Saturday, June 29, 2019

Origin Of Anger


On  27th  June   Google  sent  reminder  with  title  "rediscover  your  day" 

There  were  our  old  photos  taken  on  same  date  during  previous  summer  vacations in  Islamabad.

Me  hubby  and  kids  accepted  the  offer  and  spent  more  than  one  hour  in  scrolling  our  last  vacation   visits  and  fun.

Meanwhile  a  lady   came  in  my  thoughts  whom  we  encountered    in  islamabad  when  one  morning  we  were traveling   through  van  to  restaurant   for  breakfast .

Me  and  hubby  were  sitting  on  front  seat  near  driver  and  kids  were  behind .

That  lady   came  to  front  seat   before  but  when  she  found  it  occupied   she  got  on  and  settled    with  our  boys  behind.

She   was  probably  around  forty ,good  looking , healthy   and  serious  though  her  face and  eyes  were    expression  less  when  i  saw her  peeked  inside     earlier .

After   few  minutes  conductor    asked   new  passengers  to  pay  fare ,all   gave  him   except   her .

I  knew  that  she   had  not  paid  yet  when  after   few  more  minutes   conductor  again   asked  her  to  pay .

She  suddenly  just   outburst    with  anger   and  blamed  the  conductor   that   he  blew  the  whistle  early    and   did  not  wait   for   her  to  sit  when  she  rode  in .

She   was   extremely  angry  as  her  voice  was  shaking  ,everyone  was  fully   devoted  to   situation   including  us.

Conductor  was  trying  to  explain  that  he  did  what  he  normally  does  and  that  may  she  was  not  her  senses  to   realize  it .

When  arguments   seemed   endless   driver   stopped  the  van  and   asked  conductor  to  ask  for  apology   while  saying    that  "okay  if  you  are  right   yet  say  sorry  if  it  makes  baji (sister)  feel  better .

Now  she  was  arguing    with  driver  about  his  words with  question "what  do  you  mean  if  i  fell  better"

Including  us  everybody   could  see  that  she  was  releasing  anger   consumed  by  somewhere  else .

Throughout   45  minutes    journey  she  mumbled    with  anger.

She  might   have  forget   situation  she  created  that  day   but   many  of  passengers   may  remember   it  for long .

I   wonder  how  our  anger   misinterpret   our  personalty .We  feel   compelled  to  do  things  which  we  do  not   even  think   when  we  are  calm  or  normal.

I  remember   i  used   to  be  angry   too.

 My  anger  was  for  opposite   gender  mostly .Not  then  but  now   i   can  understand  Why  it  was  so ?

Men  in  my  family  then , my  father  and  my  brother  were  not   meeting   with   images  that  i  had   for  ideal  father  and  brother .  

My  mom's  constant  telling  that  world  is  for  men ,they  are  selfish , dangerous  and  untrustworthy .


My  excitement  for  my  state  of  being  "alive" and  for  this  world    seemed  to  be  affected  negatively   with   these   stressful   facts.

I  showed  my  anger  towards  men  so  powerfully  whenever  i  got  chance. It  felt  i  unconsciously  wanted  them  to  do  something  so  i  can    insult  them.(then)

My  anger  for  men   nurtured   my  love  for   women  i  think. I  thought  all  women  are   victim  and  pitiable  including  me.  which  is  wrong  but  i  knew  this  later .

I    i  used  to  want  separate  world  for  women   and  i  prayed  for  it  every day  then. Because  i  wanted  to  go  out  as  freely  as  a  human  has  right  to  do  so.

I    hated  men  stalking  women   shamelessly   and   forcing  them to   feel   guilty   for   coming   out ,i  just   hate  them  alot!

SO  my  Fear   was  origin  of  my  anger!

 I   treated   all  women  i  met  in  my  life  so  motherly  manner  even  when  i  was  young  and  even  when  i  knew  they  were  taking  advantage  of  my  simplicity.

Gradually   i  learnt  that   i  was  wrong  in  my  opinion.
There   are  GOOD   and  BAD   PEOPLE  in  each    Gender  , society  or  country .

I  saw  women   who   made  life  miserable  for  their  life  partner   and  ruined   life  of  their  own  children  because  of  their  selfishness .

I  saw   men   who  killed  their  wives   only  because  they  were  capable  of  such  terrible  violence .

I   know  parents   who  sacrificed   all  their   pleasures   and  ease    to  give  their   children   safe  ,healthy  prosperous  life.

And  i  have  seen    children   who   served   their   cruel   and  selfish  parents  in their  last  years   just  because  they  love  them   in spite  of  their   worse  behavior .

We   admit   or  not    there  is  always   reason   behind  any  kind  of  anger . Fear  ,Complex , Jealousy ,Enmity or  Love .


Whatever  it   is   there  is  one  thing  our   anger   speak  about  CLEARLY  AND  LOUDLY

SENSE    OF  HELPLESSNESS

We   get  angry    when  we  think   we   cannot   do   anything   else   except   shouting .

Anger    shows    our  weakness .Weak   people  seek  for   easy  way  out  and  anger   give   us  this easy  solution.

Strong   and   confident   people  mould   their  anger   into   something  more  meaningful   and  effective   which   bring   positive  and  long  lasting  results.


Luckily   some  years  back   i  came  to  know  people  who   are   extremely  negative  ,hostile  and  jealous ,

  But  VERY  CALM   and CREATIVE in  display   of  their  hatter .

They   are  Cursed   and  i  can  say  it  when  i  know  them  closely  and  found  no  single  bit  sign  of   goodness    in them .

They   hate  Everyone ,even   they  hate   each  other   as  family  as  they  don't   know  any  other  feeling    in  this  world.

Always    wrapped  in   hatter   ,wanting   bad   for  others  ,trying  to  make  people   suffer  with  problem  caused  by  them .  You   will   find   so  many  people  bitten  by  them since  they   moved  place  to  place .


They   never   show   their  anger  by  shouting   but  their   constant    non  stop long  efforts   to  hurt    others    reveal  their  hidden   anger .

I     don't  admire   their   devilish    nature   but  i  adore   their  labor   to  shape   their   anger .

Since   years  i  am  able  to  witness  how  Lord  is  unhappy   with  their   evilness   and  how  they  paid   for  their   actions   which  makes   me  feel  sorry  for  them  but  i  know  there  is  no cure  for  their    disease.


I  can    understand   their  anger . They  are   one  of  those  unfortunate   people  who   are  unable  to  learn   what  it  likes  to  be   a  kind   and  good  human .

They  are  unaware   of   the  taste   of  Faith, Love ,Honesty ,Truthfulness    and  compassion , and  this  makes  them   so   pitiable . 

They   are   angry  when   people   around  love  each  other  or  live  with  peace  by  following  the  simple  goodness of  life  ,being  kind  and  having  never  ending  love  for  all.

They  simply  can't  get  it  because  it  is  not  their   thing.

If  i  were  in  their  shoes   i  would  have  felt  same  hatter  or  anger   due  to  helplessness  i  would  have  felt   then.

I  have  met  so  many  people  in life  but  i  have  never  seen  such   weird   faces   where  one  can  feel  in  very  first  sight   an  insanity  or brutality.

I  remember   when  i  first   saw   them , first  thought  came  in  my  mind  was  "oh so  this  is  why  they  do  so"  i  felt  instant  sympathy   and  sadness. Such  openly   written   was  on  those  faces  that   they  are   compelled.

And   their    attitude  was  origin  of  their  anger .


 How   to   manage   anger   i  learnt    from  them  :)

I    searched    for   reasons   behind  my  anger     when   i  looked   for  reasons   behind   their    secret   anger.

I    untied    my   psychological   knots    and  felt  better   when  i  realized    how  amazing  and  easy  life  become    when   we   learn  to   control  our   anger  ,  not  just  control  but   to  use   it.

Yes  anger  is  form    of  energy  which  can  be  transformed  into  any  other   more   useful   energy.

It   does  not  mean   i   don't   get  angry    anymore  ,i  do  of  course   but  i  pray  when  i  feel  helpless  instead  fight.

Pray   gives  me  hope  and  hope  is   firefly   in  the  darkness,  cloud   in  the  desert   and   relief  in  the  pain.

I   Hope Lord  is  within   me and  around  me!

He   will  always  make  way  as  he  has  always  made  for me!

If  he  is  with me ,worry   would  be   shameful   thing  to  do!



                                image  iamfearlesssoul.com

God  bless  you  all  dear  friends! 









  



   



     

   


21 comments:

  1. I suppose it’s true what is said, anger is the root of all evil!

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    1. All the darkness lies within I agree dear Laurie!

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  2. beautifully written, it makes me think though, I need a better anger management myself! but I notice that I'm usually in a better mood after a rosary prayer.

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    1. Pray connect us to Lord and strengthen our hope dear Kim !

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  3. It is important to recognize the source of our anger and deal with it as you did. Anger in itself isn’t the bad thing. It’s what we do with it.

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    1. Amazing words dear Marie

      If used wisely and artistically anger is power indeed for better

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  4. One of my friends practices yoga, and she said that yoga help her to control her bad mood and bad thought. Not easy to get angry ;)

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  5. Outbursts of anger is never good. One must think first. True yes that it seems the world belongs to men like your mom said...but those men were raised by women. If they are rotten it is because women did not do their jobs of training them to be good men.

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  6. Super post. I appreciate what you said about stereotypes. Anger is very human. I think that when it is appropriate and tempered that it can help us. But I completely agree that when it is all consuming then it is terribly harmful to individuals and to those around them.

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  7. Anger is what we feel when we feel an injustice is happening. Too often we lose our temper rather than harnessing the anger to try to fix the injustice. My mother was a wise woman. She used to say that when you lose your temper you have lost the argument.That woman on the bus made everyone uncomfortable. Some laughed, some wanted to not be near her, and maybe some became angry. The main thing is that she fixed nothing. She was still angry and unhappy. She needs to find a creative outlet to use her anger and learn to hold her temper so she can be in more control and happier.

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  8. this is a powerful post. Anger consumes a person until whatever was the source becomes hazy.

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  9. All very true Baili. I truly believe my anger is sourced by fear. It took me a long time to figure that one out though, but I think that most negative feelings are really fear-based.

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  10. Years ago I read that anger is never the primary emotion, it is always caused by some other more basic emotion, and I have found it to be true. Whether anger comes from pain, or stress, or jealousy, or hurt, or sadness -- if a person can ask himself or herself, what is making me angry or what is the thing I felt just before I felt anger, that person will be much closer to finding a solution. There is no solution to anger, there are only solutions to the emotions that cause anger to grow. That is my opinion, anyway :)

    Good post, baili. You have a very thoughtful and intelligent approach to problems.

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  11. Very, very true, dearest Baili!
    It took me many years to understand that anger is a mask...that conceals much deeper emotions.
    When I began to did deep underneath my anger, I was shocked to find a tangled mess...of envy, hurt and above all, fear.
    It was only when I accepted these negative emotions and began working through them, that I began to find some peace.

    Such a wonderful and inspirational post, dearest Baili...this will help so many people to come to terms with their own emotions.
    Thank you so much for posting!😊😊

    All my love and hugs ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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  12. Wonderful post as usual, Baili. When we are angry, we don't think clearly. We misinterpret the world around us.

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  13. Interesting subject Baili.
    Good and bad in everyone.
    You know I rarely get angry, it's my nature not to. If I do get angry on a rare occasion I don't necessarily voice it, I contain it.
    Nothing to me is worse that some human being and showing their anger even though we don't know what they have been through that day or the day before that.
    So many people make a fool of themselves when angry, like that lady on the bus - if I had been there I'm sure I wouldn't have thought what a fool she was making of herself and she needs anger management.

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  14. Uma crónica cheia de motivos de reflexão. É como diz "Há pessoas boas e más em cada sexo". A raiva nada resolve. Só o amor é capaz de ajudar…
    Uma boa semana.
    Um beijo.

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  15. Very powerful and truthful post! Big Hugs!

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  16. Good to read your post.

    All the best Jan

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  17. Anger can take over and not only ruin a person’s day, but also their outlook. It is so easy to let it get a hold on our minds and often harder to let it go. You are wise, Baili, to have recognized how it happened in your life and to not let it have control. So sorry about that women on the bus who did not see the same.

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  18. Anger comes from feelings of fear, helplessness, and frustration, I think. It is sad to see people who are angry and to understand what is causing their anger, even if they do not understand it themselves.

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