Sometimes things just happen and leave you think about something particular instantly .Thoughts related to it immediately stir surface under which you might have hid some important "longing " of your life. Mine was earning for myself since early teens .This longing was rooted basically in desire to support my mother so she can stop worrying about basic necesities of life. It stayed with me for my whole life till now. Meanwhile whether before or after my marriage i tried to do job but succeeded to do so only for while periodically (like one ,two or three years) and i had to quit each time for only one reason that my kids and house needed me more.
I slowly made peace with situation and convinced myself that there will be some day for me either when children won't be needing me more and i will be free to do what i want to do in my life .
But once in a while when i encounter a women with career or hear some line in dramas like " money that one earn himself tastes better " makes me feel bad for a while .
After dealing with such feeling for so long i think i have found some justification to knock down this negativity.
I have concluded that even though i don't have paid profession yet i am doing hardest job than any other working woman .How ? because taking care of household and doing each single chore without any domestic help and raising the children as well is one of the toughest job in the world i believe .
A housewife has multiple tasks to perform from as wife to mother or as in other rolls that she has to play as daughter or sister in law and so much else because problems of her family are more her' s than their's . She has to go through various pressures throughout the life so things can stay in order whether in her innate world or in the world she has charge of .
So since some years my mindset has changed a little. Now when i take bite of food i know firmly how much i have done to reach this bite . So i feel strong and positive instead down or confused.
Although I think and i hope there are less chances that i will die without fulfilling my dream of earning for myself .
If you find my justification lame please let me know .
keep spreading your light dear friends as this is best gift you can give away .
Health ,peace and joy to all of you and to all you love
thanks for bearing with me kind people!
It is a perfectly fine choice in life to be a full-time wife and mother, creating a home and family life that benefits raising the next generation! It is hard work and requires many sacrifices to do it well. It's also a perfectly fine choice in life to be a career woman in the workforce. These are equally valid choices. One is not better than the other, or worse than the other. The important thing is that women should be able to choose which way they want. Not everyone should be forced to live one way only. Choice is the key thing! You have chosen well for yourself, so be happy!
ReplyDeletedear Debra in early part of my life when i thought about having job was mostly because i wanted to support my mother financially and the other reason behind it was i wanted to be independent so no man must determine ways of my life but slowly i realized that in society to survive with " self respect " a woman need shelter of one man in order to avoid other's influence in her life . That was horrible fact but i swallowed this bitter truth and decided to surrender the harsh ground realty of life. If it was okay for me to go through things that are tolerable for so many of us i might have chose different life . i am not saying if i am accusing anyone for anything , i really respect women with daring heart and strong mindset who are courageous enough to face the tough circumstances on work places. I won't blame my mom for making me feel that surviving alone in this society is impossible for a woman . Doing job after marriage is different case so i kept trying whenever got chance . Best part of this struggle is that i could continue my studies privately though .
Deletei am satisfied with rank life has offered me as woman when i realized how amazing and joyous is having family and see children getting old before your eyes. I truly found this job special and most important because it suits to my nature as i am person who hardly like to be in center since always feels happier to support others than being supported by others .so i love this position as wife and mom . God gifted me some people and comforting them is best feeling i could experience in life .i know i will choose such life each time if i have to because of certain beauties belong to it.
I definitely understand where you are coming from. Running a household mean a lot of multitasking and it's never ending. It is one of the hardest jobs. It's using your ingenuity when least expected. I am not sure the younger generation will ever understand it. It is not about me, but a giving and loving struggle for our family to move them forward. Oh, who is the one that makes sure all the recyclables are where they should be, picking up the empties, saving, sorting, securing, getting ready for tomorrow. I can feel your guilt. For a while I would send my parents a Wal-Mart gift card. I remember her telling me, "I saved them all up and got a new microwave." Just remember the little things do count. Now it's your turn to find the joy and hopefully you will love those little things in return.
ReplyDeletei found that job perfect for me dear Ellie because of the nature i have actually . it might not be as good for others as for me it is best option where i have opportunity to invest what is good in me, specially love and hard work and selflessness . I had these gifts by the greatest grace of God thankfully! and i have been trying to give them away since always.
DeleteI am grateful that God has blessed me with nature i have which makes me content as dead with no expectation from any single around me .
For me to make my existence SUCCESSFUL all have to do is do my part honestly (because honesty is all i got) and rest leave on Allah! In return i want only one thing that may God keep me close to himself as he has always and nothing form anyone from this world :)
Things are easiest when i feel that everyone is creature of my Creator and none is stranger here but part of family .
you are so lucky to have parents alive my friend ! love them and send them gifts because this will keep you happier .mine are gone ten year ago and i think hardly a day when i long for their presence in my life
You are to be proud of being a wonderful mother, wife and devoted homemaker. I enjoy being at home, although I had a career up to year 2000.
ReplyDeletethanks Christine !
Deleteif i have joined the govt job i had got before marriage i would have retired as well but my mom did not allow because first appointment was in village up in mountain very far from home and that made mom afraid as how would i stay there in school building alone in small remote mountainous village . whatever we see at surface underlaying mother nature waves life for us according to her own wisdom sometimes i feel
You are exactly right. There is no harder job than successfully raising children. Mothers also must maintain the home. If you were to pay someone to take care of your children for 24 hours every day it would cost a fortune. And they probably would not love them or instill the values you want them to have. Then you would need a cook who will make nutritious meals with little money and they would have to be meals your family would like. You would need a housekeeper to keep your home clean and comfortable for your family. A laundress could keep your clothes clean and as soft as you like them. These are all jobs that need someone available all day and all night. I have not mentioned nearly all you do for your home and family. It would cost too much for you to be replaced.
ReplyDeletedear Emma believe it or not i too started to think similarly since some years back and the first person to point out this fact was my husband .he would say " you do job that requires many, so be proud because you are not sitting idly but earning what is more important than money" and he said so many times God bless him
DeleteYou did well to work as a wife and mother and all those entail, Baili. Women make such valuable contributions to society that way, more so than those of us who chose to work outside the home.
ReplyDeletei think most difficult and important job women do as housewives is raising children ,this is amazing to be able to nurture fresh souls with love and wisdom ,what else can be more appropriate as we see that most of the intense serial killing or any other type of crimes are done by those who suffered as neglected children .i am not saying this is case for all but in this part of age i feel that so many crimes can be reduced if mothers give more attention to their children and teach basic goodness of life at least
DeleteNot all jobs earn cash rewards. Running a household and bringing up children is one that doesn't. You have no need to feel guilty for all the hard work you have invested to look after your children, hubby and household. This reaps far more rewards for all than earning money.
ReplyDeleteI hope I am making sense...
i don't feel guilty dear Cheri thankfully .i have learnt that no other job can be more meaningful than this one despite of not cash payment which was never my target in life by the grace of God!
DeleteInteresting to note the differences in culture in looking after parents. the economic situation has a lot to do with it. I would like to have my children to look after me but it isn't going to happen. they live too far away.
ReplyDeleteThings are changing here either dear Red
DeleteSpecially in big cities leaving home during higher education or afterwards has been stated. In small cities as well grown up kids often live separately after marriage unlike before when many brothers lived in joint family system.
Our kids are doing the same and despite many personal concerns we genuinely feel happy for them in the light of our past particularly when we had no support to live up our dreams
We have to love ourselves to be able to love others, baili.
ReplyDeleteNever make an excuse about that.
What a beautiful quote Pedro!
DeleteIt is impossible to love others if we don't love ourselves or if we don't respect ourselves because you can give only what you have naturally
Always strive for what you want, always towards your dream and oneday you will fulful.
ReplyDeleteBeing a mother, wife and keeping a house in order is no mean feat and there is not a degree at the end of it but we know as women the fulfilment we get from seeing all is done and sucessful is all the degrees that we want...take care Baili.
Dear Margaret I agree completely!
ReplyDeleteI personally think that for women looking after family, children specially is most important priority in life that complete both her and her family as well.
Taking job afterwards is easy once kids are old enough to survive without mother 's support. Unless job is not option but a need for financial reasons.
This way women can achieve more meaningful success in life .but it is my opinion and I mean no offence to those wonderful women who keep career on top of priorities.
I wish to do something in life that miggt help me feel sense of achievement in different way .
Raising your children and taking care of your family is the most important thing. Don't fall into the trap of thinking it is not enough. 💕
ReplyDeletetrap is right word for this dear Sandi because what religion or science say about humans is same that most of us hardly care for think carefully and process thoughts wisely to avoid following wrong one mindlessly .
Deletei can't credit for how i do this because it comes so naturally and i hardly have to put much effort for choosing right one among numerous wrongs
I don't think you are lame at all. A dream is a dream. Mine was to NOT have to work and stay home to raise my kids. But that was a long time ago and now I just want to be happy in my life.
ReplyDeleteHello Baili,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through Marilyn Moseley's giveaway of my book, Venture. Thank you for your interest in the book. This is a struggle for many American women (I live in the United States). I have been blessed to be a full-time wife and mother for almost 25 years. However, I have always had some stream of income to keep my creativity flowing as well. I enjoy doing both, but I always keep my home and family as my top priority under my faith. Business comes after those three are cared for.
a heartfelt thanks dear friend Jennifer for visiting my place and sharing your precious thoughts!
ReplyDeletei think your book is wonderful specially a great guide for those who fell in pull of bad circumstances and find it hard to rise once again .i really appreciate that you shared the your experience with us all and i am sure many will find light within your wisdom and seek to rise and prosper as you and your family did by the grace of God!
i think you are strong lady with creative mind and are able to keep your creative side awake with strength of your amazing will power .
so true that family kids specially are for whom we try to earn money and if they are neglected money fails to fulfill the purpose . i have bad habit of doing everything with absolute determination and focus and it is true for me on each level from daily routine to life in it's long run as well . so when i i became a mom in the age of 21 i gave all my attention to my single child for ten years and when he was little big other two came along and my life got busy with pious duties of motherhood .i am full time mom since 32 years my friend and yet my youngest is getting ready for it's university next year hopefully .If things goes properly on time i will be having more time for myself and then i hope i will see what to do with my life
Dear Baili, how could you even think we would find your justification "lame" (your word) for not having a career but instead raising a family, running a household and all that entails. You did have a job for so many years, my friend, even if you did not go into an office. Your home was your office and your husband and sons benefitted greatly. You are such a wise woman in your thinking and even more so then many others who have had working careers. Do not ever feel otherwise, and I do not for a minute think that you do.
ReplyDeleteyou are really kind dear Dorothy!
Deletethanks for uplifting words always!
it is not that i felt sad ever about staying at home and looking after family .believe me it was delight and peace for my soul and in my opinion it was most important job as woman specially !
though once in awhile when i would see few of school friends who are govt teacher and earning well .or some words i would hear in drama in which earning ladies are ranked higher i would feel little bad but only for while that if i would have the same opportunity . unlike many women around i still could not convince myself that a woman has to rely on husband completely for her necessities .there something within knows that even though i am really fortunate that my husband is really really very caring about what i need yet i must earn to have something completely my own ,earned by me only and this is it. in my early forties or so i started to realize that i should not feel bad but be proud particularly when i see that hubby and kids are happy how i supported them throughout the years and as they say "selflessly" i felt utter peace seeping within my soul and finally get rid of that negative momentarily feeling by the grace of God!
now i look at life with deep breath full of gratitude and peace and feel positive that in future may life still hold some opportunity for me to do something .may be as there is hope there is a way this is how life works right ?
It is great that today in our country women have opportunities that even 20 years ago were not common, however in some cases I think the "Traditional family structure has suffered." I say whatever you can handle, and what ever makes you happy.
ReplyDeletedear Joe thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Deletei think there are side effects of every aspect of life and culture .when peak into history women of your country lived life hard just like some of our area women still live .
i think basic issue is not eras whether old or modern but the balance we fail to keep in our family life . this is true that people of different nature will suffer if forced to live in joint family system .but there are many families who live together for generations .only one thing defy difference or arguments and that is love or wisdom whatever call it .love or wisdom brings patience which is key for understanding and leads to create healthy relationships .
i am bore and weird so i knew i would not be able to handle a liberal life as woman so i gave up and and chose my corner to create my own world .
what makes me happy is that i know it is my choice even though i was put into it by my mom but i knew at heart i wanted to stay away from crowd and everything related to it and i knew it was right decision for me .i am thankful my god turned it positive for me .
Raising children looking after family, managing the household is so rewarding.
ReplyDeleteYou have done so well, your sons are a credit to you.
You should feel proud of your accomplishments with all you have done and continue to do.
All the best Jan
all i can say dear Jan that i have tried my best with absolute honesty :)
Deletemay God accept this humble job from his humble woman !
Hello Dear Baili, you chose a very honorable road, one you should be proud of. I chose the same road and there were times when others said things that made me feel very inferior because of my choice. At my age now, I feel proud I took that road and so should you. I applaud you my friend. Working ladies should be proud too. We each follow our own path.
ReplyDeletethanks precious friend Denise!
Deleteas you mentioned that you remained a fulltime house wife and hardly regretted this .i agree that in society people seem to have plenty of time to think about others instead of bettering their own lives. Around me i had my younger sister who would pity me for what she would see me i would do in my home .there was hardly chance she would waste and not make me notice that staying at home is embarrassing and that i should look for something more important and worthful .i would respond with same confidence each time as my children were little back then .i would say that nothing can be more important than looking after my kids and home and believed it totally because in my opinion a child is like raw material and if left un guided can fall into bad shape therefore mothers are actually constructors of human characters and they build people who later invest their energy in society they had gained from their mothers .how this can be a low job is beyond my comprehension
Good for you! You are absolutely right, of course. I did stay home for 12 years before going back to teaching and they were wonderful years. Once I went back to work, my children were not happy about me not being home when they came home from school. Everyone has their own path that is perfect for them to take that is the correct path.
ReplyDeletethanks for kind visit and words dear Kay!
ReplyDeletei agree that everyone has different choices based on what kind of circumstances he goes through . Just like your kids my eldest son and hubby were little disturbed because of my job job because both younger kids were neglected ,even though they were in early teens yet they needed supervision in studies and an eye to watch out for if they are using their time in studies or just only playing games on pc .so i had to quit and stay home because for me either their upbringing was most important .those were times when my both parent died in one year and i fall into depression and wanted to divert my attention something .but two years job gave me quite space and i felt better mentally
Dear, Baili, you have chosen the hardest and most important job of all, raising three wonderful sons. I couldn't have children, but I found fulfillment by teaching children, which is also an important job. Your sons are turning out to be amazing human beings, and a lot of credit goes to your dedication as a mother. Now that Terry and I are both retired, I am enjoying looking after our home and taking care of Terry. He has been the greatest gift/blessing in my life, and it fills my heart to make him feel loved and cared for. You have a wonderful life partner in Ali, and I'm sure it fills you with happiness to make him feel loved and appreciated too. I had a career in petroleum geology and it didn't fill my heart the way my second career teaching children did. I worked very hard outside our home for decades, and I was glad to have a career, but there were times I wished I didn't have to work so hard and for such long hours. There were many days I felt unhappy because I couldn't look after our home the way I wanted to. I think it's normal to think about different paths and what might have been. But I've also learned to appreciate the course my life has taken. We think so much is in our control, but it really isn't. I think it's important to have choices, but a lot turns on chance. We make the best choices we can at any given time, and we make the most of what we have. I admire you for how much you pursue learning and knowledge. Your choices are anything but lame. And you didn't lose yourself ever! That's truly important! Love and hugs, my amazing friend!
ReplyDeleteThanks precious Louise for uplifting words always!
DeleteDon't have power and writing this answer on phone.
I admit that I have been fortunate to have amazingly supportive life partner just like you my friend. Even though he personally wanted me to stay at home not because he doesn't like but the conservative environment in which women suffer ,still each time when opportunity appeared he allowed me to do job.he know that if he had not to support my younger sister in completing her education in our early marriage years I would have been able to complete studies and then having govt teaching job .But as you said there is less in our hands.after birth of eldest son my whole attention shifted on him and his studies. Then after ten years God gifted us two more sons and life for really busy. Meanwhile I continued my studies privately and when youngest one was quarter to four I have interview and surprisingly for job in best school in the city PAK TURK school but I had to refuse when they said I have to leave child at home because they take 4 years in nursery class.
I could have leave my son with in laws but for me his upbringing was most important as I didn't like how little children of my sister in laws would spend whole time playing in streets.
I think whether career women or housewives we all go through times when we rethink our circumstances and find those untrained ones better.
I feel I have lived a fulfilling life and as the weirdly content nature I have I hardly desired anything else. I think God has blessed me beyond my wishes because I never thought I will live life full of blessings by the grace of God!
Learning is something basic desire and I keep try to improve quality of my life through learning. If this learning will lead me to some job I will be happy.
Hugs and blessings to you dear Louise. Thanks for visiting and shining your thoughts ❤
Hello Dear Baili,
ReplyDeleteYour post is a heartfelt and honest reflection on the challenges and inner conflicts many women face when balancing the roles of career and family. It's clear that you've put a lot of thought into reconciling your aspirations with the realities of your life.
The longing you've described, to earn for yourself and support your mother, is a powerful motivator and it's evident how much it has influenced your life choices. The decision to prioritize your family, particularly your children, over career opportunities is a common dilemma for many, and it's important to recognize the value and importance of this choice.
Your realization that being a housewife and a mother is in itself a demanding and significant job is an important one. The responsibilities of managing a household, nurturing and raising children, and supporting the emotional and physical well-being of a family are often undervalued in our society. It's commendable that you've come to appreciate the magnitude of your contribution to your family's life.
Thank you for sharing your story and your reflections. Your journey and your insights are far from "lame"; they are a testament to the strength and resilience that so many women demonstrate in their daily lives. Keep cherishing your dreams and know that your experiences and your role have immense value.
John
Your words are great support always dear Jhon!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for adding strength to my heart!
Like many others I too suffered when learnt at 19th year of my life that future will be totally different than I had expected. At youth it is hard to make peace with huge changes of vision .but my kind and very caring husband made me realise that job is just part of life and can be done when chances are available and circumstances are favourable. He stood with me in not just against tough domestic environment by in laws but supported for further studies and in every job I could have 8n small city of ours.
His kindness is beyond my appreciation .i know that without such great pillar kids could never have such wonderful brought as hubby was great inspiration for all four of us. Having such blessed life full of goodness makes me grateful each moment!
As far as job is concerned if it is in my destiny God will show me path towards it .
Cuidar da casa, dos filhos, do marido é mais cansativo que ter uma profissão. E mais exigente também. Parabéns por tudo o que faz.
ReplyDeleteUma boa semana.
Um beijo.
and this is because of various mental states and strength that one are needed to face all the challenges dear Grace
ReplyDeletethanks for encouragement