Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Tough Teenage


I  knew  nothing  about  difference  that  comes into our thought  pattern  as  we  age.

We  were  two  sister   and  one  brother. Our  brother  was  most  tough   adolescent. He  was  8  years  older  than me . I  really  don't  know  what  made  him  like  this  but  he  was  completely  off track. 

He  was  angry  with  us  and  with  parents. According  to  him  he  was left  alone  in  village  at  aunt's  house .It  happened  when  my  elder  brother  was  suffering  with  t.b and  hospitalized  in Jamshoro city . Parents  left  my  eldest  brother  with aunt's   because  he  was  difficult  to  handle  specially  when  both  parents  were  on  run  to  hospital  in other  city .They  feared  that  he  could  harm  us with  his behavior. He  stayed  there  almost  for  few months  . We  moved  village  after  my  younger  brother  could  not  survive and  died at  age  of  thirteen. 

 He  was  problem  child  in school  so  hardly  could  study  till five grade. Parents  would  always   run to his school  as  complains  about  him  were  never  ending.

My  mother  would  often  try  to  cover  his  mistakes but  father  was  unforgiving .It  is  sad  when  first  son disappoints  you  completely .  As mother i  can  understand  it now. We  both  sisters  went  school  fondly . Brother  hatted  us  for  that.

In  short  we  could  only  wish  that  we  might  have had  him  like  an  actual  brother  who  love  and  protect  their sisters  .There  is  though  one  incident  i  could  remember  about  his  care  for  me. Once  i  was  expecting  first  child .Mother  had  to  take  me  hospital  immediately . The lady  doctor  to  whom  we  were  in  contact   since  months , did  not  show  for  some  reason . I  was  in  pain  and  mom  started  to  cry .I  remember  that  my  brother  picked  up  the  stone  and  threatened  shoutingly   that,  
"if  no one  came  to  see  my  sister  i  will  break  out  the  windows  of  hospital  building ". Staff  immediately  arranged  ambulance  and  we  moved   to  hospital  further  within  city.We   were  mostly  afraid  of  him. He  would  pick  any  tiny  thing and  start  to  argue.Still we  loved  him .And  in  life  later  we  proved  it time to time.

He  is  not  the  same  person  of course .He  is almost  58  old Many  times  got  serious  injuries  but  recovered .No  big health  issue though  still  he  is  Problem  man  of  the  house. His  family  is  unhappy  with  his  attitude .I still  wonder  why  he was , is  like  this? I  wish  he  was  a normal  person  with  normal  psyche ,so  we  could  have  relationships  like  normal  siblings.

When  as  mom  i think  about  my  own  mother i  can   realize   why  she   loved  me  more  than  other .I  mean she  often  said  that  she  is  so  happy  to  have  me. Now  i  know  why  was  so, I  was  easy  to  deal with  as  child  or  adolescent  . If  she  would  forbid  to  do  something  i  would  not  do .When  i  was  between  7  to  ten  i  probably  tried  to  break  her  rules  sometimes  because  outings  with  friends  were most  tempting  and  hard  to  obey  the  rules related to forbade . 

But  as  i  grew  i  became  more  close  to  my  mom. Her  stories  ,her  house  work ,her  troubles  ,her  sorrows  and  regrets ,her grief  about  my  dead  brother and  her  cold war  with  father,her  dreams  about  her  daughter  and  above  all her  lament  for  her  son  who failed  her  completely ,everything  is  heard  numerous  times  and  is  absorbed  in  my  bones so deep!

So  the  more  i  knew  her  the  more  i  followed  her  words.She  was  sky  above  my  head and  ground  under  my  being.My  world  was  orbiting  around  her.I  thought  this  was  my  life  and  all  my  aim  was  to  bring  happiness  to her  life  somehow.

 She  called  me  special  girl  as  i  was  always  desperate to  give  her  surprise  through  my  little  chores  and  efforts. We  both  were  source  of   energy  for  each other. 

My  Sister  was  bit  different .She  was  almost well  totally  opposite  to  me.It  was  hard  for  mom  to  deal  with  her  as  teenager.She  was  beauty  with  brain .People  who  got  brain  are  always  hard  to  convince aren't they? Mom  loved  her so  much ,so  did  she though  her  ways  of expression  were different .

I  can  never  ever  thank  enough  for  grace  of  God that  he  blessed  me  with  my  first  son  who  was  astonishingly understanding teenager.Those were  hard  times  financially and  emotionally too.Our  marital  life  was  facing  many  problems  at  same  time. I  think  this  made  my  eldest  son  mature  earlier .He  was  not  demanding  at  all. He  had  rich  friends at  school  but  never  tried  to  compete  in  anything.They  are  still  good friends. Sometimes  it  hurts  me that  he  could  not  enjoy  his  childhood as  much as  his  both  younger  brothers  can!  

 When  i  said  that  i  had  no  idea  about  teenage  problems before, it was  till  the birth of  my  second  son .

He  was  really  cute and  smart  since  beginning .Born  after  ten  years  of  gap  so  was  waited  and  welcomed  warmly ,specially  by  my  husband  who  never  say  no  to  him. He  got  bit  restless  soul.He  is  only  naughty  kid  as  my  youngest  one  is  truly  an  innocent  soul. He  reminds  me  of  my teenage self,so  easy  to convince and  always  trying  to  make  parents  happy.
Younger  one  is  tough  one  though . No one can  convince  him  until  he  is in mood  to  listen. If  he  listens ,he takes  no  time to  agree though.But  special occasion  is  rare  :(

How  were  you  as  adolescent ?




37 comments:

  1. It is astounding how people can be different. This is even true of people who were raised in near identical ways. Adolescence can also be such a difficult time for some. It is all part of the diversity that makes life interesting.

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  2. We are all unique in our own way. And we change in certain ways as we mature. Both my daughters were not difficult as teenagers and I'm so grateful for that. They do have strong personalities but I never had a hard time with them. I was very rebellious in my youth, but I feel that it was important to be that way. I grew up in a very oppressive community and if I didn't stand firm, I wouldn't be the person I am today and neither would my girls.

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    1. I love people woth strong personalities dear Martha

      I was strong too as individual but when it comes to family i like to be flexible
      I was always and still am like this

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  3. Sorry to learn of your older brother, life has difficult challenges.

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    1. Yes it has certainly Christine

      Challenges are something that discover true of us :)

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  4. I verbally challenged everything as a teenager, but I would usually do as I was told. My own children, all different, were good kids, but like most teenagers, they had their own thoughts and were trying to become independent and we sometimes butted heads. Those are not easy years for parents or their children. It has always been that way and It will be that way.

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    1. Thank you for dropping by my friend!

      This is amazing that your kuds were easier to deal with otherwise teenager of newer generation are jeard to be more difficult
      I think the less will be the generation gap between parents and kids the more it will be easy to cummuniucate

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  5. I was a studious child, quiet, musical and a good girl, as my parents said. Children in the same family can be so different.

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    1. your teenage image sounds fascinating dear Marie :)

      i had some shades you mentioned here yet there bits of complexities added by circumstances and environment
      difference between sibling is always amazing ,rising from same blood and being shockingly different surprising to me
      my grandma used to say that a child can inherit his nature to his twelve previous generations ,some say it can be seven back to his parents ,he can be any of them or blend of those who existed before him ,how weird

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  6. Your last question was a very surprise ending to your post. I was not a warm fuzzy teenager. I wanted to be liked but wasn't and acted out...not badly but still was a bit difficult.

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    1. thank you for reading my post to till it's end ,could be challenging lol dear Red

      it seems you that you had someone around to compete with and find adoration :)

      i bet you got what you wanted :) as you were adorable child i believe
      difficulties related to teenage psyche can be different ,some are confident ,some over confident ,some shy ,some daring all is good but parents children friendship can solve the most of problems i believe
      once a child is abundant emotionally he starts to look for others whom can he trust and share ,keeps secrets from parents and life get complicated for both parties

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  7. Our families of origin so often shape us for the rest of our life. But of course, innate personality plays a role too.

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    1. so true dear Debra

      we mostly are mixture of our ancestors and only our parent can know this ,what we adopt from life we shape this learning in the angle fixed by our own perspective

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  8. I was what I would consider normal. I loved and admired my parents. I usually obeyed their wishes and lived as they wished me to do. But I had my moments of misbehaving. At times I was a real trial for my parents. Often I have said that I am amazed at how much alike my children are and at the same time so different.

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    1. how blessed you were to be "good girl " for your parents dear Emma :)))

      i can only imagine that how such teenagers can make life of their parents easy and less stressful :)

      i bet you were as amazing mom as were a wonderful daughter ,and your lovely kids are reward to your beautiful being

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  9. When I was teenager, I had a bunch of school assignments and extracurricular activities, so exhausted :)

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    1. haha
      how exciting to live such incredibly active life during study years dear Evi :)

      i laughed because it reminded me some of my seniors in school who were always on top when it came to extracurricular activities ,yet they were great in their studies mi was fan of them :)

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  10. I was a determined student. If I could not get a scholarship, I would not go to college. I earned one, thank you Dear Lord!

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    1. i believe you will always be proud of yourself for this achievement dear Susan :)

      during such tough and disturbing period of age it needs an unshakable focus and steadiness to do so :) gratitude is product of faith indeed your's was strong in him and in yourself :)

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  11. I think I was less trouble than most, but my folks might not agree. Teenage years are often horrible years for parent and child.

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    1. this must have been relief for your parents dear Joe

      i agree that teenage is most delicate and challenging period of life ,it determines mostly what a person going to be in future because most part of his belief and attitude develop meanwhile
      closeness among kids and parents can lessen the probability of more damage though

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  12. We each have our own way and personality, and sometimes finding our way through life can be challenging, but it is the web of life. It can sometimes be quite beautiful while at times complicated … if we all went smoothly along some may find life a little boring.

    Take care, my blogging friend and enjoy the rest of your week, the days seem to fly by.

    All the best Jan

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    1. i agree that hardships come to explore our true version dear Jan :) they not just teach us great lessons about life but bring maturity and flexibility in our approach towards life
      hope your days are filled with grace of Lord either my friend :)

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  13. Interesting reading about your family.
    As a teenager as far as I recall was ok, happy and enjoyed what I did.

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    1. that is what important dear Margaret ,because when whatever we do we enjoy it makes us happy :)

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  14. I was a nice guy (still am).
    And my two lovely daughters are my dream come true.

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  15. i believe you were and are dear Pedro :)

    how peace to have daughter who can make your dreams come true ,such a pride :)

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  16. Thank you for sharing your story. It isn't so different from others around the world. We may have different cultures or dress, religion, food etc. But we still deal with sons, daughters, sisters, brothers and mothers and fathers. That is the same.
    No one really has the answer of what to do. We all do our best and learn as we go along.

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  17. Thank you for sharing such a personal, heartfelt post:)
    As a teenager, I was alone. Always alone.

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  18. It is sad that your elder brother's behavior has always made life difficult for those around him. As a parent I always wanted my children to get along because after my husband and I are gone they will only have each other from their family of origin. But they are not much alike and it seems they do not share much closeness. Still, my brother and I are also not much alike and as we have aged we have drawn closer, so there is hope. It is strange, isn't it, that children born to the same parents can turn out so differently.

    I was a quiet child who liked harmony and I have grown into the same kind of adult. My mother had high expectations for my brother and I, and in general we tried to please her. She was our dominant parent; our dad didn't have much to do with our upbringing but he was still a big influence on me. Or maybe we were just so alike in personality that we understood each other better than my mom and I did.

    A very interesting post and you have made me think.

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  19. Dearest Baili...oh thank you so much for sharing your own personal story. It seems to me, too, that whatever country or culture we are born into...it makes no difference at all in our experiences of growing up. We are all individuals, with our own strengths and weaknesses. We are just human.
    My own teenage years were fraught with insecurities and fears. My mother never wanted me, and often expresses her disapproval of me. On the other hand, she practically worshipped my brother. I used to feel so hurt and rejected...but...I now view the situation as a learning curve. It did teach me to become more self-reliant and less dependent. I do believe that everything we experience is for a good reason...and that we choose our parents before we incarnate, in order to have the circumstances and experiences we need for our spiritual growth.
    I know...rather radical ideas to some people...but I believe with all my heart.
    So sorry to ramble on, my dear friend...I really didn't mean to bore you...but you have set me thinking again.
    Your posts are so therapeutic!😊😊
    Thank you so much.

    Lots of love and hugs ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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  20. That was a heartfelt story of your family Baili. We were five kids. I was the second. I never really fit in with the others. I became a rebel. My old sister was a witch lol, took after my mother...very jealous of everyone, second sister became a recluse, didn't want anything to do with anyone around her, brother was an angry a-hole just like my father, youngest sister was sweet. But we had a horrible upbringing. I am no longer in touch with any of them because it was the best thing for me to move on.

    I honestly don't miss them. I feel BLESSED that I was able to leave them all behind! I really believe that just because a person is labeled as "family" doesn't mean you have to love them or be with them forever. Sometimes the lesson is that leaving "family" behind is the best thing for a person!

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  21. Family dynamics are endlessly fascinating, Baili, and often perplexing. Siblings can be very different from each other, and it's hard to understand why. It's tragic that your brother died at 13 from TB. I can't imagine how your parents dealt with that. I feel sorry for your brother who is mean. Something must have happened to him to shape him that way. But we all face challenges and what counts is how we rise above them. Sadly, it seems your brother has not learned that.

    Your older son may not have had as easy a time as your younger sons; but he is making the most of his opportunities, and it is obvious how much he loves you and his father. Perhaps a bit of hardship has taught him gratitude and appreciation for all that he has been given.

    My mother's father never recovered from being separated from his family when his father died and left his wife a widow with several children. The priest convinced my grandfather's mother to send him from Nova Scotia to relatives in Boston in the US. He grew up in Boston and returned to Nova Scotia as an adult. He refused to let his wife and children (my mother for one) out of his sight. He was extremely possessive and jealous. I don't know how many times my grandmother, his wife, told me "Never marry a jealous man!" when I was growing up. My grandfather left the Roman Catholic church and became a Baptist. He changed the spelling of his name because he was so angry.

    My mother was considered pretty and not smart. Her sister Louise was considered smart and not pretty. Mom grew up pretty, but wanting to be smart, and Aunt Louise grew up smart, but wanting to be pretty. In truth they were both pretty and smart! Families!

    I'm fortunate because my brother, sisters, and I are very close, but we had epic battles with each other in the past. I vividly remember my sister Donnie and I in quite a fight. We had a tiny bedroom that we shared, and we drew a line down the middle of it, forbidding each other to cross into the other one's space. We got in a fight over our clothes in the closet we shared and started throwing each other's clothes out the window. Our parents came home from school to see clothing sailing out the upstairs window and floating to the ground. They were not happy ~ LOL

    I love your post, Baili. I was the "good" daughter like you. My mother and I were very close and talked about everything under the sun. I miss her and my father every day! I'm watching the next generation of kiddos in our extended family. They are all so different, yet wonderful. I think unconditional love is so important.

    Hugs to you!! And lots of love!

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  22. There were only two children in my family, my younger brother and myself. I believe I was the good child and got into less trouble than my brother, who is 3 years younger.

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  23. I might have answered this question differently when I was an adolescent, but now I would say miss taught, confused, afraid.

    One person goes one way, another goes in another direction. Why? What pulls us?

    I know a person can change. Your brother can. Though probably everyone will say a man can't change at 58, he can.

    Blessings, Baili.

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  24. I guess we are all different and each of us face problems and deal with them in our own ways. Adolescence is especially a difficult time for many.

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