Friday, May 4, 2018

My First Job 's Last Day Adventure (part one )



It  was  1997 . I  was  upset  with  circumstances  i  encountered   during  my  early  marriage  years .

We  both  were  drawn  to  situations   which  effected  our  relationship  negatively  .And  this  was  only  because  we  were  living  in  a  JOINT  family  system .

My  mother  in  law  had  (has till now  even)  a  complicated  psyche . She   consistently  created  problems  for  me  and  most  of  family  was   with  her  because  she  had  strong  hold  on  whole  family  members .

This   difficult  situation  raised  problems  between  me  and hubby  and  in spite  of  all  the  love  we  had  for  each   other  there  were  misunderstandings  and  fights  between  us  .

Now   i  realize  that  i  was  more  responsible  for  such   conditions  because  my  anger  worked  like  exhaust     fan  for  all  the  frustration  i  got  from  in laws  during  whole  day  .

For  hubby  it  was  hard  to  listen  complains  at  mostly  wrong  times  when  he  needed  relaxation . His  response  made  me  more  angry   and  our  warm  wars   changed  slowly  into  cold  wars  which  are  more  dangerous  because    they  lack  dialogue  which  is  BASE  for  all  solutions .

Long  story   short   my  mom  asked  me  to  come  and  stay  with  her  and  forced  hubby  to  take  transfer  in  his  job  position  and  join  us  in  Islamabad   to  live  peacefully .


Hubby  promised  my  mom  that  he  will  try   his  best  though  it  is  impossible  to  take  transfer  from  one  province  to  another  .

Government  servants  are  allowed  to  transfer  only  within  province .He  said  he  will  leave  the  job  and  come  to  live  with  us  .And  for  living  he  will  do   some  private  job  (which  could  pay  half  than first  one)  until  he  gets  any  govt  job .

We   knew  that  life  will  be  hard  in  big  city  with  as  less  earning  but  we  were  ready to  do  this  for  the  sake  of  PEACE  OF  MIND . I  was  mostly  worried  about  my  first  child  who  was  witnessing  disturbing  environment  because  of  the  ignorant  behaviour  of  my  in  laws .

I  wanted    him   to  be   an  ideal  man  with  strong  character  , beautiful  nature and    high  I.Q   which  was  not  possible  in  such  messy  situations.

So   i   went  to  stay  with  my  mother  who  was  living  in  Islamabad   in  rented  house   and  my  younger  sister  was  doing  her  first   semi  govt   job  with  reasonable  salary  .



Islamabad  city  park ,it  was  evening  though  but  camera  was  weak  to  catch   dim  serene  light , shot  was  taken  by  hubby  who  visited  us  after  each  two  month .


Same day ,same time , My son  clicked  before  his father  completed his instruction  as behind him was edge  of curving  walk  path  in  the  park 


I  was  only  inter  passed (12 grades)  then . First   of  all  i  took  admission  for  bachelors  in  virtual  university   where  i  was  not  bound to  attend  regular   classes  .I  had  to  prepare  for  the  exams   by  on    my  own  . I  was  happy  because  studying  further  was  my  dream !




My  eldest  son's  first  speech in  school  ,this  was  his  first  school  here  in  khairpur city 


   His  first  prize   for  best  performance   in  games  either!
 khairpur city  (school) where we  are  living now ) 


Game  in  which  was  asked  to  eat  this  sweet   while  hands  tied  on  back !

Along With   my  own  studies   i  put  also  my   eldest  son  in   one  of  the  best  school   in  the  capital  city   which  was  quite  expensive   though    but  hubby  was  sending  us  monthly  fine  amount  of   money   to  deal  with  all   personal   expenditures .


I   started  to  search   private   job  in  newspaper  which  were  in  abundance  in  capital  city   . I  selected  many  options   ,went  for  interview  but  most  of  the  time  did  not  find  the  place  or  people  suitable   for  me.

After   quite   daily  effort   finally  i  choose  one  job.  It  was  a   matrimonial   office .  It  was  not  a  big  office .There  were  only  3  girls  ,one  on  reception  ,   other  who  was  responsible  to  look  after  and  serve  the  parents  who  used  to  come  there   looking  for  best  match  to  their  young  kids .

My   job  was  to  counsel  the  both  parties  show  them  the  files  belong  to  candidates  and  arrange  their  meeting  under  my  supervision  .

Salary   was  not  as  bad  but  i  found  it  easy  than  others  .Office  was  quite  away  (almost  45  minutes  drive)  but  still  i  was  comfortable  because  it  was  giving  me  chance  to  deal  with  various   people  and  listen  their  demands  and  desires which  sounded  interesting.


I  did  this  job  for  two  months  and  got  salary   on  time .Three  middle  aged  men  who  were  my   boss  collected    every  day's  fees   before  i  leave . Until   then   i  did  not  know  that   those  men  were  not  originally  from    Islamabad but  came  from  Lahore  to  saet  this  business  here . It  came  to  my  knowledge  by  chance .


to   be  continued ...





28 comments:

  1. Dearest Baili, I can so relate to this!
    I encountered similar problems with my in-laws during the early stages of my marriage...and that kind of situation really does put a great deal of strain on to a relationship, doesn't it?
    In those early days I, too, had a great desire to continue my studies, but mother-in-law disagreed and did her best to thwart me. She was a very domineering person, but I did manage to find the courage to stand my ground and so won through in the end...but it certainly wasn't easy.
    It is so interesting to read your story.
    I believe that sharing experiences with people from different cultures not only illustrates the differences, but also the similarities...which are often far more numerous than expected!

    Have a great weekend, my Friend!☺☺

    Big hugs xoxoxo

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  2. amazing story for us!! Thank you Bali for sharing, I am looking forward to part two!

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  3. Baili, you are an inspiration. ♥
    Both you and your husband have been trying, and able, to change the life for the better. Sometimes it's not possible, but it's always good to try. "The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." :)
    Hugs and blessings!

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  4. I like your determination in getting yourself and your son away from those in-laws. And how interesting to work in a matrimonial office! We don't have anything like that here.

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  5. Interesting Baili! I like reading about your life! I'm waiting for the next installment! :)

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  6. It is a terrible thing, but relatives can ruin s relationship. I am glad that you finally worked it out. The job that you had sounds like it was very interesting.

    Those are Wonderful pictures of your son.

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  7. Very interesting and inspiring. It's not easy to loosen the ties with in-laws in any culture and I think it is even harder in yours. That is a most interesting job you describe in the matrimonial office. Looking forward to the rest of this story!

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  8. You can't put a price on peace and harmony.

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  9. Interesting to read of your earlier married life and what you did, how you survived - things happen for a reason though we don't know it at the time what is happening as in reason..look forward to part 2.

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  10. What an inspiration you are my friend, looking forward to hearing more.
    Amalia
    xo

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  11. It takes courage to make changes, sometimes thats just what we need to do. Life is interesting and a journey. Your son is adorable.
    Janice

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  12. Finding peace is a most precious gift and is completely priceless!

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  13. Sometimes it's worth cutting your pay to have peace in your life. And sometimes it's best to live at a distance from family for that peace! Looking forward to reading more :)

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  14. What an interesting story of that time in your marriage, Baili! You and your husband were smart to create a more peaceful environment for your son (and future kiddos). Children can be scarred by family discord. I'm glad that it all worked out. You must have been proud of your son for getting up and giving a speech at such a young age. And he was talented in games too! I look forward to more of your story!

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  15. Always good to hear from you I will look forward to part 2.
    Merle.....

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  16. Thanks for sharing this Baili ... interesting so far, and nice to see those photographs too.

    All the best Jan

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  17. Ugh... meddling. But she lost in the end. You moved away.

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  18. I agree with some of the previous commenters, Baili, that relatives can cause stress in a relationship as it happened in my family many years ago. In that case, it was my brother's wife and since then things are much different and for the better I will add. It must have been so difficult for you to make the decision to move away but you made it for all good reasons and your relationship with your husband apparently grew better and continues to do so. I too will look forward to the "to be continued."

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  19. Very interesting my friend! Good for you to live away from your in-laws! Can't wait to read the second part! Big Hugs!

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  20. I am looking forward to the next part. You are a brave woman.

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  21. "in spite of all the love we had for each other there were misunderstandings and fights between us "
    Never trust any couple that tell you they don't any problemas, any disagreement.
    Either one completley dominates the other or it is a complete lie.
    The secret is not to have fights it's hoe to overcome those fights.
    Have a great week

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  22. This is a very interesting post, thank you for telling your story Baili. Life can be very stressful in family situations.

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  23. Não tem sido fácil a sua vida. Mas você é uma guerreira. Gostei de a ler.
    Uma boa semana.
    Um beijo.

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  24. Sometimes it's just hard to please everyone, and being in close quarters can make it even more difficult. I'm glad that you were able find a situation that worked for you, and that your wonderful marriage is still going so strong! Hugs...RO

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  25. Dear Baili, I look forward to the next installment of your story. It's all so interesting and intriguing. You are a strong woman to have done what you did--move away and live with your mother and your son as your husband decides what he needs to do for family harmony. Peace.

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  26. Family relationship problems can sometimes be the hardest ones to solve. It sounds like you were able to find a solution with the help of your mother. I'm looking forward to reading part two about your first job.

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  27. Thank you for sharing your painful story xx

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