Sunday, April 2, 2023

Memories And Elderly Friend Ma Razia

 Some days back when i was reading post one of my blogger friend Emma 's post which had nostalgia about her grandfather's farm and how she would played and observed everything there as little girl it opened an window to my early teen age  days.

Sometimes i wonder what will remain behind if memories are extracted from our heart . Science says that secret behind that we find days longer when we are little or young because of the "pages of our memories " at that time of the life are mostly blank and we feel lonely or empty because of that "blankness" But as we grow we form memories extensively which fills our pages of memories abundantly ,therefore time seems to be slow because our mind has so much to process now . This thought seems frightening that if someone looses his memories accidently life can become a question mark for him sadly .

I don't know whether only i feel this way or many others too but it seems that we all live dual life or our journey of life feels like walk on track where days and moments we leave behind form an ascending order where memories of present  stand tall and clear but we have privilege to walk back on that "time track" to visit or relive those moments.

This "time track" looks very direct and lucid sometimes but sometimes is fogy and all look so blurred and entangled .

I don't know i would have strive for memories as strongly or not if i would have stayed in my native village .Actually i think the more you are pushed away  from your birthplace and people you grew up with the harder is longing of memories .I believe that memories have been created to keep us alive and connect to our previous versions . 

Time peel down us layers by layers and reveals the Core of our being eventually . As time passes we don't need to be someone else which our desire to be fit in make us sometimes . We make peace with our Core but it takes time and effortlessness. Yes to be real all we need is effortlessness

I love to be at ease or you can call me lazy . I remember i as little girl though played with girls of my age but i also followed my instinct and did what made me feel at ease and so genuine and i did it without thinking of what others will say about. I had an indefinable affection for elderly people ,women particularly .I felt i was pulled by some innate energy to be friend with them and to help them with small house chores .It would make me feel at peace. At that times there were five very old ladies  at least in my village whom i held close as dear friends . 

Ma Razia was from Burma .She got married to a man of our village who might served in Burma as army soldier at some point of time . She was tallest woman in the village i think ,skinny smart and active. I hardly saw her face without a sweet slight smile that would make her appearance pleasant kindred.  

 I think she was in her mid sixties when we had each other . As i grew young she grew old and her smile seemed to be dimmed. Not because of her old age probably but because of the unkind behavior of her daughter in law . Ma Razia would face restrictions by her as if she was outsider. Her daughter in law would ask her remain in her own room ,she was not allowed to play  with grandchildren whom she had carried on her lap all the time when they were babies. At first i would go to her room and help her to fetch water from tube well and cleaning ,would sit and ask her question about her childhood which was her most favorite topic .Her face would glow and smile deepen while telling stories of her native homeland and family . I think now i was the only one probably who will give her chance to speak her heart so freely .Meanwhile the peace and joy i would find on her face would feel like a great harvest .



When once she told me that i should not visit her because her daughter did not like this and scold her when i leave . That was sad because i knew she there were many things in which she needed some younger to help. I kept visiting other olden female friends regularly except Ma Razia .When i would return to home i would look at the room of her sadly and sigh. 

But after few days when i opened the door at knock Ma Razia was standing before me with her unstable breathing and dim but lovely smile .I felt so happy and excited to have her .She had a dress in her hands and she wanted to iron them . I first served her food as it was lunchtime and then ironed her dress . She left soon after that by saying that she had to get back otherwise her daughter in law would shout. 

Ma Razia 's visit to my home once in a while decreased within few months . I would ask about her from other girl friends of my mom  who would visit her sometimes but nothing particular until one day we heard a Razia fell down because cow pushed her . That was heartbreaking news and i realized that Ma Razia is in more trouble now. Me and my mom visited her few times but she was silently laying on her bed with closed eyes . I got no single moment to have word with her alone .I had feeling she is awake but not opening eyes because of trauma she is facing because of the cruel behavior of her daughter in law. 

Within few months we been told that Ma Razia has died . She  had sever fall which hurt her thigh so badly . No one took it serious or get her treatment except some home remedies by sympathetic visitors from surroundings. 

Ma Razia had four sons . Eldest one had driving job for a family living in village surrounded by high hills .The family had son who would earn in some middle east country and would sent quite wealth to parents including all the electric appliances that were useless to them because of the absence of power in that area. So this was the reason Ma Razia's daughter in law had everything gifted by the boss of her husband .When electricity came into village Ma Razia 's daughter in law was first to have tv in the house . She was social person and polite to people who would visit her to watch tv programs. She would show great likening for me when Ma Razia passed away and i was in middle school . She asked me to teach her eldest daughter who was second to send school after us. I taught Ruby her daughter for one year or so . She was bright and learned fast. Though she got married after passing tenth grade . Ma Razia's daughter in laws had seven daughters . She had three sons who could not survive after one year. 

Whenever i visit our village she meets warmly .She looks more old and weak each time . Sometimes i seek her regret in her gaze if  she is ashamed of her rude behavior to her mother in law or afraid of point of the circle where she might have thought she will never  reach  .  

23 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. She was one of the strongest old ladies i ever met dear Debra ,,her stories echo in my memories until now

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  2. My condolences, Baili, on the loss of Ma Razia.

    I just heard there has been an earthquake in northwest Pakistan. I think you may be in the northeast. Are you okay?

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    1. dear Sandi thank you for kind concern !
      yes earthquakes have been reported throughout the south Asian country since few months .latest one was of 5.2 magnitude on 31st March and in northern part yes .
      as i said till comes our number we are obliged to have faith and keep praying for the kindness of God .nothing else in our hand as common tiny piece of flesh

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  3. Replies
    1. True dear Kathy
      memories are amazing program that despite of our physical growth keep us connected to all versions of ourselves we have been through ,and this makes us a perfect package of complete living scenario . I sometime feel like who reel of my previous life is running before my eyes like a panoramic view ,this is an inexplicable thing

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  4. I had never heard this idea of time and memories. If we are full of memories time slips by quickly. I had always thought of it as a ratio. When we are one year old that is a 100% of our life. When we are 100 years old one year is 1 % of our life. Now I have something else interesting to think about.

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    1. beautifully said dear Red
      i agree totally ,as we age our dwelling on memories grows stronger and longer and play vital roll in keeping us well ,fresh and confident in present and days ahead because of it's invisible yet powerful support system that fill us energy all the time

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  5. Abandoning the old ones is the most vile act I can conceive of, baili.
    Have a blessed week

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    1. leaving one behind upon whom you were dependent as baby ,as growing child and young person sounds ruthless .a tree under who's shade you have spent crucial times of need is now useless and unnecessary to throw away .some Customs of modern times are extremely selfish and heartbreaking

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  6. As memórias são aquilo que nos resta quando tudo desaparece. Sinto a perda de Ma Razia. Gostei muito de ler estas suas reflexões.
    Uma boa semana com muita saúde.
    Um beijo.

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    1. thank you dear Grace
      i think when an old person dies specially one who wanted to be an active and alive part of his or her family this is a great loss of wisdom and compassion that he or she could have deliver to her loved ones

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  7. Such a sad story. May she rest in peace.

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  8. Thank you for your kind words on my blog, Baili. I am sorry for the loss of Ma Razia. Your memories will keep the stories alive!

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  9. i have witnessed such sad stories throughout my life dear Martha and this is the reason i always prayed for life until i can depend on myself .here things are changing quickly and old homes though are few but are full of such old people left by families .unlike before (thirty years ago such as) when people enjoyed living together and children were brought up by grandmothers mostly .families are divided into individuals rather than combine family structure which makes me sad because i found those days more appealing and worth living

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  10. Memories, be they good or bad sometimes come to us unheeded ...
    I am blessed to have many happy memories ...

    Sending my condolences on the loss of Ma Razia, may she rest in peace.

    All the best Jan

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  11. Like yourself, Baili, I also have friends who are many years older than myself, although now I am considered old myself. Today, I played a game of Scrabble with a 92-year old resident and we have met before to play this game. It keeps both our minds active that's for sure. I also keep in touch with a couple of women who are 93 and we talk every week as there is a lot of wisdom to be learned from them.

    The story of Ma Razia was so sad and it seems that her daughter in law is now seeing the foolishness of her ways now that she is older herself.

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  12. Very nice reading your memories. I don't understand how daughter in laws can get away with that behavior. The world is so different in so many places. Anyway you were kind to help your older friends until you weren't really allowed there anymore. You have such interesting memories.

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  13. You made her finally year worth living. The Daughter in law will feel the weight of her treatment toward Ma Razia for the rest of her life. If she doesn't believe in God's Gift of Forgiveness, she will face judgment there.

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  14. A sad story. I was the child who sat quietly in a corner listening to the family stories told by adults. Learning about one's family is the most important lesson.

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  15. Such a sad story, it wouldn't have taken much effort for her daughter in law to be kind to her.

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