Saturday, February 11, 2023

I am not fantasizing death i think ,some blooms

 

I can't say whether i am among those who like to fantasize everything including death . But i am sure that throughout my whole life i hardly could avoid thinking about death even during  happiest days of life when enjoying family gathering ,singing or dancing ,watching comedy laughing loud when i would got up for kitchen or bathroom for a while silence there would whisper in my years that such days won't last and i have to be alone one day leaving for my grave .The horror of being under the burden of tons of soil would catch me in millionth part of second so deep as deep that rejoining of the hustle and bustle seems to have power enough to pull me back .This is weird but despite of such intensity of thoughts i would smile ,laugh and sing along with all .Despite of this occasional grip of death thought i never felt a need to escape from it or sink myself into faces and noise to avoid it. Death remained a firm and dark  truth that stands at the back of all other facts that feel so real ,vibrate and compelling . Death stood at the back of all but tallest one so looking at them would kept me connected to death anyway and every effort to neglect it seemed impossible until my parents embraced death twelve years back and my instinct to avoid thinking about death disappeared silently. Seems that their death has  made me different person to much extent ,one of the most obvious change is fear of leaving all and everything behind and laying in a grave under the ground where no air comes has gone. I have acknowledged that air is no more needed once body stops functioning. Second fear of grave seems appealing now ,seems like if there will be any kind of senses alive in there i would like to mourn a lot for my parents who i could not say goodbye as i had though i would. For all those died suddenly in such natural disasters . I could not cry for some years now ,not because i did not want to but because i don't have to. So when i will lay there and if i could still feel something i will cry a lot..

Am i fantasizing death here ,i mean i love life though living until i am unable to move scares me. I am doing all what i can do to feel nice and fit mentally and physically but it hurts when i have to see so much suffering of people . There is lot on youtube about earthquake predicted in our part of land. Pakistan got earthquake of magnitude 5. something two days before it occurred in Turkey and still shocks of light magnitude are being reported everyday including today. But these are things that we cannot control . So all i can say that we should live to fullest everyday . Spread the light you got in you and sprinkle love and happiness around you .Rest leave on Nature and God. Before something worse happen i want to say you all it was pure joy to befriend with you all ,one among best things of my life ever happened to me!!! 

Among the odds beautiful attract more ,sharing some sweetness of nature from my small garden 

















Hugs and blessings

29 comments:

  1. Coming to terms with death is a huge part of life. You have described it well. The horrible earthquake fills the news across the world. Such a tragedy! “Spread the light,” in our world is a positive reaction. Thank you for the reminder. Take care, Baili.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true because it feels so hard to convince ourselves that this really short life is barely less than a mini play within whole big show running since billion trillion years and will go on for eternity.
      But those who dare to accept this inevitable reality live content and meaningful life

      Delete
  2. The flowers are beautiful! I especially enjoy seeing them at this time when all we have is snow and cold. I am counting the days till spring. I think that we should live each day fully and joyfully. We don't know how much time we have or what to expect one day to another. All we can do is go through each day as gracefully and as gratefully as we can. Have a beautiful day, my sweet friend. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree that death though must not be our concern but a reminder for us so we can remember that at the end of the short row of life death is standing still for us and there is no other way to escape from it. This realization can be saddening at the beginning but once we make peace with it our focus will be on right things and we will rearrange our priorities for sure

      Delete
  3. We all bloom for such a terribly short while.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I recall my childhood when I had concept for while that old people will be turn into children again and restart their lives from beginning. I don't know why I had such belief, due to my dumbness, or I have had not attended any funeral probably. This conception blew away when I witnessed first death of our landlord. Then later my elder brother who died at 13 with tuberculosis. After many years I saw my grandmother dying before my eyes. It was first death that reduced fear and sorrow regarding death to some extent because of the way she called whole family and departed calmy while mom was holding her hand. In some hidden corners of my heart I a wish sustained for years that I will say goodbye to my own parents similarly and wanted same for myself.
    But everything went wrong and I couldn't attend the funeral of my own father because of the silliness of my younger sister unfortunately. My mother left early too after my father and I hardly could attend some last moments of her funeral.
    We as emotional creatures suffer with such traumas for lifetime.
    Though life itself is really short for loads of heavy emotions we try to carry throughout

    ReplyDelete
  5. Baili - facing death is part of living. Faith in Jesus is what brings me true reassurance that even when my time here on earth is done...I will just have began to live in heaven. Without faith in Him I would have no hope at all. Hugs sweet friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is weird when people deny the presence of some divine principles in the scenario of life and universe because today scientists have found out that there is no such thing as empty space in this world but we are existing within waves and ocean of particals that play basic roll in existence of universe and everything in it. Each research conclude about everything that serves certain goals here. When every single thing has come with a purpose then how we can think that life is just random incident. From beginning of universe and life, from natural selection to genetic mutation nothing seems "random" so having "faith" is our first step towards "gratitude for all the blessings we have. Then carrying this faith with ultimate honesty so no law of nature must be spoiled by us is second step to showing respect and surrender to the divine force who is watching us every single moment and remembering the death who stands firm and tall at the last for is third step that can make us avoid horrible mistakes in life

      Delete
  6. We must do our best to embrace each and every day with thanks.

    The blooms you shared here are lovely to see.

    My good wishes.

    All the best Jan

    ReplyDelete
  7. We have to come to terms with the end of our life. We mourn for our own death while we are alive. People accept their end and are ready to die. My dad was ready to die about 5 years before he died. However, may people do not have the time to think about their own end .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How nice about your father dear Red. As I mentioned death of my grandmother was something that lightened the word "death" for me in term of "fear of my own death" that would haunt me in lonely moments for while. I realized that dying is not as bad but leaving for somewhere else from here. That was whole new concept for me. I started to feel little comfortable with death thoughts because of which my readiness for death prevailed and it made life quite better. Fear is grip a cave which hold you captive and dims your ability to think clearly. After getting out of the cave world is better place to spend some time

      Delete
  8. Death is a reality that comes to us all. It's the path to the way we die and it's worth thinking about at times not often though.
    The flowers are beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I agree dear Margaret
    I remember when I was little and women would in gathering would mention death with humour and sometimes topic would take serious turn and after acknowledging the mortality an unavailable part of the life conversion would end as "we should try leave behind something good"
    Now mostly people seem to lose their imagination that make topic literal and fearsome so they try to avoid talking about it which adds only an unconscious terror in life about our death sadly

    ReplyDelete
  10. I completely agree that thinking about death is healthy when it leads us to live every day the best we can so we have few regrets when our time comes. I have been called morbid for thinking this way but I think that person just didn't understand the concept :)

    Your flowers are so lovely. It will be many months before we have those here, so I enjoyed seeing them!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thinking about death is healthy (again ,another sign that harmony with nature brings peace of mind) dear Jenny because it make us connect with reality that is present to serve some good like everything else in this world. we could have been unaware of our deaths by any certain kind of way if nature wanted so.but we see and observe death everywhere from falling autumn leaves or bitterly injured bird to death ,crushed insect under our feet accidently . we see people dying around us everyday including those whom we love most and hardly imagine they can leave us like this even when we burry them in ground and sprinkle soil over them death is before us with all it's vigor . we hardly like to imagine that we can be here too any time as well . i believe that death is known to us so we can beware instead of being afraid of it. fear restrain death to take place in our thoughts and occupy it's correct value so we can move further after facing it and after making peace with it. for people with positive approach great good that death thought do is to exist harmlessly and beautifully while taking all along. so i agree when time come regrets are handful

      Delete
  11. Lessons from Nature, baili.
    Beautiful sometimes, cruel in others.
    Have a great week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "beautiful sometimes" well said dear Pedro ,may our fate can be among such times that are nice

      Delete
  12. Sim, o melhor é vivermos cada dia como se fosse único e aproveitarmos intensamente cada segundo. É natural que pensemos na morte porque ela faz parte da vida e o que vai ocorrendo pelo mundo não nos deixa esquecer. Um excelente e inspirador texto.
    Uma boa semana com muita saúde.
    Um beijo.

    ReplyDelete
  13. i appreciate word "natural" so much dear Grace .natural because death exist along life with harmony in this universe .even when i think further i feel that life arouse out of death and reemerges in it eventually .so thinking about death is normal though abnormal and unnatural is avoiding the topic because it reflects our cower .

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thoughtful post Baili.
    Lovely collection of flowers!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Your flowers are lovely, Baili, and such a joy to see. I've thought a lot about death throughout my life. My hope is that I will be reunited with my loved ones. No one really knows what will happen, so I try to appreciate each day as a gift. As for being buried, the thought of that really bothers me. I've decided I want to be cremated so I can be "free." Meanwhile I try my best to focus on kindness and love.

    Today is 675 days since Terry almost died suddenly. If he hadn't been exactly where he was, in the hospital literally going through a procedure to save his life, he would have died. I count the days, because each additional one with him is precious. (That doesn't mean it's all sunshine and roses. We still have disagreements; we're human ~ lol). Hugs to you, my special friend! Wishing you many more happy days!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. precious friend Louise i agree that noone know what will happen when soul will leave the body so i too since have realized this fact try hard to live each moment as alive and productive so i won't leave with regret that i wasted such precious gift .
      i believe that i myself was not scared of death as such but because i grew up seeing mom crying for my elder brother time to time so a word death would bring pain ,burden and darkness to my heart .it might have last longer if i would have not seen my grandmother dying so peacefully .i realize that memory enlightened me about death and as time passed i was less concerned about death but terror of being buried under tons of soil and in dark airless place kept me haunted for many years yet when my parents died the trauma i felt was about the "departure " rather than their death because i had accepted it as natural inescapable phenomena till then. now since some years i believe that if i know i am gonna die within week or so i will hardly get disturb and one thing i am pretty sure that i would leave smilingly .
      as a loving wife of loving husband i can so well relate how you terrified and helpless you would have felt when you saw Terry going through in such uncertain and miserable condition dear louise! it was your love who made you as alert ,attentive and active so it became possible that he got medical help on time,a minute late could have cost much .love is victorious always because it leaves no loose end ,hats off to you ,bravo !
      in my thoughts always you both and all sweet friends!

      Delete
  16. The thought of death makes me want to appreciate the time I have and the people I love. I am at the age now when I want to leave a good legacy behind, so that motivates me to live my best life. I struggle to understand why there are such horrible disasters and wars, accidents or murders, and I grieve for those who are suffering. I don't think we can ever know why things happen or when, so I try to live with the idea that I only have control of this moment and try to find peace by being kind and helpful whenever I can. Your flowers are so pretty, Baili. I'm sure you find peace whenever you are in your garden. Sending hugs xo K

    ReplyDelete
  17. i totally agree with you dear Karen that once we see death as certain part of reality and not just threat or scary thing to give us nightmare we are able to realize the true importance of the time we have as "life" we can make better choices and wiser decisions as you said you want to leave here a good legacy . like you i remained troubled throughout my life with pain and suffering life offers my friend .after shedding tears for years curiosity took over and i wanted to learn "reason" behind things which led me further to fall in love with learning itself . Now i feel every single day adds to my knowledge a little bit that helps to understand what ,how and why ? to some more extent .such as when i learned that quantum physics reveal lot about how universe and everything works on the fundamental bases i felt that is quite a blessing to know at this part of age that diversity of circumstances which keep life up and down for us are installed within the veins of universe .things are complicated if speak mathematically but i can translate it the main point here simply and it is that universe seems to be created as "a constant state of war" from largest scale of such as push and pull war between dark energy which has been declared as reason behind the slow pace of universe otherwise it would have whoosh away to tiniest scale where war between strong nuclear force and weak force keeps the proton and neutron tied all scientists find is constant struggle or fight that keeps the things the way we see them around as matter and everything else .so my point here is that as tiny part of this huge scenario we are hardly exception though as human our emotions make us most strong and most vulnerable here at the same time.
    i also agree that we have no control over most of things here .all we have in hand is the present moment and our way to make best of it .and yes pray is another one of the best things

    ReplyDelete
  18. Your flowers are beautiful Baili! ♥ I agree, live life to the fullest. I try not to dwell on death, the inevitable, I just hope I am strong until the end and don't suffer too much. I try to focus on everything good I have here and it makes me have a zest for life, not to miss out on anything! But I also believe that life goes on after death, but in a different form! ♥♥

    ReplyDelete
  19. The events happening in the world in your part..and . The Turkey earthquake, a huge toxic spill in Ohio that for some reason seems to be downplayed by the media - because consensus with those in the know say it's very toxic in land and water. Anyway, Spread the light - great suggestion. The world needs our reminders and love.

    ReplyDelete
  20. and those flowers - good to see color - we're still seeing white as in snow this coming week once again.

    ReplyDelete

Protected by Copyscape DMCA Copyright Protection