Sunday, November 17, 2024

Hidden Pain

 I was watching Young Sheldon with my youngest son today . It was season 7. In the episode 13 today ,George the father of Sheldon died suddenly because of the heart attack . I often watch death and even murder scenes in shows .Sometimes i get emotional as well .But Today it was different . The way Sheldon felt emotionally it seemed relatable to some extent . I felt increasing intensity of  grief and started crying quietly. My youngest son did not know this but when he turned to me to speak something he noticed and paused the screen. 

When he realized i was crying more than usual he got little upset. He hold my hand and asked what is wrong mom. And what came out of my mouth seemed stranger to me even. I said " i felt so alienated  when my father died and i wasn't informed by my sister and any other family member. That burden seemed beyond my capacity to bear and despite 13 years it still hurts lot because i was really close to my parents and i couldn't say goodbye to my father !

It was truly surprising how my 18 years old son tried to comfort me with maturity and healing words !

This feeling seemed strange at first because it i could not share it with anyone in 13 years. Not even with my husband only because when i have to talk about it i have to talk about the hater of my younger sister which made her make such unforgiveable mistake .It scared me to accept that my own family can be as cruel to me.

I feel how everyone has to fight his own battle in this world whether with or without  support of family . We all have different ones. Mine is this probably to bear the stupid mentality of people whom i love most !

thanks for being with me dear  friends!

I am grateful for your love and support always!

Health Peace and Happiness to you and to all you love!

31 comments:

  1. Quando choramos a ver filmes é geralmente por nós que choramos. Ainda bem que o seu filho a confortou.
    Uma boa semana.
    Um beijo.

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    1. thank you dear Grace ,sometimes we can relate to the situation or character quite deeply

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  2. Seems you related to Sheldon's father's passing to yourself. How wonderful your youngest son tried to comfort you, just lovely to read that Baili.
    Take care.

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  3. we usually have light chat with our son dear Margaret and things never get serious so we could see how he will react
    i was surprise that his gesture and words were perfect for the situation like this ,later i felt he is emotionally smart by the grace of God

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  4. You have raised a wonderful son, Baili, who could talk to you about and comfort you through the pain of the memory. It sounds like your son will not repeat the mistake your sister made.

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    1. i think i just did my part dear Marie and the nature my son brought with him plays important roll as well by the Grace of god .I am saying this because when mom would share her thoughts about life with me and my sister and advise to be wise and good in life we both were there listening but despite that my sister chose different part unfortunately and she hated me for reason i have never given her .
      i am grateful that God has blessed me with modest souls and that is only thing i wanted for myself

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  5. How cruel and neglectful of your siblings and other family members not to have told you about your father's death. Anyone would be upset and hurt by that.

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    1. such behavior hurts forever specially when loved ones treat you unfairly for no reason dear Debra . only i know how much burden my heart carries when i accidently think about it as i try to keep my mind distracted because i know i don't have capacity to bear it anymore due physical condition

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  6. I missed the final seasons of Young Sheldon as Netflix only carried it so far

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    1. oh it mean Young Sheldon is of 7 seasons only Christine ,Here 7th season has just arrived

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  7. Loss and grief get complicated very easily. I hope that this event goes in some small way to help with your grief.

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  8. this a little while when my son hold my hand dear Red and asked reason and i spoke few lines with him ,it lifted an enormous burden from my soul that i have been carrying since 13 years without sharing it with anyone while being as emotional .i know it will stay with me till last breath
    thanks for such nice words!

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  9. I'm sure your father knew your love for him to the end. As hard as it is, maybe you should forgive your sister if only in your mind; casting bitterness aside is often a weight lifted from your soul.

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    1. dear Joe thanks for nice words!
      believe it or not i have forgiven my sister little long after she did to me .The pain despite the she has given me i wanted to stay in touch and take relationship on normal form .but it was never about me ,it was her who decided to discard me from family for no reason and it was she who decided to ask for help whenever she needed without being apologetic for any of her actions .i was always there for her and God knew ,my parents and my own family knew this since always. i did not mention her here out of anger or any negative emotion .it just came along because of what i felt and how things happened while watching show Young Sheldon .what i care most about is to keep my soul and conscience any such burden and i am thankful that i could keep it this way always by the grace of God!

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  10. I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope that you can forgive her and be free.

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    1. dear Sandi i have forgiven my sister because what i felt after her such cruel action is gone long long ago .after twelve years when she called me and asked for big help and hubby made it possible immediately on my request .it was our gesture that i loved her always and will always because i am made this way by the grace of God!

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  11. Where I live children were supposed to be protected. Because of this there were many secrets kept and children were confused. You had a right to know about your father just as you have the right to know if a child broke a bone. I cannot tell you how much I hate those secrets. I am sorry you were not able to grieve in a timely way. It must have intensified your grief. If your sister was trying to shield you she used poor judgement. If she was trying to hurt you she is a cruel person.

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    1. sadly my sister is cruel to herself first of all dear Emma and all the differences she she has made up against me only because i would ask her to put her life on right track so things can go properly with her family and specially with her children ,no other mistake i have ever made to hurt my little sweet sister just this and she put me away .her children can suffer and i think are suffering lot because she could not make right decision ever nor she listen to any who loves her unfortunately

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  12. Where I live children were supposed to be protected. Because of this there were many secrets kept and children were confused. You had a right to know about your father just as you have the right to know if a child broke a bone. I cannot tell you how much I hate those secrets. I am sorry you were not able to grieve in a timely way. It must have intensified your grief. If your sister was trying to sheild you she used poor judgement. If she was trying to huty you she is cruel. I admire your son to be a man and comfort you.

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  13. The love of our family is the best thing in the world, baili.
    The most beautiful thing we can have.

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  14. no words can be truer dear Pedro
    i wanted nothing else in life just a normal family with normal positive terms of mutual love and respect and i lost this only because my sister went to America and found me too old fashion and discarded from her life .this is heavy burden for me

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  15. Hello Baili,
    I am sorry you could not say goodbye to your father. You are raising your son to be a loving and caring person. Family is important, it is sad when there is anger and hurt breaking the connections. Take care, have a great day!

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    1. sometimes many of us create self made hatred for others quietly dear Eileen and this cause serious damages among the family relationship sadly .i loved my sister like my own child as she was six years younger than me .i don't know when and why she started to feel angry with me .when she took charge of my parents family she tried to separate me away even though she used to visit me meanwhile and pretend everything is fine .i still feel shock and curious and asked many times but she has no answer except "don't suggest me anything "

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  16. I was sorry to read what happened to you.
    It was wonderful that your youngest son did his best to comfort you ...

    Sending my good wishes.

    All the best Jan

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  17. he made me surprised and happy at the same time dear Jan ,i am thankful for that

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  18. That is really sad (not being informed about father's death)

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    1. this trauma changed me forever dear Haddock

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  19. So sweet and lovely for your son to comfort you through your pain.

    I can't imagine how much it must hurt not to be able to see goodbye to your father or be near to him as he passed from this world.

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    1. may no one do such thing to anyone dear Cheri
      it darkens the soul for quite a time

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  20. Hi Baili - I've never been in that position and can't imagine how I would have felt if that happened to me. I'm so glad your son was comforting you and it's good to get those feelings out and then be able to process them in some way. The grief we hold inside can feel so isolating and separate. ( I love that show by the way.)

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  21. i agree dear Sandy that the pain we hold inside keep our souls heavy and affect our life in negative way .though sometime it is hard to share with even loved ones because you try to avoid the pain let down you front of them
    glad you enjoy the young Sheldon :)
    here we finished the last season which made me little sad because it was source of bringing me and my youngest son sit together and watch same show that does not happen otherwise :(

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