Sunday, March 28, 2021

My Mom Was Special Person !

I was reading  Christine 's post and it opened up a window of old memories.

My mother was special in many ways .i know everyone finds his mom special but i say because she  had not attended any formal school nor she watched tv shows where we can learn ideas how to keep everything in order in physical and social life . She was simple person.She had ability to love others around her  unconditionally .

She got married when she was only 12 and to a man who was almost 36 or more.It was her first marriage .She used to tell us stories about pains she beard during in those ten years.Her first husband was though from same village but flirt and cruel man.

Despite of all bad memories she would still care for him when she saw him sick and helpless in his native home .She visited him and said she forgave him.One of His daughter this later to me that when she sad so he was crying badly.

Mom got married to my father when she was in her early twenties .They made a beautiful couple but only physical beauty is not enough  to make life successful . My father loved her but he had few flaws and being irresponsible was one of them. 

Despite of their minor differences my parents lived together and i think it was because they still love each other .I think it was after fifteen years of their marriage when space between them became unfillable .My elder brother had diagnosed with tuberculosis and had admitted to  the hospital in city Jamshoro near Karachi .My father had to stay with my brother meanwhile as sole attendant .They had to stay there for two or three months .Mom and me and my  two other siblings visited them in a week or two.

My father could not take the burden and brought the brother at home.This happened twice .It was against doctor's directions  and they had warned already that if treatment was broken in the middle you will loose your child.And same thing happened .I don't want to step down in truly painful memories as it can cause me mental damage i believe .

In short my brother died with t.b and my parents became strangers to each other .They did not talk to each other for long .My father knew he was guilty and so mom.Doctors suggested my father to change the place so may my mother can return to life.Here came My native village .We moved here .I was am not certain about my age but the way things appear in my mind i can say i was three or four.

The all pains and sufferings that come on the way to my mother none of them can snatch her "goodness" and "wisdom" from her.She was like huge sky upon our head ,protecting us from sun and shower.Like a strong undefeated shield saving us from all harms thrown at us .

She was Incredible 

 my mom holding my younger sister when we moved to native town after brother's death 

person.Her heart was filled with love like an ocean.Her love for life and people was astonishing despite of threats she got from both. She would cry for her late child like he died while ago .Specially on special days like Eid .But after sometime she will bury that sorrow deep down in her heart and would return to normal life where she would keep herself busy with so many jobs and hobbies.Her return to her village influence her health in positive way .She would spend lots of time with parents and siblings (two real and three step).She made every lady in the village friend.She loved socialization in village though other wise she was not such active social person back in city.She had few friends in City (same city where i live now).She would call them her teachers as she was so young when married so they were the neighbors who well come her and treat her like little sisters,She told that one of them taught her how to cook delicious meals.She visited her friends when she came to see me after my marriage.it was touching moment!

She could not make a dream house for herself but by selling her some jewelry she managed to have roof upon our head.She had a huge iron box .I think it was  eight by five .She had her all special things in that box.Her amazing clothes like which i never saw again.Her crockery ,Her bed and pillow sheets embroidered by her.Her few coats that she draw later and made something else because there was no use of them .her knitting stuff,decoration pieces and lots of toys that she had bought time to time for my late brother.


She would open that box when it was utterly necessary.Like in summers to show things some sunlight.Her care for things was remarkable.She would often wish if she had appropriate shelves to place things properly .This wish of her was fulfilled quite later in life when my younger sister went to America and stayed there for six years.She earned enough money to make mom's dream come true eventually .But mom then was not in age to feel excitement of this achievement unfortunately. She was sixty almost.It was age when those things start to loose charm and meaning for one that were so special and necessary once.Still she passed almost ten plus years in that bungalow  kind of house and  enjoying occasional visits of children .

It was her wish to keep her things safe after her .She would say this to me specially to take care of things that she could not use satisfactorily. 

What makes me sad more that i could not do so for some reasons .Last year during my visit to native town when i was told by my sister in law that her stuff is ruined and withered because of  the carelessness of my younger sister .She  showed me some things that were destroyed   completely because they were gifted to one of my cousin but not me despite of my insistence .i love my younger sister she is like child to me but she does not like me unfortunately  because she thinks it is good to stay away from each other as our way of thinking are so different .this is beyond my understanding.

Things are nothing but memories belong to them make them special and priceless . but not all of us aware of this probably. 

thank you dear friends for bearing with me !

19 comments:

  1. You mom had a hard life I am glad you remembered her today. Married off at 12 years old is heartbreaking to start with.

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  2. Baili,
    Your mother makes me think of my mother. They are survivors and loved their families. And your younger sister is similar to my younger sister. I feel your pain. Take care my friend.

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  3. There is a wonderful quotation which says "Our Mothers hold our hands for only a little while, but hold our hearts forever."

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  4. What a beautifully sad but lovely story, she was a beautiful woman, you really did her proud with this today Bali, sending my love from Canada..

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  5. Your mother was a strong woman. I can only imagine how much you miss her. I hope young girls today aren’t married at 12 as she was.

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  6. Your mother would have been a good person to know. Someone once described my mother as a calm smooth flowing stream. Things were calm around her even if they were chaotic everywhere else. I know you miss your mother. I miss mine too.

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  7. Your mum was a beautiful woman and she suffered some very hard times, she has produced you, Baili! the jewel in her crown, her beauty spot - she must have poured all her love and kindness into you and made you the special person you are :)

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  8. That's a wonderful photo of your mother and sister.

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  9. Married at 12 to a 36 yo man is hard for me to wrap my head around. Women have been treated as property for so long, I guess due to conditions an cultures that just did not know any better. We have been going through cultural changes in this country also. Marriage at 16 or 17 used to be common, but now not so much. Funny thing to me is that short term relationships or even arranged relationships are often as successful as relationships that matured for sometime before marriage.

    Your mother was indeed a strong woman.

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  10. Family break down can do tremendous damage to a person. There is much children don't learn when the family is in crisis. Things stay with people for a lifetime.

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    1. thankfully mom had no child with Akbar dear Red

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  11. Thank you for sharing your mother's story.

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  12. "She got married when she was only 12 and to a man who was almost 36 or more"
    WHAT????
    No, please, no.
    Have a great week

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  13. Да, вещи часто напоминают нам об ушедших людях. Необычная история.

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  14. Thank you for sharing your mother's story.
    The photograph you've shared is a lovely one.

    All the best Jan

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  15. I know that was all very hard for you to write. The love we have for our mothers never dies, it stays forever in our hearts. I am so sorry that her precious material things were destroyed, but as you said, it is not things that count, but the memories we have of our loved ones. That can never be destroyed or taken from us.

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  16. Your mother had a sad and difficult life but she created beauty within you. Her memory lives within you.

    In the Western world it is inconceivable for someone to be married off at 12 years old unless we know our history. We used to have arranged marriages including those at young ages.

    I love the picture of you and your mother :-)

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  17. Grata por estas partilhas tão especiais, da sua história familiar!
    Sua mãe, fez o melhor que pôde, dadas as circunstâncias e tradições da sua época, do seu país... no mundo ocidental achamos tal costume incomportável de alguém se casar aos 12 anos... mas para qualquer pessoa é tão mais fácil julgar outra... sem ter calçado os seus sapatos... percorrido os mesmos caminhos, ter vivido o que ela viveu, e na época em que viveu... quem somos nós para julgar, aquilo que nos ultrapassa?...
    Só avalio o que me parece conseguir ver... acho que a Baili tem uma profunda riqueza interior, e tal de alguma forma, foi-lhe incutido pela sua mãe. Não tem nada de que se envergonhar do seu passado. Famílias que se desentendem... parentes problemáticos, que causam desgostos e dissabores... irmãos, ou irmãs, que acham que foram preteridos a favor de outros... sempre houve e sempre haverá... em qualquer família... e em qualquer época! As relações humanas, são um universo muito complicado, Baili. Para uma única situação... pode haver mil interpretações diferentes... pois nunca ninguém sente um acontecimento da mesma maneira, ainda que o vivendo da mesma forma. Um gesto, pode ser sempre interpretado, com mil significados... com cada um achando que tem mais razão!...
    As coisas são o que são, Baili! Se soubermos que somos as melhores pessoas que conseguimos ser, com as condições de que dispusemos... está tudo bem, e estará sempre tudo bem, dentro de nós! Aceitação e tolerância... é o que todos nós andamos a aprender nesta vida... e noutras, muito possivelmente!...
    Adorei esta sua publicação, Baili! Gosto imenso destas histórias de vida, que nos dão a conhecer mais mundo, do que aquele que conhecemos... é quando olhamos o mundo através dos olhos de outros, que verdadeiramente enriquecemos a nossa existência...
    Um beijinho grande! Tudo de bom!
    Ana

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