Our weather has been awesome during November after some shower on Sunday morning particularly. As our winters are short and mild which makes inhabitants happy because extremely cold weather can restrict life's routine which does extreme summer every year. So mild winter provide opportunity for flexible living and let people enjoy more outdoor times. Though if winters stay more mild it effect seasonal plantation. Our garden is being planted now ,little late than usual.
It's been while I am back from Islamabad but memories belong to happy occasion still echo in mind .
I have a sad memory as well actually. My younger sister was not invited by my cousin sadly even though I gave her phone to her so she can call her but my cousin apologised instead only because she was frightened that my sister can create some scene due to her excessive drinking habit sadly. This was unexpected and disappointing for me as an elder sister. I wanted to have a normal sister since always with whom I can have normal sister talk but it was not in my fate not from sister not from brother unfortunately. I can only wonder why?
The wife of my brother told that my sister blamed us for not being invited which was really unfair because we tried to convince my cousin and she said with such unlikely behaviour my sister doesn't suit such family gathering where everyone is looking for gossip already. She said she cannot risk her reputation. Though she asked her kids to join and they did thankfully.
My sister is not in touch since she asked for money for her surgery which never took place according to news I got later from people around her. I gave her half amount she asked because we had financed our nephew ' tour to Saudi Arabia then. She called last week of November 2022 and said she wants to visit me in December. My younger son had rented flat then and my eldest son wanted to stay with him so can help his little brother settle . Have seen how during my recent trip how badly she was caught in drinking habit so I requested her if she want to visit she has to control her drinking for while she will stay here. She just hung up the phone .
I could not think what else I could say .She completely vanished once again .
Her kids grew up seeing their mother always drunk and out of senses. When we met during wedding and anyone could see the barranness and sorrow of neglected children in their eyes!
My point was to giving her money was May I can make another attempt to change my sister 's lifefor better but I should have considered that one who can't change for kids cannot change for anything else.
Thanks for bearing with me dear friends!
Writing this post from phone so forgive mistakes please.
Blessings to all of you and to all you love ❤
It's never easy when you have someone in the family like that. It is something they can not see what they put us through. I'm sorry to hear about those worries. And I'm sure thoughts of her must keep you up at night wondering if she's OK.
ReplyDeleteGood to hear the garden is planted even if it's late. I hope your winter continues to be mild. We did have a cold spell here just after Thanksgiving and we even had snow. Truly, we are in a drought here in the mid-west states.
Here's to finding joy in your home and being the wonderful creative person you are. You can only do so much for family.
thanks dear Ellie for kind words!
Deletemy younger sister was a nice girl always receiving abundance of love from people around .She stayed modest until she decided to move to the city and have job .My mom supported her as she always did to her daughters .My sister started to change a little during her early few years of independence but the sudden and shocking transformation occurred when she went to America and spent six years there .Unlike people who find such opportunity to improve their life she instead got addicted to few really sever habit which she could not get rid until now .Worst happened when she left her second husband only she could got what she would not if she would have stayed with him. That destroyed the life of her both children who had right for better and protected upbringing unfortunately .
I agree totally that such people are not allowed by Nature to see their flaws and what damaged they caused because of them because Nature want only one thing from us "a wish for "righteousness" so she can lead us towards correct path as in the world full of possibilities it is on us what choice we make and this freedom comes with Huge responsibility but we take it light and move blindly
Very sad about your sister. Alcohol addiction is a terrible thing but yes, only she can change her life, no one else.
ReplyDeleteAccording to science and religion Only we are responsible for what happens to us most of the time dear Debra
DeleteNature has facilitated us with freedom of choice and if we are willing to make wrong who can prevent us from harm anyway
she hated and hates me only because i tried to point out always what is going wrong and she can correct it .i feel helpless as a sister completely
There is always drama with family unfortunately.
ReplyDeletei think God could have designed world on "individual" bases too ,but he created family because he wanted to see how we try to stay together in difficult times and share wisdom with each other as no body is perfect and Nature want us to take help and light from each other as it makes a healthier living but sometimes things are out of control sadly
DeleteYour sister has a disease called alcoholism. As Debra wrote, the only person that can help her is herself, but you're wise to withhold money or anything else that would "keep her from hitting her bottom" and trying recovery.
ReplyDeletethank you dear Kathy for kindness !
Deletewhen she got in touch with me after more then ten years i was really happy despite she had broke my heart number of times with her cruelty .
but from next day she started to said things that she is sick and has to go through surgery .the amount she asked sounded lot more than such minor surgery needed so i googled on the website of hospital she mentioned .it was less . so i sent her 50,000 instead one lac and hubby arranged this money from his own account because we had already spent on our Nephew 's entry in Saudi Arabia and did not wanted to ask our eldest son again.
when i went to visit Islamabad i met my sister personally and she looked fine .the wife of my brother whom my sister often visited told that she never mentioned about any surgery nor she looked like she went through one recently. because i knew she is always large money spender and therefore my sister sold all the plots and jewelry our mother had bought for her savings and later she sold her house situated in Islamabad that was really heart broken because i was concerned where would she go with two kids but than later i knew she sold everything to get husband 12 years younger than her and all the sudden she was empty handed .knowing this about her did not make me surprised she lied for the money .my intention was to well come her back and sustain my attempt to keep advising her for having betterment in life and nothing else
I am sorry that dealing with your sister is so difficult. If she does come to visit enjoy her company but do not let her take advantage of you and your family. Best wishes.
ReplyDeleteprecious Emma whole my family know how she ill treated me always .but those were just her angry behaviors but this habit of drinking makes her out of control and she speak and does inappropriate things sometimes which makes me twice to invite her otherwise my heart starves to have her with me but only i and my kind God knows this
DeleteAlcohol is such a terrible addiction. As much as we want to help, only the person affected by the addiction can change it.
ReplyDeletethis is only case in my known family dear Marie .being a woman it seems embarrassing here in our society to consume alcohol actually .
Deleteif i was alone i would have not objected because personally i don't like to interfere in anyone's life even if she is my blood but only believe in sharing personal opinion smoothly without making other feel bad about themselves because i truly believe that everyone has right to make choice and only he or she will face the consequences .but being family woman makes it hard for me
It is very sad to read about your sister and as Debra said, Alcohol addiction is a terrible thing, only your sister can change her life. I don't know if she would even consider an organisation like Alcoholics Anonymous https://www.aa.org/
ReplyDeleteOn a more positive note I am pleased that your garden is being planted now.
My good wishes.
All the best Jan
thank you dear Jan !
DeletePakistan has so many such centers that offer help for such addictive people but she is really not interested and says only one thing that "you don't know what i know"
our garden is planted by the grace of God !
I'm so sorry with your sister's situation Baili. It makes it so very difficult when another's behavior affects family members in such a sad way. My prayers are for you, as I know it breaks your heart. Alcohol is such a terrible addiction, and I pray for your sister to be set free from the clutches of alcohol! Many blessings to you dear friend!
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to hear from you dear Marilyn
DeleteMy sister was totally different person when returned from America. And since then whole family suffered because of her upsetting behaviour including herself and her innocent children
I have been catching up on your posts Baili, lovely pics of brides. Sad to read of your young sister and the impact on her children.
ReplyDeleteThanks dear Betty
DeleteIt's a terrible addiction, baili.
ReplyDeleteNeeds medical treatment.
But, the first step, is the person recognizing the problem and be willing to face it.
It takes stronger heart and strongest will power to quit any kind of addiction Pedro
DeleteI have been trying hard she start yoga and meditation that helps enormously in leaving such terrible habit but she keep me pushing away sadly. I know no one can save one until he does not gives you hand
I'm so sorry to read about your youngest sister and her problem with alcohol. She is only give it up if she wants to, and it's a shame for her children to see her drunk and so out of touch. I wouldn't want her in my house like that unless she was really trying to give the alcohol.
ReplyDeleteLooking at her children has saddened me always since she broke up with their father dear Margaret. It is really horrible how one can kick away the blessings of God in order to be free .What a fate
DeleteVery sad about your sister's life.
ReplyDeleteI really miss the little sister I had before she lost in dark jungle of toxic desires as grown up girl dear Red
DeleteI am sure inside her heart beautiful and warm memories of older days might still exist during breaks when she is fully present and awaken mentally because we both know we had past when we loved each other more than anything in world.
Among which one is when she was in second grade and her classmate bothered her .even that girl was neice of school assistant principal I encountered her in strict way and asked her to not bother my sister again. Matter was resolved after her aunt (assistant principal) punished me by scolding and make me stand under summer sun until break time which was more than an hour. The lady was daughter of most rich landlord of the area and teaching was her hobby only. She could have expell me but she likes me a lot because I was quite obedient student with acceptable record of study. Our childhood and adolescence was full of such incidents because she was more a little sister to me
Dear Baili,
ReplyDeleteYour blog post reflects the beauty of mild winters and the joys of outdoor living, juxtaposed with the complexities of family relationships. It's heartwarming to hear about your desire for a closer bond with your sister and your efforts to help her, but it's also disheartening to witness the challenges she faces due to her drinking habit. Sometimes, change can only come from within, and it's not always easy to understand or control another person's choices. Your concern for her and her children's well-being shines through in your words. Family dynamics can be tough, but your empathy and willingness to help are admirable.
Very best regards to you!
John
So true about juxtaposition dear John.
DeleteAttending this wedding after 30 years was big surprise and joy for me where I could meet everyone I wanted to meet all those years.
My sister's presence could have add more pleasure to it but it got complex and serious when my cousin couldn't avoid possible damage it could bring if my sister was unable to control herself.
That stained sheet of happiness .but as we know life offers no perfection to human existence.
The sad faces of her kids hurt me always but this time it was painful as they are growing up fast and know that their life could have better way if they had a caring and responsible mom!
This was a sad post, indeed, Baili, and I am sure it pained you to even share about your sister's addiction. There is little others can do if the person is not willing to face up to the problem. You are indeed a supportive and generous sister. I also appreciate that you share so much in your posts.
ReplyDeleteOh Baili, I am sorry to hear that your sister has chosen alcohol over family and everything else for that matter. My SIL is also an alcoholic. The only thing that saved my 2 nieces was my brother. My SIL after a lifetime of drinking quite last year. There is still hope for your sister. Giving her money will not help her. You have such a big heart and I know that at times it gets a little crack in it. It is sad about her kids though. Blessings to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteIt is never easy to share about family members who try not to treat themselves and other around with kindnkindness dear Dorothy
ReplyDeleteI would have not most probably if the voice text from my sister in law haven't upset me that my sister is blaming me and her for being absent in ceremony.
This is really heart breaking.
Sometimes even people like feel hard to keep pain to themselves. Believe me I am not feeling happy about it either but doesn't mean sharing this with bloggers friends does not make my heart go light
I'm sorry to hear your sister continues on this sorrowful path, baili. Alcoholism is a very difficult disease to have. She has to want help in order to change her life and it doesn't seem that she wants that help yet. Maybe the time will come and maybe it won't, but you have done all you can. It's hard to watch someone you love destroy their lives and the lives of others as well. I hope some day she will have the strength to fight her disease.
ReplyDeletePrecious friend Jenny sorry for late reply I just saw your comment .
ReplyDeleteMy sister is pain that exist in corner of my heart .I wish she was a normal woman with normal life but she never was. Despite her constant cruel behaviour I never give up on her.she is still in my prayers! Even when she has reached on edge of destruction.
Her children are misguided by her illusions and I dear what kind of life they are going to have.
No she doesn't want solution but only timely escape like always.
Her kidneys are getting worse but she doesn't want to stop nor she want to take advice.
I can pray only and wait for miracle