Tuesday, May 24, 2022

What Is "Reality " Actually ?


It is hard to define reality . Sometimes it seems that reality is everything and then next moment it feels nothing is reality here. Even a simplistic person like me is reaching to the point in life when it seems inevitable to accept that " reality " is complicated"

Last night we could see and talk to our eldest son for more than an hour. The joy was huge and indefinable because it was happening after two weeks . Yes my son was having guests at previous weekend so he could not call  us. Mubashir and Zaineb  friends of my son who are married couple now visited from Germany and spent a week with him.My son was happy to have them . For us the parents time seemed to  stretched so long though .

We had good chat last night ,at first my eldest son tried to guide his younger brother about his upcoming  joining to the Habib University and how can he utilize  this opportunity to better himself in various ways specially on socialization and availing the extra curricular activities alongside the  studies. 

Then he used a phrase that "echoed" in my head for long. He said       

" we are what our environment makes us" 

 i asked "what about what we are in real" ?

He said " reality is complicated " and " realities that we encounter in life shape us what we become eventually ".

I dropped the topic because i knew once we both are indulged in such conversation it can take hours and more probably .I have a bad habit to keep digging up others mind until i find something new to learn ,it's never about proving myself correct but to what others think and what is the origin of their thought and does it meets with laws of nature at some point?

 The phrase kept echoing in my mind until now . 

What is reality ? Is everything has a unique reality or we all are tiny parts of one big reality ? 

Sometimes feels that "reality " is like a tree who's roots are planted into "nothingness"  or "mysterious unknown unseen grounds" and everything else is part of this tree .Time is stem and space is branches , bodies attached to it are leaves , creations and creature existing on those bodies are fruits eaten by another unknown unseen reality  eventually .

 As we observe that everything in the universe including us behaves similar way almost ,so if we have to solve the sum of "reality" we will have to observe how reality present here before our eyes works actually . According to scientists reality is of two kind observable and unobservable . They say that observable part of the reality is far smaller than reality that is unobservable and beyond comprehension. If visible reality as "whole" works similar way no matter how numerous forms it has and how far these forms exist from each other invisible reality must act similarly and is interconnected and interchangeable .

 So when we look at observable reality everything seems to travel in circle whether it is living or non living, as everything has age ,it born ,it decay and it die. From death or lets say from the part when things transforms into form that is invisible to our eyes,  process of transformation continues for longer period of the time until things reappear in their visible shape once again though not perfectly in same shape  but in some other form, but with similar "core seedling" most probably . 

Meanwhile here on earth things go under process of transformation as invisible reality ,such as dead bodies of plants ,animals and humans below the ground we know that there is dense community of micro organism who work hard to make this transformation happen. 

With tiny period of life and captivated in glass of time space, for us this process seems so long but if move it fast forward and observe from above things will look pretty amusing and funny i guess .Do you think someone is enjoying the show for whom this all is just a game .even though  it is hard to bring such power in imagination even .

Okay , if unobservable reality works exactly like observable reality and all objects floating within  spacetime  heavy or light including time and space itself die eventually and are absorbed by the unobservable reality ,there must be also some kind of micro organism to transform it slowly for billions and billions and billions of years and push it forward to reappear once again as observable realities sprouting in countless forms here and there in the universe and taking on their visible journey once again. Can you imagine how many times it might have repeated ?

 Astrophysicts  mention that " matter" exists within the unobservable universe  like small bubbles or numerous tiny island existing in the ocean and at the edge of both where invisible meets visible we  find the struggle of anti matter to take form of matter and then disappear swiftly .

 Doesn't it seem like unobservable realty is spread beyond our imagination like raw material from which "material" takes place . But How and Why are questions that scratch my head badly.

Okay last thing for now ,again if we match the behavior or both realities here on planet earth or in universe as whole we can make good guess i think . Like in the womb brain is the very first thing that forms and then the rest of the body takes place smoothly. 

Is it  not very much possible that Consciousness of the visible reality existed before the materialistic form ?

 It seems that like "Consciousness" wandered in the empty universe for ages alone . She started her journey like a baby may be and then as she aged and became stronger and wiser. She looked for meaning for her existence and to achieve that she needed  "expressions" through which she can reveal herself and then she invented ways to do so gradually . She started to dressed up with matter and showed what she has and what she can do . What you say ? 

Hope i did not bother you much precious people if so i am sorry. please  stay positive and it is possible when you hold the umbrella of the "faith" tightly :) hugs and blessings!


Thursday, May 19, 2022

The Stuff That Belongs To My Heart Only

  It is a hot and windy day today, yes same old news which can last for next  seven to eight months most probably. Temperature is 46 c . Wind is very hot as hubby told me when returned from office that on motorcycle it hurts feet because of friction. But to me air is air specially when i can see how much soul it put into stillness when  passes by the everything that can respond to her embrace .

It seems that like me  they all feel happy in airy or such slightly windy days ( 26km ph). The dancing branches of my neem tree, waving plants in the garden and moving curtains of the house seem reflect their joy spontaneously. I don't express anything or may be i o quietly within myself  i don't know all i know i feel so much alive when i see the environment vibrant and delightful when meting air :)

After lunch me and hubby watched a movie on Netflix "Perfect Paring" i think this was second good thing that happened to me today . Story was light and cast was cute .What i loved most was lush place it was filmed yes my weakness the gorgeous countryside of Volta Australia wow i was fascinated by the serene and beautiful views! 

Now when i mentioned this one i also want to share my huge likening for the movie we watched almost month back " Little Woman" Oh i loved it. Beautifully made and reflects the glory of the novel to quite extent. I have not read the book until now though i have it on my kindle . 

When i mention any book my brain quickly try to remind me what a failure i am  until now in reading :( But next moment thanks to meditation that has strengthen my mind little bit enough to pull myself back and stay positive with hope that life will surly bring time to do things i want to do ,for now i am enjoying time with family and that means lot to me !

This part of post i am writing right now has shifted into night time yes the part above was written in afternoon around 4 pm but then i had guests from my in laws . Two of my sister in law ( wives of hubby's brothers) came to visit me .I was expecting them during Eid holidays as usual but they both weren't feeling well sadly .One of them still had migraine. She is taking medicine but effect is temporary she said . It reminded me my youth days before marriage when i used to have migraine. I felt miserable for some years though it left after marriage surprisingly thankfully. 

My youngest son is giving examination for tenth grade. His exam will last for next five days ,today he gave his second paper. Each paper includes three sections ,mcqs , short answer and long answer . Students are given three hours to solve each . Today when he returned he seemed bit low when i asked he told that his last answer remained half and time was over. I said he must have look for time management as he has wrist watch for this purpose .My son said the "short answers" were so long to answer . I said how so ,you have to answer short if question comes under term of short answer . I tried to make him feel better . 

I know it hurts when you are not able to write particularly you know the whole answer . He has promised he will be more cautious next time (hopefully) 

It is 8:30pm ,our nightfall starts now days around 7 to 7:15 . Wind has changed into breeze which i can feel coming from window soothingly. In city no starry sky is available but what a valuable gift is this imagination that i can see the magical starry sky so clearly like i am stand on a glob solely that is floating among huge giant stars quickly ,from above to below ,left to right wherever i can see sky is bursting with stars that seem so close !

Can you imagine the view the thrill and the magic ?  

This is why i love being "fool" there is so much privilege that fools keep over "clever" believe me .To witness this enchanting glory i would have to wait for thousands of years and there might still no chance specially when life period is extremely short already for man :(


Whoever has created this universe we all know that in this everlasting  darkness he has challenged us to light it up with our own light and with  labor of love  :) no light no shape no weight is without constant struggle ! blessings to all of you precious friends!

Friday, May 13, 2022

Birds That Nestle In My Front Yard Every Year


   It is 45 c outside ,an extremely hot day though lightly breezy which makes it bearable . According to news heat can rise to 60 c in next two weeks it frightens me to think of such high temperature  when 48 to 50 c drains out my energy from my veins and makes me feel fainting.

 Through the window Looking at plants waving with gentle gusts of breeze in my small garden fills my heart with joy and wonder ,how such delicate leaves can tolerate the scorching sun whole day and still can look as lovely, though roses blooming during such extreme heat seems to shrink and appear in single petal pattern instead dense thickly layered. 

This year i missed the pair of tiny black blue birds who used to nestle in our pomegranate every year. 

                                                                        google image

This year hubby trimmed it more due to it's wide spread branches that were restraining the entrance gate little bit . The cute couple started to visit our yard in early spring but looked little disappointed when they found the branches that used to provide them shelter to nest were disappeared completely. I thought they will  comeback o check out but no sign yet .They have found another place to nest probably ,hope the place they choose is safe home for them and their new born .

The dove pair who used to nest in our climber for years appeared as usual and nestled in.

 It is strange pleasure to have such feathery friends around who are busy in shaping their life and  creating families just like us . Isn't it so obvious that we can find all the "fun" and "amusement" in material world but when it comes to find "peace of mind and soul" we find it only in the Nature ?

When we moved here our Neem tree was small so the tiny blue and black birds would nestle in one of our pot plant which was Jasmine ,i still wonder how they managed to make nest in Jasmine branches which was not dense at all . One night when we were sleeping in the yard and had thunderstorm suddenly we all ran inside while holding our traditional beds and electric pedestal fan . With our half sleepy minds when we all were settling into our beds my eldest son ran back into yard and brought the whole nest branch inside . Power was gone so we saw with torch that one of tiny bird and his or her babies were all wet and babies were cooing slightly due to fear .My son took them out of the nest gently and put them in the towel . Till morning they were dry and better ,my son put them in the sunlight . As day passed babies seemed to gain their energy well and grew faster surprisingly .Then came my favorite sight when both parents fly around their babies and encourage them to fly by shouting :)

 I love seeing all this every year though i can hardly take some appropriate photos to share with you guys . Most important reason for this is that i don't want to disturb them because in the beginning when i tried they seemed annoyed and complainer so i leave them alone so i may not loose them .

Another pair of small birds is Robin but they mostly appear in June or July if i remember correctly .

 They are most friendly because they nestle in thinner part of the pomegranate and hardly feel bothered when we are around . I think i have shred their images in some of my older post.

You probably be wondering why so much contemplation on this topic today ? 

I think this is hard time for me as mother once again . Despite of al the joy for my younger son's success regarding admission in Habib university i am sad that another son of mine is about to leave now . Being a kid of new modern age he is smart and confident boy who is surly looking forward to opportunities where he can prove himself and i am sure he will settle down as self dependent young man soon. But as a housewife and mother i have gave my whole life and all energies to grow these kids and looking after the house. It seems the realization that we will be left alone soon is scaring me inside. Though as compare to past i am feeling more aware about how will i be using my time and energy and in which things ,that is satisfaction if my health allows me to do so. 

Question is can we survive by living alone ? I don't have the answer but time has it and will tell in future for sure . 

Nothing can stay the same in this life as life is name of constant change . Even the death which is a painful departure according to our perspective .From the Nature's point of view death is only a little part of nonstop transformation process because everything in the life and universe is moving in circle for the eternity .

Precious friends keep taking good care of yourself please !

stay blessed with faith who gives you wings to fly in the endless sky of hope and believe me in this whole life nothing is more beautiful than hope because in your hands it is like rope which can bring you out from the dark well of despair. Hope is divine sign of faith and it grows in hearts who are enlightened with faith no matter what .

blessings to all of you!

Thursday, May 5, 2022

Happy Eid And No Scholarship But We Got Relief From University


We all have different yearly celebrations to celebrate with our loved ones Despite they all have different background yet they share same purpose, to give us reason to ,show gratitude ,get together and have pleasant time with those we value in life. 

Here in my homeland Pakistan we celebrated our yearly festival Eid Ul Fitar on 3rd may that follows at the end of Ramadan Month . On such special days we all miss our eldest son most but thanks to technology that we can see and listen to him on screen at least and for while .All parents who's children are away for various reason know what i mean.

This year Eid day came into stormy months which made it hard to keep house tidy as sand was showering down with wind constantly though sometimes it would get speedy and sometimes slow we still have that specific dull sky loaded with sand particles that pour down time to time . My excessive involvement in house cleaning gave me heavy doze of flue and sneezing and seems my mask failed to restrain the germs entering into my nose . I am still feeling feverish. I hope you consider my sharing just facts instead of complains. We some how had power during the two days of Eid thankfully which allowed us to watch some favorite tv shows together in some leisurely time. On the Eid evening i went to visit my mother in law and afterwards hubby gave me motorbike tour of our small city as usual . Sharing some images below all taken on eid day.

my younger son lost eight to ten pounds as he fasted for thirty days by the grace of lord! his first attempt to complete the all as usually he would take break after few and than continue but this year he did it . This was also a part of his joy besides the achievement he made while entering in best university of the country the Habib university . Let me share that my younger could not get scholarship despite of his 80% grads in high school and Sat . Officials from university gave the reason that students who applied  from Karachi city had  90% and plus marks so no place left for those who were under 90% . This was shocking and worrying for us so we emailed to the Dean and Financial Aid department and after some calls and emails things got better .yes  authorities agreed to off more than 50% of tuition fee and now we have to pay only forty five percent of it which is still a Huge for us yes and for which we will try to look "loan option" to pay it easily let's see what happens . despite of such worries we are happy that our younger son is going to be part of  a very impressive institution . He had make us proud and peaceful like his elder brother and hope he will continue to to do so in future .

 my niece (my brother's daughter) sent few images yesterday , Actually my younger sister (second on right ) visited our brother on Eid day and they all together went to visit Khanpur dam ,so my niece wanted to show me her photo . pretty little girl on left is daughter of my sister from her second marriage ,the boy in sky blue shirt is her son ,other two children a little girl in pink in the mid and boy in yellow are also her children from third marriage ,her husband is standing in the middle .my sister in law on right. girl on left in pink is daughter of my cousin who is sister of my sister in law 

on left is sister of my sister in law (my first cousins) on right is my niece who sent these photos .in the middle is my sister sitting with ma Zehra who is one hundred and probably thirteen years ,she was our first neighbor in village and loved us like her own . she is seriously sick though she has survived from paralyzing and is able to sit again miraculously  .

That is all for now Precious people ,will be visiting you asap !
Please keep being kind to you and all around you as this is best gift you can give to yourself!
That is all for now pre

Thursday, April 28, 2022

The Stuff That Belongs To My Heart Only

 Despite of  extreme heat (44 c) longer days seems to have fascinating beauty. Where short cold day of winters make me sit on cozy sofa in my spare time while holding a favorite book in one hand and hot cup of tea in other hand, hot and longer days of summer invite to daydream and get lost in beautiful memories of past while being busy in sweltering chores . I enjoy both as i have entered in phase where i don't put condition for being happy but embrace the present moment with all the venture or adventure it offers. 

I was always a content child in the house ,most silent and most obedient one, yes in other words pathetic and duffer lol .Still i used to have some favorite conditions quietly for being happy as little girl  such as swinging and playing with friends ,climbing on hills and trees and watching tv in early teens(11 to twelve years)  though later only climbing trees and playing with friends were eliminated when as growing girl going out was forbidden but swinging in yard tree , reading books watching tv ,listening radio and visiting favorite places like friend's house ,park or museum were my favorite conditions to feel happy . As  i grew old my conditions to be happy  changed gradually. 

After marriage i saw new face of reality and slowly i learnt in these thirty years that as far as we put conditions to be happy we remain restrained and  unaware of numerous possibilities  that can be open to us as chance of learning so many new things and adopting ways that can refresh our perspective and widen our horizons for bettering life. 

I found this quote by Charles Swindoll so true in latter years of my life that ,

"  Life is Ten percent what happens to you and Ninety percent how you respond to it " biggest truth of life i must say.

I consider myself fortunate that i learnt not to repeat my mistakes by self analysis and never hesitated to acknowledge my weaknesses and eliminating them one by one . But it did not start smoothly of course.

 Life is strange and totally unpredictable and i learnt this slowly when after departing from my mother i was put into situations where i felt "stuck" in the beginning. Each condition put to be happy was denied and rejected ruthlessly others with authority. One after one wherever i knocked i faced "closed" door. While this compression was narrowing the world on me i realized that at the same time it was opening the door inside me of my Inner world little by little. It happened in many years that i felt that "easiness" and "availability " of things at time we want them  also have another side of the picture though we don't see it mostly until the Designer of this life unveils it for us to look at  this through glasses of  hard lessons which turn our eyes towards it eventually. 

We all speak through personal experiences and my experience makes me think that each of us is destined to do something particular in life. Some of us know already what it is and some of us are totally unaware of it though this "awareness" or "unawareness" both are part of destiny written in the book of Nature ( my opinion) .They both seems to don't matter because those who are Unaware of the meaning of their life are also lead mysteriously to do what they are meant to.

As being from lower middle class family i had no agenda for life but a little dream to earn for mom and comfort her. Uncharmed by everything that comes under the definition of "worldly stuff" i had my simple foolish heart with enormous love for life ,Nature and everything created within it. No Skills at all except honesty and simplicity. I was pointed out by some that with such empty hands i will be lost and left alone. Only i knew the peace i had within me .It was second most precious thing to me after my self respect which i tried to protect throughout the life. I was content with this peace but only i knew this.

That peace inside my heart was tiny like a sand particle laying in the desert but after all these years the fighting against negativity risen by circumstances or applied one i see how that tiny sand particle is transformed into a sun that shines within my soul ! When i contemplate the reason behind it i feel it is the "compression" and constant attempt of trying to make me feel "bad" . After keeping me puzzled with question "why me" for some years my curiosity to learn and achieve solution by digging to the roots of problems helped me to understand and feel good about what was going on . I remained upset until i felt panic about "what were they doing to me "  But when i realized after reaching out to the bottom  "why they were doing to me at first place" i felt better and calm . My response to their actions changed immediately and i chose to face the problem by following the laws of Nature . If you try to stop the flow of water it turns in other direction and if you try to hold it by surrounding it with walls water still makes it's way towards sky in the form of vapors ,you can change the direction of water but not what it written in it's destiny as "water" 

So similarly i tried to fill holes (free time)with replacements of things that were conditions for my timely happiness. It was beginning of my new journey as student of life . The replacements i chose to fill holes of spare time reconnected me with my genuine love for learning. My passion for learning is growing everyday and if life stays and allows i think i will try to restart my studies though now i know what will i choose to learn. Anything that give clues about the origin of life ,math physics or neuroscience yes i am deeply interested in human brain and mind and how they both interact ,this is enchanting thing to learn indeed.

Although i know i have nothing but fondness for learning i hope Nature has written some success in my destiny in this field too as being a human a daughter ,sister ,wife, a mother i supported all whole  heartedly .I did not do it intentionally but because it was installed in my genes as i know i am born with instinct to put others first so it was my destiny i believe. I want to see whether Nature supports me to achieve what i want to as a woman. The wish to study and be "something" is also part of destiny and still as poignant as it was thirty years ago all i want the answer destiny has for this .

Love you all !

Please take great care !

Thursday, April 21, 2022

Visit to Scotland By My Eldest Son And Hailstorm

Hello Sweet People !

Hope all is smooth at your end and enjoying the pleasant changes of weather as well .My eldest son visited Scotland to join one of his friend who was staying there for a month ,the lovely young lady i mentioned in one of my previous post this month i believe. She aims to visit various countries . She delayed her trip to Turkey because of weather probably and chose Scotland as her next destination for a month . My son had few more public holidays added to his weekend so he decided to spend this with her. Sharing some spectacular images he shared with us ,hope you will enjoy the glimpse . I loved Outlander on Netflix which is filmed in Scotland mostly so i was waiting for these photos fondly . 

a house among the ocean of greenery looks inviting isn't it ,i miss having green meadows and lush hills of my native town though this canvas is vast and more gorgeous .

i wonder if this is tribute to some particular person or name of farmer ,owner of  this farm 

don't they look like they are posing for the tourists :) do you have any idea what are they wearing in their ears ,looks like an old door lock to me ,ofcource for the identification purpose instead of ring 

when things get complicated in life we should take a pause and leave  have an panoramic view of them in case " things" belong to outer world ,but if they belong to inner world do the same though for this you have to sit  calmly ,take a deep breath ,close your physical eyes and open spiritual eyes to meditate ,you will find more than soon that nothing was wrong except your own way to look at things :)(mostly)

life is given to us as plain and black and white sketch consisting outlines only ,what we draw within and which colors we fill in is our own choice ,the more we are careful the better is painting (my opinion )

my eldest son could not call due to on visit ,sent images only so i don't know what it is ,to me it resembles to huge magnificent Hall i saw in Harry Potter movie anyone ?? 

we have repeated Rick Steve's Europe few times so i know a very little bit about the city of Edinburg 

is there too a tradition to put lock on a bridge to make wish true like Italy ? being from small village i know few shrines where people visited and tied colorful piece of cloth to make wish true ,i was little girl then and did not understood such rituals but hanging cloths with tree would fascinate me like these colorful locks 

i felt grateful for this image as we could not see him on the weekend as he left for Scotland on Friday evening probably so no call on Sat or Sunday :( 

an intriguing design of structure isn't it ? 

                   beautiful and impressive ,can't say if it is the inner view of building above 

can you guess in first sight what is this ? snow ? yes snow but not the soft and gorgeous but round pieces like small rock that can hurt seriously if  hit straight ,yes we had worst Hail storm last day ,their size varied ,most were small like marbles but some were larger than them , never saw such terrible hailstorm before ,i felt terrified for while when kids rushed out in the yard ,the hitting was making great noise ,here we have hardly any rain until August but Hailstorm came abruptly ,blew the garden plants within twenty minutes and passed away .i captured this after ten to fifteen minutes it sopped .

our yard sink  was full of snow balls too ,Nature is ruthless and works in mysterious way indeed ,this was unforgettable sight after so many years ,back in native town it was often in summers though with frequent rains 

Hats off to the survivors , this is daring to stand still after facing such horrible hailstorm ,i saw nine to ten flowers who survived though half of our sunflowers were uprooted by gust of wind .i still feel grateful that we got few days of less heat more though price was bit heavy  

it was taken  a while before hailstorm though my neem tree does not look the same after storm broke away it's few branches but she is strong and has seen many wind storms far harder  than this one even when she was younger so i hope she will grew new branches soon ! 

This is for now dear Friends ,will be visiting you soon ,our electricity took many hours to comeback and internet is playing games since then with on and off mode .

Be positive no matter what because life is most precious gift and we get it only for once ,be kind and keep smiling ,these are both best gifts you can give to yourself and others!

Thursday, April 14, 2022

Summer Nostalgia ,First Kindness Showed To Me By God Was My Mom!


It's not the first summer of my life when i am missing my mother more. Actually despite of all the mildness of our winters they still seem to stiff my mind. and with a stiffed mind everything looks blur whether belong to physical reality around me or my inner world where numerous memories live .In winters these memories seem to hibernate mostly though in summer they come out of their hide out and wander and play freely like restless gleeful children.

Summers not just make the trees and plants sprout out and make fields and meadows lush again but they also refresh the whole page of my inner world and i suddenly start to Reconnect my memories belong to part of my life particularly that i spent with my parents in my beautiful native village . Yea this is the positive side of summer for me :)

It's lovely breezy day today though temperature is 38 c. When i woke up in the morning the first feeling was as i woke up in some other dimension from where i can see  the whole map of my life until now with all the small big details laying before my eyes. All the joys and sorrows ,love and fears and twists and turns were present right front of me ,it took few minutes probably but it was amazing feeling indeed. Usually when i open and come into my senses i start to say pray and pay gratitude for new day. But it was different today and i loved it . Because this quick glimpse of the history of my life reminded me how lucky i was to have "kindness" throughout my  life. 

This kindness is precious gift of God that kept me surrounded all those years. 

By Creator, my mother was the first way to show kindness to me !

  i don't know my exact age here  three probably but i remember the brother i lost was alive then and we were living in Hyderabad city then 

When summer open up the bundles of old memories i realize that there is so much to feel happy about . The spring of my small lush hilly town was magical always. Rows of trees around the fields and beside the small canal would blossom and load with various fruits. When it would be airy lots of fruit would drop out of trees, children would run towards them to gather and pick these fallen fruits .Most of them would not have basket but tie the two opposite corner of their shirt together to make one and would keep their picked fruits in them. 

Mom would love to go with her lady friends to pick up the mulberry fruits in the spring season. The shine in her eyes and glow on her face would reflect the joy she would feel while following this village tradition. She had to leave her village when she was just eleven years old .She was sent alone on train in such little age to join her thirty plus husband(first, not my father) . That was the story told by mom thousands of times to me and my younger sister . It seemed that it was preserved among most powerful memories in her mind.   It was also stored as biggest achievement  of her life as each time  she would tell us about it the enthusiasm in her accent and redness of her face would reveal the pride  she felt after completing  that challenging journey and after arriving her destination safe and sound. Journeying alone at such small age in the train which she
had seen first time from closely on the same day when she had to travel in it was something that added strength to her coming life probably and to quite extent. " i had to sit still and calm so no one can know i was afraid " mom would say proudly " i did not forget for a moment that i don't have to talk to strangers at all" she would add mystery while looking at us with curious eyes as if we were as smart as she . " i remembered the name of  the city Khairpur (the city where i live now) strictly and i knew it would come after which two stations"  She would tell like a child who told all the answers right and look at the class for clapping (but that i know now ,not then but felt it yes).

"When someone would try to ask me something i would tell only one thing that i am going to visit my eldest brother and that's it" she would get bit sad when she would reach to this part because obviously it was not her choice to get married at such small age nor she would have wanted husband of his father's age. 

" When  i got down on the khairpur station i went straight to the big tree mentioned by my father and stood there firmly ,i did not move a bit until my husband came to get me after more than half hour "

I remember that story afterwards got worse and worst in next some years. But one thing which i can feel right now that we all see happy and sad periods in our life .Some say everything has been written as "Destiny" already. Some say we make our own destiny . People who have "kindness" in their nature destiny somehow help them to find way out and create a happy living eventually . 

My mother had "kindness" so deeply rooted within her that despite of all the cruelties and ugliness of circumstances she did not loose it. Nature rewarded her with life once again that she lost many years ago as a little girl and had to go through all the terrible things that kept a part of her sad for whole life. Still when my mom got back to her native town she gained common likening of all her people. She had pure blood of a "villager" . She loved all .She found comfort in simplicity and did all the chores that women of the village thought were impossible to her. From knitting to needle work ,sewing and making traditional thread belts to  cooking in traditional deep oven she would do all unhesitatingly .No one could feel she had come back from a city after almost twenty years. 

 to give you idea of traditional handmade belts for traditional trouser. i helped mom in this when she asked yes it was easy and fun ,mom's frame to make it is still in my brother's house 

Our home did not had cement paint on walls for first one or two years. Mom like other village women would  paint her house with clay with her own hands. It was really difficult to dig and bring the soil home from far hills . But next part was joyous because it would involve other women and girls from the village . It was custom to join each other for such laborious job so mom would ask other women from the family and other villagers to help her . I can still feel how light and chilled  would become when all women (around ten to fifteen, depend on the house's bigness) would gather to clay paint the house. With all the gossip and laughter time would fly by quickly and happily . Tea and snack break would make it like small festival specially when  other women and girls from surroundings join them.

Mom was "giver" despite of she lived in hand to mouth situation in different phases of her life. At this stage of life i can say that to live happily one needs a "kind heart" and all becomes easy or this is what i have observed and experienced in my life

Sorry for blur photo .it took me hour to find it while scrolling  so many albums. At my engagement day in June 1991 

I will be sharing more about my mother probably. 
But too late for dinner right now. See you all soon hopefully

What kindness you do to others is preserved by Nature and returns to you by any source eventually so please keep being kind to others and to yourself!
God bless You All! 

Thursday, April 7, 2022

Memories Of Fasting Month Of Ramadan And Some flowers From front Yard


It is fasting month of Ramadan . My both sons younger and the youngest one are fasting regularly and fondly . It reminds me my own teenage days when i would feel excited to hear that fasting month is coming .We all girl cousins and friends would challenge each other to fast for more days and would finish holy book for more time . It was healthy competition between us in which we would participate enthusiastically each year while not realizing the intensity of it. As teenage girl spending whole day without food and water was nothing but an exciting adventure accompanied by feeling of peace that we made God happy. When after fourteen to fifteen hours Iftar time will come it would bring special joy to sit around all the tempting meals mom would prepare for family.(Azan) Call for evening prayer will announce that fasting time is over and now we can eat and drink as much as we want. Dates were considered most pious  to start with and we would hold a date in hand and first say prayer ( gratitude to God for giving us strength so we could fast) before start eating . The peace ,joy and above all the sense of accomplishment would shine through each face . Later we would stand up for evening prayer and later after one to two hours we would  take dinner . I feel so annoyed now  when my sons ask for friend stuff everyday at Iftar time and i do so because i have to fulfill their wish due to respect for their fasting ,but i remember that i too loved fried things( samosas and pakoras) most when i was young .  I try to follow mom's  tradition up for my kids too so they can have good memories when grow up. 

When my eldest son was growing up alone for ten years (yes my other both sons were born after ten and thirteen years after him) we both would compete well in finishing holy book repeatedly and fasting during month of Ramadan. We would try to finish holy book within Ramadan month twice or thrice and it would take lots of time. Sometimes because of intense house cleaning before Eid would make it late and we would complete it during last three nights of  this holy month . I miss those amazing and lovely days now when my eldest son is gone to pursue his dreams despite of all the happiness it gives me. 

My mom was full of life she would make each traditional event and festival special with her attention and love . My memories belong to Ramadan month are precious because mom had guts to create environment that would suit to it . Now when i can't fast anymore because of my health issues i want to relive those times with my parents. Unlike my mom my father was not religious man and he would hardly say a prayer in Eid day after much insistence of my mother .But my father had some hidden corner for God almighty and i know this because when we would get busy in prayers or recitation during nights in Ramadan my father would mumble some recitations quietly ,i would feel he was mumbling something from holy book but unclear sound  would make it suspicious until when at certain point my father's voice would rise and we would get he is reciting holy verses . This was another weird habit along with many others that my father had . Some day i will try to gather and post about the weird habits of my father . Some photos from my front yard ,hope you will like them friends. 

this was taken more than twenty days ago and i took it because i was having breakfast while sitting close to garden and early blooms of sunflower spoke to me delightfully so i put my cup on the desk ,went inside to pick up my phone and captured the moment that filled my heart with joy and peace :) i love sitting there and feeling the serenity that my little garden area delivers .a straight way that leads my heart towards my Creator and pay gratitude. i live here from sixteen years but each time i look at this view my heart overflows with happiness and gratefulness as i know this is all i need :) 

took almost ten days ago ,hubby has planted few rose plants and few other that seems to congest the area for sunflowers as they look less than last year 

tiger red roses are gorgeous but  fragrance less ,they appear rich in redness first but turn darker as black within week ,i was glad i could notice and capture their early look :)

when long ago i realized first that sunflower chase sun and turn towards it i found it fascinating and so relating to my own self because i loved looking at rising sun ,i would try to stare at sun with bare eyes ( yes weird habit and dangerous i know) and i had this habit until few years back ) my eyes would chase sun on sky and observe sunlight movement on ground .it would thrill me that i am standing on round glob which is moving round and round on it's axis ,that huge shining object is giving it light and heat which is responsible for all activities of life here ,this wondering grew up with me and getting clearer with days ,do i sound crazy ?  what can i do if i am made this way and feel like Alice in wonder land :)

some days ago when i got back from Karachi ,these gorgeous bunch of  roses welcomed me with their divine fragrance and soothing appearance next morning :) my heart filled with joy and i walked to them ,hold and inhaled their fragrance ,oh this was such a lovely gift ! 

same day when i captured roses above ,yes sunlight is still loved by me though i know from May first it will get scorching enough to avoid it until sunset . everything is beautiful until it does not looses it's balance right :)

Wishing you all a wonderful ,beautiful ,healthy life filled with health ,peace and happiness dear friends !

Friday, April 1, 2022

My Younger Son Has Got Admission In Habib University Karachi !


If you remember i had mentioned  few months back that my younger son was is applying in various national universities .I was trying to assist him in his task so these last few months were intensely busy for both of us particularly and for all of us as family as because of pandemic everything was upside down specially students were effected so badly due to closing of schools. But honestly i could not let my son take this easy and just waste time in net surfing . I kept him awake and aware that he must prepare gradually for entry tests as things can change anytime and universities can open for application process. And it happened finally some months ago though i don't know how we missed two universities that were our main target one Fast university where my eldest son studied his bachelors and second IBA University which has good ranking in the Pakistan.When we tried to apply their website mentioned semester of spring 2022 have already started surprisingly. Habib University where my younger son got selected now after his second try was not something we could think of at all  . My eldest son recommended Habib University to us as according to him it was best in the Whole state of Pakistan though one of the most expensive at the same time. The one semester fee of Habib university is same as My husband's six months salary so despite we applied we were not hoping (nor wanting secretly me specially) to get selection but it happened and after more than two weeks my younger son was informed he has secured a seat in Habib university . It was unexpected success that made us both happy and worried at same time as we  know we are not milliners to pay such high tuition fee  ,even my eldest son cannot because he himself is in struggling stage of his life and has so much to do.

Anyway me and my younger son went to Karachi to attend the joining ceremony and get offer letter. Hubby could not go because he had exams going under his conduction. What i saw there was enough to make me think gratefully and positively despite of my all concerns. From our first step to till our last step in the university everything was so nice and welcoming .Staff particularly seemed to attend each and every participant with proper protocol. It helped me to get information about how we can have scholarship for my younger son. According to them we will receive a call from university within ten days that will inform us what kind of scholarship is available for our son .We had applied for merit scholarship earlier but staff told that competition is tough so we should apply for financial help too which we are doing though documentation is taking quite time ,let's see what happens next.  Sharing some glimpse of the Habib university tat i picked from net as my younger son did not let me take photos because he though it was inappropriate to take images while campus tour which i don't feel to agree as we were told by staff we can take images if we want to .I could not find pictures compared to what elegance and diversity i saw while visiting in the building .And it makes me more upset . But hope you will enjoy the glimpse .

Face of the university building is very impressive and one who enters feels appreciation growing quickly for the incredibly beautiful and colorful structure  ,i can't get why this photo appears so blur after upload 

from above build of Habib university can look like puzzling labyrinth but while visiting inside i found tat elegance ,comfort ,ease and inspiration  are main ingredients of infra structure where student can study and groom smoothly by interacting each other and exploring their hidden talents as university provides numerous opportunities for students to make their dream come true  exquisitely   

after attending the introduction ceremony in auditorium (below)  all students and parents were divided in two groups and provided guide who was telling us about all sections while visiting ,each look and everything was designed so beautifully and keeping the aesthetic pleasure and  comfort of the students in mind .the all sections were inter connected amazingly and what i loved most was greenery and airy perspective of architecture. 

not us here ,but this was the same auditorium where all participants were seated to watch documentary and then listen main agenda of the university and how it was shaped to facilitate students ,later professor with amazing sense of humor interacted with audience to involve them in few intriguing little games to understand the agenda  ,University agenda aims not just to educate youth but make them recognize their true talents and use them to build their future .University offers ten extra subjects to all students which help them to think out of box and teach them how to think actually because thinking is the foundation for all actions and  it should be corrected first of all and to be focused in right  direction . this was core of my own interest so enjoyed the whole session most . 

                                on left is cafeteria i think and on right is library where silence was dense  

All students were given this cup with university logo with offer pack.
I can't predict what will happen next exactly but i am hopeful as according to reports university gives scholarships to more than half of it's students as it has got huge funding system ,still we can hope and pray and that is all ,so do you please for my son as you all are in my thoughts and prayers always!
please keep smiling as smile is sign of gratefulness and we all have countless reasons to do so :)
hugs and blessings to you all! 

Thursday, March 24, 2022

Stuff Of My Life And Some Photos By My Eldest Son


Our summer is still bearable if one is not under sun .I have started to use exhaust fan in the kitchen since two weeks and no sweat until now thankfully. Though i know extreme season is around the corner we are grateful for these mild ,breezy lush days .

Since i have eliminated rice (few months ago) ,pulses (long ago) potatoes (long ago) chicken and all friend stuff (long gone) from my diet i am feeling quite better and light . I don't know it is for all or for me that rice seems to make me fat and my mind blur so good bye to rice too. It is so nice to feel that constant practice of yoga and meditation has made me more aware what food is not welcomed by my body anymore . Hubby and me are happier to be vegetarian ,loving it actually ,Today i made onion ,tomato and gourd .Usually i fry gourd separate and the add to other cooked ingredients as final addition and cook for few more minutes but to avoid the much oil i tried it differently ,i boiled the gourds (for the first time in my life) and then added and dish was appreciated by hubby so much ,i too find it so tasty as i was worried before that boiled gourd will loose their taste , i decided to keep it this way in future. I realized that since i reduced many things including oil consumption tea tastes better but can't think how and why ?

 Clear mind means less chance to make mistakes and always ready to learn more. I wanted to read Philip Goff 's consciousness and Fundamental Reality but could not found it online unfortunately .So meanwhile  i am reading Sharon's Train your Mind Change Your Brain  ,To the Light House by Virginia Wolf and I Used To Be Stupid by Joe haggy needless to say that former is beautiful novel and later is a biographic read with delightful touch of humor.

I  am able to find bit more time for reading and this is because of my eldest son who (by the grace of God) has liberated me  from doing loads of laundry every few days  of the week  that would make me feel feverish for next few days .As mother i owe him this comfort and freedom but i can only repay this with countless prays my heart says for him along for all other children who care for their parents in such way! My Son has also paid remaining half instalments of the plot hubby had bought last year. He too  is so proud and grateful for such kind son ! God is so kind indeed!

In last two weeks we attended two wedding ceremonies ,one in the city and other in another town  far away . Motorcycle ride is pleasant and fun until season is mild so we chose to go there but as we age we find it difficult  to stay on motor bike for longer than one hour so it took two days almost to recover from physical tiredness mostly because of bumpy road .

I want to thank you all for taking your precious time and reading my simple posts  and i want to thank you all for the kind and uplifting comments always ! Your kindness is my strength, i feel lucky to have you all as blogging friends though i feel so close and not separated at all as you all stay in my thoughts and  prayers always!

Sharing some photos that my eldest son shared on request ,hope you will like them . 

could not ask the name of the place where my son went to visit with group friends whom he found online through "meet up" i think 

i found this structure very interesting ,i wish i can know what is this place ,may be next week when my son will contact on weekend 

i like the way such sites help people to find people who share common hobbies or interests ,my son is new in the London city and has only office friends ,i am happy  he can find such active company to spend his week ends ,he likes being outdoor more and that is satisfaction for me as mother .

 One of my son's friend is staying in London for a month so they try to spend weekends together by visiting different places such as this ,i think it is park or lawn of some museum (guess only)

This pretty young lady is Sandheya ,She is among those close friends who went to Germany after one another and completed their education and then started job , She is such a sweet and kindred  spirit and cares for all she know which is special gift for sure .Sandheya is fond of traveling and she aims to travel  so many countries ,she lived in America and France previously and now she will be going to spend her next month in Turkey and all by herself which is amazing !
Here they both went to attend some kind of stage show probably in London city.

                        my son likes sunny days most and this seems a gorgeous day worth outing 

whenever i ask my son to send his apartment pics he says okay but let me decorate it little bit ,i think he sent this one by mistake and i am publishing it today  lol .he has nice cozy place by the kindness of God ! he showed he new huge tv last week that he said is necessary for socialization specially if  his all friends will visit him at once from Germany ( which is most probable ) tv will help ,though personally he likes to travel countryside but for this he has to complete his driving classes first which can take few months .

Life is full of surprises and when we have a pleasant one it makes me feel gratefulness seeping into my bones !
May everyone has all the blessings in life and share it further who still in "wait" amen! 
Please keep smiling as it is an obvious sign of gratitude !
God Bless You All !
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