Wednesday, August 11, 2021

My Elder Brother Came After Thirty Years

 

Twelve days back it was 11am almost when we heard knocking on our main gate ,my youngest son opened the door and i saw someone entering while smiling and greeting to my sons. He was my elder brother. I could not believe my eyes because my sister in law was constantly in touch and she did not mention anything at all about his coming here. It was surprise for me though not big one because i knew from the pattern how it can happen anytime. But i felt a deep sense of peace that he came to visit me after thirty years at least! It was hard to hide my tears of joy that appeared in my eyes time to time when i looked at his face .To be honest i starved throughout my life for times i can sit with him and talk to him like normal siblings. He was but fast and furious all the time and we felt nervous and scared to be with him as his little sisters. He hatted us for our love for the studies in which our mother supported us strongly.

We welcomed him warmly .I went to kitchen immediately to cook meal for him and hubby gave him company till then. We talked a lot during lunch. He seemed extremely excited and his big shiny eyes revealed so easily that he came for the purpose as i expected .

I used word "pattern" above .I meant pattern of  behavior of my brother and his wife which i observed throughout my life. When My brother was young he had to stay in the house of my aunt(mom's sister)for few years .According to my parents he hated going school at age of four and when they forced him  he would beat and injure his classmates and for what they had been called often to school by teachers to complain against him.When every effort went invain they decided to send him to live with our aunt because mom was having another child . He lived there for two or three years may be though he did not choose to go to  school even there too . For this my brother  accused his parents  for throwing him away for his whole life. When my elder brother died due to tb my parents moved to my maternal native village.My brother was teenager then .When my mother put me in school my brother objected on it strongly. My mother though belonged to village basically but had enlightened mind and wanted us to be educated at any cost so we can avoid suffering she beard in her life . When my mom insisted my brother made alliance with few of my cousins and uncles.

They broke up with our family to stop me and my sister from going school. When mom stayed firm with her decision my brother left home angrily .Later we knew he joined army.He had started to visit  us after one year but his visit would prove a storm for us.He would fight ,shout and insist that he is big enough to get married now so my mom should give her daughter (me) to her nephew so he can get married to his sister.One of my cousin wanted to marry me desperately and therefore he was poising my brother's mind to create situation so we can give up helplessly before them.That was time when my brother burnt up my school bag with all books in it and my poetry registers which were my diaries too. He did so twice in later years but nothing can broke us enough to leave school. When he got married with cousin life became hell for us .There was not a single day when our sister in law would not fight with my mom and use terribly trivial words for us.Her own aunts(sisters of her father ) would come to our home and try to make her feel ashamed for her cruel and unfair behavior but she would continue to create troubles for us all the time specially when our exams were near .I don't know what was wrong with her because i never gave her reason to hate me that much as she was my cousin and i taught her to read and write her name and some more knowledge.  Probably she hated me for my character reputation that i had among all elderly people of my village.Whether  male or female all the elderly people who were relative to my mother  loved me for visiting them regularly asking about their well being and offering them help specially water that we would bring from tubewell then.

They would meet  me with deep affection and appreciate my love for studies. My sister in law had totally opposite reputation instead. Inshort it was cruelty of my brother and his wife that i had to leave my  house with my father one evening in 1990 i think. I cannot forget that day when i did not know where would i go now and what would happen to me. How my most merciful Lord turned thing in my favor is another long story. My husband belonged to lower middle class family like me. But we made our journey through long ups and downs and our best weapon to make it happen was only our love and faith in Lord and in each other. For almost twenty years of my life my brother and his wife remained completely disconnected with me. When my younger sister would visit me from usa or my mom from Islamabad ,they would call and ask for to give phone to them without saying even greeting words .All my in laws would talk about my brother's bleakness .Some of them would say negative things about it like may be it was my own fault .I beard this for thirty years.  About ten years back when we tried to buy  a plot in our village my brother and his wife tricked us by showing us one but selling the wrong one. 

Plot belonged to her brother .When we found out we sold it back to him immediately as it was in lower part of the village and the one we selected was on the top of hill. After that particularly when my brother and his wife knew that we had little bit money in hand they started to phone us once in while but never visited .When we would go there on Eid we would bring clothes for them and money in hand . We would buy grocery for days we would stay there too. My sister in law never gave us company  nor she made us food even once .I would cook my food myself  .Instead She would say sometimes that money should not be spent in extra things like visiting and shopping but must be given to relatives who are in need. Me and my sister helped my brother in his hard times throughout his life despite of all his worst behavior but we are not obliged to run his whole house with our limited income. She has four grown up sons but with her weird complicated nature  she has turned them into so lazy and dependent men like their father .Only one of them earns and run bread of the house other two are moody and work when feel like it otherwise walk leisurely in streets or sleep whole day.  I kept in touch with her in a hope may be i can convince her in a friendly way how dangerous her attitude is about everything. She would talk nicely as she got me but she would always ask for more money which was impossible for me to meet her excuses each time.Hubby says it is harmful to make youngsters habitual for easy money ,they will never do hard work once they are used to have it so easily. When she saw she is not getting success in convincing me she sent her husband eventually to talk to my eldest son directly so he can make arrangements and call one of her son there immediately. My brother did so but thankfully i had texted my son already that he should prepare for the surprise .This was so embarrassing because he is our son but we hardly ask him to send us money because we know he has some targets in mind so let him struggle peacefully. I told my brother that it is not easy to reach there ,it takes lots of hardwork ,long struggle and large amount of money .When she found out it was invain she forced my brother to not come back empty hand but ask us for handsome amount of money. In short my brother left last day with some gifts and little money we could gift him.

I cannot blame her totally for this .My brother is guilty too.They both have same attitude and this has destroyed their whole family life specially i worry for my nephews who are healthy and young but despite my  constant advices they never loved studies. And now they want to rest and live happiliever after without doing anything. I feel so bad and pity for my brother .I cried so much when he left .This though that after thirty years he came to fulfill his own needs made my heart heavy .

                                                                  before leaving ,my brother 

What kind of relationship is this ? hubby asks me sometimes sadly and all i reply is " i do this to please my creator "

During his stay i could not visit you guys, sorry for this though it is my loss honestly!

i will from now on ,please take care ,stay blessed with faith which makes miracle happen!

blessings to all of you!


44 comments:

  1. Wow so much family history. It is good you saw him after all this time.

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    1. But how awful it was just for money.

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    2. i am glad that he visited even though reason behind this visit was not my love but his need ,i still think that everything happens for the reason and for me it was for my honor and happiness that proved it was not my fault but his negligence and disliking for me that he felt because i went to study unlike him and earned respect among family and relatives ,it was not my fault indeed.
      i don't know what was reason behind the kind of person he became but i know there are so many who bear far more than him but still create an enlightened life out of it.
      i strongly believe that what we think and feel ,what intentions we carry towards ourselves and towards life and people ,we get exactly same type of living consequently.
      may be science can define it as genetic progress i really don't know Christine

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  2. I feel your pain. We all have relatives like your brother and sister in law. They know you and your husband's kindness. It is a battle as old as time. Hooray for your mom getting you an education. My story is similar. My parents educated me. People would say it is a waste of money to educate a girl. They just get married. My dad would say he was not wasting his money to me. Ironic in that I support many family members now.

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    1. my pain is settled in my bones dear Anne

      it was always horrible to see how men in our life were different than others around me. My father was quiet man with peaceful habits ,he was second husband to my mother so he never wanted to come her native town where he would feel unwanted and unwelcomed ,still he did and this effected him negatively ,he would support us but leave us alone and run to his area may be just in order to feel like himself or better .that would give us really hard time .
      on the other hand my brother was problem child since beginning and is until today,he could not be a good son ,brother ,husband and even good father .he never completed any task or job in his life ,he left army after few years ,he later became mason and started to build houses for some years ,his life was on track and things were going great when suddenly he found out that his youngest sister is sending lots of money from America to her mother ,he abruptly left his job and pretended like an ill man ,later he actually fell ill because Nature and Creator did not like his ways i believe, once he fell from roof and broke his backbone ,secondly he again fell from wall and broke his leg .both times we sisters helped him to get back to normal life .but meanwhile my sister in law fall in love with easy money and so her children .it is hard to them now to work and earn for themselves .my sister in law put great pressure on my brother to visit me and ask for more sadly .
      you lived in developed country my dear friend and still people would say it was waste of money ,think how tough it would have been for my my mother who's brothers out casted her for few years until i grew up and people started to ask for my hand and from nearing cities some came actually for my cousins but switched to me when they learnt girl is educated .you are fortunate you earn and support your family members .i really think if i will be able to do so someday !

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  3. First of all I was surprised that your brother came for a visit. I was under the impression that he was no longer alive. I am so sorry that you had to endure the heavy handed selfishness of your brother and his wife. I know how it hurts to love someone who only has time for you when he needs something. As much as it hurts I believe you and your husband are doing what you feel is right.

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    1. precious Emma i had two brothers ,one died when i was little in age of 11 to thirteen, he was 4 to five years elder than me most probably .
      this one is my eldest brother ,he is eight years older than me and got married almost two years before me.
      it has been same for me since always ,i after my marriage brought my younger sister here with me and kept here for 4 years almost or more .she lived here when hubby had little income ,still he managed her certificate and put her in school ,she completed her high school here ,meanwhile she visited her friends and lived like it was her own home and her father was supporting her for all her needs. we had only one room then in which she would sleep and we would sleep over the roof among all of odds and problems ,just we can comfort her .still when she left she never spoke good of us but ill only ,she went u s a and became totally stranger to us,when she was earning almost two lac monthly in usa we asked her to help with just little money (60,000)so we can build our house without taking loan because paying back loan could put us in misery for few years ,but to her we could pay in smaller instalments ,she said she will see and after one year she said she has no money .
      hubby was shocked to hear that ,he could not believe she was same person.she had lots of money but no heart to lend us bit of it for while surprisingly .
      my sister hurt me more than that when my father died and she did not inform me .she did numerous bad terrible things to me i really wonder why .but she could visit me whenever she wanted because she knew i will be the same kind person .
      my brother behaved similarly throughout the life ,burnt my school books thrice ,scold me always for going school ,harassed us so we can leave house immediately.
      never visited me nor called until they were thrown out by my younger sister who lost everything as fast as she got it unfortunately including her cars and bungalow,,she was not in position to support them anymore as she third time is married to a middle class man (class she hated always and never wanted to be part of again despite there were offers for her hand) she has four children ,two from second and two from third one.she works in medicine store with her husband and waiting for time when her children will grow up and take her to America once again ,both earlier children were born in usa and are American citizen officially.
      i embraced my brother and his family but their demands are endless and my sister in law is really a weird woman who don't ask her boys to work hard and earn for themselves at least .
      i feel hurt and so embarrassed because of what impression they put on my husband .

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  4. Goodness me!
    I am so pleased you saw your brother again after such a long time.
    The photograph of you both is very nice.

    All the best Jan

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    1. despite of all i am too happy he visited dear Jan

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  5. My parents expected and encouraged me to get an education so I wouldn’t be reliant on any man. Our mother’s were ahead of their times, Baili.

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    1. dear Marie your precious mother was fortunate to born in liberal country and she had indeed an enlightened soul to encourage you to be educated ,i think education is biggest and one of the most precious gift our mothers gave us .
      my mother was special because she has insight which i saw many educated people lack even ,she had wisdom of life and she tried to pour it in us whenever she had opportunity ,for this i pay her thanks everyday!
      when i do same to my kids i believe i am passing her gift ahead

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  6. I have been lucky to have 2 terrific brothers, sad that one is gone. I have a few cousins that I will not give the time of day.

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    1. you were truly fortunate to have good and understanding brothers dear Joe

      i think when one has such sweet siblings ,he feels genuinely happier and strong .

      unlike you i am always ready to give time to my cousins who probably spoke ill of me but i know they can't think of me ill because they literally have no reason to do so ,i know it sound pathetic but this is just me

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  7. Like Christine said, I found the family history fascinating. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. thank you dear Kathy ,i hope i did not bore you ,when it comes to talk about my siblings i feel helpless and i feel like the ocean of sadness waving within my heart breaks all the boundaries and flows to you all to share my sorrows given by my loved ones

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  8. It's rather sad when there are poor family relations. Your brother sounds like a no good guy. You feel terrible helping him. He's abusive.

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    1. i never ever asked my creator to give me worldly stuff believe it or not dear Red ,all i asked for a and i loving family and it is Grace of Lord i have it today !

      though i cannot separate myself from my blood relations ,their selfishness is incurable i know but still i want to be around and help if really necessary and possible.

      actually when i help him i do it to please my Maker who's promise i feel within every pattern before my eyes and senses. His promise that take care of my creatures and i will take care of you ,i had this in my genes since i was child and i did it spontaneously and mindlessly without caring about people who made fun of me ,consciously and unconsciously i had and still have (stronger ,deeper ) faith that He is around and watching my each single doing and will shape my life according to my thoughts ,intentions and actions .
      when hubby asks me how you can bear this and how you feel able to do this ,i have no answer ,just " i don't do this for them but for Him!

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  9. After thirty years I'm sure it was good to see your brother, but I am sorry for the sadness that came with the visit. You are a very kind and loving person to still reach out to him despite the way he continues to treat you. Many families have some part that is troubled in one way or another. It makes it difficult for us when we are trying to be loving to all in the family. I hope you will soon get past the sadness that your brother brings you. Be happy and joyful with your husband and sons for you have a family to be proud of!

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    1. yes it was quite a joy that he came to visit me no matter for what reason dear Bonnie .
      for a while i looked at him by forgetting all he did to me and pretended as he was my most loving and caring brother though he could not let me dwell in this fantasy for long and dragged back to painful reality with his demanding behavior .
      i faced such troubling relationships in different stages of life but thankfully my patience brought me fruit of their acceptance and respect eventually but what hurts most is my own sibling's never ending disliking for me and their selfishness .
      yes he was loud in his expressions regarding how i managed to live my life despite of harsh weather ,despite of all the self made differences my in laws showed for many years .
      he mentioned how everyone was appreciate about me when he visited my in laws,one of my brother in law who always misbehaved with me only because i try to make his wife realize it was not her religious duty to keep silent when her husband hit her front of whole family and for nothing etc.he joined my mother in law to trouble me for sixteen years i sent near them .Even he said before my brother that your sister is special and respectful among all my family though nobody under"stands her here still she is respected because she treats everyone with equality and kindness " when i heard this tears started to fall from my eyes instantly ,i could not believe words were coming from man's mouth who hated and try to let me down for my perceptions and ways .how and what turned them as good i wondered .

      i thank my Creator every breath who has blessed me with family i dreamt for so long yes i do !

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  10. Hope your family finds its track, baili.

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    1. i hope and pray too dear Pedro
      i hope they realize that nobody is responsible for them but they themselves are and they have to take step forward and come out of false fantasy that other will be looking after them for whole life this is unnatural and unfair

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  11. Hi Baili, so pleased for you that your brother visited as he needed to make peace, there's always sadness in these events and they are rarely perfect; what a turbulent history you both have, but of course he was following traditions that are changing fast and are hard to let go of. I am glad your mother ensured your education. Your husband seems a gentle, wise man. You have such lovely sons that I can only think your brother must have gone home feeling very proud that his little sister has created such a strong and loving family.

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    1. sorry dear Betty my reply to your answer took place below the answer i gave to Margaret's comment mistakenly

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  12. That part of your family is interesting and your brother and his wife have caused you grief over the years - but then it's wonderful he came to visit even though it's for the wrong reasons. I would be rather cross that your brothers children did not get up of their backsides and go to work somewhere, not everyone likes to study. Seems odd to me that a forceful man like your brother hasn't sent them off to work.
    You take care Baili and you and your husband's hearts are in the right place when all said and done.

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    1. when i say to write a book dear Margaret it is because my heart is filled with sadness my own sibling delivered to me and greatly ! i cannot change then and i cannot change myself either so i will keep loving them though it is better to have distance between because they hurt no matter what i good i do to them .

      i feel really sad that my brother and his wife wasted their precious sons and this is only because they have terribly wrong attitude towards life ,they went after easy money and never prepared their boys for future.Kids who see their parents relying on others they do same ,only one of them has some conscience and works as loader operator (heavy vehicle runner) but his earning is not enough to run house full of eight or nine grown people .along with advices we both sisters tried to show them correct way to live life but they are only interested in other's earning which is so wrong and embarrassing.
      i agree that being kind to even such sibling bring peace to hearts and this peace is priceless to me

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  13. I wish he would have come to make peace dear Betty but he came for the sake of his comfort that he thinks i wonder why we should provide though he has four grown up sons ,it was never about tradition otherwise he would have proven to do so in other areas of his life too .
    it was his strange undefinable disliking for me ,just like my sister hates me for nothing wrong i did to her.

    she once said you pretend to be saint and think you have God who does not let you do any wrong ,you will be left alone in your life for this.
    if i stck with path i chose why it is problem for others dear Betty i am really troubled with this question.
    if i accept and love people with all their attitudes and behaviors and don't judge them nor misbehave Why i am an issue for them .Why my simple ways of life not acceptable for them which never proved wrong through any test of life .Why people hate me for i have in my genes but i still love them for no matter how they chose to live ?

    Yes he was happy that i brought up my kids well and specially that my eldest son has found good place in life ,he was praising him repeatedly.
    i always advised him and his wife to send their children school but they never listened and sent them to odd jobs in little age to get little money ,after seeing my sister's luxury life style they went their to grab easy money time to time .and later two accidents made their life harder but real issue is their wrong attitude and keeping eye on others money which is shameful on the first place ,my all efforts to make my sister in law realize her fault failed because she is not ready to acknowledge her mistake and insist to take from us ,we reject this idea because we know it will destroy the mind set of her boys ,we promised her that we will send one of her boy to the any gulf country so he can earn more and correct the situation of home .but we won't fulfil her false demands and this is final decision we have made and informed them

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  14. You have written quite an unfortunate family story, Baili, and despite the sadness in many of the incidents you related here, there is still love. After reading the introductory paragraph about your brother's visit after 30 years, I had the odd feeling that it was not just a social visit, but rather to ask for something. Sadly, that seems to have been the reason. Good for you and husband for having the generosity of spirit to be good hosts, but not to give him what he sought by his visit. You have raised your sons well and his family by comparison is very sad.

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    1. because of their changing behavior since some years i expected it will happen dear Dorothy and it did ,what was shocking here ,their surprising pressing demands for which my sister in law finally ask him to visit me ,they knew that i promised to them that things will get better after lockdown within almost year (which seems likely because of recent situation we see here ) i will support one of his son to move Saudi Arabia or any other gulf state so he can support them better. but they made fancy assumptions and rushed here to ask my eldest son that he should call their boy where he lives instead of gulf country .i cleared already to them that such moving takes long constant and expensive process but they surly did not believe me as always .

      how can such people be happy who avoid the basic rules of Nature .instead of being an moral and emotional support for their sisters they just keep demanding and hubby is strictly against it because it distracts people's mindset from being self dependent and self sufficient and mislead him towards being dependent and dull .I agree with him totally on that and i tried to follow this rule since i was a school girl .i tried not to give even a bagger until i am sure he actually deserves it .it is matter of my brother 's family and i cannot separate them from me .i feel sorry and i devoted lots of time to make my sister in law realize that she is making a terrible mistake here but invain.
      like everyone else i talk through my personal experience and for me happiness is giving and without having hope to get it back from same source but just do it because "GIVING " is one of the most obvious Virtue of the Nature and creator. Adopting his virtue in order to please him and feel close to him is a way that leads to "pure joy" to me .
      i keep trying to pour my soul in my sons and not supporting them physically only dear Dorothy .i do so because i think i have found a right path and showing it to them is my duty .

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  15. It is lovely that you got to see your brother after such a long time.

    It is sad that he came to you for his own selfish reasons rather than love and friendship. He can't be a happy person which is also sad.

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    1. He can't be indeed unless he give up living selfishly dear Cheri and try to be in other's shoes for while .
      i want him to be happy and therefore when he left it was really hard to compose myself ,i try hard and avoid to think deeply about such disturbing issues but that day i felt i was drowning in swamp .i really wished i could change their perspective so they can live life free of harmful mindset

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  16. Baili...family is so complicated. There are toxic people and there are kind people. I left my toxic family years ago and I have zero hope that they will ever change. I'm sorry you went through that. xx

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  17. you were really brave to leave them behind dear Rain !

    i truly wish i can do so because they never understood me and always hated for reasons i did not give to them .still i feel they are part of me i wonder why ???

    yes i too have no hope they can ever change ,i though tried lot since they connected to me after my mother's death but all they wanted is more easy money instead of my words and advices sadly .i am their well wisher so i cannot let them be such damaging to their lives at least not with my support .that is all i can do

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  18. Dear Baili, I am so very sorry you have had to deal with all this, but you are a very strong and brave lady, and very wise.

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  19. Dear Baili this is such a sad story. Shame on your brother and SIL. You and your husband are good people and must take care of your own. 30 years WOW! Many blessing to you.

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    1. shame is word for people with conscience dear Nichole

      all i want is they let me help them in my way but not by pressurizing me ,i feel embarrassed when they do so ,it is easy to escape it but i want to help them in real and i really want to seem them doing fine in their life though help must not make them dependent but it should make them way to support themselves with self respect

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  20. Você fez o que conseguiu e o que pôde fazer, Baili! É difícil ajudar os outros que nem sempre se conseguem ajudar a si mesmos... não fique triste! Lembre-se que seu irmão, também foi mais por interesse, do que por verdadeira saudade e amizade por si! E pelo que nos conta, se a vida tivesse sido diferente e se ele estivesse numa posição bastante boa, e se acaso a Baili e sua família necessitassem de algo, ele provavelmente, pouco ou nada ajudaria, repetindo certamente atitudes do passado, só para marcar sua posição e autoridade!...
    Mas... nada é por acaso! Deus... seja ele qual for... sempre escreve certo por linhas tortas... e há lições que só são aprendidas da forma mais dura!... Seu irmão... está aprendendo... e de certa forma... até estará colhendo mais, do que o que semeou... pois pôde contar com a sua bondade e generosidade, Baili!
    Um beijinho! Todas as famílias são um pouco complicadas, mesmo! Não será só a sua, Baili!... As relações entre pessoas, não são fáceis... e nunca foram, como se vê pela história do mundo... sempre mais divergências e desentendimentos, do que o seu contrário... o ser humano aprendeu a comunicar... mas em matéria de entendimento... ainda há uma longa travessia pela frente...
    Votos de tudo a correr pelo melhor! Bom fim de semana, para vocês!
    Ana

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    1. thank you for kind words dear Ana

      your concerning made me cried little bit ,i have seen such times when i was treated lowly manner and unexpectedly because i cannot imagine that blood relationship can be as ruthless .yet i try my best to keep myself in fancy land where at least i am doing what a sister can do without having any little hope of having this goodness back from them .what makes me serene most is my deepest faith that i will be rewarded by lord for this with some other way because i do it for Him purely because he want us to look after each other as we are His beloved creation and He surly want us to adopt His qualities as much as possible

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  21. right now i can't read this as I have to leave soon but i'll be back.

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    1. your kindness and honesty is touching always dear Sandy!

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  22. Dear Bali,
    I is a sad story, but you and your husband have done what you could for him.

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    1. it is dear Catherine ,being a sister of two heartless siblings makes me sad so deep !

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  23. I read this post, the comments, and your replies with great sadness, Baili! I can feel your pain and sorrow throughout. I'm glad that you saw your brother after thirty years, but it infuriates and saddens me that he came looking for money.

    I don't understand people who are takers, who hit up others for money and support, but who don't work hard to support themselves. You treated your brother with honor, love, and hospitality when he showed up unexpectedly, as you have treated him throughout your life. You have done nothing wrong. You can only control how you act. And it was generous of Ali to treat your brother well when he showed up, even when Ali questions what kind of a relationship you and your brother have. I am so glad that you have a kind and loving husband who stands behind you. You both have raised a beautiful family, fine young men who love you and are motivated to do well.

    I don't understand why children in a family with good parents can turn out so differently. As a teacher I met a lot of families and had an opportunity to teach as many as five kids in a family. Even with the best parents, sometimes a child can turn out walking on the wrong path. I think there must be a genetic component that impacts behavior. Not someone inheriting "bad behavior" (for want of a better term),
    but perhaps ending up with a combination of genes that impacts his or her behavior negatively. But I also think that we are not just our genes, and that we have the capacity to rise above them, and some people don't. So I still don't understand it, Baili!

    I admire you for treating your brother and sister so kindly, especially for doing it for your Creator. You are a better person than I am, my friend. I would find it hard to forgive my brother for destroying my writing and education books and for trying to stop me from getting an education. And I would also find it hard to forgive my sister for not telling me about my father's death. Your mother was an extraordinary person, and she has raised an extraordinary person in you. I admire you and her greatly.

    When I would question some of the imponderable things in life, my mother would remind me of a verse in the Bible that says "we see through a glass darkly" and that we won't know or understand some things until after our deaths. Somehow, that usually comforted me. You can't understand why things have happened in your family, but perhaps some day you will understand, even if it is beyond this life.

    Sometimes people dislike a person because they see in him or her something they lack in themselves. It shames them because they don't have the desire or will to change themselves, so they treat that person badly. All you can do is keep being the kind and loving person you are, Baili. That doesn't mean that you need to enable them by giving them everything they want. Life is so hard and cruel at times and filled with things we don't understand. It seems to me that you and Ali are handling things well. I will pray for your family's healing. I do pray every day, even as I struggle with faith at times. Much love to you, my friend.


    (St Paul's First Epistle to the Corinthians 13:12: "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

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  24. dear Louise thank you for your kind special and insightful words always that mean more than lot to me ,i know i can't pay back this kindness to you because i am such a naïve person you know that .

    our new internet is making mess by disappearing once in a whil.one of my younger son's friend suggested but i think we will switch to the older one.
    i could not visit nor reply to comments since soem days because of this problem.

    my brother was earning well enough to run bread of his family until my sister went to US and she asked my brother to built her house in Islamabad .my brother and his wife both went under the trance of my sister's suddenly changed lifestyle and the luxury she could afford. i don't know why it influenced their life as badly that my brother left his job and insisted to look after my sister's property as she was in foreign . this spoiled their attitude somehow and my brother became a strange man with no self respect at all. His wife behaved similarly and some of his children too. they developed dependency horribly on others .wife of my brother would say all the time to her husband that "your sister should look after his family as they can afford it .how bad that your both sisters are living in comfort and you are in misery "
    i think she tried to put us in trouble but she destroyed the life of her own kids by misguiding them .during my brother's stay i tried really hard to make him understand that their way of thinking is leading them towards great damage and they should correct themselves immediately .he agreed to me on my face but i don't know if he really got my point.

    i can't blame their kids as their mother has filled their souls with her own inner poison . she hardly let them talk to me directly because she is scared that i will try to clear their minds which she has fogged out with her ignorance. Though she ask them to send me voice messages for the money with various excuses sadly .i really feel bad for them as they are young healthy with natural potential to progress for better in life but their wrong attitude has blocked their way from all sides .

    i can only imagine the mother of wise and kind daughter like you must be amazingly generous and intellectual woman dear Louise .so true that as we age if we have curiosity and insight life unfolds her secrets slowly before us .
    i often think why despite of all my deep strong love for my parents i could not help them to stop from facing such fate eventually .what did they do wrong in their life which followed them and met them at the end no matter how hard i tried to avoid it. I think we all made mistakes as human ,they did too and whatever happened might be result of those mistakes. This trauma is going to stay in my bones forever but i learnt that what i can do is to avoid it is being clear head and avoiding mistakes as much as possible .

    i thankfully never misbehaved to any single person in my life dear Louise and i tried hard to keep calm when someone is forcing me to respond so it can give him sense of achievement .i did so in early years of my marriage but after bearing everything for four years until i got slap .this finally made me speak and stand for myself.
    otherwise i melted toughest hearts where ever i went because i never ever be first to create mess nor i respond badly to those who do so to me. i always have responded with what i have within me and this is love and humbleness only because i truly see everything and everyone as creature of my Creator with which i am co existing .i am trying hard to make my existence successful and this is possible when please Him as much as i can possibly! i born with this faith .

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  25. I'm kind of speechless in a way. You are the sweetest soul and i love reading your stories. I wish it had been different for you and the family. Our customs of course are so different in our country but in yours the family loyalty runs so deeply and sometimes it seems a cruel taskmaster with what's expected in children or adults..siblings...etc. But then in our own ways there are a lot of dysfunctional families here dealing with generations of things that one can find hard to explain. You are a strong person, wow. You deserve love for who you are, from your brother, not someone looking for money. I imagine to be around you is to see a light that isn't always apparent in others even though it's there.

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