Sunday, May 29, 2022

I May Sound A Strict Mother

 

Sometimes i wonder if i sound a strict mother . If so, then it's not about my perspective about worldly success that follows the good education mostly, but about the "person" i am actually.


I live in an under developed country where education is though declared free for all until tenth grade still huge number of children cannot get chance to go to school because of  many issues ,first excuse is poverty ,parents with narrow mindset prefer to put their child in child labor instead sending them school with hope they might have better future .

Second excuse is "attitude of parents" as in families with even good income people try to avoid sending their children school . They think why child waste time in attending school when he can help in family business meanwhile . I have many such examples around me here sadly. 

I won't dig further excuse bags and will stick to the main point rather.

I was born in lower middle class family and i went to school in small village where hardly few boys went to school and no other girl at all. I was first to go and study . My parents had good excuse to not send both of their girls to school but they still did. Despite my mother was illiterate but she had an enlightened mind and proof is the life she provided to us and the upbringing she could do.

Hubby was born in the lower middle class family as well . His father was mason but very generous and reasonable man .Despite of hand to mouth living he managed to get his children appropriate education. Hubby did his high school and masters degree as private student when his other siblings did not show interest in further education .

May be things i mentioned above influenced my mind to some extent and consequently i want my kids to get better education specially when they can. I admit that i had dreamed to have career as teenage girl which i could not make come true and most probably i want to feel that sense of achievement through my kids . But the kind of mother i had who supported me always  i too want to support my kids to do whatever they want in life . They have no pressure to study at all . They have liberty to decide which direction they want to go and what they want to achieve in life. 

 In my whole life there is no single act including this post that i planned before . I don't know why but i am made this way . I have no ability to plan things which makes me consider myself a stupid person. I had no agenda for life when i had life ahead nor i have any agenda to work on now as well.

For me life is what new day bring to me .I pay Thanks for this gift . I try to live it with absolute honesty . And i leave rest on the creator . This is my only strategy that no one should be harmed by my words or action .Try to help if possible if not than pray and that is it.

I believe that life is given to be happy and make others happy .I want my children to be happy and feel peace of mind as well. As far as concerned is worldly stuff and success i think we should not waste our time and energy in gaining things that cannot make any good difference in our life . If we are able to fulfill our necessities that is enough . Then we should seek for more learning  instead of earning. Attitude shapes our life and i prefer "easy one" because complications drain best of us only and spoil the peace of mind completely and life is too short to cover this loss .

The way i see life since some years, death is part  of it  and not to dread for but when i will realize time has come i would leave smilingly!

I mean to say all this is that if i sound strict it does not mean i want them to succeed for the worldly things but it is because i believe that whatever they choose to do they should do it properly .

My eldest son saw rough times with us when our new house was under construction . He had to leave his favorite school where he had best friends . This was first time i saw tears in his eyes .But we were helpless because due to few loans the salary was not enough to pay high fee of that school (Pak Turk school) .

My eldest son became normal in few days and restarted his studies in new school where he had to take his younger brother along on bicycle. Time passed but we could hardly imagine that hardships had great impact on him which he had secured in deepest corner of his heart . He turned out a very sensitive person . He was responsible and caring already though. He passed his tenth grade and high school quietly . He had an old second hand computer  at home on which he would see Khan Academy lessons often. We had no idea he is preparing to apply in other city or he will leave the house one day. 

He did all this quietly and when after high school he said he will study bachelor in Karachi, hubby fell into grave worry because he had no one in family who did this before . It was new for both of us. Hubby refused but i stood with him . I knew how it feels when one cannot make his dream come true . I convinced hubby that we should let him go and hope if he keeps us in his mind . Hubby thought his child will be lost in the crowd of big city like so many others he had heard or read. It did not happen fortunately. My eldest son made us peaceful and proud thankfully. He could achieve all this because he had four things ,vision , hard work ,will power and above all  strength to carry all this with honesty. He had gift certainly!

Honesty is my grave disease and incurable . When my younger son (who got admission in the Habib university)  cleared his high school i asked him if he wants to quit studies or do something else . I said so because i saw him less serious with studies .He is really intelligent and despite doing just routine work he always secured first position in each class but as mother i doubted he is not for intense studies . My younger son said he will continue. He is great at sketching so we advised him if he wants to study arts but he said he will do computer science . I told him if so he has to show good grades so universities can consider him for scholarships because good universities are expensive for us otherwise.

 But again he would show less interest in studies . He would study for two hours hardly and this is when i would remind him frequently He would join his videos and games afterwards . I am not complaining but i know he could have done better if he had wanted to . If he said he wanted to continue study he must have put more effort to do it better way. 

If i am wrong here i would like to know. 

Only me and my family knows how much effort i have put to push him . What else i could have done as a mother . If i would not do it and sit leisurely i would feel guilty that time is passing quickly and he is just a careless kid who does not understand what loss this carelessness can cause to him. I confess i think too much when it is about person's self respect and honor . I would try to encourage him that  i want you to achieve scholarship so in future you can also like your brother can be a self made and proud man . Your future family should also respect you for what you have achieved in life. 

I m positive that once he will be in university and will engage into proper routine of studies my younger son will show bright side of him . I said so because i had read somewhere that more intelligent  students need extraordinary environment to reveal their skills . My eldest son whom i take as inspiration says about his brother the same thing and i hope it is true. I wish him insight and success as mother.

His proper studies will start from mid August inshallah! 

We are leaving for Islamabad in next three days. Hope we will find some cool days and little rain there . 

Though i am missing my home already :(

  these gorgeous blooms managed to appear today finally because of slightly cloudy weather ,my happy morning sight :)


      

Whether in the form of garden or just empty space Nature is always there for us to listen and heal ,on us to have ability to hear her whisper and stop to refill our souls with peace and energy !


See you soon if life keeps it's promise :) 

stay blessed with faith that gives you wings of hope to fly in the sky of life always ! Blessings to all of you dear friends. Thank you for being so supportive always ! 


30 comments:

  1. I'm with you -- education is the key to a stable and successful life, financially.

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    1. for me success does not means earning loads of money dear Debra believe me. even being from poor family i refused to take hands from rich just because i thought it will be threat for my self respect as due to joint family system i see in such marriages girls family and girl are treated unfairly many times just because they came from lower economical ground. i want same for my kids so they can have peace of mind and self esteem in future because they work hard to build their future .hardly earned success has amazing sense of achievement and peace at the end no matter what

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    1. i am trying to do my job honestly dear Christine thank you

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  3. I think it's good that you support them in what they choose to do, but also want them to be educated. You are a good mom. 💙

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    1. for me biggest pleasure is that my children feel free to make choice dear Sandi ,my only demand is whatever they choose to do ,do it in a right way with serious attitude because time does not wait for anyone to wake up and realize what has he lost already . for them i am just reminder nothing else .
      With education we can earn both the "light" for soul and the money for physical needs . if we fail to do so the half success will never be able to provide perfect peace i believe

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  4. Hello Baili,
    You sounds like a wonderful parent. I think we all want our children to be successful and happy. Have a great trip, safe travels. Your plants are beautiful. Take care, enjoy your day and new week ahead.

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    1. thank you dear Eileen , yes we all want our children to have happy healthy life ,healthy in term of balance they create on all levels of their living which leave them no regret at the end

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  5. What a wonderful support you have been for your sons!

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    1. according to my belief dear Kathy everything has reason . i often in past grieved that what i am made for ? today my Creator has started to reveal the answer for me i suppose

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  6. We have a different education system here so it's hard to make comparisons. We ae given and education to gr. 12 . After high school we pay our own way which was reasonable until a few years ago. Now the governments have raised the fees so that it is becoming quite expensive.

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    1. here government schools provide free education until tenth grade dear Red and then govt collages give free education for more two years (12 grade) . further studies are upto parents and students themselves ,everyone tries to pursue according to his limit . we had nothing when our eldest son got scholarship in Fast Karachi . he had free studies and was provided monthly help by govt authorities .we feel thankful what he could achieve with this help

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  7. Okay, Baili! You said something that made me mad! You are not a stupid person!!!!! Please do not call yourself stupid, because you are anything but!

    I think it's important to have some general goals in life and work toward them. But the first thing life taught me is that goals often don't go according to plans. The more I try to set goals, the more life tries to knock me off the path.

    The one thing I truly wanted in life was to have someone to love me for who I am and that he would be someone I could love deeply in return. My dream came true when I met Terry. This fall will mark 40 years since I met him. I consider myself one lucky and blessed person.

    You never know what life will throw at you. The best you can do is do is the best you can ~ move forward, handle the challenges, be a good person. Often that requires doing what is required rather than what you want. Hopefully, the good in life outweighs the bad. That doesn't always happen, because life can be so damn unfair. Too many people have suffered terribly in this life, often through no fault of their own. Look at those poor people in Ukraine or those poor parents of the children in Texas killed by a madman with a gun. You are a wonderful mother, and your children are lucky to have you. And your hubby is a great husband and father.

    Enjoy your time in Islamabad! I hope that you get some relief from the heat. It is cool, thundery, windy, and threatening rain here. I wish it the rain would pour down and clear the tension in the air. Your flowers are lovely! Hugs to you, my friend.

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    1. this is kind of you to said so dear Louise , i called myself stupid because i heard this for my self numerous time . being most boring person many that are close or rare meet say i am foolish and live in fantasy .they think the rules i follow does not work for all and i should go with flow and so on...
      with time and with analyzations i have excepted that for people who live under the pressure of physical demands i am stupid and because i have not met one like me until now who does the same ,i mean follows the instinct simply so i can be told that i am doing right thing here i surrender to acknowledge what other think of me but without letting it hurt to what is real and dwell in the deepest core of my being . And this is that what i do works for me has worked for me until now so i have no reason to doubt my ways. I like my habit of self analyzation and i have corrected my flaws ,i tried at least and i will keep trying with faith we all need to improve as human and this spiritual earning must not stop just like we don't give up earning for physical life .
      i am saying though i don't want to say to often that my faith and connection with Creator seems to restrain me from making plans and it is same since always . Now at this part of life i can feel everything happened for reason and things seems to have an astonishing pattern for me . In my unplanned life it has occurred so many times that some mysterious hand helped me otherwise i would have experienced terrible damage . This sounds unreal but i know it happened and many time . My faith has deep roots on these grounds i mentioned many times here dear friend . so i just live in moment and totally on the Creator's .No planning just facing what comes to me with courage and positivity i think .
      Nature has created us with intelligence and with sense of "right and wrong" though the things have turned out we deny that Nature has such rules and they are worth following . For nature we are uniformed creation i think and she want us to act in harmony and not selfishly . we are facilitated with everything we need in thousands years back and will be needing in far far future .we are given not just perfect physical figures to survive but mind and soul the realize and live the beauty of life as well and still we think it is random and meaning leass,each of us is acting for his own interest and is crushing whoever comes to his way . Nature does not like it . If we are not ready to accept her terms and conditions she has no mercy for us as well unfortunately because it is about "give and take" actually .we are not responding to her kindness with gratefulness and humbleness but carelessly and with cruelty . This is going to cause everything we are today .
      we too hope weather will be bit better than here though not much positive news about it . thank you so much for taking precious time and sharing thoughts that make me feel as i am heard by someone and it gives me strength to share my heart :) yes having love in life is like creator has completed me . it happened in many years that i realized it eventually that we were made for each other .i am truly happy you to experienced same feelings.without love life s empty ,hung in space with no clue of anything at all

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    2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, Baili! Your sentence, "In my unplanned life it has occurred so many times that some mysterious hand helped me otherwise I would have experienced terrible damage" describes something I have experienced at a number of critical times in my life. And also at times that I didn't realize at the time were critical. When I look back it reminds me that I am cared for and loved by God, a Creator, some Being that is beyond my ability to grasp. It's pretty amazing.

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    3. "Cared and "Loved" yes this feeling is blessing dear Louise and in forth decade of my life i seriously started to realize that there is not a single thing in my life that i wanted to have and made a willful effort to get it . it seemed that someone pushed me to have this life or as they say had gifted me but for what i wonder ? what skills do i have ,nothing ,no worldly anility that can give me such nice living except my simplicity and honesty that is ridiculed by all mostly . This realization gives me curiosity and courage to learn about about that force who is certainly existing within me and around me observing me every second reading my thoughts and learning my intentions .this is one who knows me better than me and this is who decides to put me where i am today with man whom i respect and love with kids whom i want to fine human being for this world and with peace of mind for which people do so much to have .i am thankful !!!!!!!

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  8. I think you are a wonderful parent, my dear friend! And you have a really lovely family.

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    1. thank you so much dear Marth ,family is everything for all of us certainly ,devoting our life to build their futures nurtures us and strengthen us as mothers and as person :)

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  9. I'm not being able to comment on you blog, baili.

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    1. sorry for the trouble dear Pedro ,i think refreshing the page before commenting helps often

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  10. You are doing an excellent job with your children and holding your ground with your husband as far as education goes for yours 3 sons. Well done Baili. Not every child will study as hard as some, a little push towards their education is sometimes needed and a big push for some children taken them in the opposite direction,
    Enjoy your stay away...take care.

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  11. for me husband and wife both are pillars of the family and have responsibility to support them in all ways ,here where i live husband is still considered a main bread earner and wife is to not just look after the children physically but make them healthy and secure as spiritually .i tried to fulfill my duties honestly always and thankfully my life partner shares my vision of life on most levels .
    so true that kids vary in their ability to study .in my opinion sometimes it is matter of convincing child in right way with right words .it can work in some cases if child agrees to listen and understands what is right for him otherwise later he won't be in position to blame parents at least

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  12. Hi Baili! ☺ I think it's good that you are pushing your son to study and I also believe the right environment will help a lot to motivate him. Education is so important. It gives people more choices and more freedom. I don't think that's you being strict, just loving and giving! ♥♥ Enjoy your trip! ♥

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    1. pushing yes i mean if he has decided to do something particular and as a teenager he misses his track often it is my duty to remind him to stay in focus and try to achieve what target he has set for himself . I am against pushing otherwise kids who don't show interest in something particular that their elder think is must for them .i think this is not fair ,we should know what is the capacity of a child and what is actual reason behind his disagreement. The mental health and satisfaction matters most for me and i will never force my any kid to do something he does not want to

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  13. You are such a caring person and mother. Having only sons myself I really enjoy reading about your kids from your point of view and how you do all you can to give them a sense of worth and direction, etc. I admire you.

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    1. your kind comment reminds me a statement my husband made on the birth of my second son when he got news of another son he said " sons are creatures tough to handle " and i learnt the depth of this only when i had to deal with my younger son to be honest :) despite he is very intelligent and fine human being in terms that he is honest and respectful for everyone he meets in life ,still he is naughty and really hard to handle sometimes .what makes me at peace is he is basically a good boy which matter most for me as a mother . i wish i have read about what hurdles you went through while upbringing your sons

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  15. You are a caring person and I think have been and still are a good mother.
    Take care my friend, my good wishes.

    All the best Jan

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  16. You sound like a wonderful mother to me.
    Amalia
    xo

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