Wednesday, July 7, 2021

The Stuff Of My Life


Sometimes i feel that is it right to share with you what i read each time? 

Hope you are not getting bored with my posts about books i read friends. As you all know this blog is like online diary and i have shared always what i have in my mind at time when i sit to post .No preparations   before writing the post and this is why i call my posts a "simple sharing" without any necessary makeup that may be is must in order to give post a "mature look" .

I hope i can make it possible in future sooner or later though.I don't know if my return towards "reading" can help me to post better and in  meaningful way.But i think such careful way when i think about others more than myself. Deep down in my heart i still believe that each single being has unique way of thinking and has gift to share.There can be oceans of meaning in his simple words which he or she may cannot convey in impressive way and through appropriate words and analogies.

Like my self ,i know i have lot to say but don't have time to figure out how to say it effectively .I used to write a lot.When i was in class three i had three big paper registers filled with my thoughts and poetry.My big brother burnt them all.But i continue to write and i still have four r five of them with me. I don't know when i started to  share my heart with paper diaries but i remember the feeling i had.It would happen sometimes suddenly and sometimes gradually during few days that i would feel some particular idea or thought is keep hitting and nurturing itself within the walls of my head.Then at certain point i would feel compelled to leave what i was doing in the middle and get up ,go and take my pen ,open my diary and write mechanically. I never ever thought something purposefully or willingly and then write it down. I wonder why ,was i not capable to do this or i dumb enough to not realize that i had gift and i have to  adore it and polish it.May be or surely i was dumb .

The thing that restrained me from doing so ,now i can realize was my care for people around me ,my family whom i loved far more than myself. I thought giving time to my skill would be waste of precious time .I thought i can use my time in far better and beneficial way.To support those who need me knowingly or unknowingly.May be i thought that my time given to them can make me happier than time given to myself .

May be i thought i was born to be  a supporter .I don't earn and it has bothered me despite of custom that earning is good but not "must" for  women here .It still bothers me to some extent.May be this is the reason behind my attitude to give my sons all my attention so they can focus on their studies better.we all know that teenage is not easy to handle.Kids are mostly tough and offensive specially their last teenage period. They don't feel much obliged towards studies. Therefore task for a mother becomes more and more hard until they learn to open up their wings and fly!

I am a simplistic .I seek lessons  of life in the book of Nature .I feel Nature has all the answers to our quires.And most above i believe that Nature has simple rules to follow that bring simple  consequences so we can learn from our mistakes and grow for better.I learnt this attitude from my observations and experiences. If  it would have happened differently my attitude would have formed differently either.So like all others i too speak behalf of  what i saw and learnt throughout the life.

My belief in goodness and my faith in rules of Nature keeps me positive that end of the day i will get my reward .What it will be it is inexplicable yet i hope it will fulfill my dream to become a writer .Of one book may be lol but i think i will .

See how coming back to the reading has made me little sentimental.I think i will be out of it in sometime.

I kept my reading The Brain Story Of You by David Eagleman on hold  when i started to read The Sapiens.I found it something i have been looking for  since years so i felt compelled enough to finish it at once (as mentioned in previous post).  I began to read"The brain story of you" two days back again and finished it last evening. It was different than my first choice for same topic but had many things that were worth learning. Specially why scientists are unable to design artificial  intelligence that can  "think " by itself like human brain.

According to author who himself is neuroscientist  there are so many projects going on in different institutions and universities .The effort is to introduce AI that can act more near to human being specially regarding brain.But there is certain limit after which all efforts seems to fail until now. I cub is project in which many robots like human child going under process of learning.But one thing that show us our limit is part of brain that we are still unable to produce the "Conscious" brain.Human brain has trillions of neurons which are physical part of our brain .When these neurons interact in response to signals from world outside ,this interaction create our "Consciousness" which makes our personality and everything belong to it including our likes ,dislikes,choices and decisions.

We have copied human brain but it is part only that can figure out and find solutions.But he does it by doing without knowing actually what he is doing.Author exampled ants who do all their disciplined ,precise and cooperative jobs fantastically though they really don't know what they are doing.They just interact through code like language and do wonders of creating astonishing huge colonies ,store food and protect it .But they don't feel anything.They do everything mechanically .

The computers and AI can perform all jobs accurately but without  having feeling what they are doing.This is is really amazing that we can scan ,analyze and operate human brain today but consciousness is still far  away from our approach.What make us feel is still a question which is waiting for it's answer.The day we get this answer we will be able to create superhuman who will have supernatural qualities and those will help to reveal secrets of space and time.

There is lot that i can share from the book but this part i mentioned was most interesting one to me.I am really  desperately waiting for time when scientists can reveal what is feeling thing and how it happens ?

What do you  think friends does soul really exists and feeling belongs to soul only ? 

I think Creator is super magician .He did magic and out of this magic we all emerged .He is playing with us by unfolding gradually how all magic works .How a huge tree comes out of tiny seed ,science got the answer ,how coal becomes the diamond science can tell.But can science tell why the maker wanted us to see how things process and what is essential for their successful survival ? 

Science can tell what Creator want it to think ,observe ,experiment and tell.All this requires physical senses and knowledge.  What he want us to "feel" is unfolded by him because to unfold we need to "feel" not "think" To " feel  we need soul .do you agree ?

please be kind to yourself and all around you ,stay positive because positivity is plant grows in the land of faith !

blessings to you all!



  1. Dear Baili, thank you so much for reading the books you are sharing with us. From your posting, I learned much more than I ever knew about artificial intelligence. Much, much more. As to the human soul and feeling, I do believe that our essence is eternal and reveals who we are at the deepest center of ourselves. And as to your gift, yes, I so believe you have been given the gift of sharing your thoughts through writing. You have such a deeply philosophical attitude and approach to life. Nature has, you've written, been your teacher. What is sad in today's world is that so many, many human beings live in large, impersonal cities with few trees or flowers. that is true in the United States and so so Nature is not a teacher for these citizens of the large cities. What a loss for them. I was raised on a farm and nature truly influenced how I thought and viewed the Universe.

    Baili, thank you for sharing your journey through books and your deeply reflective nature. I learn so much from you. Peace.

    1. i feel humored with your kind words dear Dee
      all i see in my self is one thing i can hardly appreciate and it is my deep longing for learning and my curiosity about life ,Nature and how all works for spiritual journey .i won't live until we able to find answers of these questions but i fell truly privileged that nature seems to interact with me strongly and responses astonishingly but how i really don't know .all i can feel drowned in ocean of gratitude !
      as human we are focusing our all energies on physical achievements and that saddens me . i strongly believe that nature 's physical appearance is only to guide us ,it's essence is some how and somewhere hidden and works under the core of our being , we are given powers to progress and freedom of choice .and from this begins actual game .consider we arrange an experiment in which participants are in a room and have given all freedom to do whatever they want .at the end people who stayed honest and kind despite of all tests are adored and rewarded .we human will never appreciate or reward those who cheated why ?
      i think we are given life and everything we need here on planet .we can do whatever we want ,no God will come to scold us and ask to correct ourselves why because we are already sent with sense of right and wrong and true and false.we are already told what is good to choose and what is nice to avoid .
      This is game in which we don't have to fight with others to grab more land or gold .but we have fight with our own selves .to say no to our own immoral demands and to refuse what our negative ask for .
      this is only thing that make us different from other animals the "humanity "
      but unfortunately we see thing from surface only and never want to dive deep because if we do so it will be really hard for us to accept reality and face and deal with it ,we will have to loose all timely pleasures that make us illusioned .
      driving ourselves from Nature is ruining our faith in divine energy and it's rules that are essential for our guidance and persistence .

  2. I am so happy you write as you do. We can feel as if we are simply listening to you talk. I enjoy your observations of life and family. As to your question of feeling versus thinking. We need both. It is what makes us human rather than machines.

    1. thank you dear Emma you are so kind !

      thinking is essential for survival indeed and as species we became better than other species because we started to think which made us struggle for better living conditions. thoughts are our well wishers ,they guard us too.but they provide us system which longs for our physical betterment only as an individual .we have made exceptional progress within last few centuries and this is because our thoughts have become more powerful and clear which make us work constantly and hard for advancement .this is being so mechanical and we seems obliged to do what our mind ask us to do.
      we need only slight conversion here ,we must give thought to our
      "way of thinking " ,our brain acts automatically towards signals he receives from world outside. we must train our brain to THINK BETTER so we can react more appropriately and create better living conditions .this will surly lead us towards better and enlightened life where everyone will have his slice of life peacefully and respectfully .raw feelings formed by raw thoughts nevr can be proved constructive and beneficial for all

  3. I definitely believe in the soul - in feeling - I think we are all tiny particles of something bigger. I find some of your thoughts a little too dificult for me, you are very intelligent and think very deeply - personally I don't overthink - no point for me - I just accept, absorb and .. feel! Nature is everything I know you are right about that Baili, we are part of nature - it is in my opinion God's face.

    1. i think regarding Faith in Nature we think alike dear Betty :)

      it would have make me happy if you would have share which of my thoughts you find difficult my friend .i would love to answer ?
      as far as is being deep thinker .i truly believe it is not my fault or credit whatever you call it .i born with this weird mind and specially in early school time i felt alien among others .i don't know if i am sick or abnormal but i never found anyone with same attitude but i strongly believe such people can exist withered in various parts of land.though i would love to meet at least one of them so i can feel i am not alien here .

    2. I think you are very normal with a very inquisitive mind I just get left behind a bit when you talk about neurona and brain function and the book is way too difficult for me read or understand I can’t understand how robots can be so dangerously clever :) I hope they can never feel or they would replace us and rule the world

    3. i agree that book is bit difficult but if we humans have to learn how to tame and use our most precious organ brain to live better life it will be essential to read such books because it is so obvious that to work something better we have to know it better first :)

  4. I like hearing about the books you read! And your thoughts on them too.

  5. You are such a deep thinker Baili!

  6. I am so happy to read your thoughts and the things you read. You have a wonderful view of life and sharing it with us is a blessing. Thank you.

  7. To read and to share the things that fascinate us is essencial, baili.
    I thank you for your inputs always.

  8. You are doing very well with all your reading - it's a good way to learn things. Well done Baili.

    1. Debra ,Christine ,Nichole ,Pedro and Margaret thank you so much!

  9. The human brain is indeed still very much a mystery to mankind. The essence of a person is unique for every individual. I would love to still be alive and able to comprehend when the mystery is revealed, but I doubt that will happen in my lifetime.

    You are not AT ALL weird of strange for having such deep thoughts and questions, baili. I think it is an indication of high intelligence and the rather rare ability to ponder questions and information and form your own ideas of life. Many people sleepwalk through life. Not you, though.

    I always find something of interest and worth in your posts and I hope you have the chance - or MAKE the chance - to go further with your writing. I agree that if we have children we have a responsibility to them as they are growing up, but we should still take at least some time to develop our gifts and when the children are successfully launched into the world we will have a good basis to proceed further. Thirty minutes a day for ourselves adds up to many hours over our children's growing up years!

    1. i have been busy with house chores since early in the morning dear Jenny and i just got chance to on my laptop after lunch .your words filled my eyes with tears of gratitude !
      thank you for sharing the light and insight of your existence with us my friend!
      thank you for kind words again ,can't explain how they uplifted my day instantly!
      you call this higher intelligence because you have capacity to see things with clarity and depth ,i suffered because of this for more than half of my life.i suffered because people think one who loves all is not reliable ,one who don't make group is with endless selflessness is most stupid.i was friend to all who would share heart and ask help when sad but when they need friends to cheer up they would join those who were suitable for their needs.i was and am happy with this but in past it hurt me a lot until i could hold on and ponder and when i was able to understand what it is though to some extent .
      the suffering it caused brought me closer to unseen force that made me realize that "he is here and that he cares"
      this realization made me contemplate on life i had in past and the way it developed to present. Secrets that unfolded themselves to me were unbelievable.i could realize that energy or force whatever it is was guarding me constantly throughout the undoubtedly influenced my decisions that led to me where i am today .this is astonishing and really difficult to explain how we are connected to that force from within and outside and how it shape us according to our intentions silently .each thought we process and each move we make influences what our life will be in days ahead.

    2. I find it very sad that the qualities that make you such a good person have caused you such pain, dear baili. Just know there are many people around the world who think differently. I am delighted to call you my friend, and I marvel at your thinking and writing. Keep being you, dear friend.

  10. I like your statement that everybody has something to say but they just don't know how to say it. Cool!

  11. I love your thoughts, ideas and book readings.

    You inspire me in many ways and I am grateful to know you.

  12. Dear Baili - I always appreciate when you share books with us readers. It’s impossible to read through many books oneself, so just listening to your thoughts on books can be food for thought. We "think" to live but sometimes we need to make our brain empty to simply "feel" the voices of Nature. We are a part of nature. I've understood why you write so well. As for myself, though my feelings overflow, I can’t write effortlessly to make myself understood well. So I’ve tried to make my photos speak, making my narratives relatively short. Thank you for reading and leaving comments to my latest post thoroughly including the old related posts through the links. I’ll get back to you some days later for other posts, as I limit my computer time for the sake of the health of my eyes. See you!


    1. your photos speak for your beautiful soul dear Yoko !

      i missed reading books for so long because i had habit to read with depth and consistency which i lack since years as house wife .it may be like was quest or may be some kind of anger that i started to avoid reading strictly like i was punishing myself for not having time to read though it was not my fault .

      thankfully that was bridged recently and i found peace in reading once again.this is also so true that sharing our readings with each other and our thoughts about them brings us more knowledge and pleasure .

      as far as is "feeling" i think scientists are missing something here .i know i am not scientist but as thinking my mind i can realize that feeling seems something far deeper and meaningful than result of neuron interaction. obviously i don't have the answer nor scientists but surely they will discover someday near in future when the One who selected and set us for the quest of life will want us to learn things further .

  13. Dearest Baili...dumb, you are definitely NOT!!
    Your writings bring so much pleasure and insight to the reader of your wonderful blog...and I do think you are an amazing writer. I'm sure you will write a book someday, and that it will be a best seller. You express yourself so very eloquently, and you make reading your work very very interesting.
    I can wholly relate to your sentiments...when I sit down to either write or paint, I also feel rather guilty. It is as if I should be spending my time on my family. On the other hand, I do believe that when we have a talent bestowed upon us by the Creator, He must have intended for us to use it! So, my precious friend, please do follow your instincts and write whenever you feel the inspiration. You bring so much enjoyment to we, the readers!😊😊

    Have a fabulous weekend!

    Much love and hugs ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

    1. you are always very supportive dear Ygraine and having fitting words to say Thank you is talent i hardly i have.

      actually i started to reply comment from the bottom today so as i mentioned in response to Laurie English is not my native language ,i use it only when sit to write post .when i write i write it at once with what i have in my mind at the moment.sometimes no time to reread and correct it .sometimes topics are important and heavy .i want to say a lot like these days after reading few books things comes in my mind like swift flowing stream but i find it hard to say thing what exactly i want to say and say them accurately .this puzzles me and i feel stressed ,this stress comes into my post like this one .
      so true about having gift of way to express ourselves and share it with others. keep it to ourselves will be cheating with one who blessed us with it.
      i am positive and waiting for times in future when i will sit and will be able to think and then write .this is my dream :)

  14. Dear Baili, you share so much of yourself through your blog posts and speaking for myself (and perhaps others) I am grateful and appreciative that you do. Your final advice to "be kind to yourself and all around you, stay positive because positivity is plant grows in the land of faith" is such a wonderful observation. The books you have shared are admittedly not ones I have considered reading. My interests are always more works of fiction, mostly historical fiction or mysteries. That said even though these are works of fiction many contain some true bits of history.

    Your posts are always more introspective than my own, which are more about places we visit and sights we've seen. I am always glad to read your comments and thank you for taking time to do so.

    Have you ever considered posting a vlog as so many others have done? I would never think of one for myself, but have enjoyed some done by others.

    As Emma commented above, "we can feel as if we are simply listening to you talk and sharing you observations"

    I believe we need feeling and thinking because it is what distinguishes us as human beings and creations of God.

    1. believe me i feel bit embarrassed to hear such appreciation from you and other friends dear Dorthy because i really don't think i can write well ,specially in English in which my vocabulary is almost zero .

      all i do is share my heart and ideas and thoughts that are forming my life since i know myself.
      I am thankful for this encouragement my friend from the bottom of my soul!

      i agree that reading historic fiction also bring little knowledge of history.
      i used to saw how my father had obsession for historic fiction.Later same passion i noticed in hubby .i would read only common life stories including translation from western literature which had nice suspense and psychological thrillers .
      i wonder if i can post vlog as it needs lots of impressive presentation and certain level of confidence though in past few time i delivered motivation speeches front of huge gathering .i was not sure until the last moment i can do this but those who wanted me to do so had quite faith in me i wonder why because i was very shy person then :)

  15. i totally enjoy reading you. Always speak your truth - it's wonderful. i read a lot of the comments and I would just be repeating all the wonderful ways people react to your writings.

  16. i say things with simplicity because this is what i am ,i don't know any other way to say them so it makes me little uncomfortable ,it is not i am not happy with my expressions ,it is about how to say them appropriately .because English is not my native language and i use it only when i write post.

  17. Hello Baili,
    I do enjoy your post, reading your thoughts and learning more about you and your family. I think we both feel the same about nature, it keep me feeling positive. Take care, enjoy your day! Have a great new week ahead.

  18. I love your thoughts, you are a very wise person.
    Life is sometimes difficult I experienced it with very big health problems and had to make the most difficult choices in my life.I live in the country among nature and it ressources me a lot.
    I also like your reading experiences.

  19. Hi Baili :) Some of what you posted today made me think about myself. I learned early in childhood to be a "people pleaser" because it was the only way I could get positive attention from the parents. This is not a good thing that I carried into my adulthood because I put everyone ahead of me. It was only in the last few years that I decided to pour my heart and soul into hobbies that I love and that I truly feel I have been gifted with. Nobody is dumb! You certainly were not! You know now what you love and it's never too late! :) xxx

  20. Baili, you are a very old soul and a very deep thinker. This is what I like best about you. I believe that if we sat down together with some coffee or tea, we would have some amazing conversations!

    1. hearing such kind words is honor indeed dear Martha

      i would have loved sitting with you and enjoy the conversation over cup of coffee about numerous books you have read my friend.
      i love learning and respect people who love to read and learn :)

  21. It is always interesting to read your posts about the books you read and your thoughts about them.

    All the best Jan

  22. É bom que leia e partilhe aqui o que lê. Ainda bem que gosta muito de escrever porque faz bem à alma. Eu gosto de a ler.
    Uma boa semana com muita saúde.
    Um beijo.

  23. I also like your posts about books, I'm so impressed with your selection.

  24. Grata pelas suas partilhas, Baili! A leitura acrescenta-nos e é a melhor forma de sabermos o que outras pessoas pensam... do mundo... ou das circunstâncias em que vivem... e que as nossas próprias vivências não conseguem alcançar... ou do que pensam sobre certos temas, em que por vezes estarão bem mais preparadas do que nós mesmos!
    Continue partilhando as suas leituras, Baili! Um beijinho, desejando que todos se encontrem bem, aí desse lado!...

  25. I absolutely agree with your statement, "Deep down in my heart i still believe that each single being has unique way of thinking and has gift to share," Baili. I always told my students, especially with regard to writing, that each of them was unique and had valuable things to share.

    I don't believe for one second that you were dumb because you didn't realize that you had a gift for writing. There was a lot working against you, and you were a child. I can't imagine how crushing and discouraging it must have been for you when your brother burned your writing. Be gentler to yourself. You are sharing your writing with the world. So what if it isn't perfect or as polished as you would like? Your thoughts are inspiring and educating.

    I would like to see you publish a book when time allows. When I first found your blog you were sharing a long story that you had written that is worthy of a book. And your poetry! Such an original and refreshing voice! I know how hard it is to write a book; Lord knows I've been flailing about with mine. It's never too late to tackle your dreams. You have tons of raw material to work with!

    Meanwhile you are focusing on raising your sons to be happy, successful, and decent human beings. There is no more important job. You go girl! I'm am so proud of you for many things! Hugs and love to you!

    1. dear Louise thank will be nothing before the generosity you show in your words ,i don't know if it is embarrassing i would admit i needed it ,your words fall like rain in the desert some of which appears in my eyes either :)

      i don't know what good i did to deserve sweet and kind friends like you and all !
      i just find my heart filled with deep deep sense of gratitude!


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