It was 1997 . I was upset with circumstances i encountered during my early marriage years .
We both were drawn to situations which effected our relationship negatively .And this was only because we were living in a JOINT family system .
My mother in law had (has till now even) a complicated psyche . She consistently created problems for me and most of family was with her because she had strong hold on whole family members .
This difficult situation raised problems between me and hubby and in spite of all the love we had for each other there were misunderstandings and fights between us .
Now i realize that i was more responsible for such conditions because my anger worked like exhaust fan for all the frustration i got from in laws during whole day .
For hubby it was hard to listen complains at mostly wrong times when he needed relaxation . His response made me more angry and our warm wars changed slowly into cold wars which are more dangerous because they lack dialogue which is BASE for all solutions .
Long story short my mom asked me to come and stay with her and forced hubby to take transfer in his job position and join us in Islamabad to live peacefully .
Hubby promised my mom that he will try his best though it is impossible to take transfer from one province to another .
Government servants are allowed to transfer only within province .He said he will leave the job and come to live with us .And for living he will do some private job (which could pay half than first one) until he gets any govt job .
We knew that life will be hard in big city with as less earning but we were ready to do this for the sake of PEACE OF MIND . I was mostly worried about my first child who was witnessing disturbing environment because of the ignorant behaviour of my in laws .
I wanted him to be an ideal man with strong character , beautiful nature and high I.Q which was not possible in such messy situations.
So i went to stay with my mother who was living in Islamabad in rented house and my younger sister was doing her first semi govt job with reasonable salary .
Same day ,same time , My son clicked before his father completed his instruction as behind him was edge of curving walk path in the park
I was only inter passed (12 grades) then . First of all i took admission for bachelors in virtual university where i was not bound to attend regular classes .I had to prepare for the exams by on my own . I was happy because studying further was my dream !
My eldest son's first speech in school ,this was his first school here in khairpur city
His first prize for best performance in games either!
khairpur city (school) where we are living now )
Game in which was asked to eat this sweet while hands tied on back !
Along With my own studies i put also my eldest son in one of the best school in the capital city which was quite expensive though but hubby was sending us monthly fine amount of money to deal with all personal expenditures .
I started to search private job in newspaper which were in abundance in capital city . I selected many options ,went for interview but most of the time did not find the place or people suitable for me.
After quite daily effort finally i choose one job. It was a matrimonial office . It was not a big office .There were only 3 girls ,one on reception , other who was responsible to look after and serve the parents who used to come there looking for best match to their young kids .
My job was to counsel the both parties show them the files belong to candidates and arrange their meeting under my supervision .
Salary was not as bad but i found it easy than others .Office was quite away (almost 45 minutes drive) but still i was comfortable because it was giving me chance to deal with various people and listen their demands and desires which sounded interesting.
I did this job for two months and got salary on time .Three middle aged men who were my boss collected every day's fees before i leave . Until then i did not know that those men were not originally from Islamabad but came from Lahore to saet this business here . It came to my knowledge by chance .
to be continued ...
Dearest Baili, I can so relate to this!
ReplyDeleteI encountered similar problems with my in-laws during the early stages of my marriage...and that kind of situation really does put a great deal of strain on to a relationship, doesn't it?
In those early days I, too, had a great desire to continue my studies, but mother-in-law disagreed and did her best to thwart me. She was a very domineering person, but I did manage to find the courage to stand my ground and so won through in the end...but it certainly wasn't easy.
It is so interesting to read your story.
I believe that sharing experiences with people from different cultures not only illustrates the differences, but also the similarities...which are often far more numerous than expected!
Have a great weekend, my Friend!☺☺
Big hugs xoxoxo
amazing story for us!! Thank you Bali for sharing, I am looking forward to part two!
ReplyDeleteBaili, you are an inspiration. ♥
ReplyDeleteBoth you and your husband have been trying, and able, to change the life for the better. Sometimes it's not possible, but it's always good to try. "The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." :)
Hugs and blessings!
I like your determination in getting yourself and your son away from those in-laws. And how interesting to work in a matrimonial office! We don't have anything like that here.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting so far...
ReplyDeleteInteresting Baili! I like reading about your life! I'm waiting for the next installment! :)
ReplyDeleteIt is a terrible thing, but relatives can ruin s relationship. I am glad that you finally worked it out. The job that you had sounds like it was very interesting.
ReplyDeleteThose are Wonderful pictures of your son.
Very interesting and inspiring. It's not easy to loosen the ties with in-laws in any culture and I think it is even harder in yours. That is a most interesting job you describe in the matrimonial office. Looking forward to the rest of this story!
ReplyDeleteYou can't put a price on peace and harmony.
ReplyDeleteInteresting to read of your earlier married life and what you did, how you survived - things happen for a reason though we don't know it at the time what is happening as in reason..look forward to part 2.
ReplyDeleteWhat an inspiration you are my friend, looking forward to hearing more.
ReplyDeleteAmalia
xo
It takes courage to make changes, sometimes thats just what we need to do. Life is interesting and a journey. Your son is adorable.
ReplyDeleteJanice
Finding peace is a most precious gift and is completely priceless!
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's worth cutting your pay to have peace in your life. And sometimes it's best to live at a distance from family for that peace! Looking forward to reading more :)
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting story of that time in your marriage, Baili! You and your husband were smart to create a more peaceful environment for your son (and future kiddos). Children can be scarred by family discord. I'm glad that it all worked out. You must have been proud of your son for getting up and giving a speech at such a young age. And he was talented in games too! I look forward to more of your story!
ReplyDeleteAlways good to hear from you I will look forward to part 2.
ReplyDeleteMerle.....
Thanks for sharing this Baili ... interesting so far, and nice to see those photographs too.
ReplyDeleteAll the best Jan
Ugh... meddling. But she lost in the end. You moved away.
ReplyDeleteI agree with some of the previous commenters, Baili, that relatives can cause stress in a relationship as it happened in my family many years ago. In that case, it was my brother's wife and since then things are much different and for the better I will add. It must have been so difficult for you to make the decision to move away but you made it for all good reasons and your relationship with your husband apparently grew better and continues to do so. I too will look forward to the "to be continued."
ReplyDeleteVery interesting my friend! Good for you to live away from your in-laws! Can't wait to read the second part! Big Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI am looking forward to the next part. You are a brave woman.
ReplyDelete"in spite of all the love we had for each other there were misunderstandings and fights between us "
ReplyDeleteNever trust any couple that tell you they don't any problemas, any disagreement.
Either one completley dominates the other or it is a complete lie.
The secret is not to have fights it's hoe to overcome those fights.
Have a great week
This is a very interesting post, thank you for telling your story Baili. Life can be very stressful in family situations.
ReplyDeleteNão tem sido fácil a sua vida. Mas você é uma guerreira. Gostei de a ler.
ReplyDeleteUma boa semana.
Um beijo.
Sometimes it's just hard to please everyone, and being in close quarters can make it even more difficult. I'm glad that you were able find a situation that worked for you, and that your wonderful marriage is still going so strong! Hugs...RO
ReplyDeleteDear Baili, I look forward to the next installment of your story. It's all so interesting and intriguing. You are a strong woman to have done what you did--move away and live with your mother and your son as your husband decides what he needs to do for family harmony. Peace.
ReplyDeleteFamily relationship problems can sometimes be the hardest ones to solve. It sounds like you were able to find a solution with the help of your mother. I'm looking forward to reading part two about your first job.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your painful story xx
ReplyDelete