Monday, June 29, 2020

Scholarship Hunt ,Urdu Blog Update And Answer To Sandi And Sheri



 Hello  Beautiful Hearts


First  of all thank you so much for sweet words and best wishes for my  other Urdu blog . Your kindness is always uplifting for me believe me :)

I  was busy with some chores related to my younger son's admission in university since two days . Actually i was trying if he can get scholarship  as his percentage is good 70 % in matriculation (10th grade) and  66% in first year in high school. 
We haven't received result of second year due to covid thing.Though universities are allowing  entry in trail test on the base of  first year's  result slip. All scholarship that we tried during both days were so many but all demanded same at the end. Two type of student can have this facility. One who have gained  any of  early three position in class. Second who are  very poor. We could not fit in both category unfortunately . My husband's salary is quite good but still fees are universities are too high .It is hard for us to manage such heavy fee along with other house expenses .
Actually another type of student can also take advantage of these scholarship .Firstly they have to pay off the whole semester fee to get admission and then show good performance and achieve high credits so they can get scholarship . I found this weird .If someone is able to pay why would he ask for scholarship  anyway ?  My eldest son could get scholarship because then hubby's salary was quite less than now .
We have applied in few national universities with fogy mind.Lets see what happens next .

Now about new blog . I have created  another blog to save my poetry indeed but i haven't posted anything due to lack of time. Nor i ave shared links of both blogs to each other .I will hopefully from tomorrow.

Now  answer to dear Sandi  who asked if i speak Urdu ?

Yes my national language is Urdu dear Sandi and it was so  lovely  to hear an Urdu sentence from you :)))

Dear  Sheri form Red rose alley  just like you i am not good at technical stuff . When it comes to learn how to deal with blogger or exchange links i am horrible 
 for blogging my all thanks goes to my precious eldest son who always encourages me to have blog and write regularly .He has been supporting me with my poetry since he was in school and one he found out that i write one.
We share same hearts so  i find him not just one of the most precious gift of my lord but a kind friend too !!!

Thank you once again for all the goodness you shower upon me friends!
stay blessed with faith hope and true happiness !
Take care!

Friday, June 26, 2020

New Blog And Hot Days


I  am using new them of blogger since few weeks . It was hard to follow in beginning though i think i am being familiar with it slowly .

Today when i sat to write post my mind was totally blank . Then suddenly  i thought about  creating another blog . I hardly can deal with my single blog already why another then ?

Well since years i was often reminded by my eldest son to write another blog where i can share my old poems in native language. When i told him that i don't have  visitors who can understand my long ago done poetry in native language . He said by time may be  i can have visitors  who like to read  urdu poetry ".This way my poetry will be saved too " he added .

So i did it today . Thank to google as i had to ask for help each step to create  new blog on blogger .It was easy yet little tough for first trier.But i am not satisfy translator  would translate it appropriately :(

When it was done i felt better. It is weird but i love my poems that i used to write when i was young . May be it is natural for a writer to like his works but i remember that after marriage when my brain was stuck for years and i could not write for years .I was not excited to write once again when that blockage was gone .I did not write any of them on paper but would send it to my friends or my son who would appreciate and ask to write it and preserve so he can publish them someday.

I don't know why i did such carelessness but i wasted quite a part of my nice poetry  written during 2003 to 2010 i think .

I know that each form of creativity is important and we should respect skills that lord has blessed us with .If in future i will find way to write poetry in native language again i will save it by publishing .

Days are extremely hot though it is airy and i am happy about it. Rain is falling in different parts specially northern parts but not here ,i am still grateful . We are enjoying our days at home together . No clue when academic institutions will open . Schools have started online classes thankfully .

Keep taking great care dear friends!
i wish you all the happiness and peace in days ahead!


 

Monday, June 22, 2020

Solar Eclipse And Lunar Birthday

It has  been  hot  here ,really hot actually .Temps  been spinning around above and below 50 C. Airy  weather  been great helped to avoid  stress that  extreme heat has brought on us. Each time When i pull up bucket of moment from the well of  life ,it has some water of hope for me ,and if it's not i think may be i missed the bottom :)

I really don't know what i just wrote friends but i had to otherwise my hands were tied to type further lol

We witnessed solar eclipse after many years i guess. When light started to dim slowly i  immediately looked at sun .It felt like loosing it's sharpness .Then i remember that hubby told yesterday that solar eclipse will occur tomorrow .My heart  filled with excitement suddenly . I tried hard to observe that magical moment with my bare eyes but invain .My both son also left their laptops and came out in front yard .My younger son brought an x ray sheet and looked through it.Result was astonishing so he called me and asked to do same . Oh it was unbelievably beautiful and enchanting !

We witnessed whole process by peaking through x ray sheet time to time.Moon took almost two  hours to cross between sun and earth .My imagination was another great support to see it from close :) it was extraterrestrial  and phenomenal indeed! I am happy i could see it in this part of life as next one probably will occur  after me . 


I took this image when i realized that light is dimming  and views looked mysteriously beautiful!
i think it was almost 10 am .While morning recitation in our veranda i felt that light is weakening slowly ,i went out if it was getting cloudy but sky looked as clear as conscience of saint still it was amazing to find sudden reduction in heat as some kind heart placed umbrella upon our heads :)


My younger son took so many shots through his phone Samsung A 50 but no success until he placed x ray sheet before lenses 

how thrilling to be able to watch such phenomenal event :) this universe is too big to fit in even our imagination and imagining all the happening within it makes me feel so small yet so blessed and fortunate as human .as human brain is designed to bring all the answers that this  universe offers ,both are meant for each other ,what a love story !

i hope someday humans will so enlightened and will quit all the stupid  useless quarrels and focus their energies on right directions to unfold mysteries of this life and universe . I can see human flying like fireflies among the countless stars and planets  floating in the space .i believe it will happen may after thousand years but it will 

My eldest son sent me few images last day . He participated in birthday gathering of one of his closest friend .On left   lovely gorgeous  birthday lady stands .Super smart ,active and amazingly kind ,i have met her mother and sister when we visited Karachi .Beautiful family with wise mom and ambitious kids ,i liked them all. On right another friend common friend of both ,i know less about her except she is so caring and  generous 

this is great to find happiness and opportunity to gather with friends when world is  going through weird times .

I don't think life can be perfect for anyone on this planet forever . It seems  a perfect examination hall and we all are giving our exams since we are able to think and solve .
And we will be doing so until our last breath .
It's okay to fail few once or few times i think.
It matters less how many times we have passed it 
But it matters most how much we have learnt from our previous failures .

Stay blessed with hope that comes along undefeated faith in Lord and yourself  dear friends!
be kind to yourself as you are PRECIOUS!


Thursday, June 18, 2020

Breezy Weather And Self pity



 Since some days  it's airy .And it fills my heart  with deepest joy to see waving green branches of my neem  tree  dancing happily. 

This is amazing how air pour soul through scenes. Same views without air stay still  silently and  lifeless. Gentle gusts of winds playing with plants and tree branches  bring happiness  everywhere eyes  can see.I just wanted to share this joy of mine with you but no image could convey the whimsical   beauty of moments i am experiencing. Temps are spinning around 50 but airy weather has made me forget about it :)

Since few weeks i am more busy with some chores like helping my elder son to look for  suitable universities and apply .He will be eighteen in next February though he still is not mature or active enough to take care of these matters by himself like his eldest brother .So i have to remind him and make him pursue for  everything .For this i have t sit with him these days until we are done with necessary process .

Since i  have recovered from fever i am also receiving  calls from  few of my  school friends  regularly.They seem exhausted with lockdown  actually. So i am discovering  knowledge that could have not come across if this lockdown would have  not happened .

We (hubby and me) are watching a turkish drama actually two turkish  dramas and one english  Anne with an E now days. Each has different mood and taste.I am loving them all.
Anne 's  wild imagination is something to which i can relate strongly :) Her  powerful  and endless love for Nature ,everything and for all people around her also seems familiar to one i hold inside me .It strengthens me that there exist some more like me.
But at the same time it saddens me that i can also relate to another character in another drama we are watching . 

The  female character who is in love with married (this is not what i relate) man.An irresponsible man who doesn't care for his family though he loves them .Specially he loves his ex wife who left him for his laziness and his irresponsible attitude towards his family. His ex wife is also almost a mental case and disappear from house time to time with other men without thinking about her kids. Despite of her immodesty  and divorce that man still likes being with his ex wife and not one in neighborhood who is kind sweet lady and who loves him so much .

He appreciate her qualities of decency and caring about him and his family though and stays at her home mostly as she is great cook and perfect housewife package . But to him she is Boring and not adventurous like his ex wife.

When he mentions to his ex wife that he finds lady who loves him  so Boring . It touched me .It suddenly opened windows to past . Boring  seems word meant to only for me then and until now .
I was helpless because i was made this way "Boring" .When girls in school would talk about "girlish stuff" i would find it annoying because i was boring.None of their favorite topic would excite me . My village girl friends and cousins  would get angry because of restrictions i would apply on them as condition for my friendship.

My male cousins would hate me for my boyish behavior instead of  being  delicate and shy and knocking  them out  for their any attempt to bother me. Though they  would not think it was bothering at all.

I was told by many including my loved ones that i will be left alone because no one will find me funny or interesting. After marriage it feared me but it was special grace of lord that my weirdness did not irritate hubby .If it did he did not tell me. He  wellcomed me in his life even when he knew how  scarily  boring i was. Once before marriage  when he tried to hold my hand i said "it is wrong" he said how do you know it is ?
I replied a work that makes me feel shy and uncomfortable is wrong surely because i know that  while doing right thing i never feel burdened or nerves .I did not tell him that i never felt shy when i had to beat boys for their mischief .

Hubby settled down with my boredom  slowly . I felt sorry for him and so many times thought that he deserve some  cool wife with interesting attitude .Believe it or not i asked him to have one so i can feel my conscience free but he just smiled or laughed .

There was short phase of self pity in my married life. I think nothing is more dangerous than self pity .It rip off one's self confidence and shake his being as string blown in air helplessly. But i came out of it soon miraculously .It was reformation time for me. Now, when i look back at that woman ( ex me) i find her still like flying string in the air but not helplessly .But with vigorous  sense of freedom and joy. And both relying on wings of undefeated faith. Faith in my creator and faith in myself. Love surrounds me and love within me .I am drop traveling back to my ocean while singing gratefully and joyously!

Precious friends stay blessed with best of you :)
 
wishing you all more shower of his blessings!
take care!



 

Sunday, June 14, 2020

Mano the Cat Our First Pet



I  just  recovered  from  typhoid  fever  by the grace of Lord!  Days when i was recovering  were  often  full of of  memories . Laying  helplessly on bed ,looking at loved ones  wandering around me  while showering healing smiles and occasional hugs   made me realize  life is worth living  until now.

Still i had lots of time to  take walk in valley of  memory when  i lived with my  mom ,sister and father back in my native village .I had brother  too yes, but  he was mostly sore part  of our life (still we loved him). All  the maternal  relatives and other  people from village  were  also very close  to us. Life was simple  though not easy  sometimes but it's simplicity  had added  lots of beauty  in it . Despite of all  odds  we  were more than just happy.  Happy to have each other . Happy to be able to live in  heavenly village near our  own relationships. Love was shield  that  had protected us from being hurt  by  problems and uncertainty of life . I remember even than i never asked for more than that. Even  than i had belief that  If  we have love for each other  nothing  further is more essential .I  had  realization that  Love and connectivity  to loved ones  keeps life   serene and beautiful  and brings true meaning to it. Even than  i knew  that all the material  and diamonds of this world cannot  bring me one moment of True happiness . But one kind  ,honest smile  of my loved ones can enlighten my world.

May be i was meant to be and feel that way . So  i loved and wanted to have bit of love back always. Still it was not condition for my love for them . I was  made to love everything and all unconditionally . Sounds weird may be but this is reality and i am designed this way.

I strolled old photos and this image  made  those  days Alive before my eyes at once . It is taken when  hubby  and me went to visit my parents  first time after marriage. Mom  was under treatment  for tuberculosis . I though was separate  from her physical being still i felt she was more than 70 percent of me . It was not simple love .It was more than that . I had forced her and my younger sister to stay with me after marriage in my husband's home because i knew  my closeness can heal her soon . It worked and she was fine within six months almost. She left for her native home after recovering though my sister stayed with me for few years more later.


in this image we are sitting  on our traditional bed  with our mom. Such moments were most precious .We would  press her shoulder to comfort her and listen to her life stories.Sometime  stories were repeated  numerously still we would  love to hear them from her .We would shed tears and share smile meanwhile. 
 Mom was  loving and kind person. A  chosen  person to love all around her unconditionally . When she moved to her native town  she could have obtain  her own farm  from her father which was her birth right .But she preferred to relay on home garden so she can stay with her girls. We were center of her thoughts as she was center of our life . Her garden was hardly 12 by 15  still she would give away much of her harvest to friends and specially who she found needy .  

Whenever i think to write about her it seems  One post will not be enough to share what i have in my heart for her. She was hero of my life. Who inspired me to be what i am today.
In this image i have our first pet Mano the cat in my lap. She  was mother  and grandmother  of few .
Then only one kind of pets were common in our village. Dogs who could guard houses  along with  other domestic cattle .

Guarding dogs were not appreciated  as family members but they would stay outside in yard ,entering in rooms or touching  any 
stuff was strictly forbidden. No one had cats  there then. My maternal grandparents were  quite religious ,specially my my grandma was though bold and brave lady but was little superstitious . They had  no likening for pet as they believed  animals allowing in house spoils the sacredness  of a house.

Mano entered in our life accidentally .Mom  went to a funeral in village near and found  cat that was  wounded . She brought her home despite of all mumbling of her fellow travelers. She thought she would let her go once she is healthy but Mano seemed to loved her company and decided to stay . I remember how much grandma found this annoying and  left  while saying that she will not visit again until cat is thrown out. 
 
It took almost months to pursue  her that animals are also creatures of Lord and it is not possible that he forbid to love them. My grandpa and me both convinced her eventually. But it was decided that Mano  would not be around when grandma visit.Mano 's presence revealed  unseen part of mom's nature.She  would treat her like her own child. She never forgot to feed her at time.If she was away we both sisters were responsible for her.

First few months mom taught Mano how to behave and how to stay away from. Kitchen stuff and specially from  chicken. Only once in the beginning mano  disobeyed and drank milk from  the kettle but never attached on chicken. It was surprising that she would understand mom's scold or warning eye. She learnt fast .
We were more surprised to see that she would go to straight mom's bed and mom would let her sleep near her feet.
We saw growing friends of mano and mom. Sometimes we would feel jealous of  her.She was allowed to play with wool roll and spoil it  though doing same was punishable for us . Mom would spend sometime in whispering  to her ears.But Mano never learned speaking despite of her all efforts except "mewao".

Today when lots of knowledge about germs has added to my poor mind and I want to even think about touching an animal seems shivering.But back then when we knew nothing nor we had fear about any health issues.We played with her carefreely.

Knowledge and more knowledge burdens out heart and takes away our liveliness, how grieving!
I can write for hours today but it is almost time to evening prayer dear friends!
I will share about our few pets that we had time to time later.
Keep taking good care.blessings to all of you!


 

Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Dropped By Whirlwind And Evil Eye




12 pm noon . I am sitting in my veranda and writing this post. Feeling  bit stable physically and mentally after almost two weeks. It's good to feel normal again. As i said many times before that change adds new colors to same routine . I am feeling  this change  gratefully .

Terror that has been occupied  our life  for many days has passed  away finally . It's like   we were  captivated  in a whirlwind  who put us down on the silent beach  and left  quietly . Though view is serene and  soul filling yet howl of  previous experience  is echoing in our minds. I learnt from this  terrible  incident that fear is biggest enemy of all. It magnifies troubles and weakens  your inner strength .I don't know  what will i do when such times are repeated but i have decided to not let it rule  my nerves so i can think better.

Despite of  it is 40 c outside sun looks kind and familiar .Beauty of weather to me is  if  it is breezy . I  find it uplifting when it is airy and trees ,plants and branches are celebrating presence of it :) 
 
Air  pours  life in still views .Air is soul .Soul  is essential .It cannot be seen  though still  it is reason  for  the visible existence of  a body .It glorifies the physical existence metaphorically.Scenes  loose half of their charm and magic without air. It hurts  me when they  stand like life less statue and  seems to look around for air with sad barren eyes. It  is airy since few days. Different parts of getting  rains once in a while .So  our weather is  behaving little bit too thankfully.

We have desert  near our city . In summers  winds  loaded with heavy dust rise from desert and bring  it to our area . They shower  sandy dust over our areas generously when pass by. So it is quite hard task to keep removing this dust from yards almost everyday. It goes like this from June to September . 

When this house was being built we both (hubby ,me) decided to keep it open instead of air tight.Most of the people prefer closed house and install air conditioning  system to avoid such mess. We both are nature lover so we kept our house open .We left 4 ft wide  street at the back of house that gives free cross to air and it feels nice to have natural  environment little bit. No air can replace natural  breeze  certainly. Every coin has two sides so we are not sad to add this hard work of cleaning until we are out of energy in future . 

Dear friends  Typhoid  is common  here specially in summers it hits so many people.  I  add link below so if you want to know more about it.


My mother  used  tell me story of my very first  typhoid  many times in her life. She told  that once when i was hardly one year and she came to visit our native village   i got sick because of an evil eye . She would  say 
" i just  gave you bath and put on you pink flowery shirt. You were  taking sun bath while  one of my cousin came and saw you .He said sister your baby is so pretty and fair colored .Oh that were his words and you fell ill within one hour"

I would try to hide my laughter and felt for that uncle who was being accused for crime he did not do even lol.
Actually we both sister were so different in looks. My younger sister was extremely  beautiful and very fair. She was loved by all .In school even teacher who lived in hostile would carry her in her lap and would  feed her sweets . She was our doll.
When my mother would tell this story she would might try to cheer me up (though was no need as i never felt less because of looks due to my tomboyish nature) .Mom would say ah after that typhoid you  lost your fair color and health forever.

Okay that was my first  typhoid. I went to Islamabad to take mom Lahore  Shaukat Khanam Hospital  in 2010. The night we returned from Lahore to Islamabad .I  fell seriously ill with shivering cold ,vomiting and loose motions. This was my second typhoid attack that lasted for  three weeks .

I came out of third attack few days back. I don't know why it is hitting me  and will it be continue or stop in future !?

Only  one thing concerns me that my family can get hurt because me probably but i don't  know what should i do.

Precious friends  1 pm noon . I have to go to kitchen and prepare  lunch . After five days i am going to eat (traditional) bread again .sounds good as i am fed up with rice every day .Here doctors advise to avoid wheat bread during medication course of typhoid.

Please take good care and stay strong and positive!
Blessings to all of you! 

Saturday, June 6, 2020

Terrified And Typhoid


There  is  huge difference between observation and experience  indeed. Seeing  others going under scary  times fills heart  with sympathetic  feelings and  desire  to help them if possible . But  it is not same when you are the victim because it is not necessary that you are surrounded by people just like you.

The day i published my last post on first June .I was attacked by high fever same night once again. It  was unusual  so next morning we headed to doctor .Both me and hubby were diagnosed Typhoid  though  hubby 's fever was not visible as symptom but he was feeling unwell and lazy since few days.We both had no other symptoms except fever which was diagnosed as Typhoid now so we bought quite expensive course of Typhoid and returned home .

We  both  are feeling  quite stable and normal after fourth day of medication thankfully. I have suffered with typhoid few times in my life before but never felt such terror . We  both went through lots of  stress last week not because we were afraid of having corona virus but fearing what will happen to our kids if we were reported so and were taken away to quarantine center . Reports about people who were moved to such centers are already discouraging. Though of separating from family and being unable to lookafter kids if (Lord forbid )  develop same problem was killing us.

It is may be opposition  propaganda  spreading  false scary news about Government  but bad news all over on social media  influencing  common people  badly. Like always politicians  are playing games without thinking how  damage it is causing to citizens . I have heard from some of my friends and relatives  living in other provinces  that people are receiving  financial  add and care announced by government which makes me feel good and deny negativity coming from social media. 

The biggest problem we faced meanwhile was excessive  pressure  by our eldest son. He was constantly calling and insisting  that we should go for virus test. Hubby was trying to calm him down because of no such symptoms  that would make us to do so. Our son had his own concerns and doubts and therefore he was  worried and  resentful .

His anger  was making us feel guilty and we were unable to convince him how we were correct in our decision. We asked our doctor  if there is some possibility to have virus ? He said that he cannot tell by himself though he just found out that we have typhoid.  Our recovery is proving  it right too. Our both sons are doing alright by the grace of Lord! 

All we can do is pray and stay cautious .

Since last two weeks dusty wind storms  are coming after each one or two days. We  cleaning  our whole house completely each day .We  are  taking  out few kilos of sandy  soil from our front yard Each day . Thanks to masks that we can stop this sand to enter our lungs .
Does your area also get such heavy dusty winds in certain part of the year ?

It feels good to find  same world more beautiful  after recovering from high fever .

I missed visiting you dear friends ! I have started though because of dullness caused by fever restrains and makes me tired soon .

Stay strong and positive and keep taking good care
blessings to all of you! 
  

Monday, June 1, 2020

Fever ,Lockdown And Rain!


Change  is good .It  adds  new colors to same old things .When  i stepped in to kitchen after three days nothing was on it's place .It took me while to pull  and place back everything . I been having high fever since three days along with flu . Today  felt better ,I missed being in kitchen  and cooking.Hubby took over the responsibility of cooking meanwhile .While boys were cleaning and washing dishes. Whenever i get sick like this i miss to have one daughter though. Daughters are more contemplative  when it comes to look after parents or work in kitchen where everything needs to be on it's specific place.

Hubby also went through  fever before me and recovered within almost week thankfully!

Government has announced that  annual examination will not take place this year so i am supervising my boys for studies  of upcoming grades .My younger one will apply for university this year .His elder brother is guiding him for this.This is weird how from very young age people start struggling for life . I think life was simpler and easier in olden days when  minds were not anxious and over load with  awareness. Awareness  mature us early. Sometimes it dims our  liveliness  and damage our innocence . Is it not right to get knowledge what is necessary for bettering life and stay happy and carefree. 





  My brother wife who is  my first cousin too  sends voice messages daily .She mentions about rain almost everyday . That makes me bit sad  for a moment  as rains are needed here too. After  two days dusty winds sky is clear .Rainfall in other parts of country effects our weather positively.Temps have dropped from  52 to 41 with pleasant airy weather. 

Hope  lockdown in your areas have completely lifted friends. Here govt is thinking to strict it again as number of patients has increased quickly after loosing it.Almost 60000 patients are reported .It is all because people did not care about restrictions .And now those will suffer who will not be able to earn living meanwhile!
Keep taking good care friends!
God bless you all!