tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post4141434121753745646..comments2024-03-28T03:12:36.021-07:00Comments on Baili And I...: My Elder Brother Came After Thirty Years bailihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-47935591877947862352021-08-31T09:24:22.145-07:002021-08-31T09:24:22.145-07:00I'm kind of speechless in a way. You are the ...I'm kind of speechless in a way. You are the sweetest soul and i love reading your stories. I wish it had been different for you and the family. Our customs of course are so different in our country but in yours the family loyalty runs so deeply and sometimes it seems a cruel taskmaster with what's expected in children or adults..siblings...etc. But then in our own ways there are a lot of dysfunctional families here dealing with generations of things that one can find hard to explain. You are a strong person, wow. You deserve love for who you are, from your brother, not someone looking for money. I imagine to be around you is to see a light that isn't always apparent in others even though it's there. sandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03307968128182359860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-18661491833499311042021-08-30T00:10:23.155-07:002021-08-30T00:10:23.155-07:00dear Louise thank you for your kind special and in...dear Louise thank you for your kind special and insightful words always that mean more than lot to me ,i know i can't pay back this kindness to you because i am such a naïve person you know that .<br /><br />our new internet is making mess by disappearing once in a whil.one of my younger son's friend suggested but i think we will switch to the older one.<br />i could not visit nor reply to comments since soem days because of this problem.<br /><br />my brother was earning well enough to run bread of his family until my sister went to US and she asked my brother to built her house in Islamabad .my brother and his wife both went under the trance of my sister's suddenly changed lifestyle and the luxury she could afford. i don't know why it influenced their life as badly that my brother left his job and insisted to look after my sister's property as she was in foreign . this spoiled their attitude somehow and my brother became a strange man with no self respect at all. His wife behaved similarly and some of his children too. they developed dependency horribly on others .wife of my brother would say all the time to her husband that "your sister should look after his family as they can afford it .how bad that your both sisters are living in comfort and you are in misery "<br />i think she tried to put us in trouble but she destroyed the life of her own kids by misguiding them .during my brother's stay i tried really hard to make him understand that their way of thinking is leading them towards great damage and they should correct themselves immediately .he agreed to me on my face but i don't know if he really got my point.<br /><br />i can't blame their kids as their mother has filled their souls with her own inner poison . she hardly let them talk to me directly because she is scared that i will try to clear their minds which she has fogged out with her ignorance. Though she ask them to send me voice messages for the money with various excuses sadly .i really feel bad for them as they are young healthy with natural potential to progress for better in life but their wrong attitude has blocked their way from all sides .<br /><br />i can only imagine the mother of wise and kind daughter like you must be amazingly generous and intellectual woman dear Louise .so true that as we age if we have curiosity and insight life unfolds her secrets slowly before us .<br />i often think why despite of all my deep strong love for my parents i could not help them to stop from facing such fate eventually .what did they do wrong in their life which followed them and met them at the end no matter how hard i tried to avoid it. I think we all made mistakes as human ,they did too and whatever happened might be result of those mistakes. This trauma is going to stay in my bones forever but i learnt that what i can do is to avoid it is being clear head and avoiding mistakes as much as possible .<br /><br />i thankfully never misbehaved to any single person in my life dear Louise and i tried hard to keep calm when someone is forcing me to respond so it can give him sense of achievement .i did so in early years of my marriage but after bearing everything for four years until i got slap .this finally made me speak and stand for myself.<br />otherwise i melted toughest hearts where ever i went because i never ever be first to create mess nor i respond badly to those who do so to me. i always have responded with what i have within me and this is love and humbleness only because i truly see everything and everyone as creature of my Creator with which i am co existing .i am trying hard to make my existence successful and this is possible when please Him as much as i can possibly! i born with this faith .bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-12974866839005357112021-08-28T13:36:37.191-07:002021-08-28T13:36:37.191-07:00I read this post, the comments, and your replies w...I read this post, the comments, and your replies with great sadness, Baili! I can feel your pain and sorrow throughout. I'm glad that you saw your brother after thirty years, but it infuriates and saddens me that he came looking for money. <br /><br />I don't understand people who are takers, who hit up others for money and support, but who don't work hard to support themselves. You treated your brother with honor, love, and hospitality when he showed up unexpectedly, as you have treated him throughout your life. You have done nothing wrong. You can only control how you act. And it was generous of Ali to treat your brother well when he showed up, even when Ali questions what kind of a relationship you and your brother have. I am so glad that you have a kind and loving husband who stands behind you. You both have raised a beautiful family, fine young men who love you and are motivated to do well. <br /><br />I don't understand why children in a family with good parents can turn out so differently. As a teacher I met a lot of families and had an opportunity to teach as many as five kids in a family. Even with the best parents, sometimes a child can turn out walking on the wrong path. I think there must be a genetic component that impacts behavior. Not someone inheriting "bad behavior" (for want of a better term),<br />but perhaps ending up with a combination of genes that impacts his or her behavior negatively. But I also think that we are not just our genes, and that we have the capacity to rise above them, and some people don't. So I still don't understand it, Baili! <br /><br />I admire you for treating your brother and sister so kindly, especially for doing it for your Creator. You are a better person than I am, my friend. I would find it hard to forgive my brother for destroying my writing and education books and for trying to stop me from getting an education. And I would also find it hard to forgive my sister for not telling me about my father's death. Your mother was an extraordinary person, and she has raised an extraordinary person in you. I admire you and her greatly. <br /><br />When I would question some of the imponderable things in life, my mother would remind me of a verse in the Bible that says "we see through a glass darkly" and that we won't know or understand some things until after our deaths. Somehow, that usually comforted me. You can't understand why things have happened in your family, but perhaps some day you will understand, even if it is beyond this life. <br /><br />Sometimes people dislike a person because they see in him or her something they lack in themselves. It shames them because they don't have the desire or will to change themselves, so they treat that person badly. All you can do is keep being the kind and loving person you are, Baili. That doesn't mean that you need to enable them by giving them everything they want. Life is so hard and cruel at times and filled with things we don't understand. It seems to me that you and Ali are handling things well. I will pray for your family's healing. I do pray every day, even as I struggle with faith at times. Much love to you, my friend.<br /><br /><br />(St Paul's First Epistle to the Corinthians 13:12: "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. Fundy Bluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02132147630106183853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-83966748491170857142021-08-22T02:10:42.667-07:002021-08-22T02:10:42.667-07:00shame is word for people with conscience dear Nich...shame is word for people with conscience dear Nichole <br /><br />all i want is they let me help them in my way but not by pressurizing me ,i feel embarrassed when they do so ,it is easy to escape it but i want to help them in real and i really want to seem them doing fine in their life though help must not make them dependent but it should make them way to support themselves with self respect bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-59272096424464608932021-08-22T02:07:03.056-07:002021-08-22T02:07:03.056-07:00it is dear Catherine ,being a sister of two heartl...it is dear Catherine ,being a sister of two heartless siblings makes me sad so deep !bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-75326250153610237412021-08-22T02:06:05.986-07:002021-08-22T02:06:05.986-07:00your kindness and honesty is touching always dear ...your kindness and honesty is touching always dear Sandy!bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-10473274577922008152021-08-22T02:05:33.336-07:002021-08-22T02:05:33.336-07:00thank you for kind words dear Ana
your concernin...thank you for kind words dear Ana <br /><br />your concerning made me cried little bit ,i have seen such times when i was treated lowly manner and unexpectedly because i cannot imagine that blood relationship can be as ruthless .yet i try my best to keep myself in fancy land where at least i am doing what a sister can do without having any little hope of having this goodness back from them .what makes me serene most is my deepest faith that i will be rewarded by lord for this with some other way because i do it for Him purely because he want us to look after each other as we are His beloved creation and He surly want us to adopt His qualities as much as possible bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-50210900320160380722021-08-21T23:27:49.005-07:002021-08-21T23:27:49.005-07:00Dear Bali,
I is a sad story, but you and your husb...Dear Bali,<br />I is a sad story, but you and your husband have done what you could for him. <br />Catherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01371884515613303453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-63028716650204436182021-08-20T12:04:29.980-07:002021-08-20T12:04:29.980-07:00right now i can't read this as I have to leave...right now i can't read this as I have to leave soon but i'll be back.sandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03307968128182359860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-15888806983853399272021-08-20T04:47:24.357-07:002021-08-20T04:47:24.357-07:00Você fez o que conseguiu e o que pôde fazer, Baili...Você fez o que conseguiu e o que pôde fazer, Baili! É difícil ajudar os outros que nem sempre se conseguem ajudar a si mesmos... não fique triste! Lembre-se que seu irmão, também foi mais por interesse, do que por verdadeira saudade e amizade por si! E pelo que nos conta, se a vida tivesse sido diferente e se ele estivesse numa posição bastante boa, e se acaso a Baili e sua família necessitassem de algo, ele provavelmente, pouco ou nada ajudaria, repetindo certamente atitudes do passado, só para marcar sua posição e autoridade!...<br />Mas... nada é por acaso! Deus... seja ele qual for... sempre escreve certo por linhas tortas... e há lições que só são aprendidas da forma mais dura!... Seu irmão... está aprendendo... e de certa forma... até estará colhendo mais, do que o que semeou... pois pôde contar com a sua bondade e generosidade, Baili!<br />Um beijinho! Todas as famílias são um pouco complicadas, mesmo! Não será só a sua, Baili!... As relações entre pessoas, não são fáceis... e nunca foram, como se vê pela história do mundo... sempre mais divergências e desentendimentos, do que o seu contrário... o ser humano aprendeu a comunicar... mas em matéria de entendimento... ainda há uma longa travessia pela frente...<br />Votos de tudo a correr pelo melhor! Bom fim de semana, para vocês!<br />AnaAna Freirehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06738719495133628497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-61813170436546254712021-08-15T10:35:06.600-07:002021-08-15T10:35:06.600-07:00Dear Baili this is such a sad story. Shame on your...Dear Baili this is such a sad story. Shame on your brother and SIL. You and your husband are good people and must take care of your own. 30 years WOW! Many blessing to you. DVArtisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18389131898875955178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-75670146839073780182021-08-13T07:41:26.392-07:002021-08-13T07:41:26.392-07:00Dear Baili, I am so very sorry you have had to dea...Dear Baili, I am so very sorry you have had to deal with all this, but you are a very strong and brave lady, and very wise. DeniseinVAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08494518513936310345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-8069711743673663372021-08-13T01:19:49.606-07:002021-08-13T01:19:49.606-07:00you were really brave to leave them behind dear Ra...you were really brave to leave them behind dear Rain !<br /><br />i truly wish i can do so because they never understood me and always hated for reasons i did not give to them .still i feel they are part of me i wonder why ???<br /><br />yes i too have no hope they can ever change ,i though tried lot since they connected to me after my mother's death but all they wanted is more easy money instead of my words and advices sadly .i am their well wisher so i cannot let them be such damaging to their lives at least not with my support .that is all i can do bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-68420951081203256862021-08-13T01:12:39.144-07:002021-08-13T01:12:39.144-07:00He can't be indeed unless he give up living se...He can't be indeed unless he give up living selfishly dear Cheri and try to be in other's shoes for while .<br />i want him to be happy and therefore when he left it was really hard to compose myself ,i try hard and avoid to think deeply about such disturbing issues but that day i felt i was drowning in swamp .i really wished i could change their perspective so they can live life free of harmful mindset bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-23336003502107595442021-08-13T01:08:36.579-07:002021-08-13T01:08:36.579-07:00because of their changing behavior since some year...because of their changing behavior since some years i expected it will happen dear Dorothy and it did ,what was shocking here ,their surprising pressing demands for which my sister in law finally ask him to visit me ,they knew that i promised to them that things will get better after lockdown within almost year (which seems likely because of recent situation we see here ) i will support one of his son to move Saudi Arabia or any other gulf state so he can support them better. but they made fancy assumptions and rushed here to ask my eldest son that he should call their boy where he lives instead of gulf country .i cleared already to them that such moving takes long constant and expensive process but they surly did not believe me as always .<br /><br />how can such people be happy who avoid the basic rules of Nature .instead of being an moral and emotional support for their sisters they just keep demanding and hubby is strictly against it because it distracts people's mindset from being self dependent and self sufficient and mislead him towards being dependent and dull .I agree with him totally on that and i tried to follow this rule since i was a school girl .i tried not to give even a bagger until i am sure he actually deserves it .it is matter of my brother 's family and i cannot separate them from me .i feel sorry and i devoted lots of time to make my sister in law realize that she is making a terrible mistake here but invain. <br />like everyone else i talk through my personal experience and for me happiness is giving and without having hope to get it back from same source but just do it because "GIVING " is one of the most obvious Virtue of the Nature and creator. Adopting his virtue in order to please him and feel close to him is a way that leads to "pure joy" to me .<br />i keep trying to pour my soul in my sons and not supporting them physically only dear Dorothy .i do so because i think i have found a right path and showing it to them is my duty .bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-66406532802021449312021-08-12T14:30:23.193-07:002021-08-12T14:30:23.193-07:00Baili...family is so complicated. There are toxic ...Baili...family is so complicated. There are toxic people and there are kind people. I left my toxic family years ago and I have zero hope that they will ever change. I'm sorry you went through that. xxRain https://www.blogger.com/profile/14377719049819222133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-38032797354063789432021-08-12T14:27:17.090-07:002021-08-12T14:27:17.090-07:00It is lovely that you got to see your brother afte...It is lovely that you got to see your brother after such a long time.<br /><br />It is sad that he came to you for his own selfish reasons rather than love and friendship. He can't be a happy person which is also sad.CherryPiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11788084724907992076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-83327088396549335632021-08-12T11:13:31.615-07:002021-08-12T11:13:31.615-07:00You have written quite an unfortunate family story...You have written quite an unfortunate family story, Baili, and despite the sadness in many of the incidents you related here, there is still love. After reading the introductory paragraph about your brother's visit after 30 years, I had the odd feeling that it was not just a social visit, but rather to ask for something. Sadly, that seems to have been the reason. Good for you and husband for having the generosity of spirit to be good hosts, but not to give him what he sought by his visit. You have raised your sons well and his family by comparison is very sad.Beatrice P. Boydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08281239556392874979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-43090621392862369442021-08-12T01:12:03.378-07:002021-08-12T01:12:03.378-07:00sorry dear Betty my reply to your answer took plac...sorry dear Betty my reply to your answer took place below the answer i gave to Margaret's comment mistakenly bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-34891353319676327702021-08-12T01:10:15.420-07:002021-08-12T01:10:15.420-07:00when i say to write a book dear Margaret it is bec...when i say to write a book dear Margaret it is because my heart is filled with sadness my own sibling delivered to me and greatly ! i cannot change then and i cannot change myself either so i will keep loving them though it is better to have distance between because they hurt no matter what i good i do to them .<br /><br />i feel really sad that my brother and his wife wasted their precious sons and this is only because they have terribly wrong attitude towards life ,they went after easy money and never prepared their boys for future.Kids who see their parents relying on others they do same ,only one of them has some conscience and works as loader operator (heavy vehicle runner) but his earning is not enough to run house full of eight or nine grown people .along with advices we both sisters tried to show them correct way to live life but they are only interested in other's earning which is so wrong and embarrassing.<br />i agree that being kind to even such sibling bring peace to hearts and this peace is priceless to me bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-57721092603961258862021-08-12T01:00:09.978-07:002021-08-12T01:00:09.978-07:00I wish he would have come to make peace dear Betty...I wish he would have come to make peace dear Betty but he came for the sake of his comfort that he thinks i wonder why we should provide though he has four grown up sons ,it was never about tradition otherwise he would have proven to do so in other areas of his life too .<br />it was his strange undefinable disliking for me ,just like my sister hates me for nothing wrong i did to her.<br /><br />she once said you pretend to be saint and think you have God who does not let you do any wrong ,you will be left alone in your life for this.<br />if i stck with path i chose why it is problem for others dear Betty i am really troubled with this question.<br />if i accept and love people with all their attitudes and behaviors and don't judge them nor misbehave Why i am an issue for them .Why my simple ways of life not acceptable for them which never proved wrong through any test of life .Why people hate me for i have in my genes but i still love them for no matter how they chose to live ?<br /><br />Yes he was happy that i brought up my kids well and specially that my eldest son has found good place in life ,he was praising him repeatedly.<br />i always advised him and his wife to send their children school but they never listened and sent them to odd jobs in little age to get little money ,after seeing my sister's luxury life style they went their to grab easy money time to time .and later two accidents made their life harder but real issue is their wrong attitude and keeping eye on others money which is shameful on the first place ,my all efforts to make my sister in law realize her fault failed because she is not ready to acknowledge her mistake and insist to take from us ,we reject this idea because we know it will destroy the mind set of her boys ,we promised her that we will send one of her boy to the any gulf country so he can earn more and correct the situation of home .but we won't fulfil her false demands and this is final decision we have made and informed them bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-48928974377560250992021-08-12T00:42:50.970-07:002021-08-12T00:42:50.970-07:00i hope and pray too dear Pedro
i hope they realiz...i hope and pray too dear Pedro <br />i hope they realize that nobody is responsible for them but they themselves are and they have to take step forward and come out of false fantasy that other will be looking after them for whole life this is unnatural and unfair bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-19679633270982430172021-08-12T00:40:51.050-07:002021-08-12T00:40:51.050-07:00yes it was quite a joy that he came to visit me no...yes it was quite a joy that he came to visit me no matter for what reason dear Bonnie .<br />for a while i looked at him by forgetting all he did to me and pretended as he was my most loving and caring brother though he could not let me dwell in this fantasy for long and dragged back to painful reality with his demanding behavior .<br />i faced such troubling relationships in different stages of life but thankfully my patience brought me fruit of their acceptance and respect eventually but what hurts most is my own sibling's never ending disliking for me and their selfishness .<br />yes he was loud in his expressions regarding how i managed to live my life despite of harsh weather ,despite of all the self made differences my in laws showed for many years .<br />he mentioned how everyone was appreciate about me when he visited my in laws,one of my brother in law who always misbehaved with me only because i try to make his wife realize it was not her religious duty to keep silent when her husband hit her front of whole family and for nothing etc.he joined my mother in law to trouble me for sixteen years i sent near them .Even he said before my brother that your sister is special and respectful among all my family though nobody under"stands her here still she is respected because she treats everyone with equality and kindness " when i heard this tears started to fall from my eyes instantly ,i could not believe words were coming from man's mouth who hated and try to let me down for my perceptions and ways .how and what turned them as good i wondered .<br /><br />i thank my Creator every breath who has blessed me with family i dreamt for so long yes i do ! bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-47015780439508672412021-08-12T00:23:27.445-07:002021-08-12T00:23:27.445-07:00i never ever asked my creator to give me worldly s...i never ever asked my creator to give me worldly stuff believe it or not dear Red ,all i asked for a and i loving family and it is Grace of Lord i have it today !<br /><br />though i cannot separate myself from my blood relations ,their selfishness is incurable i know but still i want to be around and help if really necessary and possible.<br /><br />actually when i help him i do it to please my Maker who's promise i feel within every pattern before my eyes and senses. His promise that take care of my creatures and i will take care of you ,i had this in my genes since i was child and i did it spontaneously and mindlessly without caring about people who made fun of me ,consciously and unconsciously i had and still have (stronger ,deeper ) faith that He is around and watching my each single doing and will shape my life according to my thoughts ,intentions and actions .<br />when hubby asks me how you can bear this and how you feel able to do this ,i have no answer ,just " i don't do this for them but for Him!bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4309826816742200785.post-13434295790602285922021-08-12T00:15:19.337-07:002021-08-12T00:15:19.337-07:00thank you dear Kathy ,i hope i did not bore you ,w...thank you dear Kathy ,i hope i did not bore you ,when it comes to talk about my siblings i feel helpless and i feel like the ocean of sadness waving within my heart breaks all the boundaries and flows to you all to share my sorrows given by my loved ones bailihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06498012175058870980noreply@blogger.com