Deadly Peace And Whirlpool Of Energies

 

Sitting in the living room on my dining table  i am looking through the window at my neem tree  and small garden that seems to place under the shade of my neem tree .This is soothing sight which makes me grateful for the blessings and peace i have in my life .

Sometimes  i find myself  weird .I feel myself drowned in the ocean of stillness .Like i have become stuck in whirlpool of deadly peace .It is disconnecting me all other bothering feelings inevitably.That makes me feel doubtful about myself. Am i sick to be at extreme peace ? 

Should i feel guilty to find such peace within world full of desperation ?

Or i have earn it with constant fight with odds of life and negativity ?

Still guilt does not disappear completely but dims to some extent .

And i am again within whirlpool of stillness .Though query keeps poking my mind ,from where it has come ,this deadly peace ?

Is this worldly stuff or kindness i receive from loved ones ?

Or The" Zero " that always fascinates me with it's nothingness that  gives birth  to all existing .

Why zero  is most attractive number to me ?

Why nothingness has so much appeal ?

Is this world of  possibilities springing within zero or "nothingness" that keeps me as deeply " still" from within  ?

All  i know (now) that it was there within me  from beginning but extended by the time and overcame eventually on my remained being belonged to vibrant part of  life.Vibrant with dreams and wishes .

I was crystal clear in my longings regarding probable life i had ahead  as  growing girl then.

Having so less compare to others never bothered me personally . I was content with my carefree attitude .I felt strange fulfillment in the middle of emptiness even. 

When i was able to think more clearly in my thirties i felt that desire to feel "close to him"(Lord) grew stronger.

I wanted nothing for myself  even then. There was constant weird fear of loosing my most precious feeling of "having him with me " if i wanted world . This desire to "feel close to him " was not self creation .It came along my genes .I inherited it ,from whom i can't say.

This feeling of being close to Him resemble feeling of  student who wants to be appreciated by class teacher who he likes so much and  adore her effort she put  for making him  learn stuff for being good human being. 

Feeling of "having him" with me felt most comforting when i had less matter or people around. He spoke to me through everything i encountered in life .Nature ,people ,events ,accidents ,incidents and coincident .Each of these thing supported my strength for having faith in Him eventually. Still i know if there was chance for me to get lost in all the nature in world and spend time while feeling strongly connected to him i would have done this .

When i once shared this with hubby he said " it is easy to quit world and stay with him alone  but Hard to get in the mess of world and still stay connected to him and  live with rules he has set for you as your guardian. This is true test of love  that you have for him because temptations of this world are irresistibly compelling  and  suffering  that life bring on you are determined to shake  your faith .But without test there is no proof that you loved him truly .

I  had to live life of person who is tangled in so many threads that  life throw at us as a net to distract  us ,captivate us and take us away from him so can  illusion  and separate  us from our actual divine aim of life,

 "Observe" "Learn " ".Love "Live " and "Help Others to Live Better  if can "

Still i could never discard myself from that feeling that i am tiny part of His eternal  energy ,existing within Him ,By Him and pulling towards Him gradually until day i will dissolve in Him once again until He gives me another journey in another shape .So i try Hard to please him by all i can do while living worldly life.

Sometimes when i look at sky i feel that  we all are existing within the ocean that is filled with tow kind of energies evidently. 

Positive energy and Negative energy .We are left to float among them freely .Our intentions and our tendencies  determine  our directions which kind of  row we will join. 

Among  the rows  of both energies there are places where water of ocean is more thick or thin .And there are whirlpool  that wait for voyagers  who rush into them blindly .They don't  are not meant to let go what  is trapped within them.People trapped in them experience  extreme  pressure of energy whether it is dark or positive .

Those who sail in thick or thin waters  live healthy life probably .They don't have to fight with any kind of pressure so they are more relaxed .

People swimming near  where whirlpools of  energies exist  have to resist to prevent themselves from falling in.It is not bad to be trapped within whirlpool of positive energy though balance is always appreciated most by learning that laws of nature offer .

Though  how dangerous is to get trapped into the whirlpool of negative energy we all know this. What  is the shape of our world today it is  obvious that most of us  are trapped within whirlpool of negative energy otherwise world would have better face .

I am believer of faith and hope so i hope that not may be all but more people will understand this and will try to avoid this trap .

Planet earth will not be heaven then though but better place where  more hands will be available to hold who can fall rather than push to make  other fall .

I am sorry if i bored you with my long post today but being honest on my online diary page is must for me .And today words were out of my control .

Actually  i wanted to reply to your kind beautiful comments today but slipped away when started to type .

Each of you have left really nice words regarding my renovation and behavior of the wife of my brother.I want to say THANK YOU all of you specially  Sue from This and That said beautiful words about true happiness that touched my soul so deep :)

Thank sweet friends how can i repay this kindness and love of your's that becomes backbone of my confidence !

All i can do is to keep you all in my thoughts and prayers and visit your lovely places to sooth my heart.

God Bless You All!