Monday, March 29, 2021

Why Was She Special ?

 I had a busy day today  so could not reply to comments that i found today on my latest post.

When i read them now i wanted to type reply immediately but some comments such as by Joe ,Pedro and and Marie made me write this post .

First Marie who asked if girls are still getting married at 12 ?


No ,it is not like that ,even thirty years ago  when i was young girls were married around 20 or 20 plus .I got married when i was 20 .

I was elder daughter ,her painful memories and mourning  influenced my life to quite  extent .I was more boyish than girl but very much in hate with opposite gender .I wanted to stay with her till my last breath and look after her .

I could not do so because of troubles created by my brother and his wife .Those were frustrating times but i still felt strengthened because i had my mother beside me like a mountain .I could not do anything for her ,this pain seems to has seated within my bones.But when i think about what she would have done if she was in my place .Answer keeps me stay strong and have faith.

Joe  and  Pedro ,As mom told often story how she got married in such young age i remember that the man she got married to was some relative to my grandma .My grandfather was in army so he was some kind of help in outdoor chores sometimes.There was some argument arisen between my grandma and ex in laws of that man.His real name was Akbar and he was a widow. He was a supervisor in a Mill situated in Khairpur(my present city) for many years. He occasionally  visited village and visited my grandma either as she was his cousin and like big sister to him.

Once during such visit issue between those relatives of Akbar and my grandma worsened and they accused as she was planning to make Akbar son in law.My mom told he was like uncle to him and she was just little girl playing around  with girl friends.

My grandma was brave outspoken and stubborn lady and her stubbornness cast my her little daughter life time pain and suffering.My grandma challenged  Akbar that now it is matter of honor and he cannot step back. In short Akbar and My mom became officially husband and wife  in the presence of one religious molana(priest) and two witnesses.Akbar went back to his job in Khairpur  after few days .Mom  had to join him later in few months.My grandma did not knew about Akbar's character and cruelty and how had she known this and how reacted it is another story. My mother's two step brothers also lived in this city as Khairpur was quite  prosperous industrial city then .According to my mom and aunt there were lots of Mills and people were happy with abundance of jobs.Now there is no mill here .Everything is ruined by political tricks and unemployment is second biggest problem after copy culture .

It was an accidental Marriage .

Why i found her special ?Because people who suffer because of others for no reason they became irritatingly annoying mostly .They complain a lot.And ct as they feel nothing anymore .They become heartless and selfish and much more.

But my mom was innocent like a child at her heart despite of all she went through.She lost her precious son ( thirteen or may be ten i am sorry for not being accurate as my mom's diary is with my sister and i can't say i remember it correctly.Yes she had a diary though it had only birth dates of her children.And she lost him because of her husband.One can imagine how she she felt and how painful was living with this fact specially with my father.

She was true fighter.She survived this trauma and came back to life.She looked after us well.got us place called home.Reconnected with all relationships she left behind for more than decade .She seems have great wish to extract life from each moment she had once again.She was caring daughter and sister and whole village witnessed it.

Most importantly she stood for our education .If it was not her we were married to any ignorant villager forcefully when adult and  could not be able to study or learn things and life as we know today.Her dare to stand before her brother for us gave us life we have right now not just us but the way our education worked for our children is really reason to be as grateful as i feel now.

She though saw toughest times in life but those times could not turn her heart into a rock that gets no affect of emotion.When i finished school.Five times people came to mom from city of Rawalpindi ,Islamabad and surrounding towns for my hand and they had  far better economical status than us.What grandma had done to my mother could not make her thoughtless enough to say yes to those people without knowing my consent .And this was her second biggest favor in my life after education.

She was special because she  could keep her inner innocence safe during all ugly circumstances .When i think of her deeply i want go somewhere  quite and alone and start to write book about her.I hardly saw such person around  in my life again.

 This photo frame had a photo of me and my mom .it was my most favorite one .taken on my engagement day .i was standing with mom placing my head upon her shoulder .My younger sister threw it almost ten years ago during her one visit and snatched the photo and torn it into pieces . this left me heartbroken completely .Next day i put the name of Allah who is  true guardian of all us !

Thank you for bearing me precious kind friends!

13 comments:

  1. Sweet Baili, I have read your other post and your tribute to your dear Mother and it nearly made me cry. She was a real powerhouse, your Mother and I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did for you and she. Child brides are still very prevalent in this day and age in some countries, as abhorrent as we may find this but I'm glad you didn't have to marry so young. Could you perhaps ask the person who took your photograph with your Mum whether they still had a copy. It may seem impossible after all these years but it's worth a try. Have a good week Baili.

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  2. Besides being a loving person with a loving heart your mother was so courageous. She stood strong for her children. That is a hard thing to do when tradition and other people were telling her she was wrong. You have every right to be proud of being her daughter.

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  3. Baili, what a sad thing that your mum's picture was thrown away but I think you can maybe get a copy. I thought I would share with you - I had a poor relationship with my mother and left home at 15, when she died (she didn't live near me) I had all her belongings disposed of except for two photographs, one of her and her favourite dog and one of her with me - I regret now not keeping more things but they are only things - nobody can take memories away :)

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  4. Your mom sounds like she had tremendous strength of character!

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  5. Your mama lived in a different time and survived.

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  6. Your mother was loving, strong and courageous.
    Blessings to you dear Baili.

    All the best Jan

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  7. Family had a direct say in what happened to family members. Here the individual has much more control over their own life.

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  8. She was robbed of her childhood.
    It's not fair!!

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  9. Your Mother was an amazing lady, an inspiration. I am very sad you lost that special photo but it is in your heart forever. Thank you for sharing this story with us.

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  10. Your mom sounds like an amazing lady, I would have loved to have met her :-)

    I am sad for you about the destruction of the photo of you and your mom.

    I love how chose to replace the lost photo.

    Blessings to you and your family.

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  11. Pelo que nos conta, Baili, sua mãe foi uma lutadora, que fez o melhor que conseguiu, pelos seus filhos e filhas, num outro tempo, em que tudo era mais difícil para todos... e sobretudo para as mulheres! Lamento que sua irmã, tenha destruído uma foto que lhe era tão especial... e não tinha o direito de o fazer... pois a foto era sua, e estava em sua casa!
    Mas não nos devemos julgar uns aos outros... Só Deus tem a capacidade de julgar... e quando falo em Deus... será o Deus em que cada um acredita, tenha ele o nome ou designação que tiver, na minha perspetiva, já que eu sou agnóstica, Baili ... por isso, acho muito certa a forma como decidiu destacar a sua moldura, desde essa altura... até mesmo com o vidro partido!... Tornou mais poderosa, a homenagem que continuou prestar a sua mãe, através dela!
    Um beijinho! Saúde, para si e todos os seus!
    Ana

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  12. Much love to your mom! I am so sorry the photo was ripped up! Big Hugs!

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