures? But there you are, doing it too. We had designer jean commercials when I was a girl and everyone wanted to look like the skinny models in them. I remember showing one of the ads to my grandmother and she asked wisely and world-wearly, if that's a word, "When does anyone stand in a pose like that?" It is funny what we think, isn't it? And, yet, no one ever wishes that they were as beautiful as a flower growing in a field or as lovely as a peaceful thought, the things that really matter. We are so easily distracted!

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    1. Oh it so common here toodear Sandi

      Madness for fairness and fashion is in young generation obvious and competition for beauty and earning more attention is everywhere

      Yes I was though out of all such kind of race back then yet I had this strange deeply hidden thought in me that if I was feeling like a girl even than my hands were had no feminine charm

      Inspite of this thought burried inside I never took part in any effort to look good not then not today :) and I think this is why I don't consider myself a"lady"Don't tell hubby lol

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  3. Yes we have to be happy with what God gave us .

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  4. My Mom too had gnarled, work-worn hands. By the end of her life, they were all crippled up with arthritis. A lifetime of toil.

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    1. constant hard work can hurt hands specially when we don't nurture them with proper diet dear Debra
      my mom 's hands in her last part of age were rough and strong ,i still remember when she would hold my arm i would say smilingly " mom it hurts " her grip was so tight :)

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  5. Hi Baili :) Oh hands...I have the hands of someone who uses them lol! I don't know if it's in my genes but I know when I was in high school, I paid more attention to my hands, my nails, my looks...because when we are young, we are bombarded with photos (that are altered) of women who look "perfect". It's not an easy standard to live up to! I'm very happy in my own skin, but it wasn't always like that! I think that life experience helps put things more into perspective! Actually, something interesting, when I look at a man, I notice his hands. I like rugged, well worn masculine hands! That's one thing I noticed about Alex when I met him, his hands looked older than he was, which to me, was very attractive! :)

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    1. i agree that time and life make us learn gradually and unveil realities that appear to be more valuable than mare looks dear Rain

      i think like us our hands too have personality and reflect our nature 's many secrets through their look :)
      Alex is an musician and i believe his hands have all the warmth and grace that an artist has within :)

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  6. you are delightful, Baili, so honest and I think 'your own worst critic'. We probably all have something we see as imperfect about ourselves, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' I believe that to mean what is ugly to your eye could be beautiful to another. I have bitten my nails all my life and always despised myself for making my hands so ugly, I just stopped this habit this year (age 60 took some time!) and feel so much happier looking at my hands now. Indeed I understand your admiration of dainty feminine hands as our hands express ourselves so much!

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    1. my honesty is my worst enemy sometimes dear Betty but i am made this way so can't help it :)

      what i am feeling happy about is that finally you realized the true and genuine beauty of your hands
      i bet after such realization life is different as i always think and believe that REALIZATION OF HAVING BLESSING IS FAR MORE PRECIOUS THAN JUST HAVING THE BLESSINGS
      if we don't have this gift all we have is WASTED

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  7. When I was 21 years old, my boss told me I had the oldest looking hands he had ever seen on someone my age; that they looked older than his mother's hands. Thankfully, my mother reminded me that I was blessed to have two hands & that hands were meant to be used to do wonderful things for others and for ourselves. The increased emphasis on physical beauty these days really saddens me - the lips, the lifts, the implants... Why we elevate people because of their beauty I'll never understand, and the damage all this TV, internet & print marketing does to tweens & teen-agers should be criminal. Kids have enough issues with self-image just growing up.

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    1. I believe his criticism was product of some other mental sickness dear Chris

      your hands do wonders through art you create and i can feel how magnificent they are
      i love most the hands of artists who speak behalf of Lord's generosity and endless wisdom

      absolutely true that along with so many other bad things media resources have provoked people to play and ruin their appearance with experiments
      not just waste of time and disgrace to blessing of God but damaging the natural beauty they were blessed with how mournful!

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  8. When we was reading your interesting post I thought of the wish to be more interesting to others which can consume us in youth. We don't know what we are really like so hope and wish to be ideal 😉. But how good that now you prefer your mother's hands however work worn and are so grateful for your own. The true things in life are now clear to you!

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    1. i think this was and is one of the most common disease among youngsters dear Jenny
      few girls were popular already and with no struggle and so many were adopting funny and harmful ways to be so
      i was one looking at all so sadly

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  9. Unfortunately, too many people criticize others, especially their partners. It is a terrible personality trait. I guess the stereotype is that men do it more. Perhaps that is true.

    Sandi’s comment was interesting, I think that there are so many common things that cut across cultures.

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    1. no matter how advanced this world is todays and no matter how loud and clear we announce to be modern and educated dear Brain
      men still feel to have authority to treat their women as lower to them i agree completely
      i wish before criticizing them they can find how cheap and low is to have such attitude

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  10. My first wife was as cute as a button and I was not happy. My second wife was sexy and admired by many, and I was not happy. My wife today is in no way classically beautiful, and I could not love her more. We click in all ways, and she seems more beautiful to me every day. I could not tell you what her hands look like.

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    1. Oh your story sounds interesting like movies dear Joe :)

      i am glad that finally you have partner who loves you and you love her back with same depth :)
      i bet her hands look lovely whether you tell or not :)

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  11. I so identify with your thinking, baili. I am not a "feminine" person either and have, at times in my life, longed to be so. All we can do is make the best of what we have, and remember that inner beauty is attainable by anyone. And if our husbands wanted us enough to marry us, they clearly see something valuable in being exactly who we are :) Big hugs, my friend! You always have something interesting to say!

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    1. i was so boyish dear Jenny yet still i had such secret not wish but just a thought that"
      why don't my hands look as delicate and pretty as i am a girl too ,for others at least "
      i never cared for taking part in efforts that all girls were doing to look better ,then i felt pity for them and thought "how stupid they are ,doing so much to look good to boys ,i mean why what the hell are these boys to be prepared for with such enthusiasm"
      if even slightest thought came to mind to join their quest i would start feeling insulted and shameful as i am trying to stepping down from stair

      believe it or not when in life some times i got compliments as girl or woman i kicked them off weirdly i don't know why or may be i know but not time to go in details :)
      yes i was lucky that hubby not just chose me but once when his mother was being stubborn to not letting him getting married to me he threat her with his life
      i was told this by one of my sister in law ,we did not talk about that until today
      i think this was totally God's will

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  12. hi baili, talk about hands, I've seen the hands of a woman who is so white and smooth. then I ventured to ask, why your hands can be so smooth, he answered "my hands are smooth because I often rub with coconut oil"

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    1. she kept her hands smooth by effort which i see so many young ladies do Ibraim and it is so good to taking good care of ourselves

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  13. My hands look like my mother’s now. I smile when I notice it!

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    1. each daughter turn into her mother one day so true dear Marie :)

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  14. I like to look at pretty people too. It is like seeing a work of art. When my father-in-law died I saw one of my nephews for the first time since he was quite small. He was probably the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I could not stop staring at him. I like eyes so that is what I see first on a person.

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    1. how easily you said it dear Emma
      "the work of art " yes i too like to look at beautiful faces but not just pretty by physical looks but faces that has unique reflection of beauty that shows how sublime soul they own ,this attracts me MOST !

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  15. You bare your soul so much in your posts, Baili! Unflinching truth and honesty. I try not to look at my hands much now, because they look so old, like my grandmother's, not quite my great grandmother's. But I am grateful for them because they are hands that have served me well and worked hard. One of the things that I found attractive in my husband was his beautiful hands and fingers. They aren't big hands, but they're warm and gentle. My cross to bear was my big ears that flapped in the wind. When I was little, kids called me Dumbo after Dumbo the Elephant. My Grandmother MacBeath used to bemoan my big ears and repeatedly told me how she used to tape my father's ears to his head to make them lie close to his head. I think she wished my parents taped mine. I will forever be grateful to Tolkien for peopling Middle Earth with elves who had big ears. Now I look in the mirror and tell myself I'm Arwen, one of the most beautiful elves ever! Terry has lovely ears ~ LOL Take care my friend ~ The most beautiful thing about you is your soul!

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    1. your kind words warm my soul always dear Louise
      there are no words that can describe how you pour life within me through your precious sweet comments ,God has gifted me with you for sure and with all other kind friends i met through blog world !

      believe me dear friend that i have never found your ear as big as they come to my notice
      i think your grandma was much conscious about beauty and perfection ,even here in villages only people do still such efforts to keep babies's physical appearance in better shape
      i hardly followed any rule when my kids were little and i don't see anything odd or may be i am mom so i can't see
      how cruel to keep name for physical appearance Louise
      i was called cow by my father with love and by sister for fun but it was not as bad because love was also involved in those names

      i can never ever forget the warmth of my mom's hands dear Louise because i remember whenever i held her hands i thought life is so beautiful and so perfect through all odds :)
      and now i felt same warmth in hands of hubby ,his hands and this warmth always remind me warmth i had felt in mom's hands ,this means lot!

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    2. Thanks you for this lovely response, Baili! There is nothing like the hands of one's mother. My mother would always soothe my forehead with her hand whenever I was distraught (whether it was a big deal or little deal, and throughout my life). I will never, ever forget the touch of my mother's hands. Sending you big hugs!

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  16. Hands tell a story of a lifetime of doing and creating. You should be proud.
    Amalia
    xo

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    1. so true dear Amalia
      hands have privilege to display what abilities of carnation we are blessed with throughout our life :)

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  17. Your best line: "Now I am serene that I HAVE HANDS! and can do whatever and do whatever I want to do." So much of the time we want to have what others have, but we are better off to just have gratitude for what we have been given.

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    1. in certain part of age may all of us cross this road of random tangled thoughts i think dear Connie :)

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  18. I so enjoy your posts, Baili. They are so honest and very deep. You make me think about things from a different perspective. I never really notice anyone's hands. But I do notice eyes. The eyes tell me what type of soul is inside that body!

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    1. this is remarkable habit dear Martha :)

      in my early part of age i was so too shy to look at people's eyes so i could not reveal that how important these window of the soul are not for one who has but for other who he or she fronts
      quite latter after my 30s i started to do exercise and yoga which transformed my soul completely and i was much confident and emotionally strong
      then i found that eyes are main source to know about people and their nature

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  19. You are right that pretty hands is something so special about the woman, however it is more important to say we should be thankful that we at least have them and we can hug our loved ones with them! We women have so much insecurities,especially when young. For me the most important is I am the most beautiful for my husband and of course, our Creator, which you also mention. Thank you so much for sharing this, have a lovely day!☺

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  20. You are a beautiful soul, inside and out! I used to always look at women, with lots of hair, because my hair is thin, but I know this is the way I am suppose to be and I love me so much! Big Hugs!

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  21. I always think our hands and our feet work hard throughout our life and it is important to look after them, no matter what they look like.

    Happiness and contentment comes from within and worrying too much is never a good thing.

    I do feel for the younger generation, there is so much social pressure on how to look, what to wear, who to be seen with etc. etc.

    Let us just live our lives the best that we can and give thanks.

    All the best Jan

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  22. Why are girls always so insecure about different parts of their body?
    Be happy!!

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  23. Hi Baili, I am looking at my hands now, I know, my hands are just okay :)
    Reading your entry and nice conversations, I am thinking to take extra care my hands with some hand lotion to relief dryness, especially in the winter :)
    Thank you, and have a great day!


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  24. As mãos mais bonitas são aquelas que sabem afagar, amassar o pão, fazer o que é preciso para tornar felizes quem os rodeia… As mão também envelhecem. As mãos da minha mãe sempre foram muito belas. Gostei do seu texto.
    Uma boa semana.
    Um beijo

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  25. Once again, Baili, thus is a post that comes from your heart and which is one that made me think about my own hands. They are not delicate, but rather sturdy and worn and much like my late mother’s. She was a hard worker all of her life and so I am proud to have this similar feature of hers. In earlier years, I was also a nail biter but have ceased that habit in recent years. To me, hands tell the story of a person’s life and your hands tell us the stories of your life, my friend, in such wonderful words.

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  26. my hand was so rough, it was caused by my work being so heavy. nice to meet and make friends with you baili

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  27. Hello Baili, I can really feel what you mean. Back in younger days, we either worried about or had different perceptions of what was really important in life. We were young! Life was seemingly to go on forever so we could devote lots of time on frivolous thoughts.
    Nowadays, I sometimes laugh at my younger self and the silly importance I used to put on things that just didn't matter - in the real world ;D)
    I love your views on hands too. Mine are basic, have veins and do their job... me too, I'm so happy to have them in pretty good working order for their 70+ years with me! I have always admired our daughter's hands, they are petite and her nails are always kept looking so pretty... her daughters' hands are beautiful too, so I always enjoy seeing them as well. Cheers and thank you for sharing your thoughts so beautifully xx

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