Wednesday, April 3, 2024

Complimenting

 


 I was reading  Marie 'post today that reminded me few things i would like to share with you dear friends . Marie wrote about how she saw a woman in the store and found her pants looking beautiful on her .She complimented that woman for this though her response wasn't as she expected due to weight she had probably .

This incidents and so many other small things like this i notice in people of  developed societies (via media ,tv etc) make me feel little sad sometimes. As they say there is dark side attached to every bright picture exposure to much information and knowledge takes away our ability to find joy in small things sometimes but i believe this vary from person to person as well.  

Is this true that when our whole focus is pointed on one spot the rest around goes in darkness ? 

I am happy that our society is crawling towards similar stage of development and awareness . I am sure that despite moving in the speed of turtle it will reach someday to that specific point where people speaking of soul's joys will be considered serious threat and will be put in madhouses probably .What makes me happy that i visited this society when things aren't that dry and soulless . It's not that people with much materialistic approach don't exist here .They do of course and at abundance but their approach hasn't lifted to that level til now ,because of their brought up in society who still has some warmth within . More of us still believe in goodness in people ,not because bad things don't happen here but because the naivety we grew with in our nature .I call it brighter side effect of ignorance and i wonder if someone agreed with me on it ?

This naivety  allow us to enjoy a cozy environment full of mutual trust as humans which provides base for mental relaxation as humans. It is personal opinion of my naïve mind .

I am afraid while writing this post because i doubt if i hurt anyone's feeling here which can not be even last thing i will ever want to do friends . It is only that i can't say stuff with mastery actually.

I have weird habit of complimenting others since i was little girl. I hardly suffer because of it. Though at certain times of my life when i did not like myself for being so unique(extremely boring is the right word) that people don't seem to enjoy my company i also hated this habit of mine . I was in my mid thirties when i realized that even i compliment all my sisters in law (wives of hubby's brothers or his sisters ) they never complimented me for anything at all . I think this was a little rise of ego i felt back then or may be it was product of self pity i felt as less attended daughter ,sister and wife . The hidden rage felt pointed towards my sisters in law who were in sour and bitter relationship with me then under the strict command of my mother in law for reason i never knew and i am sure she did not knew too. But i kept this to my heart only . Within few years specially when i started physical exercise i found those negative feeling dim and disappeared slowly. And i felt more like my genuine self again . A woman who loves all without expecting anything back just like her mother . I restarted to compliment them all spontaneously and it made me feel comfortable. If remember i once or twice have mentioned that when i see something good in someone i feel so obliged and i even chase her to deliver my compliment .I did this many times and i feel relief like i returned  the debt .Sounds strange ? yes it's true . This make my faith stronger in Divine force who has designed everyone for certain reason . Mine is to drop flower's on other's door and return silently . Even speaking like this seems to empower me .I used to wish i was visible and had so much ,so i would have visited other's secretly and left something there that would cheer them up . Weirder ?  World has all types of people and it is art by Creator who know only why is so ? 

Sending you all love and best wishes !



28 comments:

  1. You and Marie are right -- we should all compliment each other more often! Small gestures can really make a difference in how people feel about themselves and life!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dear Debra i feel that Nature has pointed out in her every display that "Connection" between things strengthen and beauty them and no harm is caused by harmony and attraction between people but it has brought goodness in life on all levels . Compliments are best way to reach out to other heart and fill it with joy and peace i believe . The wonder of Nature or Divine we see in this is astonishing and fulfilling .when we compliment others ,it make their hearts serene and joyful and at the same time the sense of pleasure driven from this good gesture enlighten our own soul :) isn't it a wonderful thing . you can call me greedy for such joy that comes from such simple generosity dear friend . but it is also true that i try to point out what i really see in others as "goodness" or as "talent" it is always a genuine praise but in my own detailed way :)

      Delete
  2. Your soul is a beautiful one. I also compliment about things I find attractive. I don't care if I know the person or not. If something pleases me I say so. Life is too short to stifle pleasant things or not to make someone else feel good. Then I feel good about myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have beauty in abundance precious Emma and wherever you look it reflects back to you !
      your words remind me that there i see some people who create boundaries for love and appreciation . it is their way . for me love is an emotion beyond limits and worldly terms for relationships . or i should say that this feeling installed within me so naturally so i can't take credit of it as well . i feel at home here and all people seems my family . despite i am practicality and cautious nature regarding people i want good all of them inside my heart because i see them as creation of one divine force who is (to me) watching over us all the time and keeps check how we treat each other .
      I hardly felt hesitation when it comes to mention what i saw good in other person regardless of who she or he is . This feels so irresistibly natural for me .

      Delete
  3. Oh, it seems less and less these days. But I always enjoy complimenting people. Still, it is hard for me to take a compliment. Just a few weeks ago, someone complimented me on my glasses and I said, "Oh, these are so dirty, I need to clean them."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dear Ellie i agree that world seems to extending place and as humans we are stretching away from each other . there are so many things i miss now which were so common hardly two decade back . offering seat for older ladies ,giving lift to by passer bye pedestrians , offering help to neighborhood if see some awful situation and so on and on .
      complimenting each other was more common back then as well . but now we see people have become more and more self centered and they seem to have mindset that complimenting other can disgrace their own personality . I remember i was told by other on some occasions that "why giving importance to others" or did they complimented you before or what"
      i find it ridiculous and just smile because this shows a shelled mindset which makes me feel suffocated if think to have one like this . i am grateful for the liberation God has given my soul !
      i think you should take compliment with gratitude dear friend because you definitely deserve it :)

      Delete
  4. I have to accept compliments graciously, just say 'thank you' instead of saying something like 'not really'.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You are a sweet soul, Baili, and it is just your nature to find the good in people and all things. Kindness ripples outward and when you say something kind to someone, it is in the hope that they pass that kindness along. There is so much negativity in this world and it only takes a small amount of effort to try and create a little happiness for others. It doesn't matter if some don't reciprocate right away. It is with hope that you make someone feel better about themselves and maybe that helps someone else, like a child in their life, if they are in a happy mood. Sending you hugs and blessings x Karen

    ReplyDelete
  6. this is healthy approach dear Christine :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. It is lovely to receive a compliment Baili, even better to give one as it might make someones day.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Baili! This is my first time on your blog. A friend Louis...Fundy Blue (https://www.blogger.com/profile/02132147630106183853) told me about you. We all need compliments. In this world where people can feel left out, compliments have a huge role. I get a lot of compliments. I try to compliment people but I think that I don't do it enough. I know exactly how it feels when we're the only one trying to strengthen and keep relations alive and they kinda act like they don't care. We say things and they just nod and leave. I also checked out one of your poems. I loved the way you put words. Glad that I checked out your blog !:) You'll find my blog at : spotforyoubyme.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks dear Rida for visiting and kind comment !
      Louise is an amazing and beautiful blogging friend of me and all other blogger friends :) it is her generosity she introduced my simple blog to you !
      i agree that in each relationship whether close one or just social one compliments make huge difference . It is a kind and sweet gesture from us for other whom we value and want to make happy even if with our little words :)
      i totally understand it is is impossible to clap with single hand for long but only for people who seek reward for their kindness . as far as i am concerned i see things slightly in a different way which is hard to make other understand actually .i born with this and i acted accordingly except an year or two when i was really disturbed mentally (in my mid thirties) but i am thankful that i got back to my genuine self and found my peace of mind that comes only when we be what we really are .
      I see all people as one creation of divine and i believe (now ,before it was just a innate sense who made me feel like this unconsciously) that we are surrounded by that divine force from around and within , i feel Him close so strongly and never feel alone .This feeling is responsible for how i treat others as well . My love for all is unconditional and i have faith that if focus only on bright side of people it can uplift them to great extent or can please them at least which is not bad but a good deed loved by Creator . This is why i do it selflessly and feel truly happy while doing so :)
      thanks for liking my poems ,i am an urdu poet so writing in english is still a task for me .i will try to locate your blog ,though i just visited and left comment on your insecure writing blog

      Delete
  9. An interesting and very wise post my friend. I also like to compliment people, I have always done that since I was a little girl. Something I learned from my mother I think. I used to tell my mother she had pretty eyes and I remember the smile she gave me. My mother did in fact have pretty eyes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dear Denise thank you so much for your beautiful response !
      i am sure it would bring joys to your mother's day when you would compliment her beautiful eyes :)
      i would love to see her photo as well .
      i realize though your words often that you have a kindred and gentle heart my friend . A gentle heart full of love and kindness is favorite home of God as it is mentioned in holy book . God loves loving people and want them to share this treasure with all around them as well and you do this by posting lovely posts :)

      Delete
  10. What a thoughtful post, Baili! I have learned to say "thank you" when someone gives me a complement. I had a habit of saying something that negated the compliment, because I thought I didn't deserve it. Now I accept compliments with a smile.

    Some people, like you and me, find delight in the small things. I consider that a special gift from God. I wish everyone had it. There would be more happiness in the world. We have so much strife and grief because of religious conflict. The bottom line for me is joy in my soul and a connection with the Divine.

    I believe that there are many more good people in the world than we realize and that they far outweigh the bad. We just don't hear about them. It's the bad people seeking power and wealth at any cost who get the attention. It's been that way throughout history.

    You describe what your purpose is so beautifully: "Mine is to drop flower's on other's door and return silently." You are such a poet at heart! I give a lot of compliments too. I call it spreading kindness into the Universe. It is a sad fact that in my society women become less visible as they age, as do older people. Our society puts so much emphasis on youth and perfection. I didn't like this, and years ago I decided to give compliments and/or smiles to people who are often overlooked. If I can brighten someone's day, even with a smile, I try to do it. This isn't completely selfless, because when people react to me, I am not invisible. I've let go of worrying about the metal in my teeth, the wrinkles on my face, and my wild hair, because when you smile people don't really see other those things. And if they do, so what? "Get over yourself already!" I tell myself.

    The one area I struggle with is homeless people. Many of them are mentally ill and scary. When I scoot by them, I say a prayer for them, since I'm afraid to interact. Sometimes I will give them a little money, but I would rather give to a charity that helps the homeless. A huge failing in my country is it doesn't treat the poor and the mentally ill well. That was a deliberate choice to save taxes. I've been upset about this for 50 years.

    Just keep on giving wonderful compliments, dear friend. Whenever I have been in a desperate place, someone has helped me get through it. I think that is the Universe giving back to me in some mysterious way. So I keep on smiling and spreading kindness into the Universe to as many people as I can (or dropping flowers on many doorsteps). You touch many people with your kind words, and words are powerful!

    Speaking of which, I recommended your blog to a teenager (15) named Señorida Anastasia at. Glittering Black. She is a young girl who was scarred by her experiences during the pandemic and she joined the IWSG because she is finding healing in writing. She is from India and has an Arabic background. She lived in Saudi Arabia for a while too. She wrote a poem in English which is not her native language, and immediately I thought of you. I hope you don't mind that I recommended you. She may or may not visit your blog, so I wanted to give you a heads up.

    Well, duty calls, and I have to make lunch. Love and blessings to you and your loved ones!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. words fail when i try to say "thank you " to you dear Louise for most beautiful comments leaving on my blog ,you can imagine the joy of poor who just found the treasure :) yes your generosity is treasure for my goodness seeking soul and i am not afraid to say this !
      actually it's not the words but the "connection " i feel with you while reading this or connection with other friends while reading their comments .this is inexplicable joy that you deliver with your comforting words always !
      i believe it is your beautiful soul enriched with love for divine and humanity that makes you share your light with all around you !
      i know people can laugh on phrase "life is short and unpredictable " but does it turns it into false ?
      of course not , people who find happiness in small thing have gift of insight so they know the "truth" and avoid running after mirage of false pleasures " that makes them to live in the moment and try to make best of it .best part of it is that such can see goodness in others and point out effortlessly which complete them as a human . Making existence successful isn't hard but most of like complications and find them exciting .this lead us to path which goes against laws of nature and there is no peace on such path despite worldly wealth or else . honestly i value my peace of mind most and thankfully God has joined my peace of my mind with "goodness" this is His grace indeed !
      what you mentioned here that when someone compliment back it make us visible too .
      i agree ,this is a natural feeling for sure . i feel like "someone" whenever my blogging friends appreciate my poetic effort or say few good words about my posts . It is something that strengthen us from within . and we all seek it knowingly or unknowingly throughout the life .
      i think it is not just your country but all over the world that older people or poor people are neglected by all around them and by authorities as well dear Louise .If you remember i have mentioned in my few earlier posts that i always observed a certain sadness and emptiness on the faces of older women and people and i secretly would promise to myself that i will be the different .
      when i realize reasons behind such sadness that is negligence family ,friends and society . I think the reaction of all is towards older people is natural because it is human nature that his eye stop on young and fresh faces (results of experiments done on babies ,shown on geographic channel long ago) but authorities must have responsible way to keep check on people living in the country and should offer shelter and monthly expense for older and homeless.
      i also suffered with such trauma when i was entering in my late thirties Louise and i also have mentioned this in my posts that it feels that when portrait of a woman's personality start to melt slowly with age it is biggest shock for a woman ,it was for me and it took more than decade to recover from that shock and understand that nothing exits on the same position forever .later i got it gradually that nature has reason for everything and reason behind this aging is achieving higher self and striving for more deeper meaning of life . if we get it on time life is not just easier but richer and better on physical and mental both levels

      Delete
    2. the clock hand was ticking 12 :45 ,time for power to go for two hours so i hit the publish hurriedly dear Louise .
      despite being from lower middle class i saw my mother giving away to needy always whatever she could . i have same habits and luckily Ali is not exception . we try to give away quite often and lot to needy who visit our house on monthly bases. the daily comers are others .May God accept this little effort from us ameen. i agree that direct contact isn't safe because we don't know people personally so via foundation is better. here such visitors are coming since i was new here so we kind of familiar to them .
      this is sweet of you to think of me and introducing me with Rida who seems really talented young girl through her writing . She has ability to write good ,i just checked her blog . But i wish she should focus on her studies first and keep writing as a hobby until she is clear to make it a career .
      her poem was awesome ,better than mine ,my vocabulary is poorest i bet .
      thanks for the love and support you are such a lovely gift for your friends!
      hugs and love to you too

      Delete
  11. I always enjoy complimenting people and if I am fortunate to receive one, I always say thank you.

    All the best Jan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i appreciate how nicely you go through this dear Jan ,it's a gift indeed

      Delete
  12. Learning to give and accept compliment graciously is something that does not come naturally to most people, but you Baili, are unique and should never compromise your action towards others.

    ReplyDelete
  13. We all love a compliment, baili
    Good for ou self esteem.
    Have a wonderful weekend

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dear Baili,

    Your post resonated with me on many levels, and I felt compelled to share my thoughts and gratitude for your openness and introspection. The incident with Marie and the broader contemplation on societal developments, personal growth, and the essence of human connections struck a chord with me.

    The dilemma you described—of an increasingly materialistic society losing sight of joy in the mundane—is indeed a poignant observation. It's a testament to the double-edged sword of progress and exposure. Yet, your perspective offers a refreshing counterbalance: a reminder that amidst the rush, there remains a core of us who still find solace and beauty in simplicity and sincerity. This, in my opinion, is the true essence of human connection, unmarred by superficialities.

    Your musings on naivety and its unintended shield against cynicism and coldness is profoundly insightful. It speaks to the inherent goodness within us, a naivety not as ignorance, but as a hopeful resilience. It's a perspective I find both comforting and necessary, especially in today’s world where skepticism often overshadows trust.

    The personal anecdotes you've shared—about complimenting others, the journey through self-reflection and the eventual reclamation of your authentic self—are powerful. They underscore a universal truth: the importance of kindness, both to others and to ourselves. Your practice of spreading joy, akin to leaving flowers at someone’s doorstep, is a beautiful metaphor for the impact we can have on the world around us, however small it may seem.

    Your fear of hurting others through your words reveals a depth of empathy and consideration that is all too rare. Yet, it is this very sensitivity that lends your words their power and relatability. You articulate a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and ultimately, the spreading of love and positivity that many of us aspire to.

    In sharing your reflections, you've not only offered a mirror for us to examine our own lives and societies but also extended an invitation to embrace our vulnerabilities and idiosyncrasies. This is where true connection lies—not in perfection, but in the genuine and the earnest.

    Thank you for sharing your journey and your heart with us. Your post is a reminder that in a world of relentless change and complexity, the most profound impacts are often the simplest acts of kindness.

    Sending love and best wishes right back at you.

    John

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well said, John, I wish my comment could have been as meaningful and accurate as yours!

      Delete
  15. I read Marie's post - what a nice lady and yes, most people feel uncomfortable with compliments, it often creates suspicion if not given by someone you know well! I do compliment people if I see them looking lovely, in fact at times I have photographed people for my blog (asking first) and they usually are very flattered (men with puppies in pram, Brighton, and lady with cat print on her dress come to mind) . I think a compliment boosts the soul. Sometimes I randomly give a little gift, just because I can - last year I gave a girl a scarf, I had bought two in the sales, thought it was a bit greedy and gave one to her - she didnt wear it until recently, I think she felt a bit embarrassed at being given a gift. Betty

    ReplyDelete
  16. dear John i read your comment and realized that your kind words have healing power as much that makes my eyes fill with tears of gratitude !
    thanks isn't enough to share what i feel when i receive such kind response from any of my blogging friend because at heart i know how tiny i am and how little is my effort to keep my part correct in this world .God bless you for your generosity John !
    I am in fifty second year of my life and yet i feel huge difference between times i have experienced while growing up , those are really comforting memories of days when i witnessed deep connection among people and mutual respect for each other regardless of any worldly relationship . I feel utterly grateful that God made me witness of those times though for one and a half decade hardly yet their power keeps me strengthened and moving in this existence where nothing is same anymore . I know now after bits of my learning that "change" is only thing that sustain here and it is permanent part of the pattern designed by nature . As human we have to adopt what meanwhile what is best for our survival i will add my favorite word here a harmless survival because i believe that it is only thing that avoid disturbance in the heart of mother nature and things can go ahead smoothly .
    it is hard to figure out how to keep balance between both sides of our existence when change is constant and abrupt , It seems natural to lean on one side or another ,talking about both aspects of our existence here given by nature physical and spiritual one. Ruthless circumstances try to invade like mountainous tides and wither away all our previous established beliefs in goodness and humanity actually . Keeping harmony between physical and spiritual dimensions is toughest task but it is only way out honestly . if we cannot balance them we loose the essence of life here . that make life dry ,meaningless and shallow .
    i have to say that my faith in Creator and Goodness is weirdly strong ,beyond my own comprehension honestly and allows me to stay positive and firm in my hope that if i will try to focus on brighter side in people ,life or everything else things will take positive turn eventually . it has been working fine for me until now and i realize that Faith is only thing that does miracle if maintained properly . I just follow my good instinct ,never a darker one .
    thank you so much for encouraging comments always friend! many more blessings to you and loved ones !

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hello,
    What an interesting post! I have always complimented people, I was raised to be kind and friendly. I am a little shy, I've been that way all my life. You seem to be nice and a good person, I am happy to have found your blog. Take care, enjoy your day and have a great week ahead.

    ReplyDelete
  18. You are special for a reason, Baili. 😊

    Psalm 139:14 says, "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."

    That's you, wonderfully made. On purpose. For reasons. (I have been taught the word 'fearfully' here means awesome or with great honor and respect, as in the fear of God.)

    It's a gift that you honor others and tell them good things. We can't control what others think or do, only what we do. We can give ourselves a wonderful day just by being kind to someone else.

    God bless you, Baili. 🌹

    ReplyDelete

Protected by Copyscape DMCA Copyright Protection