Thursday, October 15, 2020

Deadly Peace And Whirlpool Of Energies

 

Sitting in the living room on my dining table  i am looking through the window at my neem tree  and small garden that seems to place under the shade of my neem tree .This is soothing sight which makes me grateful for the blessings and peace i have in my life .

Sometimes  i find myself  weird .I feel myself drowned in the ocean of stillness .Like i have become stuck in whirlpool of deadly peace .It is disconnecting me all other bothering feelings inevitably.That makes me feel doubtful about myself. Am i sick to be at extreme peace ? 

Should i feel guilty to find such peace within world full of desperation ?

Or i have earn it with constant fight with odds of life and negativity ?

Still guilt does not disappear completely but dims to some extent .

And i am again within whirlpool of stillness .Though query keeps poking my mind ,from where it has come ,this deadly peace ?

Is this worldly stuff or kindness i receive from loved ones ?

Or The" Zero " that always fascinates me with it's nothingness that  gives birth  to all existing .

Why zero  is most attractive number to me ?

Why nothingness has so much appeal ?

Is this world of  possibilities springing within zero or "nothingness" that keeps me as deeply " still" from within  ?

All  i know (now) that it was there within me  from beginning but extended by the time and overcame eventually on my remained being belonged to vibrant part of  life.Vibrant with dreams and wishes .

I was crystal clear in my longings regarding probable life i had ahead  as  growing girl then.

Having so less compare to others never bothered me personally . I was content with my carefree attitude .I felt strange fulfillment in the middle of emptiness even. 

When i was able to think more clearly in my thirties i felt that desire to feel "close to him"(Lord) grew stronger.

I wanted nothing for myself  even then. There was constant weird fear of loosing my most precious feeling of "having him with me " if i wanted world . This desire to "feel close to him " was not self creation .It came along my genes .I inherited it ,from whom i can't say.

This feeling of being close to Him resemble feeling of  student who wants to be appreciated by class teacher who he likes so much and  adore her effort she put  for making him  learn stuff for being good human being. 

Feeling of "having him" with me felt most comforting when i had less matter or people around. He spoke to me through everything i encountered in life .Nature ,people ,events ,accidents ,incidents and coincident .Each of these thing supported my strength for having faith in Him eventually. Still i know if there was chance for me to get lost in all the nature in world and spend time while feeling strongly connected to him i would have done this .

When i once shared this with hubby he said " it is easy to quit world and stay with him alone  but Hard to get in the mess of world and still stay connected to him and  live with rules he has set for you as your guardian. This is true test of love  that you have for him because temptations of this world are irresistibly compelling  and  suffering  that life bring on you are determined to shake  your faith .But without test there is no proof that you loved him truly .

I  had to live life of person who is tangled in so many threads that  life throw at us as a net to distract  us ,captivate us and take us away from him so can  illusion  and separate  us from our actual divine aim of life,

 "Observe" "Learn " ".Love "Live " and "Help Others to Live Better  if can "

Still i could never discard myself from that feeling that i am tiny part of His eternal  energy ,existing within Him ,By Him and pulling towards Him gradually until day i will dissolve in Him once again until He gives me another journey in another shape .So i try Hard to please him by all i can do while living worldly life.

Sometimes when i look at sky i feel that  we all are existing within the ocean that is filled with tow kind of energies evidently. 



Positive energy and Negative energy .We are left to float among them freely .Our intentions and our tendencies  determine  our directions which kind of  row we will join. 

Among  the rows  of both energies there are places where water of ocean is more thick or thin .And there are whirlpool  that wait for voyagers  who rush into them blindly .They don't  are not meant to let go what  is trapped within them.People trapped in them experience  extreme  pressure of energy whether it is dark or positive .

Those who sail in thick or thin waters  live healthy life probably .They don't have to fight with any kind of pressure so they are more relaxed .

People swimming near  where whirlpools of  energies exist  have to resist to prevent themselves from falling in.It is not bad to be trapped within whirlpool of positive energy though balance is always appreciated most by learning that laws of nature offer .

Though  how dangerous is to get trapped into the whirlpool of negative energy we all know this. What  is the shape of our world today it is  obvious that most of us  are trapped within whirlpool of negative energy otherwise world would have better face .

I am believer of faith and hope so i hope that not may be all but more people will understand this and will try to avoid this trap .

Planet earth will not be heaven then though but better place where  more hands will be available to hold who can fall rather than push to make  other fall .

I am sorry if i bored you with my long post today but being honest on my online diary page is must for me .And today words were out of my control .

Actually  i wanted to reply to your kind beautiful comments today but slipped away when started to type .

Each of you have left really nice words regarding my renovation and behavior of the wife of my brother.I want to say THANK YOU all of you specially  Sue from This and That said beautiful words about true happiness that touched my soul so deep :)

Thank sweet friends how can i repay this kindness and love of your's that becomes backbone of my confidence !

All i can do is to keep you all in my thoughts and prayers and visit your lovely places to sooth my heart.

God Bless You All!







Friday, October 9, 2020

Contentment Is KeY To Happiness And Glimpse Of My Native Town

 


One part of my kitchen renovation has been finished yesterday.Tiles and marble pieces are installed .Polish will be done after two days . Then carpenter  will come and cabinet will be made and installed .I was able to get out in my yard after a week and it was nice to see my heaven flourishing before my eyes :) Though because of cement use thick white layer of the dust has covered my garden inhabitants ,they still look beautiful and soothing . I washed my grains today too so got tired enough to take 15 minutes nap after lunch. I felt better when i woke up.I went out and everything looked so lovely.My neem tree seemed astonishingly majestic bathing with sunshine. Branches looked so happy while embracing soothing breeze .Voices of birds and occasionally passing vehicles were narrating the delight of life.And like millions of times before, my heart wondered " how life can be so beautiful "" ? 

I did not know the answer long ago but now i am aware that beauty of  everything around me lies within my own self .It is my way to look at things. It is dress carved by my own perception  that my eyes carry and make it wear things i see .

Yea i know may be i have created fool's heaven but hey if clever can tell me trick that bring them such peace of mind i will think to try that too :) .Contentment is key to happiness and thankfully i have it since i can think .It makes one person easy to live with and also a person who feels comfortable  among all odds.I am grateful to my Lord for this gift!

I  used to tell you about my wife of my brother who sends me long voice texts since few months .She was difficult person to live with back when i had to live with her. Her unkindness created problem in my life then.After my marriage we were not in touch for 23 years untill my parents died in 2011.Now when she started to talk through messages i was okay .I thought may be she is changed person now as we all grow with age (mostly ,probably) . I also few times helped her financially when she needed. Now  one of her son who is different than his other four siblings has caused some serious problem for her and things got worst when police was involved .

Problem is that everyone including father and sibling is pointing finger at her that she spoiled her son with her extra loving behavior .I mean when she had to warn and handle him wisely she covered his mistakes and that encouraged  boy to move further on bad side. 

When topic came during our chat and i tried to make her understand that by covering his mistakes she is creating problems for him. It's been month i am trying to convince her politely but she is only just more angry.I don't know what to do all i want is to end it now.Some images to lighten my and your mood .

 

it was almost 4pm ,two hours to say goodbye to today;s sun ,I don't why but such sights speak to me strongly ,this tiny part of nature that i can  experience within my yard connects me immediately to the whole scenario of universe ,i feel i  have become particle of air and roaming within the universe  peacefully ,joyously ,smilingly ,gratefully :) it seems so real sometimes and i stay in awe for long :)Sky is calm .blue and embracing ,i wonder why the sky is placed before our heads ,may earth is for physical wander and sky for spiritual exploration :) those who feel like me only they can realize what i mean .


few images of my dear native village ,childhood is not only little part of our life but a treasure that one can preserve and flourish throughout the life when being old seems tiring , nieces standing with kitchen wall in my native home 

some views of my lovely native town i captured while going to visit my parents tombs 

this is back side of village , it is all full with houses now , then forty years back when i  had to walk here it was barren and  wild life was threat for walkers ,bushes were high and scary and walking over rough way was really task ,i had been falling and hurting my self in the beginning yet i loved it so much ,i felt it was my town and i was meant to be here :)

blooms when i visited one of my cousin's daughter who was married to her aunt 's son in our village 










I have to finish this post as it is getting dark outside quickly almost 6pm evening .

Stay blessed with kind smile and try to share it with all you meet dear friends .You don' know how and when this gift of your's can enlighten someone's day :)

Blessings to all of you !

Sunday, October 4, 2020

Flowers And Thorns Both Have Reason ,And Glimpse Of Ayub Park Islamabad

 

Hey  beautiful  souls !


Hope  picking up  the flowers gratefully from the garden of life along with all the thorns  life offers :)  Whenever i think about life free from misery  i inevitably think of  minds that might have not  grown well if  this happens . Human mind is designed to learn .And learning is not possible without challenges :) Still water can become stinky and useless  but flowing water is always carry new substances that make difference to many other things  he encounter with . All the thorns life bring to us are for reason ,so we can realize the value of flowers and should not take them as granted .This gratitude  is only very first learning . Other is learning is way to survive among thorns and how to deal with pain if they poke you .Last and most important learning is how to turn this pain in your strength :) Once we cross pain we find  how gracious is lord and how he  did us favor by making us face all this .

Sharing glimpse of our trip to Ayub Park during our recent visit  and stay to Islamabad . It is claimed to be largest park of  south Asia and cover 2.300 acres .Always crowded  though  we visited few days after lock down lifted so it people were less. I remember last time we returned from the entrance because park was  literally  packed with visitors. This time also we could not spend appropriate time because our cab was stuck in traffic so badly. Hubby was angry as  we paid quite amount of fare but we were late due to driver's mistake .Actually he chose wrong road where traffic was heavy . 



when we arrived we had hardly half hour of light as sun was leaving , 20 minutes took walk  on road that leads to center of the park from entrance ,all images are captured within ten minutes therefore not so good ,park has all kind of wild life in abundance  but we could catch barely  bit of it :(










pond beside the road  from entrance looks serene and delightful ,this time very few floats  we found there  



                     our walk towards center of the park was beautiful and filled with lovely sights 

we had to stand in the mouth of lion as our younger son insisted :) i remember when i did same to him when he was hardly three ,i still can hear his shouts as he was annoyed with opened mouth  and long teeth of lion lol ,i had to feel the same so i could enjoy my attempt of taking risk ,life is not different than standing in the mouth of lion often ,it is up to you how you stay on the tongue and not get swallowed ,that is really interesting game indeed :) 

right in the entrance we saw few pairs of beautiful parrots ,these shots are by my son's phone so bit better   

                                  parrots are my second favorite birds  ,first love is sparrow :)






 worry of loosing light and being unable to take photos made us almost run towards center of the park ,it was good exercise though 







man with child on shoulder reminded me days when we both used to carry our children like this ,how fast time flies by makes me sad sometimes ! 








This park is really Huge and demands hours for exploration . We were staying quite away from it so could not visit once again .Yet i am glad we were able to refresh our memories belong to place .
We are in the process of renovation these days ,If you remember we have renovated all the rooms and front yard of our house but the kitchen ,yard bathroom and guestroom for men guests  remained.So work on that has started since four days >We have emptied kitchen for this and my temporary kitchen is little street laid on the back side of our rooms .Stuff is not placed properly obviously. Once the tiles are installed in kitchen walls ,the wood work will begin.It can take weeks so i am patient and hopeful :)

Hope you all are taking good care and holding the robe of positivity tight in the stormy way of life dear friends. Faith and hope do miracles in life i believe :)
Blessings to all of you !


Tuesday, September 29, 2020

Fitting Into Very Old Dresses And Glimpse Of Pakistan Monument Islamabad



It's  been one month since we came  back .After  settling to our routine we  have been visiting  some of our relatives (in laws) here. As  you know weather in our city (southern part of Pakistan) remains really hot most of the year  so  we wait  for  kinder weather that allows us to visit . Three sisters of my husband are married in two different villages  that are  almost one hour or one and half hour drive  away from us.

Hubby has five brothers ,two elder ,three younger .Three of them live within the city in various colonies  with their families. This is quite big family so occasions for gathering are many  and often .Weddings of their children or other similar events are celebrated often .Still paying visit to each other without any particular reason is also common here. Me and hubby are introverts so we hardly attend events or visit others if really necessary like (God forbid) someone is ill or else.

Though when weather is fine we like to visit  them specially my sisters in laws . We visited two of them who are married to two brothers and live in same big  house last week. It was pleasant to spent time with them .We lost in talks and did not realize that five hours were passed and sun was about to set .

One of the topic that we discussed  was Old  Favorite Clothes  that are hard to give away .Discussion was provoked by my almost 20 years old dress that i was wearing that day .Power was gone actually  and i was unable to iron new dress. That old dress was of kind that would not come to notice easily as "without iron ".  Many other girls sitting there including daughters of my eldest sister in law complained that it annoys them when they cannot wear old clothes that they bought hardly few years back .Specially after children it is common for women to leave or give away older dresses  because they gain weight  and mostly not get back their previous fitness.

I think it takes almost one year to get back to old shape after delivery . I started my first exercise after eleven years of my married life when  i got worst backache after my  younger  son's birth.Thank to a morning show i  learnt that how exercise does  wonders to one's mental and physical health. Yet i was not thinking about weight loss at that point but only about getting rid from terrible backache . That was beginning of  a new era for me as i realized that i am getting stronger not just physically but my head was working better either . Latter i  found out that unlike others  i  was also able to get in my very old dresses that belonged to my early days of marriage. That seemed quite a privilege :) I  still have few dresses that are age of my marriage lol . It is a different feeling when i wear them :)
Does this happen to you too ? 

Sharing Some images below from our visit to Pakistan Monument Islamabad dear friends , But few images  with google help so you can may feel how amazing and beautiful the place is :)

monument  was constructed by ministry of culture to symbolize the unity of the people of Pakistan ,more you can learn through here  ,more than 6.9 acres are devoted to this magnificent place that give  a commending view of capital city  


below the main part where people can  see not just city laying before their eyes but whole other three sides are decorated with beautifully created gardens and rows of delightful plants 



place is crowded specially during evening times .i bet visiting here is pure joy and excitement that views deliver 


 i think it was fourth day when lock down was lifted so we were expecting crowd already 

mere a glimpse of the sooth and beauty that garden around monument offer  


there are many interesting places created for visitors including steps so they can sit and inhale the charm of  place ,we visited there few times ,though images belong to one day 



 you can see people sitting over wide tops of  small walls here ,we too sat there ,it was airy and cloudy ,we talked ,laughed and sang just like other people were doing there 

 poor  capture by my weak phone camera but it can give you idea how serene and beautiful the view was at that moment :)

It's been month but i think that magic of those beautiful moments we spent in capital city will shine long in our memory chest .
I hope and pray that all is great with you and your's dear friends  and you are  glorifying your days with the brush of faith and positivity :)
more blessings to you all!
Take care ,see you soon!